The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

The Princess Bride · 29-06-2021 8:07pm

I've just seen a man who looks like Sting, in the Red Light district in Amsterdam.
He was probably getting a massage in a brothel.

The Princess Bride · 29-06-2021 8:10pm

Interesting facts about Yul Brynner.
He followed Liverpool FC all his life.
He hated aftershave.

Yul never wore cologne.

Capt'n Midnight · 30-06-2021 10:53am

Don't let Nebuchadnezzar corner you at parties, he tends to babble on.

Heighway61 · 30-06-2021 9:09pm

I had a great joke about boxing but can't remember the punch line.

The Princess Bride · 01-07-2021 11:43pm

I went into a pet shop and I asked for 12 bees.
The shopkeeper counted out 13 and handed them over to me.

I told him he'd given me one too many, and he told me it was a freebie.

New Home · 02-07-2021 12:34am

You got a beekers' dozen.

Tidyboii · 02-07-2021 12:41am

Fun fact, Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. Its also their biggest import...

its_steve116 · 02-07-2021 1:01am

The gallerist didn't like the photograph of Ryan Hennessy and Jimmy Rainsford very much so he chose not to display it.

It was a picture diss.

Capt'n Midnight · 02-07-2021 2:43pm

I was walking past a building site when a bucket full of plaster fell on someone.

Poor chap was rendered unconscious.

Capt'n Midnight · 02-07-2021 2:44pm

There's a gap where there used to be a Gap.

foxy farmer · 02-07-2021 2:54pm

An old codger is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on and sits opposite him. He has a spiked mohican with red green yellow and blue dyed hair and 2 feather earrings.
When he sees the old man staring at him the punk says "What's the matter old man? Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"
The old codger replies, "Yeah, once I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you might be my kid."

[Deleted User] · 02-07-2021 4:19pm

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

There's a gap where there used to be a Gap.

London underground are going to have to change their station announcements to "Mind what used to be the Gap!"

joeguevara · 03-07-2021 7:37am

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

I was walking past a building site when a bucket full of plaster fell on someone.

Poor chap was rendered unconscious.

Jaysus, he must have been mortarfied!

Capt'n Midnight · 03-07-2021 10:01am

joeguevara wrote: »

Jaysus, he must have been mortarfied!

Worse, later on he got his credit card skimmed

Capt'n Midnight · 03-07-2021 10:03am

Don't worry if your parachute doesn't open because you have the rest of your life to sort it out.

Heighway61 · 03-07-2021 5:00pm

I just found out I'm colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.

joeguevara · 03-07-2021 6:47pm

Heighway61 wrote: »

I just found out I'm colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.

Louis Armstrong was the first celebrity to raise awareness of colour blindness. He famously sang about seeing trees of green and red roses too! If you don’t laugh at this you obviously lost your humeor!