The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

Capt'n Midnight

She was in love with fourteen soldiers. It was clearly platoonic.

Capt'n Midnight

"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin

Dan Steely

Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if
quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and
and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and
Chips, as well as after Chips?

TheBody

Who led the Israelites through the semi permeable membrane?

Os-moses

Capt'n Midnight

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123217001#Comment_123217001

Roland and Anderson would know.

everlast75

On Saturday my friend underwent a painful procedure that required him to have his spine and both testicles removed.

Still, he got some great wedding presents though.

iamstop

3 golf clubs go to the bar for the auld 19 hole.

The 3 Iron orders a pint.

The Pitching Wedge orders a Tequila Sunrise.

The bar tender turns to the 3rd club and asks "What are you having?"

And nothing for me thanks. I'm the Driver.

Capt'n Midnight

I think the hotel receptionist was into me. She definitely checked me out when I was leaving.

Comer1

Upon checking into a hotel, I said that I hope the porn chanel is disabled. Receptionist said, no, it's ordinary people porn, you sick bástard!

everlast75

Tonight we are having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.

We found Himalayan in the road.

everlast75

Easter Holidays and I’ve had the sh1ts for 48 hours now.

The doctor says not to worry as they’ll be back at school soon.

cj maxx

SStolen From a FB quote

After birth how long does it take for the eyes to open.

Cows . Immediately

Goats. 2 hours

Cats After 6 days

Dogs > 10days

Humans- After Marriage

Capt'n Midnight

Ryanair wanted to check my carry on bag. How surprised we all were when Sid James, and Barbara Windsor where inside .

Dan Steely

Technically Trump is the second person of colour to be elected US president.

silliussoddius

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123345886#Comment_123345886

Orange is the new black.

Dan Steely

Rory McIlroy needs a break from all the madness so he heads out to his garage, picks a Ferrari and takes off down the freeway.

He turns onto a back road soon finds himself deep in the sticks. Getting low on petrol pulls into a dilapidated gas station. Taking out his wallet two tees fall on the floor. What they, asks the attendant?

They're tees said Rory. I use them to rest my balls when driving.

Well, dang, says the attendant, folks over at Ferrari sure do think of everything.

Dan Steely

Yul Brynner was a lifelong liverpool fan who didn't wear aftershave
Yul never wore cologne

everlast75

....