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The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 17,792 ✭✭✭✭ The Princess Bride


    I've just seen a man who looks like Sting, in the Red Light district in Amsterdam.
    He was probably getting a massage in a brothel.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,792 ✭✭✭✭ The Princess Bride


    Interesting facts about Yul Brynner.
    He followed Liverpool FC all his life.
    He hated aftershave.

    Yul never wore cologne.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,032 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    Don't let Nebuchadnezzar corner you at parties, he tends to babble on.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,232 ✭✭✭ Heighway61


    I had a great joke about boxing but can't remember the punch line.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,792 ✭✭✭✭ The Princess Bride


    I went into a pet shop and I asked for 12 bees.
    The shopkeeper counted out 13 and handed them over to me.

    I told him he'd given me one too many, and he told me it was a freebie.


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  • Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 71,201 Mod ✭✭✭✭ New Home


    You got a beekers' dozen. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 35 Tidyboii


    Fun fact, Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. Its also their biggest import...


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,667 ✭✭✭ its_steve116


    The gallerist didn't like the photograph of Ryan Hennessy and Jimmy Rainsford very much so he chose not to display it.

    It was a picture diss.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,032 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    I was walking past a building site when a bucket full of plaster fell on someone.

    Poor chap was rendered unconscious.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,032 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    There's a gap where there used to be a Gap.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,142 ✭✭✭ foxy farmer


    An old codger is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on and sits opposite him. He has a spiked mohican with red green yellow and blue dyed hair and 2 feather earrings.
    When he sees the old man staring at him the punk says "What's the matter old man? Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"
    The old codger replies, "Yeah, once I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you might be my kid."


  • Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 30,997 Mod ✭✭✭✭ dolanbaker


    There's a gap where there used to be a Gap.
    London underground are going to have to change their station announcements to "Mind what used to be the Gap!"


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,829 ✭✭✭ joeguevara


    I was walking past a building site when a bucket full of plaster fell on someone.

    Poor chap was rendered unconscious.

    Jaysus, he must have been mortarfied!


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,032 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    joeguevara wrote: »
    Jaysus, he must have been mortarfied!
    Worse, later on he got his credit card skimmed


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,032 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    Don't worry if your parachute doesn't open because you have the rest of your life to sort it out.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,232 ✭✭✭ Heighway61


    I just found out I'm colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,829 ✭✭✭ joeguevara


    Heighway61 wrote: »
    I just found out I'm colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.

    Louis Armstrong was the first celebrity to raise awareness of colour blindness. He famously sang about seeing trees of green and red roses too! If you don’t laugh at this you obviously lost your humeor!


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,792 ✭✭✭✭ The Princess Bride


    Elton John bought a treadmill for his pet rabbit. It's a little fit bunny.  



  • Registered Users Posts: 17,792 ✭✭✭✭ The Princess Bride


    I've applied for a job in a mirror factory.

    I can really see myself working there.



  • Registered Users Posts: 17,792 ✭✭✭✭ The Princess Bride


    Lance is an uncommon name nowadays.

    But in medieval times, people were called Lance a lot.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 17,792 ✭✭✭✭ The Princess Bride


    I'm thinking of starting a new business, recycling discarded chewing gum.

    I need some help getting it off the ground.



  • Registered Users Posts: 17,792 ✭✭✭✭ The Princess Bride


    I keep having a recurring dream that I'm a horse.

    Five nights on the trot.



  • Registered Users Posts: 605 ✭✭✭ upupup


    Try sleeping in the daytime...no more nightmares



  • Registered Users Posts: 17,552 ✭✭✭✭ fryup


    best joke of the week.....new boards.ie

    (but not a funny one unfortunately)



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,389 ✭✭✭ waynescales1




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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,192 ✭✭✭ chewed


    How do Mexicans stay warm when their heating breaks down?



    They use chicken fajitas



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