Where are all the good single men gone too?

starlit

Can't seem to find them anywhere these days! They are either taken, players, jokers or manchildren! Where are the good single men these days!? What gives? Can women just meet their dream man just like that anywhere unexpected and end up together, what are the odds?

Cavehill Red

:eek:



*Backs out of thread, terrified.*

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

well they're probably not in the backend of nowhere, so that could be something you might want to work on.

starlit

Ya laugh all you want. I'm only asking how people happen to meet their life partner at a night out, party, work, shops, online, sports events, through friends etc and end up together thats all. None of which has worked out for me. It is just tiresome that I feel like I'm missing something...a key ingredient to bag myself someone that I, my friends and family would approve off that I could spend my whole life with. I just wonder will it ever happen for me. The men I know are either engagged, in a relationship, friends and none of which are right for me.

c montgomery

Im over here. The thing is im incredibly good looking so maybe you have just been too intimidated to approach me

suicide_circus

Stop thinking about "bagging" a man for a start and worrying about whether your friends or family will approve.

Retail Hell

A lot of Men have emigrated

stupidusername

I agree snuggles. I've been wondering the same myself recently. Any guys I have come across in the past few months have been: stalkers, cunts, cheaters... seems to be something wrong with them all. Have come across one decent guy, but he's more a friend than anything more.

if you find some send em my way

Larianne

This is cliched and you probably will curse me for saying it but someone will pop up when you stop looking!

Just enjoy your life and don't focus on it so much. You will give off a vibe of desperation and guys will run a mile.

Go out and do things you enjoy or take up a new hobbie, go to new events. Widen your circle of friends.

starlit

Retail Hell wrote: »

A lot of Men have emigrated

yes I have noticed! Hard not to worry about that sort of thing...feel like I'm never going to find my partner I'm not getting any younger i'm 25 not emigrated yet...I see so many people of my age and my friends in relationships and who are engaged and some even married and has kids it just seems like something is missing. Obviously you must love yourself, and be a happy person and have your life on track before any relationship can begin...

Antomus Prime

I'm rite here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

suicide_circus

Larianne wrote: »

Widen your circle

snigger

RedXIV

Sorry I'm taken

Got picked up by another boardsie at a boards beers. Hence I suggest you get yourself to boards beers

starlit

Larianne wrote: »

This is cliched and you probably will curse me for saying it but someone will pop up when you stop looking!

Just enjoy your life and don't focus on it so much. You will give off a vibe of desperation and guys will run a mile.

Go out and do things you enjoy or take up a new hobbie, go to new events. Widen your circle of friends.

I feel like I've been there done that but I know I need to expand into new hobbies and friends etc. Its a little difficult when living with mammy and even when I lived in the city I didn't really engage with men...I was a bit overwhelmed by the sense of freedom I guess being away from home and all. I tended to stick with my own group of friends I made and not go beyond that circle. Actually when I am out I'm not at all desperate. I tend to give off a friendly vibe for the most part but sometimes I might be not letting the guy approach me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to attract the wrong type, I don't want a lech and certainly don't want an old man. It seems to be far too common lately its been nearly always old men well over 40 out or men who are attached. Very few single nice lads about!

Ya I enjoy life but start to enjoy it too much and men get the wrong idea and seem to think I am happier with it and they don't seem to want to interfere with that. Sometimes I like a guy he don't like me back, then there are guys who like me but I don't like back, very hard to find a balance! Anytime it did it didn't last...or it got awkward etc.

starlit

RedXIV wrote: »

Sorry I'm taken

Got picked up by another boardsie at a boards beers. Hence I suggest you get yourself to boards beers

Good for you, but the online dating thing didn't work out for me...it was either creeps, stalkers, seeing the same faces pop up all the time on online dating sites, needy, not my type of guys...

I guess dublin is a bigger city than tralee or cork!! lol mmmm i'v had the intention of going to a boards beers but have been putting it off or other things have cropped up...think I wait till the bad weather has eased, don't want to break anything! I might venture if I am in dublin again...

Thanks for advice everyone!:cool:

Tom10

I hope OP you are kidding - I mean do you really think men change from being good to being not good given their age or generation????

If you are finding men but not the right ones you either change what you are looking for or you change where your looking, simple as...

starlit

Tom10 wrote: »

I hope OP you are kidding - I mean do you really think men change from being good to being not good given their age or generation????

If you are finding men but not the right ones you either change what you are looking for or you change where your looking, simple as...

No I'm not kidding! Its just been more apparent the last few times I have been out and the talent has gone so bad not even a dog or cat would roam there!

Ya its true, I just haven't been meeting the right ones and those I do get together with well, nothing comes of it! I just haven't had a connection with someone or fancy someone enough to go out with them long term!
No I don't think that, I mean like good as in a 'good catch'. I don't just mean if a guy is good or not depends on their age some are just jokers and players and manchildren no matter what age and they won't change!

Beaucoupfish

Im a single guy.33, Educated, open minded, can cook, do DIY, relaxed etc but unfortunately like a lot of other single guys I'm unemployed and broke so therefore feel like I'm off the market.

Tom10

snuggles285 wrote: »

No I'm not kidding! Its just been more apparent the last few times I have been out and the talent has gone so bad not even a dog or cat would roam there!

Ya its true, I just haven't been meeting the right ones and those I do get together with well, nothing comes of it! I just haven't had a connection with someone or fancy someone enough to go out with them long term!
No I don't think that, I mean like good as in a 'good catch'. I don't just mean if a guy is good or not depends on their age some are just jokers and players and manchildren no matter what age and they won't change!

Well then you are looking for them in the wrong places I would think. Make a list of things you want in a person, then try to be where that person will be (near impossible that I would think). Speaking personally I know that the friends I've had who would be great boyfriends were usually single because they didn't fit what people would think of as conventionally good looking but you couldn't meet better people. So really the choice is yours, if you want somebody that will truly worship you then you have to widen your search, if your looking for Mr. Perfect you'll be waiting a long time for that one chance and if you want what you have keep going with what your doing.

It's not rocket science, you get back what you put out there.

syklops

snuggles285 wrote: »

Can't seem to find them anywhere these days! They are either taken, players, jokers or manchildren! Where are the good single men these days!? What gives? Can women just meet their dream man just like that anywhere unexpected and end up together, what are the odds?

There is a big difference between good single men and a woman's dream man. The number of my friends who are single and are not players, jokers or manchildren is ridiculous.

starlit

syklops wrote: »

There is a big difference between good single men and a woman's dream man. The number of my friends who are single and are not players, jokers or manchildren is ridiculous.

Good men, should re-phrase 'good catch'. A dream man well he doesn't have to be mr perfect but if he ticks the important boxes well...They are too nice???

Stheno

Op I think you should relax, you talk about a "good catch", but then the men who tick the boxes are "too nice" etc.

As someone else said really just relax, you'll meet someone when you least expect it.

Malari

What's wrong with jokers? I like jokers

I have found, in my circles of friends over the years, that those with clear ideas of the type of partner they want often find it harder to find someone they like! Maybe just start giving second chances OP. Often a public persona of a guy you meet who is always telling stories/jokes, or acting the maggot can be quite different one-on-one. he could meet your requirements of a "good" guy and will show a different side if you give him a chance?

Wibbs

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

well they're probably not in the backend of nowhere, so that could be something you might want to work on.

Sez he livin in Carlow. :D

Beaucoupfish wrote:

Im a single guy.33, Educated, open minded, can cook, do DIY, relaxed etc but unfortunately like a lot of other single guys I'm unemployed and broke so therefore feel like I'm off the market.

Yep and it many ways it will. For a start you'll feel off the market because you want to pay your own way and your confidence would be knocked. For a woman it would be equally soul destroying in general terms, but in relationships it's gonna be less. I can think of few men who would be that concerned about it(unless they smell freeloader). Though dont lose hope either as I know a fair few women who would be less concerned too, so long as the guy is actively trying. But I would still think there's a gender diff there alright. Online dating throws this up. Apparently the things women are more likely to be less than truthful about in self description are their age and weight, whereas men are more likely to less than truthful about their salary.

I dunno sounds like guys coming out with I can't get a woman. Depends what you're looking for and where you're looking. The world is full to the brim with decent men(and women). Indeed I'd go so far as to say, if you're not meeting them you're doing something wrong, or are looking for the wrong things. What do you define as a "decent catch" for a start? And the bit about them "being too nice" is a rocky road to nowhere.

Demonique

I don't understand all this 'bagging a man' thing.

The world won't end if you don't settle down, marry and have kids.

You don't need a man to feel fulfilled.

snuggles285

snuggles285 wrote: »

yes I have noticed! Hard not to worry about that sort of thing...feel like I'm never going to find my partner I'm not getting any younger i'm 25 not emigrated yet...I see so many people of my age and my friends in relationships and who are engaged and some even married and has kids it just seems like something is missing. Obviously you must love yourself, and be a happy person and have your life on track before any relationship can begin...

Jesus christ woman you're only 25! that's practically a baby in the grand scheme of things!
relax :eek::eek:

dublingal80

Op, I dont mean for this to come across harsh or mean, but you sound desperate. you are only 25! I think you need to take a step back from it all and breathe. Dont let finding a man become a chore... Have you tried dating people that arent your usual type?

I was single for about 2 and a half years when i was your age. I had finished a relationship and had no urge to meet anyone. I couldnt have been less interested. Then a friend was having a birtday party, i knew a handful of people, really didnt want to go but I did and met a guy and ended with him for 4 years.

We since then broke up, but a friend of one of his friends got in touch with me completely out of the blue a few months after i was single and asked me out. He wasnt my type, I wasnt sure what I wanted but i didnt see the harm in going out for dinner and 4 months later I couldnt be happier.

The last 2 guys I met was when I had no interest in meeting anyone at all

And ps, whats wrong with a nice guy?? Seriously, i couldnt recommend a "nice" guy any more strongly!! Its the only type of guy to go for

starlit

Malari wrote: »

What's wrong with jokers? I like jokers

I have found, in my circles of friends over the years, that those with clear ideas of the type of partner they want often find it harder to find someone they like! Maybe just start giving second chances OP. Often a public persona of a guy you meet who is always telling stories/jokes, or acting the maggot can be quite different one-on-one. he could meet your requirements of a "good" guy and will show a different side if you give him a chance?

Jokers are ok, but I don't know when they are being serious or not. They could take offence to something I think is funny and they could joke away and I might find it insulting! I have given guys like them a chance and they took it too far with their jokes that really upset me. I'd like a guy to have a sense of humor but not to a degree that might offend people.

Demonique wrote: »

I don't understand all this 'bagging a man' thing.

The world won't end if you don't settle down, marry and have kids.

You don't need a man to feel fulfilled.

I know, you don't necessarily need to be settled down or married to have kids. That's not what I am getting at. Its 'bagging a catch of man' really. Has everything I want in a man, or is similar to me at least like some ways more than others. Shar similar interests and views. Boyfriend/husband material that sort of thing. I don't have a particular look I go for in a guy but its personality is what I want.

Wibbs wrote: »

Sez he livin in Carlow. :D

Yep and it many ways it will. For a start you'll feel off the market because you want to pay your own way and your confidence would be knocked. For a woman it would be equally soul destroying in general terms, but in relationships it's gonna be less. I can think of few men who would be that concerned about it(unless they smell freeloader). Though dont lose hope either as I know a fair few women who would be less concerned too, so long as the guy is actively trying. But I would still think there's a gender diff there alright. Online dating throws this up. Apparently the things women are more likely to be less than truthful about in self description are their age and weight, whereas men are more likely to less than truthful about their salary.

I dunno sounds like guys coming out with I can't get a woman. Depends what you're looking for and where you're looking. The world is full to the brim with decent men(and women). Indeed I'd go so far as to say, if you're not meeting them you're doing something wrong, or are looking for the wrong things. What do you define as a "decent catch" for a start? And the bit about them "being too nice" is a rocky road to nowhere.

I'm not bothered about a salary or anything like that, a decent standard of living is all I'd ask in that stakes. He doesn't have to be flashy. Its a decent nice man yet not too nice is what I want in a man. A decent catch well good sense of humor (not offending), tall, handsom (above average looking but not drop dead gorgeous), loyal, honest, fun, educated, independent, confident, a provider, considerate, thoughtful, kind, loving and friendly person. Money is not a big thing for me. Its personality is more important than looks, but needs to be compatible. I wouldn't want him better looking or uglier than me! I'm just a little fussy. I'll post a link of the what turns you off someone in AH thread.

stupidusername

Have to say that just because the OP is looking for someone doesn't mean that she' coming off as desperate. I mean I know I don't anyway. I mean I miss being in a relationship but in no way am I desperate for a man.

And I'm 26 btw. It doesn't matter to me what age I am, I'm not working against any biological clock (don't want children) and don't want to get married, all I know is I like being with someone, and am feeling a little lonely lately.

starlit

dublingal80 wrote: »

Op, I dont mean for this to come across harsh or mean, but you sound desperate. you are only 25! I think you need to take a step back from it all and breathe. Dont let finding a man become a chore... Have you tried dating people that arent your usual type?

I was single for about 2 and a half years when i was your age. I had finished a relationship and had no urge to meet anyone. I couldnt have been less interested. Then a friend was having a birtday party, i knew a handful of people, really didnt want to go but I did and met a guy and ended with him for 4 years.

We since then broke up, but a friend of one of his friends got in touch with me completely out of the blue a few months after i was single and asked me out. He wasnt my type, I wasnt sure what I wanted but i didnt see the harm in going out for dinner and 4 months later I couldnt be happier.

The last 2 guys I met was when I had no interest in meeting anyone at all

And ps, whats wrong with a nice guy?? Seriously, i couldnt recommend a "nice" guy any more strongly!! Its the only type of guy to go for

Don't get me wrong, I have dated people who wouldn't have been my type but didn't work out. I'm not at all desperate, I'm just dumfounded that I haven't met anyone that I would consider a life partner thats all! I'm not a girl that would go out with just any guy like! Even past boyfriends never thought I'd marry them because I never loved them or even fancied them enough to go the distance. I wonder if its something I'm doing wrong. There have been very few men that I like that have liked me back.

Oh, I've no problem with nice guys, its if when they are too nice I don't like that whole hopeless romantic stuff, I like romance but don't like it over done! Then again, there are guys prentending to be nice to get what they want so...so hard to know if the guy is being genuine and sound or not!?
I haven't had many boyfriends and have dated a good few men who weren't boyfriends as such but I've never really been in a proper serious committed realtionship, I'm worried whne I do meet someone for that kind of thing I will screw it up and I be left on my own...I don't want that.

Link:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=69571779&postcount=351

dublingal80

I didnt mean for it to come across in a bad way when i said desperate. i didnt know what other word to use.

Its just for me, some of the stuff the op has said comes across as a little full on... such as:
I'm only asking how people happen to meet their life partner at a night out, party, work, shops, online, sports events, through friends etc and end up together thats all. None of which has worked out for me

and

I'm missing something...a key ingredient to bag myself someone that I, my friends and family would approve off that I could spend my whole life with.

A dream man well he doesn't have to be mr perfect but if he ticks the important boxes well...They are too nice???

Its just, from my point of view is that you are out there looking for a husband op, someone that you will last forever with, so you have your list of things you want and you are fussy with what you want, which is understandable, you deserve the best... but you also could be missing on wonderful men just because they are "jokers"

I really think, even for a few months, just get out, have fun and stop looking for a potential husband and just have fun with your friends... you never know, your friends could bring out there friends on a anight out and you could easily fall in love with one of them!

I have a friend who met her husband on a wednesday night out in a pub. i was with her, place was empty. In he walked and the second she saw him she was like, wow, i have to talk to him. When he saw her he thought, wow, i need to talk to her and now they are married. IT was an after work drink in an empty pub, not dressed up or actively looking and thats where she found him

Another friend was dating and not finding anyone, she was looking to settle and have babies cos the clock was ticking VERY loudly. A guy in her work offered to drop her home cos it was raining, he asked her out in the car, she wasnt sure because she saw him as a friend for ages. They went on a date and now they live together with kids

Both of them found their o/h completely out of the blue and i think op if you just relax a little bit you will find the man of your dreams.

dublingal80

snuggles285 wrote: »

I haven't had many boyfriends and have dated a good few men who weren't boyfriends as such but I've never really been in a proper serious committed realtionship, I'm worried whne I do meet someone for that kind of thing I will screw it up and I be left on my own...I don't want that.

you wont do that op. Each relationship is different and you learn from it and you bring that onto your next relationship. When u meet the right person that you are in love with, you are going to make it want to work, and the lucky guy at the time will also be trying to make it work

You sound like a really nice person op, but dont put pressure on yourself to find someone, and then when u do find someone, dont put pressure on yourself for it to work out. All you can do is be yourself.
x

I dislike this "where have all the good men gone" idea. There are plenty of single good guys out there, me for instance (shameless self-plug), but could it be a case that you are just too damn picky, OP? You rule guys out for being "too nice" - so you want a good man who isn't all that nice?

starlit

I'd like a nice guy but not a goody too shoes....I didn't take it that you were being harsh dublingal80, I understand what you mean. It might sound like I am desperate but I actually am not. I'm not actively looking for a husband but just looking for someone to settle down with! I just feel everyone else is in relationships and I feel left out thats all. I know it can happen when one least expects it. I try to be myself and just go with the flow and not hope too much when I am out. Just have fun, but I'm just getting tired of it. I've been single 4 years so...I have a tendancy to put a lot of pressure on things and make a small thing into a big deal and tend not to be optimistic, I see all the bad things that might happen and never really see the good side of things when it comes to relationships. Boy have I learnt a lot in the last 6 years when it comes to men, I was a very shy innocent teenager, not time for men and didn't have much confidence with them, that has changed a bit since as I got older but still quiet innocent in a quirky sense. Thanks, for advice dublingal80!

dublingal80

oh i completely get you op, i was exactly the same. Very very innocent as a teenager. I hadnt a clue when it came to men, and in total ive only had 3 relationships. I know it sucks when all your friends are with someone, it makes you want to have a boyfriend even more cos you get to see how happy they are and loved but, but when i was in that stage, the second i got a boyfriend, my best friend and her long term boyfriend broke up and she was then single for 4 years while i was seeing my ex. Then the second me and my ex broke up, she started seeing someone, then me and my ex got back together and she was single and now, finally for the first time in years, we both have a boyfriend..

It will happen when the time is right

PROMISE!!

lfp

Jaysus - just read your list of turn offs and then scrolled up the page on this thread and read your list of desirable qualities in a man.

Combing those two lists (some aspects of which are the same - like - wants a tall man and not wanting a small guy) and you've pretty much excluded 90% of the guys I know who I'd consider to be "good lads"...

Also, depending on which situation/time of day/place in their life a person is they will probably tick a few of your negatives no matter what.

No dress sense - seriously!!! A friend of my wife years ago thought I was a great catch as my dress sense was so good - the truth is the complete opposite, it just happened that the nearest top, jeans and shoes in my room that evening combined well!!!!

Acts like a child - on some nights out I have been classified as a complete child - having fun, relaxing, whereas in reality I'm very serious and conservative, you would have dismissed me if you had met me on one of those nights out!

Overly religious - I'm not religious myself, but it's far from what i'd call a character flaw.

I love these ones:
> Know it all
> Gods gift
> Full of oneself
I agree they are not nice personality traits, but for many men to succed in life those type of traits are encourgaed. Equlally so, men who are not like that can very easily fall into another part of your list:
>Not ambitious
>No motivation
>Not willing to travel too much of a home bird

Between all of your dislikes and then all of your "requirements" you are excluding an awful lot of nice/good guys!

Here's my list by the way:
I must find her sexually attractive
I must enjoy her company (this kinda covers intelligence, sense of humour, manner etc.)
Loyal and honest.

No ones perfect or even 50% perfect.
Pretty much every character flaw is a consequence of an admirable trait, no person has it all - ying and yang!

Miss OMMC

bluewolf wrote: »

Jesus christ woman you're only 25! that's practically a baby in the grand scheme of things!
relax :eek::eek:

Firstly, I do agree with this.

I also want to share my experience.

From the age of 22 to the age of 29 I was single. The first few years were by choice and the last 4 or 5 I just didn't meet anyone that I connected with enough to make it beyond a short term relationship.

Although meeting someone wasn't the be all and end all of my life, i did find it frustrating and somewhat worrying that most people around me were settled down with lovely partners but after years of dating I couldn't seem to find anyone I connected with.

Now I had a great single life. I travelled the world. I worked for a large company with a great social side. I was in college. I had hobbies and a nice circle of friends. Yet, after years, I was still single.

Then one day I met him. He worked with some poeple that I worked with and we got chatting and I knew instantly that there was something extra ordinary about him. After chatting and emailing for a while we organized a night out together and the rest is history. Roll on a few years and we now live together with our baby son and are extremely happy.

In my opinion it's all about timing. It'll happen when it happens and there's no point in getting stressed about it. There's nothing I could have done to make it happen for me any quicker. I do think that my experience with guys who weren't right for me made it easier to see all the great qualities in my partner now.

Over the single years, I could've stayed with guys I wasn't 100% happy with but I chose to trust my instincts and give the right man the chance to come along and I'm sooo glad that I did!

Just try to enjoy your life now and have faith that the right person is out there for you.

SamSamSammy

Weird, and not joking when I say.. you've described me to a tee

I'm 23 though so the younger man probably rules me out!

speedboatchase

snuggles285 wrote: »

• Dirty hands
• Baldy
• Short height, needs to be taller than me not just an inch or two but at least more than 6 inches taller than me! I’ve nearly always fancied taller men!
• Inconsiderate jokes
• Bad breath
• Horrible teeth
• Smelly feet
• Side burns
• Without a doubt smoking stench
• No dress sense
• No common sense acts like a child
• Know it all
• Gods gift
• Full of oneself
• Splashes the cash
• Boaster
• Lies and makes up stories
• Wears Jewellery
• Overly religious
• Not ambitious
• No motivation
• Not willing to travel too much of a home bird
• Not house trained
• Poor conversationalist
• Control freak
• Poor education/no job
• Has kids (I know harsh…I just can’t be with someone who has gone through that already, I want to have kids with someone who hasn’t had one)
• Has emotional baggage/too needy!

OP it's no surprise, you seem far too fussy, to the point where you're limiting any chance a man would have of filling your criteria (the above list is the OP's turn-offs). I tried to run through how far I'd get on that list and as I'm starting to lose my hair I can be counted out, I was clean for everything else though! Well I think I was

Truth is, me and my gf are very happy and together nearly 4 years - literally my only 'type' I had before I started going out with her was brunettes, and I preferred them if they had a fringe. That was it! From there I found out loads about my gf and things where we aren't compatible are perfectly fine, as it helps distinguish us and we can be our own people.

If you have a checklist, or subconsciously even, you'll never give people a chance - as has been said, best to switch off the criteria or red flags that go off in your head and don't go out actively looking for someone, just go out and have a good time with your mates. If I seen a girl that I could tell was sizing up potential 'talent' for much of the night I'd be terrified to approach her, whereas if she looks like she's enjoying herself and hasn't a care, she looks fun and I'd head over without any fears

pickarooney

I know you posted it not entirely seriously but consider that any potential suitor who passes all those criteria (I got all the way to the second-last one before I failed, but I can guarantee I would not failed on many criteria that you didn't even think of) has an equally long list for what turns him off. On the infinitesmal chance that you passed his test as well, what are the chances you wouldn't be sick of one another within a month?

By all means avoid drug addicts, mythomaniacs and the clinically stupid but you really need to be less picky.

Tom10

God love ya OP cos that list you made is astonishing. You'll never find somebody to meet all those because gods knows whoever ya find will breech some of them in some way.

Fair play if ya do but it will be some search and unless you bring a checklist to every first date you'll constantly be let down when they aren't perfect after a month.

RacoonQueen

There's lots of them out there. Lots and lots and lots of them, trouble is finding the good single man who you want to be with and who wants to be with you. Last time I found one I screwed it up so I wouldn't take any advice from me. :pac:

Somewhere on the interweb there are men asking the very same question.

SamSamSammy

Jaysus only saw the good list not the bad list, will ANY man meet that ffs??

SamSamSammy

SamSamSammy wrote: »

Jaysus only saw the good list not the bad list, will ANY man meet that ffs??

The bad list somewhat says that none will.

Novella

Every so often this thread pops up and people say the same things every single time - stop worrying about finding a man, enjoy yourself, it'll happen when you least expect it - and people say these things because they're true.

If every time you go out, you're thinking, "Ooh, will I meet someone tonight?" etc., even if you don't think it or notice it, it is likely others will notice. If you just go out to have a good time, and you're having fun, you're automatically more attractive because you're not that girl going around latching herself on to every single man in a bid to 'find someone'.

Life isn't all about bagging a man, or 'a good catch'. If it happens, great, but it is so important to be happy on your own because if you aren't, you're not going to be happy in a relationship. You might think you are in the beginning, but all that is is placing your happiness on another person which is totally unfair and will only end in tears.

Try to stop focusing on finding a guy so much. I know this is a bit cheesy, but I tend to just go with the, 'If it's meant to be, it'll be' thing. You can't force these things, they just happen. Oh, and there are good guys everywhere, fwiw.

krudler

Having a checklist of something is just going to rule out a ton of people you may get on really well with if you dismiss them based on one turnoff. I can guarantee you theres tons of great guys who are asking where all the women who arent clingy or attention seeking psychos are.

sollar

OP what you describe is a tall handsome man with a good sense of humour and a string of positive personality traits. This sort of person will be in very high demand so you would need to be the female equivalent yourself.

biddywiddy

While I think having a checklist like that is a little OTT and putting huge pressure on whoever does tick all the boxes to continue being 'perfect', I do think that once the OP meets someone that she does like and 'click with' properly, then the list won't even be an issue.

There are a few things on the list that I would have thought I wanted in a man. I have been mostly single (bar a couple of short term relationships) while all my close friends seemed to be in long term relationships. When I met my current boyfriend, any preconceptions I had about the type of guy I wanted kind of went out the window - I just wanted him. Not that he hasn't surpassed my expectations and being the most wonderful friend and partner since we met (he has!) but all the things you think might bug you, don't, if you are happy in your relationship. For example, I would have said that balding is a no-no (for some reason, I always picture Danny DeVito when I think of an example of a bald man!) but when my boyfriend stresses about his thinning crown, I just reassure him that I don't even notice or care, and it's the truth.

I hope I don't come across as patronising, but I think that though the OP does expect a high standard in a potential mate (and we all deserve that), that the real man she does fall for won't even need to tick all those boxes.

To answer your original question OP, I really don't know where to advise you to look. But I will say to take every opportunity. Go for that random after-work drink, go to that birthday party of the guy you don't really know that's on a school night and doesn't really suit. Because (cliché or not) it is when you least expect it that someone marvellous comes along.

Woah, epic post (and first in the Ladies' Loungs - be nice )

colc1

snuggles285 wrote: »

Can't seem to find them anywhere these days! They are either taken, players, jokers or manchildren! Where are the good single men these days!? What gives? Can women just meet their dream man just like that anywhere unexpected and end up together, what are the odds?

I could reverse this question haha I dont know many guys who are players...in fact most of the lads I know have been single for years... One of the problems is they play the nice guy card every wkd... Women just hate this kind of guy, all the bolloxes are always in demand... Women tell me this too. I would say in Dublin 10 percent of the men are 'doing' all the women...seriously haha

colc1

senelra wrote: »

I hope I don't come across as patronising, but I think that though the OP does expect a high standard in a potential mate (and we all deserve that), that the real man she does fall for won't even need to tick all those boxes.
)

Unfortunately I think women in this country see high standards in purely superficial terms.... I look for high standards in a girl but in her behaviour...how good a human being she is and that kind of thing I go on dates with some girls and they seem to be so defensive assuming its all about sex...of course thats an issue but if I was going to have a relationship with her she'd have to be nice and I dont care if she's miss world its no use if she's a proper so-and-so...

krudler

sollar wrote: »

OP what you describe is a tall handsome man with a good sense of humour and a string of positive personality traits. This sort of person will be in very high demand so you would need to be the female equivalent yourself.

Actually thats a really good point, a lot (not all) of women having a massive sense of entitlement as to why they "deserve" to have the perfect man yet not being the perfect woman themselves. I could list out stuff that I usually wouldnt go for in a woman, but I've gone against my own ideas of what I'd find attractive and met some really cool girls