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Viral Facebook video speaking out about domestic violence (Read mod note in the OP)

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Comments

  • #452
    Means Of Escape
    Registered Users Posts: 1,897 ✭✭✭Means Of Escape


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Anything can be used as a weapon

    As can a tissue.


  • #453
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Means Of Escape wrote: »
    As can a tissue.

    In the wrong hands, yes.


  • #454
    Means Of Escape
    Registered Users Posts: 1,897 ✭✭✭Means Of Escape


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    In the wrong hands, yes.

    Steven Segal comes to mind


  • #455
    B0jangles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,951 ✭✭✭B0jangles


    Mightydrumming wrote: »
    Tell me about it :rolleyes:




    I do believe Pumpkin (As was earlier stated) is either a friend of the partner in question or trying to win the argument. Failing I might add!

    No, she's just really really unsympathetic to female victims of domestic violence. Check the post history, it is peculiarly informative.


  • #456
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Means Of Escape wrote: »
    Steven Segal comes to mind

    My ex wife


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  • #457
    NachoBusiness
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭NachoBusiness


    PucaMama wrote: »
    What about it? If she had him hitting her on video boards posters would still side with him

    What are you going on about?

    Been using Boards for over ten years and I don't recognize the forum you're describing, where men are never wrong and women never victims. That's an absurdity. I have seen many threads dealing with violent assaults on women over the years and they without question will get sympathy from users. The pregnant girl who was beaten in London is a recent example.


  • #458
    4friggA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30 ✭4friggA


    Candie wrote: »
    Allegations are not evidence, and this guy, although he's probably completely guilty, has not had anything approaching a fair hearing.

    You can't convict people because you feel they did it, and because they're probably bad guys.

    I didn't say they were. My point is that people are being criticised by certain posters for believing what is presented in the video. Should we all be in automatic cynic mode?

    I didn't say you could and I also didn't say he was a bad guy.


  • #459
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    PucaMama wrote: »
    What about it? If she had him hitting her on video boards posters would still side with him
    PucaMama wrote: »
    They would be rushing to show she provoked him and then edging in a men's rights slant on it

    Some certainly would, predictably and very depressingly.

    That wrong doesn't make this right though.


  • #460
    Dogowner55
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 149 ✭✭Dogowner55


    PucaMama wrote: »
    They would be rushing to show she provoked him and then edging in a men's rights slant on it

    Racists trumps mra's, black man losing his temper and cheating and being a baby daddy is such a sterotype that most would jump to her defence if there was proof.


  • #461
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    PucaMama wrote: »
    They would be rushing to show she provoked him and then edging in a men's rights slant on it

    Do you really believe that. truly ?
    And with they you mean men ?


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  • #462
    QuinDixie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 843 ✭✭✭QuinDixie


    Candie wrote: »
    I don't see how people can characterise this woman as a vindictive bitch, out for revenge. I certainly don't see how anyone can confidently claim she's as bad as he is either. A small woman throwing a phone at a large man is oceans of enormity removed from a large man punching a small woman in the face. It certainly doesn't excuse him punching her, although his affairs are no excuse for her to throw anything at him either.

    If he hurt her I hope he pays the price, but that price should be after careful examination of the case and a fair trial or hearing. There is nothing fair about exposing a crime to the wider world on facebook, nothing fair about her kids having to deal with the fallout from this when they're older, and nothing fair about trial by social media. I do understand the impluse to do it, I understand that she may not have been thinking straight, that she couldn't foresee how it would take off. But it's not the right way to handle it.

    She may have had (and I think she did) good intentions in posting that video. But by all standards of civilised society it was the wrong thing to do, as this man has been judged, found guilty, and villified, and all without even answering his accuser. He can't win, he probably shouldn't, but he should have the chance to state his case before he's publicly convicted without trial.

    A bad idea, for a multitude of reasons. I do have a lot of compassion for her though, if true, she must have gone through hell.

    People should keep their nose out of others peoples business, judging any of the 2 people involved is pointless, No one here can read minds or were witness to what happened.
    These are real people being discussed, some really uncool comments here about both parties.


  • #463
    PucaMama
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    Dogowner55 wrote: »
    Racists trumps mra's, black man losing his temper and cheating and being a baby daddy is such a sterotype that most would jump to her defence if there was proof.

    Why is him being black so important?


  • #464
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    4friggA wrote: »
    I didn't say they were. My point is that people are being criticised by certain posters for believing what is presented in the video. Should we all be in automatic cynic mode?

    I didn't say you could and I also didn't say he was a bad guy.

    I know you didn't Frigga, I just don't think anyone should be making any judgements. We have the rule of law for a reason, so victims can pursue justice and accused persons can defend themselves against accusations. Her actions make that process unworkable now, and it was wrong of her to do that.

    That's not to say that I don't feel he did it, or that I think she's vindictive or whatever. I feel desperately sorry for her, and realise she probably didn't think out the decision too clearly in the heat of the situation.

    I just think it's a very dangerous thing to stand behind a person doing, trial by media, social or otherwise, is a very dangerous thing for society.


  • #465
    B0jangles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,951 ✭✭✭B0jangles


    QuinDixie wrote: »
    People should keep their nose out of others peoples business, judging any of the 2 people involved is pointless, No one here can read minds or were witness to what happened.
    These are real people being discussed, some really uncool comments here about both parties.

    And that exactly how domestic violence goes on unchecked for year after year after year.


  • #466
    PucaMama
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Do you really believe that. truly ?
    And with they you mean men ?

    Unfortunately yes I think it's true


  • #467
    Dogowner55
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 149 ✭✭Dogowner55


    PucaMama wrote: »
    Why is him being black so important?

    It's leads to stereotypes that so many people here are so easy to believe her without proof, the stereotypes cause of his race mean people have judged him just on her video


  • #468
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    PucaMama wrote: »
    Unfortunately yes I think it's true

    Sorry to hear you think/feel that way.


  • #469
    PucaMama
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Sorry to hear you think/feel that way.

    It's just from what I've seen on and off boards


  • #470
    Beta Canis Majoris
    Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭Beta Canis Majoris


    I'll tell ya one thing, #aviciigirl is probably sleeping soundly tonight. Talk about a complete shift of social media attention, in the space of a few days.


  • #471
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    Candie wrote: »
    ...There is no way he can get a fair trial now, so she's spoiled the pot and it'll probably never get that far.
    I suspect that she is not too concerned about that: she already has her result, in that she has got out of a bad situation.

    If she has wronged him in the video (something I don't think she has done, but others here think it possible) he has recourse to the court.


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  • #472
    PucaMama
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    Dogowner55 wrote: »
    It's leads to stereotypes that so many people here are so easy to believe her without proof, the stereotypes cause of his race mean people have judged him just on her video

    Well it wasn't that stereotype that made me believe her.


  • #473
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    PucaMama wrote: »
    It's just from what I've seen on and off boards

    Sorry to hear that, my own experience tells me otherwise.


  • #474
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    I suspect that she is not too concerned about that: she already has her result, in that she has got out of a bad situation.

    If she has wronged him in the video (something I don't think she has done, but others here think it possible) he has recourse to the court.

    I don't think she wronged him either. I think he's a big guy who punched the mother of his kids in the face.

    But I also don't want a situation where crimes are alleged on social media and the public basically decides guilt or innocence on little evidence and on one side of the story. That is a disaster for victims and accused persons alike.


  • #475
    Dogowner55
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 149 ✭✭Dogowner55


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    I suspect that she is not too concerned about that: she already has her result, in that she has got out of a bad situation.

    If she has wronged him in the video (something I don't think she has done, but others here think it possible) he has recourse to the court.

    In what way has the video got her out a bad situation that the guards and court system wouldn't have


  • #476
    NachoBusiness
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭NachoBusiness


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    If you want to counter my interpretation, you need more than a piece of smart-assery.

    She left him on Friday night and spent the weekend posting that video where she knew it would be seen by as many people that knew / employed him as possible. I bet she didn't contact too many women's groups online, volunteering to talk with abused women and share her new enlightened state with them. In my view, she just wanted to make sure that black eye was seen by as many people in her circle, and his, as possible, as there is no way she would have predicted this level of attention.

    I just can't see someone having such a change of perspective on their life, to the degree were they decide to leave the father of their children after they have assaulted them, move out pf the family home and in that state start thinking about other women in abusive relationships. It just doesn't happen. Six months down the line? Fair enough, I'd tune in, but don't expect me to believe that this was the motive for a video put up online when the adrenaline from the altercation is most likely still coursing through her veins.

    Tomorrow she is on Midday on TV3 by the way. Lap it up.


  • #477
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    Dogowner55 wrote: »
    In what way has the video got her out a bad situation that the guards and court system wouldn't have
    You might ask this of people who work with victims of domestic abuse. Their experience is that many of them go back to their abuser (court cases often fail because the victim "reconciles" with the abuser and declines to give evidence).

    This woman has made a major public commitment to get on in her life without him: she has taken control of her life.


  • #478
    Dogowner55
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 149 ✭✭Dogowner55


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    You might ask this of people who work with victims of domestic abuse. Their experience is that many of them go back to their abuser (court cases often fail because the victim "reconciles" with the abuser and declines to give evidence).

    This woman has made a major public commitment to get on in her life without him: she has taken control of her life.

    The video doesn't stop her going back to the man anymore then a court case would, people will do stupid things no matter what.


  • #479
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    You might ask this of people who work with victims of domestic abuse. Their experience is that many of them go back to their abuser (court cases often fail because the victim "reconciles" with the abuser and declines to give evidence).

    This woman has made a major public commitment to get on in her life without him: she has taken control of her life.

    They have a long road ahead of them, possible investigations, court hearings, not to forget custody hearings and if married then on top of it all unfortunately a long divorce process. With the system we have and lack of good support even after the video it remains a good chance they will reconcile. I don't agree with the video posting it self BTW, but I would not wish them to reconcile either, I think we can all see without placing blame and without to much presumptions of guilt that this was clearly a toxic relationship for both of them.


  • #480
    frostyjacks
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,951 ✭✭✭frostyjacks


    PucaMama wrote: »
    Why is him being black so important?

    He could have grown up in a culture that doesn't have as much respect for women as our own. There's lots of horror stories out there about women falling in love with a fantasy, but the reality turns out to be something totally different.


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  • #481
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    NachoBusiness wrote: »
    She left him on Friday night and spent the weekend posting that video where she knew it would be seen by as many people that knew / employed him as possible. I bet she didn't contact too many women's groups online, volunteering to talk with abused women and share her new enlightened state with them. In my view, she just wanted to make sure that black eye was seen by as many people in her circle, and his, as possible, as there is no way she would have predicted this level of attention.

    I just can't see someone having such a change of perspective on their life, to the degree were they decide to leave the father of their children after they have assaulted them, move out pf the family home and in that state start thinking about other women in abusive relationships. It just doesn't happen. Six months down the line? Fair enough, I'd tune in, but don't expect me to believe that this was the motive for a video put up online when the adrenaline from the altercation is most likely still coursing through her veins.

    Tomorrow she is on Midday on TV3 by the way. Lap it up.
    The video was primarily about herself. The raising awareness component was her trying to give it some context - partly for others, but also for herself.

    In general, people hope that victims of domestic abuse get out their situations fast. The sad reality is that many don't; they remain in bad situations for a worryingly-long time. Yet you seem to think that her action seemed too precipitate.


  • #482
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,108 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    frostyjacks wrote: »
    He could have grown up in a culture that doesn't have as much respect for women as our own. There's lots of horror stories out there about women falling in love with a fantasy, but the reality turns out to be something totally different.

    That has nothing to do with a different culture, men and women do that all the time, across all cultures. Maybe we need to teach our kids to love with their heads as well as their hearts.


  • #483
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    Dogowner55 wrote: »
    The video doesn't stop her going back to the man anymore then a court case would, people will do stupid things no matter what.
    Nothing is certain, but I'd say the video means that it is less likely that they will reconcile than they might if there were a Garda investigation with the possibility of a prosecution at some distant date.

    [It's a regular phenomenon that an abusive partner makes strenuous efforts to bring about a reconciliation when there is a prospect of prosecution - a reconciliation frustrates the prosecution.]


  • #484
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    Nothing is certain, but I'd say the video means that it is less likely that they will reconcile than they might if there were a Garda investigation with the possibility of a prosecution at some distant date.

    [It's a regular phenomenon that an abusive partner makes strenuous efforts to bring about a reconciliation when there is a prospect of prosecution - a reconciliation frustrates the prosecution.]

    That last part marked in bold by me rings so true in my own experience, once in the process of investigation & prosecution the abuser is the sweetest / kindest person ever.


  • #485
    NachoBusiness
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭NachoBusiness


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    The video was primarily about herself. The raising awareness component was her trying to give it some context - partly for others, but also for herself.

    Primarily about her self my foot. She kept saying over and over again a man should never hit a woman. She slathered the video from start to finish with an awareness subtext. The truth is she needed to though, as how else could she get away with doing what she did. If it had been a: 'Look what the bastard did to me this time. Your son, your friend, your trainer, your media personality in the making, well he's not the man you all think he is, cause he's been shagging around and has got another women pregnant!" video, without all the rest of the filler... then she would just be seen as the nut who most likely asked for it. This way people see her as being selfless and thinking about other abused women even when her own life was so drastically effected.
    In general, people hope that victims of domestic abuse get out their situations fast. The sad reality is that many don't; they remain in bad situations for a worryingly-long time.

    Eh,yeah, I don't think anyone has an issue with how difficult life can be for those that suffer domestic abuse and if you think this woman is getting critiqued the way she is because people trivialize that difficultly, when then you just haven't been listening.


  • #486
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    NachoBusiness wrote: »
    ...
    Eh,yeah, I don't think anyone has an issue with how difficult life can be for those that suffer domestic abuse and if you think this woman is getting critiqued the way she is because people trivialize that difficultly, when then you just haven't been listening.
    Like you chose not to listen to my point that you seem to think that her action seemed too precipitate.


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  • #487
    PopePalpatine
    Registered Users Posts: 11,964 ✭✭✭✭PopePalpatine


    Beta Canis Majoris wrote: »
    I'll tell ya one thing, #aviciigirl is probably sleeping soundly tonight. Talk about a complete shift of social media attention, in the space of a few days.

    Wow, so edgy. :rolleyes:


  • #488
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,516 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    PucaMama wrote: »
    Why is him being black so important?

    It's important because it may be what's feeding the public response.

    The stereotypes are at play, even at a subliminal level where people are not consciously aware of how they are making judgements.

    In these cases "character" becomes as important as the deed itself, maybe more so.


  • #489
    strelok
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,162 ✭✭✭strelok


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    It's important because it may be what's feeding the public response.

    The stereotypes are at play, even at a subliminal level where people are not consciously aware of how they are making judgements.

    In these cases "character" becomes as important as the deed itself, maybe more so.


    there has been a lot of 'thug' thrown around about the man alright, a word you rarely see describing white people


  • #490
    Means Of Escape
    Registered Users Posts: 1,897 ✭✭✭Means Of Escape


    strelok wrote: »
    there has been a lot of 'thug' thrown around about the man alright, a word you rarely see describing white people

    Cruel ruffian may be more palatable.


  • #491
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,734 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    MOD NOTE
    There is no issue of race to be discussed in this case.
    Any more discussion or baiting on this will lead to a ban.

    And none of this "But Boom_Bap, the culture he grew up in blah blah blah".
    He grew up in Dublin.


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  • #492
    Dogowner55
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 149 ✭✭Dogowner55


    Boom_Bap wrote: »
    MOD NOTE
    There is no issue of race to be discussed in this case.
    Any more discussion or baiting on this will lead to a ban.

    And none of this "But Boom_Bap, the culture he grew up in blah blah blah".
    He grew up in Dublin.

    Can we also get the issue of gender not be discussed also, the gender of who made the video to incite the Internet mod is not important just that the act was wrong.

    I am disappointed that some posters are trying to make this a your a MRA when it has nothing to do with why the video is wrong thing to do.


  • #493
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    Trudiha wrote: »
    It takes quite a degree of cognitive dissonance to disbelieve someone who claims to be a victim of assault while suggesting, someone who has made no such claim, has been assaulted.

    She made both claims and I am taking both claims at face value.

    She said he gave her a black eye and she said that when they fought she hit him too.

    Im not suggesting anything, Im simply musing on what the woman herself said.


  • #494
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    NachoBusiness wrote: »
    Primarily about her self my foot. She kept saying over and over again a man should never hit a woman. She slathered the video from start to finish with an awareness subtext. The truth is she needed to though, as how else could she get away with doing what she did. If it had been a: 'Look what the bastard did to me this time. Your son, your friend, your trainer, your media personality in the making, well he's not the man you all think he is, cause he's been shagging around and has got another women pregnant!" video, without all the rest of the filler... then she would just be seen as the nut who most likely asked for it. This way people see her as being selfless and thinking about other abused women even when her own life was so drastically effected.



    Eh,yeah, I don't think anyone has an issue with how difficult life can be for those that suffer domestic abuse and if you think this woman is getting critiqued the way she is because people trivialize that difficultly, when then you just haven't been listening.


    I don't think anyone "deserves" to be physically assaulted, regardless of gender. If he didn't want his good name and reputation ruined, he should have kept his temper under control. All actions have consequences, and his seems to be having what he's done plastered all over social media.


  • #495
    Riskymove
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,899 ✭✭✭✭Riskymove


    TBH I find it very hard to understand the emotions and views expressed by people sometimes

    There seems to be more sympathy on a separate thread for a guy who set another human being on fire and has been found guilty and sentenced than for the people in this story


  • #496
    CaoimheSquee
    Registered Users Posts: 359 ✭✭CaoimheSquee


    NachoBusiness wrote: »
    then she would just be seen as the nut who most likely asked for it.

    WOAH.

    As much as I don't really agree with the publicising of the situation - especially her kids, saying she was asking for it is seriously low. No point in reading any of your posts further on the subject.

    Also she didn't spend all weekend posting the video, it was done on Monday so she probably did think long and hard about it.

    I can kind of understand why she did it; mentally trying to draw a line, proving a point to herself and that if she did an announcement so publicly then all her friends and family would see and that way she could really never go back.

    I genuinely think from watching it she was trying to be brave and do this to help her gain strength to get through all of this, maybe I am naive.

    For me however, I think it is a little selfish as it brings all her family and the kids into the whole thing too, many of whom may not have had a choice. She also probably didn't realise how many legs it would gather though.

    But, it appears to have really helped hundreds and hundreds of people who have suffered and are suffering the same, and that to me is a good thing.

    I wish them all the best.


  • #497
    Riskymove
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,899 ✭✭✭✭Riskymove


    CaoimheSquee wrote: »
    I genuinely think from watching it she was trying to be brave and do this to help her gain strength to get through all of this, maybe I am naive.

    I think most people hope this is the case

    It still remains a concern that people will seek justice or make allegations in this way. It is very hard to defend yourself.


  • #498
    QuinDixie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 843 ✭✭✭QuinDixie


    B0jangles wrote: »
    And that exactly how domestic violence goes on unchecked for year after year after year.

    judging these 2 people online is not the best way to deal with DV.
    I know some people live their lives online through social media, but using facebook and boards to judge these people is not helping the ex couple or anyone who suffers from DV.
    The simple fact is family and friends are the most important weapon against DV, not some keyboard warrior.
    Lets call this thread what it is, nosy people mad for gossip.


  • #499
    DavidRamsay99
    Registered Users Posts: 521 ✭✭✭DavidRamsay99


    As I see it this story is nobody elses business except the man and woman and the law.
    I never heard of this girl before and when the news cycle moves on I probably never will again.
    I don't know what happened between this couple and I am not going to take one side or the other.
    The social media sh*t storm involving people who don't know these people and never will and people sending death threats has to stop.
    For all we know the two of them could be bashing each other.
    Who knows?
    That's their business and the law's business and none of yours and mine.

    Thus endeth my opinion.

    Now to the people screaming and ranting about complete strangers they never knew about a week ago lay off and get a life!


  • #500
    Generic Dreadhead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,870 ✭✭✭✭Generic Dreadhead


    Dogowner55 wrote: »
    Can we also get the issue of gender not be discussed also, the gender of who made the video to incite the Internet mod is not important just that the act was wrong.

    Join Date: Jul 2015

    And you're hear to dictate how AH discusses stuff like this..... right.... :rolleyes:

    Like the mods don't have a hard enough job without trying to make all bad things that happen genderless


  • #501
    Mightydrumming
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 746 ✭✭✭Mightydrumming


    NachoBusiness wrote: »
    then she would just be seen as the nut who most likely asked for it.



    You are simply disgusting. It's becoming even more evident that you have never been involved in a domestic situation yourself.


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