The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Juniorhurler · 21-06-2013 10:01PM

What's green and eats nuts?

Syphillis.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 21-06-2013 11:28PM

Juniorhurler wrote: »

What's green and eats nuts?

Syphillis.

The Incredible Hulk's gay twin brother.

FYP

donegal_man · 22-06-2013 12:23AM

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean. It doesn’t matter to me! I’ve been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it’!

Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, ‘No kidding. I’m a lawyer too. What firm are you with?’

Lelantos · 23-06-2013 07:23AM

One from my school days.
What's the difference beween a rooster & Kerry Katona?
one says cock a doodle do,
the other says,
any old cock will do

WilyCoyote · 24-06-2013 04:03AM

What's the difference between Bill Wyman and a greyhound?

A greyhound waits for the hare

Eli Nich · 24-06-2013 06:30AM

Nice one Rolliepoley

24-06-2013 09:21PM

The Pervert
Phone rings, woman answers.

The pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight arse with no hair?"

Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching the football - who shall I say is calling?"

Dartz · 24-06-2013 09:35PM

E7 Billion will be enough. We only need 7 Billion.

keano_afc · 24-06-2013 09:55PM

Wossack wrote: »

ooo, a bite!

how do you spot a french soldier?
sunburned armpits

how many gears does a french tank have?
4 reverse, and 1 forward (in case the enemy attacks from the rear)

FOR SALE: French army rifle. Never used. Dropped once.

25-06-2013 07:28AM

LORD, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER .

Judy married Ted; they had 13 children. Ted died of cancer.
She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident,

Judy remarried again, and this time she & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they are finally together."

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"

Margaret replied: "I think he means her legs, Ethel".

Wossack · 25-06-2013 10:57AM

I was pretty shocked to see itv broadcasting the national sex offenders list on telly - and was about to call the regulator, when I noticed it was just the credits to Coronation Street

Galway K9 · 25-06-2013 11:49AM

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him. The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate.
"Hey, bitch," says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!"

The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:

"Dammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!" Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink.
Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself. "Hey, slut," says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now...!"

The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants. The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet.

As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls..."

castletownman · 25-06-2013 12:08PM

What do ya call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

Capt'n Midnight · 25-06-2013 01:11PM

What do ya call a dead deer with no eyes?

Still no idea

--Kaiser-- · 25-06-2013 01:47PM

Whaddya a call a girl with only one leg?
Eileen

Micky Dolenz · 25-06-2013 01:48PM

What do you call a girl in the centre of a tennis court.

A tennis umpire

castletownman · 25-06-2013 01:54PM

.

Hilly Bill · 25-06-2013 01:59PM

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

What do you call a girl in the centre of a tennis court.

A tennis umpire

Annette?

Anyone · 25-06-2013 01:59PM

Turned on Channel 4 last night to watch "The man with the 10 stone testicles". It turned out to be an interview with Jedwards dad.

podgemonster · 25-06-2013 03:26PM

How many social care workers does it take to change a Light bulb??

One and then an additional 2 to take away your children!

Kettleson · 25-06-2013 03:27PM

Q) What do you call a snooker player who plays whilst balancing a pint of beer on his head?

A) Beer Tricks Potter.

25-06-2013 04:38PM

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Whaddya a call a girl with only one leg?
Eileen

What do you call a chinese woman with only one leg?

Irene.

--Kaiser-- · 25-06-2013 04:41PM

Deleted User wrote: »

What do you call a chinese woman with only one leg?

Irene.

Lacist!

Lelantos · 25-06-2013 04:46PM

What do you call a black man on the moon?

An astronaut you racist barstewards

25-06-2013 04:47PM

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Lacist!

What do you call a woman with no legs?

Noelene.

Micky Dolenz · 25-06-2013 04:58PM

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?

Doug.

What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?

Dougless

What do you call a man with a sea gull on his head?

Cliff.

25-06-2013 05:00PM

What's pink and fluffy?

pink fluff

What's blue and fluffy?

pink fluff holding its breath

Lelantos · 25-06-2013 05:03PM

Q: What's the difference between a hedgehog & a mods meeting at boards HQ?

A: about a 3 month ban if I give the obvious answer!

Mariasofia · 25-06-2013 05:10PM

My elderly relatives used to really annoy me when they would point at me at weddings and say "you're next!".
They stopped when I started to do the same to them at funerals.

Thundercats Ho · 25-06-2013 05:16PM

What did St. Patrick say to the snakes when he was driving them out of Ireland?
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Alright in the back there lads?

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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