The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

dilallio

Good session in the gym today.. no thanks to all the judgemental ****ers staring every time I cracked open a can.

fcastle

My ex was an absolute treasure. By treasure, I mean you will need a map and a shovel to find her.

seagull

fcastle wrote: »

My ex was an absolute treasure. By treasure, I mean you will need a map and a shovel to find her.

Ex marks the spot?

mirwillbeback

double post

mirwillbeback

Fella tells Doctor he is suffering from premature ejaculation.
"Ah that's a c*nt" says the Doc.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHH "

xlogo

Hear about that bloke who taught his dog to play the trumpet on the underground.



Went from Barking to Tooting in half an hour.

fcastle

Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building.
The Italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The Chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death.
That weekend at the funeral, the Italian and the Chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me."
And as the two wives stare at the blonde's wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replies "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."

fcastle

fcastle wrote: »

Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building.
The Italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The Chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death.
That weekend at the funeral, the Italian and the Chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me."
And as the two wives stare at the blonde's wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replies "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."

Dumb blond man jokes are like

D0NNELLY

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Dumb blond man jokes are like

Would have been better with paddy English, paddy Chinese and paddy Italian

frag420

D0NNELLY wrote: »

Would have been better with paddy English, paddy Chinese and paddy Italian

But thats wacist...said Paddy ChinaMan!!

jcsoulinger

D0NNELLY wrote: »

Would have been better with paddy English, paddy Chinese and paddy Italian

Heard that joke years ago, the punch line was Paddy Irishman made his own sandwiches every morning. Our sense of humour is very self debrecating let's keep it that way.

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Diane Abbott has just announced she has type 4367 diabetes.

Capt'n Midnight

frag420 wrote: »

But thats wacist...said Paddy ChinaMan!!

Sounds like Mr Field






Mr Paddy Field

chewed

I asked my girlfriend if she would consider masturbating with fruit.

She went fúcking bananas.

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Paddy and Murphy, come across a girl who's bike has a flat tyre.
Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way.
A few mins later Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike.
"What the feck happened"? asks Murphy.
"Well, I fixed her bike and be jaysus she takes her ****in knickers off, lies on the ground and says, take what you want big boy! "So I took the bike.''
"Good on ye'' says Murphy, ''I'm sure the ****in knickers wouldn't fit ya anyway"

Mr. CooL ICE

Q: Why did the mod close the thread?

A: To get to the other side!





(10k post limit stuff, bla bla bla)