Where are all the good single men gone too?

starlit

mikom wrote: »

I don't think you know what you want.

Thats probably quiet true...I don't know what I want

Reward wrote: »

It seems she is really wondering why there aren't a plethora of millionaire male celebrities and sex symbols available to her.

Not entirely true, I'm not stuck up! The guy doesn't have to be rich, doesn't have to match a celebrity. I'm certainly not a gold-digger! Ok, if you see any of the thanks I've given to guys on their pics you know they are all very different guys! If any of you have seen take me out - most of the guys that got dates - they more than likely be my ideal!
Sex appeal doesn't concern me either. I don't like a doormat either!

Kintarō Hattori

snuggles285 wrote: »

Ya laugh all you want. I'm only asking how people happen to meet their life partner at a night out, party, work, shops, online, sports events, through friends etc and end up together thats all. None of which has worked out for me. It is just tiresome that I feel like I'm missing something...a key ingredient to bag myself someone that I, my friends and family would approve off that I could spend my whole life with. I just wonder will it ever happen for me. The men I know are either engagged, in a relationship, friends and none of which are right for me.

I would never expect to meet someone in a bar, club, work etc. If it's of any help to you I met my missus (together 6 years this Christmas) in our local laundrette. She worked there and was due to finish up rather unexpectedly. I wouldn't have known she was gone and we'd never have seen each other again. So when next I came in, she followed me home to see where I lived and on her last day she knocked at my door, we arranged to meet up for a drink in the local cafe and six years later we're still together.

The point I'm making snuggles is that your partner can appear from nowhere, not just the 'usual' spots such as those you've mentioned. She liked me and took matters into her own hands. If she'd waited for me to make the first move we probably wouldn't be together now. If you spot someone you like- just make the first move.

sollar

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

She liked me and took matters into her own hands. If she'd waited for me to make the first move we probably wouldn't be together now. If you spot someone you like- just make the first move.

The world would be a much happier place if more women did that.

starlit

Reward wrote: »

Oh there is something else.

Female hypergamy and the education gap, the wider the education gap in favour of females the less likely a female is to find a male or equal or higher status and so the less likely she is to marry and have children.

Here is a chart from a study that explains what I've just said.

http://www.avoiceformen.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/8.jpg

That is a very quick assumption to think that way! Just cause she has a college education and likes to do her own thing and be an independent woman means she less likely marry and have children...A woman can still have children without being married and still have a college education and or be an independent woman. Would men want a needy woman though?? Don't think they would yet some guys feel like they need to be needed or is it wanted be a better word for it? I don't dislike men, I don't hate them, have grown up with them, so I now what I'm getting myself in for.

I hadn't much clue when it came to guys when I were younger but now I have but guess not enough of an idea as to what the male species is all about!? Of course we can be attracted to different people it varies, someone might be someone elses cup tea and others it could be the opposite. There is such a thing as chemistry, maybe not love at first sight but lust at first sight maybe. I think if you click with someone from day one it should be plain sailing after that! Is it not imperative that a couple should be compatible 1. emotionally 2. physically 3. Intellectually and 4. Spirtually, if a couple doesn't have all four trouble may lay ahead!

Deleted User wrote: »

Only move to the city again if it would benefit other aspects of your life. Don't move solely because you want to meet someone. What happens if, worst comes to worst, you don't meet someone? You could potentially be stuck somewhere you could dislike.

I wouldn't expect that by moving to a city again that meeting someone be my goal. Even when I lived in two different cities, I didn't expect to meet anyone. I met a few but didn't really feel I fitted in with the whole dating scene going on there. There would be other reasons why I would go back to a city - job, friends, of course a varied social life, busy lifestyle, the buzz of a city, independence etc.

sollar wrote: »

This is a very good point. There should really be an equal spread in terms of looks, personality, intelligence etc. Both sexes would do well to accept that.

When the op mentioned the shortage of good men, what she was really doing was dismissing a large proportion of men as not good enough. The same applies from the male perspective. Most people know their league/limits etc (give or take). Problems can arise when people are holding out for someone out of their league.

My sentiments exactlly!

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

The point I'm making snuggles is that your partner can appear from nowhere, not just the 'usual' spots such as those you've mentioned. She liked me and took matters into her own hands. If she'd waited for me to make the first move we probably wouldn't be together now. If you spot someone you like- just make the first move.

I guess its something I need to work on. I was great to make the move first when I were in college but nowadays I'm often afraid of the rejection. I make a move in such away that I wouldn't feel rejected maybe my hints aren't subtle enough, I make eye contact do something to spark the guy to make a move but he doesn't. If he does I either will follow suite depending if I like him or not.

Reward

snuggles285 wrote: »

That is a very quick assumption to think that way! Just cause she has a college education and likes to do her own thing and be an independent woman means she less likely marry and have children...A woman can still have children without being married and still have a college education and or be an independent woman. Would men want a needy woman though?? Don't think they would yet some guys feel like they need to be needed or is it wanted be a better word for it? I don't dislike men, I don't hate them, have grown up with them, so I now what I'm getting myself in for.

I wasn't making an assumption, I was talking about a piece of research. Female hypergamy is a fact of life as is the slanting of the system in favour of women, the more the system is slanted in favour of women the less likely women are to find a man that satisfies her hypergamous criteria.

Eve_Dublin

Reward wrote: »

But men and women have different criteria for chosing mates. Female hypergamy mandates that women to hold out for someone thats out of their league and in todays gynocentric society they as less and less likely to find that person, viewing the world through the lens of the mainstream celebrity gossip media and sex and city type messages doesn't help them either.

I think that´s very unfair to women. Who says what league anyone is in? I have no idea what my league is or what league I slot into. Whats the criteria to fit into a particular league? Can you tell me that? Are some people "better" than others? I´ve gone out with men with all types of occupations, looks, social backgrounds and sometimes I´ve had OTHER people tell me, "You could do better than that!". So because the guy has a bit of acne, comes from a poor backgound and didn´t go to university that he´s somehow BELOW me? That´s snobbery pure and simple.

People would presume because a man or woman is better LOOKING (looks only) that they´re out of someone´s league....it seems leagues are solely based on physical appearance in modern society, particularly for women. There´s nothing wrong with thinking highly of yourself and holding out for someone you think is worth it. I´ve seen so many relationships comprised of people going out with someone just because they don´t want to be alone. This is not someone settling for someone out of their "league", this is someone settling for someone that´s not right for THEM and they´ve nothing in common with out of fear of being alone or laziness or whatever.

Personally I´m holding out with someone I "click" with...you can´t force that and there´s nothing wrong with hanging on for that. Give the woman a break.

Reward

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I think that´s very unfair to women. Who says what league anyone is in? I have no idea what my league is or what league I slot into. Whats the criteria to fit into a particular league? Can you tell me that? Are some people "better" than others? I´ve gone out with men with all types of occupations, looks, social backgrounds and sometimes I´ve had OTHER people tell me, "You could do better than that!". So because the guy has a bit of acne, comes from a poor backgound and didn´t go to university that he´s somehow BELOW me? That´s snobbery pure and simple.

People would presume because a man or woman is better LOOKING (looks only) that they´re out of someone´s league....it seems leagues are solely based on physical appearance in modern society, particularly for women. There´s nothing wrong with thinking highly of yourself and holding out for someone you think is worth it. I´ve seen so many relationships comprised of people going out with someone just because they don´t want to be alone. This is not someone settling for someone out of their "league", this is someone settling for someone that´s not right for THEM and they´ve nothing in common with out of fear of being alone or laziness or whatever.

Personally I´m holding out with someone I "click" with...you can´t force that and there´s nothing wrong with hanging on for that. Give the woman a break.

Im talking about status, female hypergamy is about improving social and financial status through mate selection, he has to be at least of equal status and more often better which is why women feel that they don't have much of a selection these days. Physical appearance isnt so important to women, gaining status is where as with men physical appearance is more important.

starlit

mikom wrote: »

I don't think you know what you want.

I've a thing for jonathan rhys myers...nice eyes....not sure about anything else!?

Reward

snuggles285 wrote: »

Thats probably quiet true...I don't know what I want



Not entirely true, I'm not stuck up! The guy doesn't have to be rich, doesn't have to match a celebrity. I'm certainly not a gold-digger! Ok, if you see any of the thanks I've given to guys on their pics you know they are all very different guys! If any of you have seen take me out - most of the guys that got dates - they more than likely be my ideal!
Sex appeal doesn't concern me either. I don't like a doormat either!

So there is some truth in what I said about you wonder why there aren't a plethora of millionaire celebs and sex symbols available to you?

starlit

Reward wrote: »

So there is some truth in what I said about you wonder why there aren't a plethora of millionaire celebs and sex symbols available to you?

A small bit but I'm not looking for a celebrity man! They can be just too perfect! A pretty boy doesn't cut it for me. He needs something to give.
He needs to stand out amongst other guys, what has he got that others don't. Its hard having being rejected so many times and then getting in the habit of rejecting guys. I can't seem to find a happy medium.

sollar

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a thing for jonathan rhys myers...nice eyes....not sure about anything else!?

A poster mentioned that they don't believe in leagues. Well lets take jonathan rhys myers as an example, could you imagine him ending up married to heather trott from eastenders? Not likely. I know that is the extreme ends but people do have limitations in the main.

feicim

snuggles285 wrote: »

Can't seem to find them anywhere these days! They are either taken, players, jokers or manchildren! Where are the good single men these days!? What gives? Can women just meet their dream man just like that anywhere unexpected and end up together, what are the odds?

Answer: They don't exist. All men are either players, jokers or manchildren. Or some combination of all of these.
The ones you think aren't - really are, you just don't know them well enough.

I am a man. This is what we are like. No point lying about it.

Reward

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a thing for jonathan rhys myers...nice eyes....not sure about anything else!?

Perhaps if you were less focused on celeb culture and didn't use people that are light years out of your league as a measuring stick you wouldn't be having these problems?

Reward

feicim wrote: »

Answer: They don't exist. All men are either players, jokers or manchildren. Or some combination of all of these.
The ones you think aren't - really are, you just don't know them well enough.

I am a man. This is what we are like. No point lying about it.

You sound like a misandrist man, dont allow yourself to be labelled negatively by women. You are perfectly entitled to be sexually liberated, financially liberated from women and to be who ever you want to be without taking on the negative labels that females give to men that they cant tie down and aren't so useful to them. You define you, men define themselves, women don't define us.

starlit

Reward wrote: »

Perhaps if you were less focused on celeb culture and didn't use people that are light years out of your league as a measuring stick you wouldn't be having these problems?

mmm Maybe!...:o

Reward

snuggles285 wrote: »

A small bit but I'm not looking for a celebrity man! They can be just too perfect! A pretty boy doesn't cut it for me. He needs something to give.
He needs to stand out amongst other guys, what has he got that others don't. Its hard having being rejected so many times and then getting in the habit of rejecting guys. I can't seem to find a happy medium.

You are looking for an alpha male, like most women. The new system is "transient harem". A minority of men bang the majority of women, the majority of men are somewhat excluded from the sexual market place.

Some of your choices and options in todays sexual market place

You are exceptional (or manipulative) enough to trap an Alpha male.
You hold out and never get one.
You accept your place as a transient harem girl and have sex with many but don't get one for keeps.
Settle for a beta male who you will never tell that he to you is "settling".

feicim

Reward wrote: »

You sound like a misandrist man, dont allow yourself to be labelled negatively by women. You are perfectly entitled to be sexually liberated, financially liberated from women and to be who ever you want to be without taking on the negative labels that females give to men that they cant tie down and aren't so useful to them. You define you, men define themselves, women don't define us.

I had to look up misandry.

sollar

Reward wrote: »

You are looking for an alpha male, like most women. The new system is "transient harem". A minority of men bang the majority of women, the majority of men are somewhat excluded from the sexual market place. Accept your place as a transient harem girl OR settle for a beta male.

Is that you richard? (dawkins:D)

starlit

Reward wrote: »

You are looking for an alpha male, like most women. The new system is "transient harem". A minority of men bang the majority of women, the majority of men are somewhat excluded from the sexual market place.

Your choices and options in todays sexual market place

You are exceptional (or manipulative) enough to trap an Alpha male. Its possible, have hooked up with a few guys out of my league!
You hold out and never get one. Yes true.
You accept your place as a transient harem girl and have sex with many but don't get one for keeps. Not true! I'm waiting....:o
Settle for a beta male.Ok, you mean beta as in the guy in the middle or the second best...?

Probably true. I'm looking for a man that stands up for himself, confident not cocky but isn't a coward! Speaks his mind but doesn't offend people. If a man is a bit slow when it comes to women then he is a gonner! Man up be a man...you know what I mean! Yet be a nice guy!;)

starlit

To be honest, I couldn't go out with a man I at least like or fancy to some degree. Been there done that and all ended in tears when I didn't like or fancy a guy enough!:( What's a girl to do...

krudler

snuggles285 wrote: »

Probably true. I'm looking for a man that stands up for himself, confident not cocky but isn't a coward! Speaks his mind but doesn't offend people. If a man is a bit slow when it comes to women then he is a gonner! Man up be a man...you know what I mean! Yet be a nice guy!;)

That sounds like some sort of confusing superhero, ContradictionMan! fights crime while causing vandalism, saves puppies while kicking cats, grooms himself while looking like a tramp, fights for justice...depending on the circumstances!

op honestly the guy you're describing is probably as rare as unicorn poop

starlit

krudler wrote: »

That sounds like some sort of confusing superhero, ContradictionMan! fights crime while causing vandalism, saves puppies while kicking cats, grooms himself while looking like a tramp, fights for justice...depending on the circumstances!

op honestly the guy you're describing is probably as rare as unicorn poop

Lol, so the guy might not exist but might have some of the traits but not all of those I just described!?

Reward

snuggles285 wrote: »

Probably true. I'm looking for a man that stands up for himself, confident not cocky but isn't a coward! Speaks his mind but doesn't offend people. If a man is a bit slow when it comes to women then he is a gonner! Man up be a man...you know what I mean! Yet be a nice guy!;)

Google "Gamma male". I think thats what you are looking for.

Something you need to be asking yourself, you mentioned JRM, what do you have to offer a man that can command a surplus of very beautiful and sexually deviant women two or three at a time if he choses too?

Reward

sollar wrote: »

Is that you richard? (dawkins:D)

LOL

Im basing all this on evolutionary psychology, game and mens rights theory / rhetoric.

Reward

feicim wrote: »

I had to look up misandry.

It funny that, we are all so familiar with the word misogyny but most have never heard of misandry .. the word is going to progress into common usage in the near future I'd imagine.

feicim

feicim wrote: »

Answer: They don't exist. All men are either players, jokers or manchildren. Or some combination of all of these.
The ones you think aren't - really are, you just don't know them well enough.

I am a man. This is what we are like. No point lying about it.

.. I'm none of those things ..

Reward

Snuggles, I didn't know how to quote this properly..


"Your choices and options in todays sexual market place

You are exceptional (or manipulative) enough to trap an Alpha male. Its possible, have hooked up with a few guys out of my league!

This is transient harem girl status, you didnt trap them, you guys ****ed and he moved on to the next transient harem girls.

Settle for a beta male.Ok, you mean beta as in the guy in the middle or the second best...?

Yeah beta male is likely what you will settle for in the future, once he has accumulated enough material assets to provide for you but you wont respect or be sexually attracted to him in the long term, you will still lust after the alpha guys, especially when you are fertile which exposes beta guy to an unhappy marriage, paternity fraud, loss of custody of his kids and financial ruin in the divorce courts.

starlit

Deleted User wrote: »

.. I'm none of those things ..

Great, good on you!

Reward wrote: »

Snuggles, I didn't know how to quote this properly..


"Your choices and options in todays sexual market place

You are exceptional (or manipulative) enough to trap an Alpha male. Its possible, have hooked up with a few guys out of my league!

This is transient harem girl status, you didnt trap them, you guys ****ed and he moved on to the next transient harem girls. I did't sleep with him!? We just kissed on the dance floor thats all that is what I mean by hooking up on my terms. Ok. yes in true form he did move onto other girls, he asked me to go to a house party and I said no. He moved on.

Settle for a beta male.Ok, you mean beta as in the guy in the middle or the second best...?

Yeah beta male is likely what you will settle for in the future, once he has accumulated enough material assets to provide for you but you wont respect or be sexually attracted to him in the long term, you will still lust after the alpha guys, especially when you are fertile which exposes beta guy to an unhappy marriage, paternity fraud, loss of custody of his kids and financial ruin in the divorce courts. Oh! :eek:

sollar

Reward wrote: »

Yeah beta male is likely what you will settle for in the future, once he has accumulated enough material assets to provide for you but you wont respect or be sexually attracted to him in the long term, you will still lust after the alpha guys, especially when you are fertile which exposes beta guy to an unhappy marriage, paternity fraud, loss of custody of his kids and financial ruin in the divorce courts.

Those rules don't apply so easily to humans.

mariebeth

The whole issue on the 'perfect guy' really goes back to the rom com thread - I know that my ideal of the 'mr. right' could have been based on a guy out of a rom com before, until I woke up & realised that ya, Gerard Butler or whoever else, is absolutely gorgeous, but he's only playing a character. He could be a total asse in real life!

Personally I'm trying to give up on looking for the perfect guy, he doesn't exist, and neither, for that matter, does the perfect woman. We all have flaws, life would be boring if we didn't. It all boils down really, to finding someone that you can see yourself still caring about, fancying and wanting to be with, in 20, 30 years time etc. and trying to avoid the guys that you could see yourself waking up one morning in 10 or 20 years and trying to suffocate him with a pillow! Because, then you have a problem!

Honestly Snuggles, I would still say you need to lighten up and relax a bit. Enjoy life being single, because you might find a time when you miss it, particularly if you rush in to a relationship with a guy just for the sake of being in a relationship. I know it's a lot easier to give this advice than to take it, but I've just come out the other side of a relationship that I think I rushed in to because I felt the same way that you did right now. And, you know what, I realised that I could see myself waking up in 10 or 15 years & trying to strangle him, as much as I cared about him and still do care about him as a friend, but that was when I knew it had to end (for his personal safety!). It's very easy to start a relationship, but it can be incredibly hard to end one, so take your time, try to get out there & meet more guys, chat to them, have a laugh with them & then when you get to know them, see if you want to have a relationship with them.

Honestly, there's no hurry. So just relax & enjoy