Where are all the good single men gone too?

speedboatchase

Perfect solution if you're bored over Christmas OP!



http://www.urbanoutfitters.co.uk/knit-your-own-boyfriend/invt/5552426720001/&bklist=icat,3,,giftsher/

Wibbs

Lets dial this stuff back. Quite a few posts are too close to the "Don't be a dick" rule. If you cant add to the thread don't post. Simple as.

Dravokivich

K-9 wrote: »

Was going to post a long reply but tbh and I amn't being smart, I don't think you know what you want yourself, long lists or not!

As others are saying, you seem to be taking this far too seriously.

With such detailed lists, it takes all the fun out of it and one thing nearly all men want is fun, not a feeling of being rated or graded, major turn off. I know you'll say you don't rate men and tick the boxes, but I think you are subconsciously doing it, based on this thread and men pick up on that. We usually aren't great at picking up signals or body language, but this is one area we can spot a mile off.

Don't know about you, but I conciously do it myself, how else would I be able to determine weither or not I liked someone or would possibly be interested?

I just think her ideals are a bit stretched out and I showed that in a response to a post she made on another thread, similar as it turns out to how Krudler did here as well. Only to highlight that between a couple of average blokes, her ideal man is way off on the other end of the scale.

But to say the problem is due to her judging men is wrong, I'd say she just needs to re-evaluate how she judges them.

er... using the phrase judging loosely there too... more so making her mind up about someone...

seenitall

Deleted post. Irritable today.

Just in the remote case anyone's wondering where are my posts going...

starlit

I read your post. Worthwhile read so don't know why you needed to delete it!

starlit

papagormo wrote: »

OP, looks to me like we are all staying in these days, keeping a close eye on events in the Ladies Lounge!:D

Keeping an eye on...? Okaaaay!?

Miss OMMC wrote: »

Truth is, you can have as long a list as you want. When the right person comes along that list won't mean much.

Sure I had a list. I wanted a tall, well built man who was charismatic and a great conversationalist... etc etc. When I first met my partner who is of average height and averge build and a little bit shy I fell head over heels for him! Why? Major chemistry to begin with and then realizing over the days and weeks and months of getting to know him just how wonderful a person he is and how compatible we are.

I actually came across my old list not so long ago and had to laugh. It was a bit of harmless fun at the time and although my partner does fulfill some things on that list, I wouldn't in a million years change him for someone who fulfilled all of my criteria!

What I'm saying is... you just never know!

Ya I see what you mean. I can understand that. I’m as bad as those girls on take me out on TV3! :P

K-9 wrote: »

Was going to post a long reply but tbh and I amn't being smart, I don't think you know what you want yourself, long lists or not!

As others are saying, you seem to be taking this far too seriously.

With such detailed lists, it takes all the fun out of it and one thing nearly all men want is fun, not a feeling of being rated or graded, major turn off. I know you'll say you don't rate men and tick the boxes, but I think you are subconsciously doing it, based on this thread and men pick up on that. We usually aren't great at picking up signals or body language, but this is one area we can spot a mile off.

I don't really rate or grade a guy unlike some guys do for girls!

ilovetosing wrote: »

You sound vain,fussy,serious,no craic and high maintenance (Apologies for being blunt about it). This is my first impression of you from a thread. I am guessing that if I met you in person my first impression then would not be far off the above.

I’m definitely not vain, I am uptight when it comes to looks. Even if the likes of brad pitt or shane ward walked past me I wouldn’t swoon! I wouldn’t trust the guy if he were too good looking! An average looking Irish guy is fine! If he below par then I would run a mile! I’m indeed fussy, I’m fussy who I hang out with too and many other aspects! Actually if you met me in person I am quiet friendly, maybe a little stand offish if I were first by first impressions or if I think someone is not genuine or if it think they have a hidden agenda, I often think that when a guy asks me to dance!
I’m fairly good craic, anyone that knows me would say that. I can be serious and a bit too serious, I find it hard not to be! High maintenance maybe! I’m not like that everyday life, but I guess I can be like what you’re describing when I am out sometimes so guys might pick up on that and didn’t realise that they did.

Dravokivich wrote: »

But to say the problem is due to her judging men is wrong, I'd say she just needs to re-evaluate how she judges them.

er... using the phrase judging loosely there too... more so making her mind up about someone...

Subconsciously I have a list….ya. I know I need to re-evaluate how I judge a guy but its so hard. I came from being a shy, innocent teenager starting college, not a clue when it came to men. Little confidence when it came to guys. Yet I was open to going out with any kind of guy. I very much did that. As I got older, had boyfriends, and going out I just got so much pickier! I know what I like and don’t like.

Feeona

There are loads of 'good' (prefer to use the term 'decent' myself ) single men out there. You're just not ready to meet someone yet. It'll happen for you, take the guard down a little, be open to finding the good things in the men you meet without analysing them to see if they're boyfriend material.

On that list of "must not's", are there some things you are willing to go against?

Novella

snuggles285 wrote: »

I wouldn’t trust the guy if he were too good looking! An average looking Irish guy is fine! If he below par then I would run a mile!

Sorry to single out this bit of your post, but are you for real? You wouldn't trust a guy if he was 'too good looking'? Firstly, what exactly is too good looking and secondly, eh, why not? That's such a typical Hollywood movie stereotype - the hunky guy always being a twat and nerdy guy being lovely. It's total BS. Personalities vary from person to person and looks are just not a way to determine whether someone is trust-worthy or not. Do you actually believe that?

Below par and you would run a mile? I don't even know what to say. That's so unfair. Yeah, I get that we all have things we're attracted to and stuff, and if you're not attracted to someone, okay but to categorise anyone as 'below par' is completely horrible, imho.

sollar

snuggles285 wrote: »

I’m definitely not vain, I am uptight when it comes to looks. Even if the likes of brad pitt or shane ward walked past me I wouldn’t swoon! I wouldn’t trust the guy if he were too good looking! An average looking Irish guy is fine! If he below par then I would run a mile!

You've already mentioned 2 examples of men you'd rate highly, brad pitt and shane ward.
Can you give a couple of examples of men in the public eye who would just about meet your requirements and a couple of examples of men you would turn down.

starlit

Feeona wrote: »

There are loads of 'good' (prefer to use the term 'decent' myself ) single men out there. You're just not ready to meet someone yet. It'll happen for you, take the guard down a little, be open to finding the good things in the men you meet without analysing them to see if they're boyfriend material.

I've been 'burnt' by so many guys I don't know. I had that guard down. When I had it down, I was attracting the wrong type of guys!
Like guys who got into fights, smokes, drinks, drive fast cars you know the bad boys...or else the nerdy types. Not the normal kind at all!

Deleted User wrote: »

On that list of "must not's", are there some things you are willing to go against?

Not sure. Throw something out there and see what my answer will be!?

Novella wrote: »

Sorry to single out this bit of your post, but are you for real? You wouldn't trust a guy if he was 'too good looking'? Firstly, what exactly is too good looking and secondly, eh, why not? That's such a typical Hollywood movie stereotype - the hunky guy always being a twat and nerdy guy being lovely. It's total BS. Personalities vary from person to person and looks are just not a way to determine whether someone is trust-worthy or not. Do you actually believe that?

Below par and you would run a mile? I don't even know what to say. That's so unfair. Yeah, I get that we all have things we're attracted to and stuff, and if you're not attracted to someone, okay but to categorise anyone as 'below par' is completely horrible, imho.

Oh right, I know it sounds silly. Its just the way I think like that. I do have trust issues....its stereotypical I know that nice guys are nerdy and hunky guys are dumb. Its in between is what I rather....he doesn't have to one or the other like?

starlit

sollar wrote: »

You've already mentioned 2 examples of men you'd rate highly, brad pitt and shane ward.
Can you give a couple of examples of men in the public eye who would just about meet your requirements and a couple of examples of men you would turn down.

That's a hard one. Will get back to you on that. Really need to think about it!

K-9

snuggles285 wrote: »

I don't really rate or grade a guy unlike some guys do for girls!

Seriously?

Because this thread seems to show the opposite.

Darlughda

snuggles285 wrote: »

You sure its not a wearwolf I be creating than a love potion or that might create my man dough!:pac: I'd prefer a vampire! Like twilight...

Sorry snuggles only got the werewolf spell.

But hey, they are lovely fellas. Except for that time of the month.:eek:

Feeona

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've been 'burnt' by so many guys I don't know. I had that guard down. When I had it down, I was attracting the wrong type of guys!
Like guys who got into fights, smokes, drinks, drive fast cars you know the bad boys...or else the nerdy types. Not the normal kind at all!

There's no quick and easy way to learn how to judge people accurately. Some people are just born with good judgement, but for the rest of us, we have to learn how to judge people based on our good and bad experiences.

You have to take some knocks, it's the only way you're going to learn what you want and what you don't want. Along the way, you'll gain experience of nice and not so nice people-after a while you'll be able to spot them from a mile off and you'll learn how to extricate yourself gracefully. With time, you'll automatically start deflecting the people you don't want to meet, and attracting the people you do want meet.

To be fair to snuggles, this thread seems to have descended into everyone having a go at her.

Here's one -

Side burns
Poor education/no job
Short height

As for emotional baggage - everyone has emotional baggage of some sort.

starlit

sollar wrote: »

You've already mentioned 2 examples of men you'd rate highly, brad pitt and shane ward.
Can you give a couple of examples of men in the public eye who would just about meet your requirements and a couple of examples of men you would turn down.

Guys who would meet my requirements:

Leonardo Di Caprio
James Mcavoy
Hugh Grant
Des Bishop
Ryan from Eastenders
Jack Black
Enrique Iglesias
Ray Foley
Ronan Keating
Westlife
Ray Darcy
Ryan Reynolds
Matt Damon
Mathew Perry

Guys I would turn Down:

Peter Andre
Brendan O’Connor
Robbie Williams
Gary Barlow
Billy Connolly
Mathew Broderick

beertons

Are you meeting men that are younger than you?

starlit

beertons wrote: »

Are you meeting men that are younger than you?

I'm meeting very few men younger than myself. Only unless I am out on a student night would I meet them or if its a saturday night. Friday nights no!:( One friend of mine prefers older men but she has a couple of younger male friends but they are too fond of her to go near me!

Knasher

To be honest I don't see any problem with the OP having a list of things that would rule in or out suitors, although admittedly its unusual to see it codified in such a way. Fact of the matter is that most of us have some sort of measure we judge mates against, and if something annoys you early in the relationship it's probably only going to get worse over time.

The one thing I would ask OP, is how much of that list reactive? Somebody who fit into that category and who disappointed you in some way is no reason to assume that everybody who matches that trait will do the same. In the end you are only hurting yourself with such views.

I'd imagine that there is a lot more pressure on women to settle down and what not, and I will admit that being in a relationship is something I'd like for myself. You should try to keep in mind, that isn't your goal in life; your goal is to make yourself as happy as possible and if you find somebody who helps that, then great. But making yourself miserable until you do find him is counterproductive.

Finally, and for my own selfish reasons, I'd like to ask why you class the nerdy type as the wrong type. As you may have guessed, I like to cast myself in that demographic (more geek than nerd if you know the difference) and while I'm well used to being rejected because of it, I kinda hoped at some age people would stop seeing it as a negative.

starlit

Knasher wrote: »

To be honest I don't see any problem with the OP having a list of things that would rule in or out suitors, although admittedly its unusual to see it codified in such a way. Fact of the matter is that most of us have some sort of measure we judge mates against, and if something annoys you early in the relationship it's probably only going to get worse over time.

The one thing I would ask OP, is how much of that list reactive? Somebody who fit into that category and who disappointed you in some way is no reason to assume that everybody who matches that trait will do the same. In the end you are only hurting yourself with such views.

I'd imagine that there is a lot more pressure on women to settle down and what not, and I will admit that being in a relationship is something I'd like for myself. You should try to keep in mind, that isn't your goal in life; your goal is to make yourself as happy as possible and if you find somebody who helps that, then great. But making yourself miserable until you do find him is counterproductive.

Finally, and for my own selfish reasons, I'd like to ask why you class the nerdy type as the wrong type. As you may have guessed, I like to cast myself in that demographic (more geek than nerd if you know the difference) and while I'm well used to being rejected because of it, I kinda hoped at some age people would stop seeing it as a negative.

The list I have posted is only a nutshell of my list! Its much worse and bigger list! Yet posters call my list long!? I have no problems with a guy who is brainy or intelligent but a guy who acts, speaks, dresses or behaves like a geek/nerd is a bit off putting!

sollar

now snuggles285 for the interesting bit

Name someone you would be on a par with, not someone you actually look like but someone in the public eye, tv, soaps, music world etc that you would consider yourself to be as good looking as?

Knasher

snuggles285 wrote: »

I have no problems with a guy who is brainy or intelligent but a guy who acts, speaks, dresses or behaves like a geek/nerd is a bit off putting!

Thanks for the reply. To be honest you just reiterated that you don't like geeks/nerds rather than answering my question. Perhaps it's a little bit unfair of me to ask as I guess it's off topic. In any case I doubt your answer would be representative of all women, I just tend to get a little bit defensive of the whole situation. Apologies for asking.

starlit

sollar wrote: »

now snuggles285 for the interesting bit

Name someone you would be on a par with, not someone you actually look like but someone in the public eye, tv, soaps, music world etc that you would consider yourself to be as good looking as?

Very interesting. As in a girl? Stacey or Lauren from Eastenders.

stepbar

snuggles285 wrote: »

Guys who would meet my requirements:

Leonardo Di Caprio
James Mcavoy
Hugh Grant
Des Bishop
Ryan from Eastenders
Jack Black
Enrique Iglesias
Ray Foley
Ronan Keating
Westlife
Ray Darcy
Ryan Reynolds
Matt Damon
Mathew Perry

Guys I would turn Down:

Peter Andre
Brendan O’Connor
Robbie Williams
Gary Barlow
Billy Connolly
Mathew Broderick

A joke in itself.... :rolleyes:

To answer the original question.... Maybe they are sick of the attitude of some of the "girls" in the country. Time for some to livin up and keep the nose at lower than eye level at least.

sollar

snuggles285 wrote: »

Very interesting. As in a girl? Stacey or Lauren from Eastenders.

I don't know why your having problems then they are good looking girls.

stepbar

sollar wrote: »

I don't know why your having problems then they are good looking girls.

Both are average in fairness.

solerina

From my point of view i think the decent guys all seem to have one thing in common....the need to be totally locked before they will chat anyone up, and then no matter if they are mr amazing looking they come across as mr annoying /desperate / (whatever word is appropriate)......irish men need to realise that a lot of irish women dont have long lists of what they want but maybe a short list of what they do want.....a decent guy who can hold an entertaining conversation while not totally locked (im sure the same can be said by irish men about irish women !!)

starlit

stepbar wrote: »

Both are average in fairness.

There you go I'm a pretty average looking Irish girl!

solerina wrote: »

From my point of view i think the decent guys all seem to have one thing in common....the need to be totally locked before they will chat anyone up, and then no matter if they are mr amazing looking they come across as mr annoying /desperate / (whatever word is appropriate)......irish men need to realise that a lot of irish women dont have long lists of what they want but maybe a short list of what they do want.....a decent guy who can hold an entertaining conversation while not totally locked (im sure the same can be said by irish men about irish women !!)

So true! Maybe the guy needs to pied eyed to show how decent he is!? Yup, if a guy can hold a decent conversation, intelligent, yet funny and that makes sense then ya.

Debating now whether to go out or not tomorrow night....friday...christmas...crowds...blah!?

sollar

I was getting a bit worried for you snuggles285 in case you came back with heather trott.