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Viral Facebook video speaking out about domestic violence (Read mod note in the OP)

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    #452
    Means Of Escape
    Registered Users Posts: 1,897 ✭✭✭Means Of Escape


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Anything can be used as a weapon

    As can a tissue.


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    #453
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Means Of Escape wrote: »
    As can a tissue.

    In the wrong hands, yes.


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    #454
    Means Of Escape
    Registered Users Posts: 1,897 ✭✭✭Means Of Escape


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    In the wrong hands, yes.

    Steven Segal comes to mind


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    #455
    B0jangles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,951 ✭✭✭B0jangles


    Mightydrumming wrote: »
    Tell me about it :rolleyes:




    I do believe Pumpkin (As was earlier stated) is either a friend of the partner in question or trying to win the argument. Failing I might add!

    No, she's just really really unsympathetic to female victims of domestic violence. Check the post history, it is peculiarly informative.


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    #456
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Means Of Escape wrote: »
    Steven Segal comes to mind

    My ex wife


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    #457
    NachoBusiness
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭NachoBusiness


    PucaMama wrote: »
    What about it? If she had him hitting her on video boards posters would still side with him

    What are you going on about?

    Been using Boards for over ten years and I don't recognize the forum you're describing, where men are never wrong and women never victims. That's an absurdity. I have seen many threads dealing with violent assaults on women over the years and they without question will get sympathy from users. The pregnant girl who was beaten in London is a recent example.


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    #458
    4friggA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30 ✭4friggA


    Candie wrote: »
    Allegations are not evidence, and this guy, although he's probably completely guilty, has not had anything approaching a fair hearing.

    You can't convict people because you feel they did it, and because they're probably bad guys.

    I didn't say they were. My point is that people are being criticised by certain posters for believing what is presented in the video. Should we all be in automatic cynic mode?

    I didn't say you could and I also didn't say he was a bad guy.


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    #459
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    PucaMama wrote: »
    What about it? If she had him hitting her on video boards posters would still side with him
    PucaMama wrote: »
    They would be rushing to show she provoked him and then edging in a men's rights slant on it

    Some certainly would, predictably and very depressingly.

    That wrong doesn't make this right though.


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    #460
    Dogowner55
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 149 ✭✭Dogowner55


    PucaMama wrote: »
    They would be rushing to show she provoked him and then edging in a men's rights slant on it

    Racists trumps mra's, black man losing his temper and cheating and being a baby daddy is such a sterotype that most would jump to her defence if there was proof.


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    #461
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    PucaMama wrote: »
    They would be rushing to show she provoked him and then edging in a men's rights slant on it

    Do you really believe that. truly ?
    And with they you mean men ?


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    #462
    QuinDixie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 843 ✭✭✭QuinDixie


    Candie wrote: »
    I don't see how people can characterise this woman as a vindictive bitch, out for revenge. I certainly don't see how anyone can confidently claim she's as bad as he is either. A small woman throwing a phone at a large man is oceans of enormity removed from a large man punching a small woman in the face. It certainly doesn't excuse him punching her, although his affairs are no excuse for her to throw anything at him either.

    If he hurt her I hope he pays the price, but that price should be after careful examination of the case and a fair trial or hearing. There is nothing fair about exposing a crime to the wider world on facebook, nothing fair about her kids having to deal with the fallout from this when they're older, and nothing fair about trial by social media. I do understand the impluse to do it, I understand that she may not have been thinking straight, that she couldn't foresee how it would take off. But it's not the right way to handle it.

    She may have had (and I think she did) good intentions in posting that video. But by all standards of civilised society it was the wrong thing to do, as this man has been judged, found guilty, and villified, and all without even answering his accuser. He can't win, he probably shouldn't, but he should have the chance to state his case before he's publicly convicted without trial.

    A bad idea, for a multitude of reasons. I do have a lot of compassion for her though, if true, she must have gone through hell.

    People should keep their nose out of others peoples business, judging any of the 2 people involved is pointless, No one here can read minds or were witness to what happened.
    These are real people being discussed, some really uncool comments here about both parties.


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    #463
    PucaMama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    Dogowner55 wrote: »
    Racists trumps mra's, black man losing his temper and cheating and being a baby daddy is such a sterotype that most would jump to her defence if there was proof.

    Why is him being black so important?


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    #464
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    4friggA wrote: »
    I didn't say they were. My point is that people are being criticised by certain posters for believing what is presented in the video. Should we all be in automatic cynic mode?

    I didn't say you could and I also didn't say he was a bad guy.

    I know you didn't Frigga, I just don't think anyone should be making any judgements. We have the rule of law for a reason, so victims can pursue justice and accused persons can defend themselves against accusations. Her actions make that process unworkable now, and it was wrong of her to do that.

    That's not to say that I don't feel he did it, or that I think she's vindictive or whatever. I feel desperately sorry for her, and realise she probably didn't think out the decision too clearly in the heat of the situation.

    I just think it's a very dangerous thing to stand behind a person doing, trial by media, social or otherwise, is a very dangerous thing for society.


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    #465
    B0jangles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,951 ✭✭✭B0jangles


    QuinDixie wrote: »
    People should keep their nose out of others peoples business, judging any of the 2 people involved is pointless, No one here can read minds or were witness to what happened.
    These are real people being discussed, some really uncool comments here about both parties.

    And that exactly how domestic violence goes on unchecked for year after year after year.


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    #466
    PucaMama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Do you really believe that. truly ?
    And with they you mean men ?

    Unfortunately yes I think it's true


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    #467
    Dogowner55
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 149 ✭✭Dogowner55


    PucaMama wrote: »
    Why is him being black so important?

    It's leads to stereotypes that so many people here are so easy to believe her without proof, the stereotypes cause of his race mean people have judged him just on her video


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    #468
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    PucaMama wrote: »
    Unfortunately yes I think it's true

    Sorry to hear you think/feel that way.


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    #469
    PucaMama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Sorry to hear you think/feel that way.

    It's just from what I've seen on and off boards


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    #470
    Beta Canis Majoris
    Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭Beta Canis Majoris


    I'll tell ya one thing, #aviciigirl is probably sleeping soundly tonight. Talk about a complete shift of social media attention, in the space of a few days.


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    #471
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    Candie wrote: »
    ...There is no way he can get a fair trial now, so she's spoiled the pot and it'll probably never get that far.
    I suspect that she is not too concerned about that: she already has her result, in that she has got out of a bad situation.

    If she has wronged him in the video (something I don't think she has done, but others here think it possible) he has recourse to the court.


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    #472
    PucaMama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭PucaMama


    Dogowner55 wrote: »
    It's leads to stereotypes that so many people here are so easy to believe her without proof, the stereotypes cause of his race mean people have judged him just on her video

    Well it wasn't that stereotype that made me believe her.


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    #473
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    PucaMama wrote: »
    It's just from what I've seen on and off boards

    Sorry to hear that, my own experience tells me otherwise.


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    #474
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    I suspect that she is not too concerned about that: she already has her result, in that she has got out of a bad situation.

    If she has wronged him in the video (something I don't think she has done, but others here think it possible) he has recourse to the court.

    I don't think she wronged him either. I think he's a big guy who punched the mother of his kids in the face.

    But I also don't want a situation where crimes are alleged on social media and the public basically decides guilt or innocence on little evidence and on one side of the story. That is a disaster for victims and accused persons alike.


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    #475
    Dogowner55
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 149 ✭✭Dogowner55


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    I suspect that she is not too concerned about that: she already has her result, in that she has got out of a bad situation.

    If she has wronged him in the video (something I don't think she has done, but others here think it possible) he has recourse to the court.

    In what way has the video got her out a bad situation that the guards and court system wouldn't have


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    #476
    NachoBusiness
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭NachoBusiness


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    If you want to counter my interpretation, you need more than a piece of smart-assery.

    She left him on Friday night and spent the weekend posting that video where she knew it would be seen by as many people that knew / employed him as possible. I bet she didn't contact too many women's groups online, volunteering to talk with abused women and share her new enlightened state with them. In my view, she just wanted to make sure that black eye was seen by as many people in her circle, and his, as possible, as there is no way she would have predicted this level of attention.

    I just can't see someone having such a change of perspective on their life, to the degree were they decide to leave the father of their children after they have assaulted them, move out pf the family home and in that state start thinking about other women in abusive relationships. It just doesn't happen. Six months down the line? Fair enough, I'd tune in, but don't expect me to believe that this was the motive for a video put up online when the adrenaline from the altercation is most likely still coursing through her veins.

    Tomorrow she is on Midday on TV3 by the way. Lap it up.


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    #477
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    Dogowner55 wrote: »
    In what way has the video got her out a bad situation that the guards and court system wouldn't have
    You might ask this of people who work with victims of domestic abuse. Their experience is that many of them go back to their abuser (court cases often fail because the victim "reconciles" with the abuser and declines to give evidence).

    This woman has made a major public commitment to get on in her life without him: she has taken control of her life.


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    #478
    Dogowner55
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 149 ✭✭Dogowner55


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    You might ask this of people who work with victims of domestic abuse. Their experience is that many of them go back to their abuser (court cases often fail because the victim "reconciles" with the abuser and declines to give evidence).

    This woman has made a major public commitment to get on in her life without him: she has taken control of her life.

    The video doesn't stop her going back to the man anymore then a court case would, people will do stupid things no matter what.


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    #479
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    P. Breathnach wrote: »
    You might ask this of people who work with victims of domestic abuse. Their experience is that many of them go back to their abuser (court cases often fail because the victim "reconciles" with the abuser and declines to give evidence).

    This woman has made a major public commitment to get on in her life without him: she has taken control of her life.

    They have a long road ahead of them, possible investigations, court hearings, not to forget custody hearings and if married then on top of it all unfortunately a long divorce process. With the system we have and lack of good support even after the video it remains a good chance they will reconcile. I don't agree with the video posting it self BTW, but I would not wish them to reconcile either, I think we can all see without placing blame and without to much presumptions of guilt that this was clearly a toxic relationship for both of them.


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    #480
    frostyjacks
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,951 ✭✭✭frostyjacks


    PucaMama wrote: »
    Why is him being black so important?

    He could have grown up in a culture that doesn't have as much respect for women as our own. There's lots of horror stories out there about women falling in love with a fantasy, but the reality turns out to be something totally different.


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    #481
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    NachoBusiness wrote: »
    She left him on Friday night and spent the weekend posting that video where she knew it would be seen by as many people that knew / employed him as possible. I bet she didn't contact too many women's groups online, volunteering to talk with abused women and share her new enlightened state with them. In my view, she just wanted to make sure that black eye was seen by as many people in her circle, and his, as possible, as there is no way she would have predicted this level of attention.

    I just can't see someone having such a change of perspective on their life, to the degree were they decide to leave the father of their children after they have assaulted them, move out pf the family home and in that state start thinking about other women in abusive relationships. It just doesn't happen. Six months down the line? Fair enough, I'd tune in, but don't expect me to believe that this was the motive for a video put up online when the adrenaline from the altercation is most likely still coursing through her veins.

    Tomorrow she is on Midday on TV3 by the way. Lap it up.
    The video was primarily about herself. The raising awareness component was her trying to give it some context - partly for others, but also for herself.

    In general, people hope that victims of domestic abuse get out their situations fast. The sad reality is that many don't; they remain in bad situations for a worryingly-long time. Yet you seem to think that her action seemed too precipitate.


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