Viral Facebook video speaking out about domestic violence (Read mod note in the OP)

zeffabelli

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I would say she is quite aware that there are people exist in Irish society who would suggest she should be ashamed of herself for the way she went about highlighting the violence she was subjected to by this man. That was the whole point of her posting the video on social media, to say to women who experience domestic violence that they need to come forward and not be afraid to expose their abusers who thrive on the fact that their victims are too afraid of what other people will think of them if they speak out.





And now they're even more aware of the impact it can have on a person's mentality, even after the physical effects may no longer be evident. It's actually because of posts like yours that this woman having the courage to speak out means all that much more to some people who didn't have the courage before to speak out. It's not good enough everyone being aware that an issue exists if people aren't actually taking the issue seriously. Perhaps now due to the publicity this video has gained, more people will actually take the issue seriously rather than merely shrug their shoulders and think "sure what can ya do?".

Don't agree with you here.

Family is sacred.

This will encourage people to slime and tar with accusations left right and centre with no proof. And a moronic public will lap it up.

brooke 2

brooke 2 wrote: »

Gee! Just wonder who gave her that black eye??

Not sure anyone can answer that question here.

She claims that it was her former partner.

And none of us really know much more than that.

brooke 2

shakencat wrote: »

The guards see her injury as minor and wouldn't help her.

Quelle surprise!!

zeffabelli

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Not sure anyone can answer that question here.

She claims that it was her former partner.

And none of us really know much more than that.

The black eye could come from the impact of a fist or from the impact of a fall.

No one knows with any certainty what happened.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

zeffabelli wrote: »

People still deserve innocence before proven guilty.

What happened to proof?

No witnesses.

No evidence.

No context.

A public shaming with dire consequences for this family. A career destroyed which means less provisions for her children and a tarring and feathering of their father. With no proof or the usual protocols of the justice system.

She's opened herself up to defamation while she's at it.

Appealing to the basest in all of us.

No proof?? Have you seen her face?
I suppose there comes a time when enough is enough. How is what she done any different to someone getting mugged or their phone snatched and going online with a discription of who done it (that goggles for example! No proof of him robbing phones though there's a Facebook set up in his honour)
His career is ruined? Shoulda thought about that before he raised his hand to her. What about her career? What's she to do when she has a black eye? Call into work sick until it dies down because she should be so ashamed and try protect a man so his reputation isn't ruined?? Victim blaming at its finest

zeffabelli

LexieOnRale wrote: »

No proof?? Have you seen her face?
I suppose there comes a time when enough is enough. How is what she done any different to someone getting mugged or their phone snatched and going online with a discription of who done it (that goggles for example! No proof of him robbing phones though there's a Facebook set up in his honour)
His career is ruined? Shoulda thought about that before he raised his hand to her. What about her career? What's she to do when she has a black eye? Call into work sick until it dies down because she should be so ashamed and try protect a man so his reputation isn't ruined?? Victim blaming at its finest

Nope I have not seen her face. I have seen a representation of her face as it is in video, but I have no idea how it got there other than what she claims.

Sorry but I do firmly believe in innocence until proven beyond reasonable doubt, and this social media trial is not the way to do things.

Dogowner55

LexieOnRale wrote: »

No proof?? Have you seen her face?
I suppose there comes a time when enough is enough. How is what she done any different to someone getting mugged or their phone snatched and going online with a discription of who done it (that goggles for example! No proof of him robbing phones though there's a Facebook set up in his honour)
His career is ruined? Shoulda thought about that before he raised his hand to her. What about her career? What's she to do when she has a black eye? Call into work sick until it dies down because she should be so ashamed and try protect a man so his reputation isn't ruined?? Victim blaming at its finest

Very easy to give yourself a blackeye, the problem is she is not using the system to get justice but an internet hate mob to ruin his life.

If it was legit why would she not use the system, there is never a reason to publicly sham like this unless your case has no merit

Riskymove

zeffabelli wrote: »

The black eye could come from the impact of a fist or from the impact of a fall.

No one knows with any certainty what happened.

yeah she probably just walked into a door....sure women are always at that!!

eviltwin

Dogowner55 wrote: »

Very easy to give yourself a blackeye, the problem is she is not using the system to get justice but an internet hate mob to ruin his life.

If it was legit why would she not use the system, there is never a reason to publicly sham like this unless your case has no merit

Because the system is broken and cannot help everyone who needs it.

I don't agree with what she did, I don't think anyone should do anything they can't take back when they are in a heightened sense of emotion. However, I would imagine she did it out of desperation. The attack on her face is one thing but domestic violence is so much more than the physical assaults, its emotional and mental abuse that the worst part and I think she had just had enough of it and didn't know what else she could do.

zeffabelli

Riskymove wrote: »

yeah she probably just walked into a door....sure women are always at that!!

She may have fallen. He may have pushed her...

A fall can cause a black eye and yes so do other things like walking into insnate objects. One just does not know.

LexieOnRale

LexieOnRale wrote: »

No proof?? Have you seen her face?

Her face does not constitute "proof" at all, it is "evidence" that she suffered an injury that she alleges was inflicted by a person she identifies.

In any assault, the extent of the injuries are of themselves insufficient to prove that a wrong was done by another, and that's in both civil and criminal standards.

Riskymove

eviltwin wrote: »

The attack on her face is one thing but domestic violence is so much more than the physical assaults, its emotional and mental abuse that the worst part and I think she had just had enough of it and didn't know what else she could do.

I agree, most people are focusing on the claim that he hit her but the long term mental side of abuse is a far more insidious and debilitating method than a punch

Dogowner55

Riskymove wrote: »

I agree, most people are focusing on the claim that he hit her but the long term mental side of abuse is a far more insidious and debilitating method than a punch

But the abuse seems to have been both ways from her 98fm interview, she seems to have even started the one she made a video about to get a hatemob to go after him.

His mental state right now must be shot and he has no way to defend himself cause she didn't use the system but an internet mob

frostyjacks

Why was she happy to put up with it before? We're not getting the whole story I suspect.

eviltwin

frostyjacks wrote: »

Why was she happy to put up with it before? We're not getting the whole story I suspect.

What an ignorant comment. What do you suggest a person who is a victim of domestic violence does? Where do they go?

Gatling

frostyjacks wrote: »

Why was she happy to put up with it before? We're not getting the whole story I suspect.

It pretty common in abusive relationships

One eyed Jack

zeffabelli wrote: »

Don't agree with you here.

Family is sacred.

This will encourage people to slime and tar with accusations left right and centre with no proof. And a moronic public will lap it up.

Yes, family is sacred, which is why a man doesn't go beating the mother of his children in the first place.

I don't think at all this will encourage any more people to make up lies about their partners or ex partners than they do already, I'm well aware of people who have inflicted injuries upon themselves in order to claim they are the victim of spousal abuse, but they are very, very much in a minority in comparison to the number of women who are actual victims of domestic violence.

The moronic public will always exist, people believe what they want to believe and ignore what they want to ignore. This woman going public in the way she did, makes her that much harder to ignore. I don't feel any sympathy for the man who's life is now ruined by his own actions.

frostyjacks

eviltwin wrote: »

What an ignorant comment. What do you suggest a person who is a victim of domestic violence does? Where do they go?

The Gardai? A victim support group? Friends? Family? A woman's shelter? Posting a video on the internet about it just seems strange to me.

Dogowner55

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I don't feel any sympathy for the man who's life is now ruined by his own actions.

Why do you believe her story with no proof and pretty much authorities saying it's not correct. Why are you so quick to ruin the mans life over what could be a vindictive partner with no proof.

Do you want everything to be sorted by mod rule with no proof need?

B0jangles

Dogowner55 wrote: »

Why do you believe her story with no proof and pretty much authorities saying it's not correct. Why are you so quick to ruin the mans life over what could be a vindictive partner with no proof.

Do you want everything to be sorted by mod rule with no proof need?

His Mum thinks he did something pretty bad, not as bad as murder, nothing too wrong but..

""He did not murder anybody," she declared. "He made a mistake.
"He is a good person. He did not do anything too wrong."

Now if I had been falsely accused, my Mum would be first in line to defend me 100% and call my accuser a liar, she wouldn't be saying "well, she's not the worst in the world, she made a mistake and at least she hasn't murdered anyone."

zeffabelli

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Yes, family is sacred, which is why a man doesn't go beating the mother of his children in the first place.

I don't think at all this will encourage any more people to make up lies about their partners or ex partners than they do already, I'm well aware of people who have inflicted injuries upon themselves in order to claim they are the victim of spousal abuse, but they are very, very much in a minority in comparison to the number of women who are actual victims of domestic violence.

The moronic public will always exist, people believe what they want to believe and ignore what they want to ignore. This woman going public in the way she did, makes her that much harder to ignore. I don't feel any sympathy for the man who's life is now ruined by his own actions.

We don't know what happened. We just have a tale right now, no proof.

eviltwin

frostyjacks wrote: »

The Gardai? A victim support group? Friends? Family? A woman's shelter? Posting a video on the internet about it just seems strange to me.

Its not that easy. What can the gardai do? They can't lock him up. Friends and family might be able to give her a place to stay but forever? And what happens when he comes over to see the kids? A support group will give her support but it can't stop the abuse. A refuge will give her a place to stay for a few nights if she is lucky but its not a long term solution.

Domestic violence is a serious issue and I can't help but feel a lot of posters here are making light of it. Its in no way comparable to a random assault from a stranger. The dynamics are totally different. Most women in this country who are victims of murder are killed by a current or ex partner and that is most likely to happen after the woman has left the relationship. You can't just walk away if your abuser isn't willing to let you go.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Dogowner55 wrote: »

Very easy to give yourself a blackeye, the problem is she is not using the system to get justice but an internet hate mob to ruin his life.

If it was legit why would she not use the system, there is never a reason to publicly sham like this unless your case has no merit

Because the system does jack ****. The guards will come out, and tell you to apply to court for a protection order. That's all they ever do.

Pumpkinseeds

Dogowner55 wrote: »

Why do you believe her story with no proof and pretty much authorities saying it's not correct. Why are you so quick to ruin the mans life over what could be a vindictive partner with no proof.

Do you want everything to be sorted by mod rule with no proof need?

I really wouldn't even bother to try to reason with the lynch mob. The level of batsh*t crazy is scary,it's no wonder the guy has gone into hiding. Can I just ask all of her supporters what would happen if, for arguments sake, she was shown to be a liar? How would the posters feel if they'd contributed to the guys businesses being destroyed, or the public humiliation he and his family have been subjected to? This seems to boil down to man versus woman, a he said she said row with no actual evidence of her accusations.

Dogowner55

B0jangles wrote: »

His Mum thinks he did something pretty bad, not as bad as murder, nothing too wrong but..

""He did not murder anybody," she declared. "He made a mistake.
"He is a good person. He did not do anything too wrong."

That could be he puch back after she pushed him, to his mother that would be wrong but somewhat justified. Hitting a person in the face without provocation would be very wrong to most people.

LexieOnRale

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Because the system does jack ****. The guards will come out, and tell you to apply to court for a protection order. That's all they ever do.

And that is, of course, absolutely appropriate.

A protection order can be obtained very quickly and ex parte, whereas an assault cases can take months to build up and will almost certainly be contested (on the basis that there are usually no witness etc.)

orubiru

Mardy Bum wrote: »

Up until 1990 marital rape was legal in Ireland and up until 1995 divorce was not an option. You can imagine the amount of suffering people went through prior to these changes.

1 in 5 women in Ireland who have been in a relationship have been abused by a current or former partner. (O,Connor, M, & Kelleher Associates, Making the Links, Women's Aid, 1995).
In 2013, there were 17,855 incidents of domestic violence disclosed to the Women's Aid National Freephone Helpline. There were 11,756 incidents of emotional abuse, 3,711 incidents of physical abuse and 1,813 incidents of financial abuse disclosed. In the same year, 575 incidents of sexual abuse were disclosed to Helpline support workers including 201 rapes. The Women's Aid National Helpline responded to 11,724 calls in 2012. (Women's Aid Annual Report 2013)

Take a minute and let them stats sink in.

I think it is clear to everyone what the woman was trying to do. She was raising awareness. This is a very taboo topic and something like this blows it out of the water and if it means one person in an abusive relationship has the courage to leave its a good thing.

I don't think you will find too many people who disagree with you or who would outright dismiss your statistics. Domestic abuse/violence is a bad thing.

I do not think that it's clear at all that she was just trying to raise awareness. I don't even see how "raising awareness" is even helpful at this point when almost everyone in society knows that domestic abuse is a thing and at least 1 in 5 people have already had direct experience.

Our awareness is raised. When can we start having actual constructive conversation about the subject?

Reading your list of figures and statistics there and thinking about it, I'm sure that there is a problem but the fact is that I, and so I assume many others, have no knowledge at all regarding the mentality of the typical abuser or the typical victim. I have no idea how these particular situations develop and/or escalate.

How does it happen, how do these situations arise, what should people do to protect themselves and how should they react when something happens?

It's fine to say that there were X instances of this kind of abuse and Y instances of that kind of abuse. It's probably a lot more helpful if people are actually educated on the kind of environments and personalities that create and enable abuse. Knowing that the problem exists does not equip anyone with the skills to understand it or deal with it.

Was there a point in the relationship where the violence was an inevitability and would there be a way to identify that point and just get out before things get violent?

I assume that the guy didn't randomly decide to start punching her one day. So when people say things like "she shouldn't have stayed with a scumbag" they are wrong but they are not exactly 100% wrong. There would have been warning signs and it would have maybe helped the situation if it was easier to read the signs?

If her response to "Did you ever hit him?" is ""At times, yeah, pushing and eh yeah we would be, pushing each other and eh heavy, heavy with each other, yeah..." then it seems kind of obvious that we are dealing with a more complicated situation.

For me, it creates a question of whether or not this video was made in revenge or to be vindictive in some way.

Let's say I have an aggressive and unhealthy relationship with my partner. There's a lot of back and forth. Pushing, shoving, being "heavy with each other". Eventually I get a punch in the face. I then take action to ruin my partners career and take away their livelihood. Who is the victim here? Is it possible that both parties are playing the role of victim and abuser?

It seems like the consequence of this Facebook video is that a lot of us are now attempting to simplify a very complicated situation. Isn't that the exact opposite of raising awareness?

eviltwin

Deleted User wrote: »

And that is, of course, absolutely appropriate.

A protection order can be obtained very quickly and ex parte, whereas an assault cases can take months to build up and will almost certainly be contested (on the basis that there are usually no witness etc.)

A protection order isn't worth the paper its printed on. If anything it can just be a red rag to a bull.

B0jangles

Dogowner55 wrote: »

That could be he puch back after she pushed him, to his mother that would be wrong but somewhat justified. Hitting a person in the face without provocation would be very wrong to most people.

It could be, but no-one actually involved has said that is what happened; she has told her side of the story and posters in this thread are (very helpfully!) making up his side of the story for him.

Flippyfloppy

frostyjacks wrote: »

Why was she happy to put up with it before? We're not getting the whole story I suspect.

She was hardly happy to put up with it!!! She probably forgave him/was gas lighted into taking blame etc.


As for people asking why do the video now. I'm sure this had been said in the thread, but hells yeah, doing that video with a black eye from him would be 1 million times more effective than doing it after the fact. Let everyone see what he done to her. No pretending she walked into something.

If that video gives another woman the courage to leave an Abusive relationship well then I commend her. Also, if he does get charged, a video like that may give another woman the sense not to get into A Relationship with him, and if they do with eyes wide open.