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Child Item

The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

Mr. CooL ICE

How do you know penguins good race car drivers? Because they are always in pole position.

What do you call 500 penguins in Athlone? Lost.

Why can't penguins fly? Because they are chocolate biscuits.

Original thread here

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The Princess Bride

I've just seen a man who looks like Sting, in the Red Light district in Amsterdam.
He was probably getting a massage in a brothel.

The Princess Bride

Interesting facts about Yul Brynner.
He followed Liverpool FC all his life.
He hated aftershave.

Yul never wore cologne.

Capt'n Midnight

Don't let Nebuchadnezzar corner you at parties, he tends to babble on.

Heighway61

I had a great joke about boxing but can't remember the punch line.

The Princess Bride

I went into a pet shop and I asked for 12 bees.
The shopkeeper counted out 13 and handed them over to me.

I told him he'd given me one too many, and he told me it was a freebie.

New Home

You got a beekers' dozen.

Tidyboii

Fun fact, Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. Its also their biggest import...

its_steve116

The gallerist didn't like the photograph of Ryan Hennessy and Jimmy Rainsford very much so he chose not to display it.

It was a picture diss.

Capt'n Midnight

I was walking past a building site when a bucket full of plaster fell on someone.

Poor chap was rendered unconscious.

Capt'n Midnight

There's a gap where there used to be a Gap.

foxy farmer

An old codger is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on and sits opposite him. He has a spiked mohican with red green yellow and blue dyed hair and 2 feather earrings.
When he sees the old man staring at him the punk says "What's the matter old man? Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"
The old codger replies, "Yeah, once I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you might be my kid."

[Deleted User]

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

There's a gap where there used to be a Gap.

London underground are going to have to change their station announcements to "Mind what used to be the Gap!"

joeguevara

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

I was walking past a building site when a bucket full of plaster fell on someone.

Poor chap was rendered unconscious.

Jaysus, he must have been mortarfied!

Capt'n Midnight

joeguevara wrote: »

Jaysus, he must have been mortarfied!

Worse, later on he got his credit card skimmed

Capt'n Midnight

Don't worry if your parachute doesn't open because you have the rest of your life to sort it out.

Heighway61

I just found out I'm colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.

joeguevara

Heighway61 wrote: »

I just found out I'm colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.

Louis Armstrong was the first celebrity to raise awareness of colour blindness. He famously sang about seeing trees of green and red roses too! If you don’t laugh at this you obviously lost your humeor!