The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Kettleson

Q) What do you call a snooker player who plays whilst balancing a pint of beer on his head?

A) Beer Tricks Potter.

--Kaiser--

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Whaddya a call a girl with only one leg?
Eileen

What do you call a chinese woman with only one leg?







Irene.

--Kaiser--

Deleted User wrote: »

What do you call a chinese woman with only one leg?







Irene.

Lacist!

Lelantos

What do you call a black man on the moon?













An astronaut you racist barstewards

--Kaiser--

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Lacist!

What do you call a woman with no legs?


Noelene.

Micky Dolenz

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?

Doug.

What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?

Dougless


What do you call a man with a sea gull on his head?

Cliff.

What's pink and fluffy?

pink fluff

What's blue and fluffy?

pink fluff holding its breath

Lelantos

Q: What's the difference between a hedgehog & a mods meeting at boards HQ?










A: about a 3 month ban if I give the obvious answer!

Mariasofia

My elderly relatives used to really annoy me when they would point at me at weddings and say "you're next!".
They stopped when I started to do the same to them at funerals.

Thundercats Ho

What did St. Patrick say to the snakes when he was driving them out of Ireland?
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Alright in the back there lads?

Capt'n Midnight

Ladies, if a man says he'll fix something, he will. There is no need to keep on reminding him every 6 months.

Capt'n Midnight

It's a laugh a minute at work.

Our nitrous oxide factory has an appalling record for leaks.

Wossack

I'm looking to start my own business - recycling discarded chewing gum. Just need some help getting it off the ground.

banie01

Anyone wrote: »

Turned on Channel 4 last night to watch "The man with the 10 stone testicles". It turned out to be an interview with Jedwards dad.

Funny that!
Seeing as their Ma is a medical marvel too.....
Her being the woman with 2 c*nts and all....
Family of medical wonders!

tayto lover

banie01 wrote: »

Funny that!
Seeing as their Ma is a medical marvel too.....
Her being the woman with 2 c*nts and all....
Family of medical wonders!

Should that not be 3 ?

rolliepoley

WilyCoyote wrote: »

What's the difference between Bill Wyman and a greyhound?

A greyhound waits for the hare

Why do bald men walk around with greyhounds?





















To chase the hair from the back of their heads to the front.

Eli Nich

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Ladies, if a man says he'll fix something, he will. There is no need to keep on reminding him every 6 months.

Buhahaha Wicked you

KKkitty

What do you call a Spanish man on a bus?



Carlos

tayto lover

What do you call a Spaniard with no balls?
















Senorita

BigBrownBear

What do you call a judge with no balls....

Justice Mickey

giles lynchwood

The Queen was at Ascot when a wind blew up her skirt,grabbing her hat she said"what you see down there is 80 years old,I only bought the hat yesterday.

Martonio

I was at a wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.

Q) What's brown and runny?


A) Husain Bolt

Dartz

As a result of The Gathering, more and more Americans are coming to Ireland to dig up their family trees.

In a statement released today, a Coillte spokesman said that the effect on our national forests has been devastating.

---

Galway K9

Paddy Irishman died in a fire and was very badly burnt and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for.
Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said 'Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over'.
So the mortician rolled him over and Seamus looked and said 'Nope, it ain't Paddy.'
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, 'Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over'.
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, 'No,it ain't Paddy'.
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?' Sean said, 'Well, Paddy had two assholes.'
'What, he had two assholes?' said the mortician.
'Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two assholes.'

Mr Tibbs

Remember girls don't die a virgin, there are thousands of terrorists waiting up there to f*ck you

Camrat

A man goes to prison and, as soon as he walks in, his huge, buff cellmate says to him, "We're gonna play mammy and daddys. Do you want to be the mammy or the daddy?"
After thinking about it for a minute, the man slowly answers, "Well, if I have to choose, I guess I’ll be the daddy."
"OK," his cellmate says, "

then get over here and suck mommy’s cock

."

Kettleson

One of my friends has just separated from his wife and 3 children.

The trouble started when he refused to have any more children with her. He had been told that one in every four new born babies was Chinese.

Mariasofia

I've found my sex life has become so much like Who wants to be a millionaire quizshow.
Me: do you want a ride??
Him: not tonight Im tired.
Me: final answer.
Him: ya.
Me: im going to phone a friend.

Hagar the Nice.

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says,
"I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... ..but I like your thinking.......

LizT

A man goes into a pub and orders 6 whiskeys. He lines them all up and drinks the 1st, 3rd and 5th whiskey and then gets up to leave.The barman says "Are you not going to drink the others?" The man says "No, my doctor said it was only ok to have the odd drink"


Truly awful, I know :pac: