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Living with your parents at 25.

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    #182
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    It sounds like it suits you all, so I can't see a problem with it and you are studying, which will eventually (hopefully) get you a job to stand on your own two feet.

    I can't see the problem with the situation above. No one is taking the pee by the sounds of it.

    In fairness I would say I stand on my own two feet already on quite a low income. I don't think getting a little help a couple of times a year means I'm not especially when as I said before I also do quite a bit of work around the farm at home at certain times of the year, for instance its not unknown for me to be working until 3am getting silage done after doing a days research and driving across the country to home on a friday evening.


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    #183
    HondaSami
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭HondaSami


    Felexicon wrote: »
    Getting money off your parents at the end of a month because you can't control your spending is not cool once you pass the age of 18.

    I don't get this. Some parents are happy to help their kids out, if kids can't go to their parents for help there is something wrong.
    18 is still very young nothing wrong with asking for help.


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    #184
    Steve O
    Closed Accounts Posts: 595 ✭✭✭Steve O


    Going by this thread, current and future parents are too busy **** off at the thought of throwing their kids out as soon as possible instead of teaching them the right habits to help them survive in the real world.

    This is my conclusion.

    Regards
    Prof. Steve O


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    #185
    jca
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,585 ✭✭✭jca


    Steve O wrote: »
    Going by this thread, current and future parents are too busy **** off at the thought of throwing their kids out as soon as possible instead of teaching them the right habits to help them survive in the real world.

    This is my conclusion.

    Regards
    Prof. Steve O

    I don't think 25 is "as soon as possible" as you put it. Obviously not a parent either...


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    #186
    Fighting Irish
    Registered Users Posts: 7,065 ✭✭✭Fighting Irish


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    Because you seem to have got confused with bringing in a load of unrelated stuff like marriage and kids.

    so you think there are age limits on what you should do in life?


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    #187
    Fighting Irish
    Registered Users Posts: 7,065 ✭✭✭Fighting Irish


    homemadecider wrote: »
    Single and bitter, is we?

    single and stoned


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    #188
    jca
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,585 ✭✭✭jca


    Fighting Irish wrote: »
    single and stoned

    :pac::pac:


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    #189
    Felexicon
    Registered Users Posts: 3,404 ✭✭✭Felexicon


    HondaSami wrote: »
    I don't get this. Some parents are happy to help their kids out, if kids can't go to their parents for help there is something wrong.
    18 is still very young nothing wrong with asking for help.

    Of course my parents were happy to help me out but I said no once I turned 18 as I realised it was time to grow up and cut the apron strings.
    The bank of Mam and Dad won't be there forever so you may as well get used to it as soon as possible.
    I'm not trying to hold myself up as some heroic figure. I know plenty of people who are students now and pay their own way by getting jobs


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    #190
    Madam_X
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,327 ✭✭✭Madam_X


    Felexicon wrote: »
    Of course my parents were happy to help me out but I said no once I turned 18 as I realised it was time to grow up and cut the apron strings.
    The bank of Mam and Dad won't be there forever so you may as well get used to it as soon as possible.
    I'm not trying to hold myself up as some heroic figure. I know plenty of people who are students now and pay their own way by getting jobs
    And bank loans. Well I think everyone who can, should get a part-time job while at college, but it might not be enough to live on all the time, especially for those students whose work-load and number of college hours restricts the number of hours they can work part-time. Plus throw in rent in the cases of those who have to move away to go to college.
    I would agree it's better to avoid asking for money once you start working part-time, but I don't agree that there's anything wrong with it if you're really stuck and if your parents have the money/want to help you out. I'm not talking about big pay-outs here, just a small bit of help when really needed.

    The fact that the bank of Mam and Dad won't be around forever doesn't have any bearing on this - once someone is working full-time they shouldn't take money from their parents; it's only a temporary measure. And lots of us pay our parents back once we're working full-time.

    Fair play to you, but 18 is only leaving cert/first year in college - still young enough not to be a fully fledged adult IMO.


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    #191
    joetoad
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 295 ✭✭joetoad


    Felexicon wrote: »
    Of course my parents were happy to help me out but I said no once I turned 18 as I realised it was time to grow up and cut the apron strings.
    The bank of Mam and Dad won't be there forever so you may as well get used to it as soon as possible.
    I'm not trying to hold myself up as some heroic figure. I know plenty of people who are students now and pay their own way by getting jobs

    And what difference does a couple of years make? Why do you need to get used to it as soon as possible? That's a stupid philosophy to have. Its different these days than the it was 8 years and people are forgetting about this


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    #192
    tim3000
    Registered Users Posts: 555 ✭✭✭tim3000


    I will be 25 in August two years out of college in May simply cannot afford to move out. But OP don't despair could be worse at least you still have a roof over your head. A lot of my friends are working and have no desire to move out of home and they would be older than me in some cases. It depends on circumstances.


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    #193
    Dude111
    Registered Users Posts: 1,771 ✭✭✭Dude111


    Karpops wrote:
    So basically I turned 25 this week and I am still living at home with my parents.
    Good for you my friend,nothing wrong with that!!!

    You love your parents and dont wanna think about being away..... I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!


    Peace and love to you!!


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    #194
    April O Neill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,305 ✭✭✭April O Neill


    homemadecider wrote: »
    Single and bitter, is we?

    That's quite mean. He makes a good point, lots of people do these things by a certain time point in their lives because they feel they should.


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    #195
    hoodwinked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,175 ✭✭✭hoodwinked


    Madam_X wrote: »
    And bank loans. Well I think everyone who can, should get a part-time job while at college, but it might not be enough to live on all the time, especially for those students whose work-load and number of college hours restricts the number of hours they can work part-time. Plus throw in rent in the cases of those who have to move away to go to college.
    I would agree it's better to avoid asking for money once you start working part-time, but I don't agree that there's anything wrong with it if you're really stuck and if your parents have the money/want to help you out. I'm not talking about big pay-outs here, just a small bit of help when really needed.

    The fact that the bank of Mam and Dad won't be around forever doesn't have any bearing on this - once someone is working full-time they shouldn't take money from their parents; it's only a temporary measure. And lots of us pay our parents back once we're working full-time.

    would you not consider free bed and board, free college (aka paying their fees/rent) a 'big pay out' for a parent to give an adult child? considering people here are saying they can't afford rent,

    in my cases i mentioned before both brothers were taking money while working full time (and other stuff too) since they were living at home, did they contribute some money to their mother? no they did not, too busy buying playstations/ laptops/ cars to even consider the fact they were in their 20's sponging off their parents.

    My husband while living out of home had to sub his mum money every now and then as she needed it, but he didn't mind.

    and i wholly agree with the paying (or attempting to, since most parents will say no you hang on to it) it back when you start working full time.


    Madam_X wrote: »
    Fair play to you, but 18 is only leaving cert/first year in college - still young enough not to be a fully fledged adult IMO.


    *Que loads of 18 years freaking out declaring themselves fully mature adults who stand on their own feet, while using mammy's internet and the laptop the parents bought them to do so* :pac:
    joetoad wrote: »
    And what difference does a couple of years make? Why do you need to get used to it as soon as possible? That's a stupid philosophy to have. Its different these days than the it was 8 years and people are forgetting about this


    a year can make a huge difference, in a year your whole world can change. the idea is once you feel you are an adult capable of making your own decisions, you can't fully break out of 'child' mode until you are independent of the parents...


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    #196
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    I have to admit I'm still surprised at the number of people talking about saving for a house or mortgage as though it's an inevitability


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    #197
    IzzyWizzy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭IzzyWizzy


    bluewolf wrote: »
    I have to admit I'm still surprised at the number of people talking about saving for a house or mortgage as though it's an inevitability

    What's the alternative, though? Rent for years and years and then become homeless when you can no longer work? I'm definitely not and never was on the 'you HAVE to buy a house before you're 30' bandwagon, but as I get older, it's something I'm worrying about more and more.

    Renting is precarious in Ireland and the UK. You get a year-long lease and can pretty much get kicked out with little notice. I had to move out of my last place because the landlord was selling it. If you rent unfurnished, you have to buy your own furniture which you then have to move from place to place at great expense. If you rent furnished places, it's like living in a hotel - you can never relax because you're paranoid about ruining something. Bring kids into the mix and it's even more complicated. I don't want my kids making friends with the kids next door and then having to move because the landlord says so, time and time again. If we had a system like the one in Belgium or Germany, where you can rent for a long time (up to 9 years, I think) and paint the walls and pretty much make the place your own, it would be different, but we don't.

    People have to live somewhere and I think it's crazy that owning your own home is now considered some sort of extravagance.


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    #198
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Felexicon wrote: »
    Of course my parents were happy to help me out but I said no once I turned 18 as I realised it was time to grow up and cut the apron strings.

    I find that a bit silly really, making life much more difficult for yourself for some false sense of superiority in your own head.
    bluewolf wrote: »
    I have to admit I'm still surprised at the number of people talking about saving for a house or mortgage as though it's an inevitability

    Well in reality it is and rightly so, most people (myself included) are not happy renting any longer than they have to. I certainly hate throwing money away on rent, I'd much rather be saving towards my own place or paying of a mortgage but have no choice but to rent at the moment.


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    #199
    joetoad
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 295 ✭✭joetoad


    hoodwinked wrote: »
    a year can make a huge difference, in a year your whole world can change. the idea is once you feel you are an adult capable of making your own decisions, you can't fully break out of 'child' mode until you are independent of the parents...

    Its all in your head, 'child mode'? Are you a psychologist? What are you talking about. I lived at home till I was 22, Parents helped me out a lot with college, particularly in the final year. I finished college and then got a job and moved out and now am on a very good salary at 26. What the hell are you talking about child mode and all that bull crap? My parents helped me out through college instead of me busting me hole working through college. Now I treat my parents to a nice holiday every year. Was I a child at 18 or something?

    I'm currently renting but going to move back in with parents soon as I want to save for a mortgage. Is that childish in your eyes?


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    #200
    IzzyWizzy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭IzzyWizzy


    joetoad wrote: »
    Its all in your head, 'child mode'? Are you a psychologist? What are you talking about. I lived at home till I was 22, Parents helped me out a lot with college, particularly in the final year. I finished college and then got a job and moved out and now am on a very good salary at 26. What the hell are you talking about child mode and all that bull crap? My parents helped me out through college instead of me busting me hole working through college. Now I treat my parents to a nice holiday every year. Was I a child at 18 or something?

    I'm currently renting but going to move back in with parents soon as I want to save for a mortgage. Is that childish in your eyes?

    I don't think it's that hard to understand what he meant. It IS hard to break out of 'child mode' when you live at home, as in you have that parent-child dynamic going on. You have to ring your parents if you won't be home for dinner, you have your parents asking where you're going/when you'll be back, you don't have real adult responsibilities like rent and bills to worry about. There's nothing wrong with people living at home through college but there's no way in hell it's anything like living away and supporting yourself.

    I wouldn't say it was 'childish' to move back in to save for a mortgage, but it is definitely depending on your parents and using their money and resources to support yourself, so not a million miles away from 'child mode', is it? You're not an independent adult if you're doing that. No need to get defensive about it. I might well consider moving back in for a year or two if my parents lived in a place that had jobs, but I wouldn't be kidding myself that I was an independent, self-supporting adult.


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    #201
    The Gibzilla
    Registered Users Posts: 494 ✭✭The Gibzilla


    IzzyWizzy wrote: »

    Renting is precarious in Ireland and the UK. You get a year-long lease and can pretty much get kicked out with little notice.

    Though I agree with some of the points made in your post I think the above point is a little misleading. Tenants have a long list of rights and I'm always surprised at the amount of tenants who don't know them. Threshold.ie and Citizen's Information are very useful to educate yourself on your rights if you're renting, thinking of renting or are having any hassle with your landlord.
    In my experience some landlord's try get away with murder when it comes to asking a tenant to move out, depending on the duration you've been renting you're supposed to be given plenty of notice.


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    #202
    joetoad
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 295 ✭✭joetoad


    IzzyWizzy wrote: »
    I don't think it's that hard to understand what he meant. It IS hard to break out of 'child mode' when you live at home, as in you have that parent-child dynamic going on. You have to ring your parents if you won't be home for dinner, you have your parents asking where you're going/when you'll be back, you don't have real adult responsibilities like rent and bills to worry about. There's nothing wrong with people living at home through college but there's no way in hell it's anything like living away and supporting yourself.

    I wouldn't say it was 'childish' to move back in to save for a mortgage, but it is definitely depending on your parents and using their money and resources to support yourself, so not a million miles away from 'child mode', is it? You're not an independent adult if you're doing that. No need to get defensive about it. I might well consider moving back in for a year or two if my parents lived in a place that had jobs, but I wouldn't be kidding myself that I was an independent, self-supporting adult.

    Why would you have to ring your parents telling them what time you would be home at? Thats what a microwave is for. That would be child mode.I would be paying a third of every bill and weekly shopping that come into house so would be paying my way. I plan on saving 300 euro a week for a year to get the deposit. Not exactly child mode now is it.


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    #203
    IzzyWizzy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭IzzyWizzy


    The Gibzilla wrote: »
    Though I agree with some of the points made in your post I think the above point is a little misleading. Tenants have a long list of rights and I'm always surprised at the amount of tenants who don't know them. Threshold.ie and Citizen's Information are very useful to educate yourself on your rights if you're renting, thinking of renting or are having any hassle with your landlord.
    In my experience some landlord's try get away with murder when it comes to asking a tenant to move out, depending on the duration you've been renting you're supposed to be given plenty of notice.

    No, they don't really. If you sign a year-long lease, the landlord is under no obligation to extend it past the end of the agreed lease period. Or am I wrong? What do you consider 'plenty of notice'?


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    #204
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    joetoad wrote: »
    Why would you have to ring your parents telling them what time you would be home at? Thats what a microwave is for. That would be child mode.I would be paying a third of every bill and weekly shopping that come into house so would be paying my way. I plan on saving 300 euro a week for a year to get the deposit. Not exactly child mode now is it.


    I lived at home for 5 months before I moved here to Spain and had to "check in" with my parents and I was 29 at the time. Many parents ask for that. I was told, "Under our roof, it's our rules".


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    #205
    IzzyWizzy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭IzzyWizzy


    joetoad wrote: »
    Why would you have to ring your parents telling them what time you would be home at? Thats what a microwave is for. That would be child mode.I would be paying a third of every bill and weekly shopping that come into house so would be paying my way. I plan on saving 300 euro a week for a year to get the deposit. Not exactly child mode now is it.

    You're just not getting it, are you? I was giving an example, that's all. Do you really think you can behave in the same way in your parents house as in your own house?

    I just don't believe there's any way that living at home can be compared to being self-sufficient. Sure, you can 'pay your way' but you always have your parents to fall back on. If you're really paying your way, then why do you need to move back in with them at all? Paying for some of the bills and groceries is hardly being independent. What about all the other stuff? What if an unexpected expense came up and you were unable to hand up money for a few weeks? Would your parents refuse to feed you? Cut off the electricity to your room? No, didn't think so. While you're depending on your parents to any extent, you're not an independent adult. Just because you don't like how it sounds doesn't make it any less true. My dad gave me £40 a month during my Masters to make up my living costs not covered by my scholarship, savings and 2 part-time jobs. I didn't delude myself into thinking I was independent. I'd been living away from home for over 7 years by then and was paying for almost everything on my own, but I still needed that bit of help while I completed that course. If you're relying on someone else to subsidise you, you're not independent. It's not that hard to get.


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    #206
    The Gibzilla
    Registered Users Posts: 494 ✭✭The Gibzilla


    IzzyWizzy wrote: »
    No, they don't really. If you sign a year-long lease, the landlord is under no obligation to extend it past the end of the agreed lease period. Or am I wrong? What do you consider 'plenty of notice'?

    6 months to 1 year renting is around 6 weeks notice (not 100%) though obviously if you're acting the maggot and wrecking the house they can have you out within a week.
    The length of notice relates to the duration of renting so 2 years could mean 2 months notice.
    With regards to the length of the lease, as far as I'm aware there's an act whereby if you're renting for over 6 months and you wish to stay longer you can write to your landlord and notify him of your intentions. A lease isn't required in some circumstances either, I think that's called a periodic tenancy. Though that act is, like most rights when renting, based on circumstances.


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    #207
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    bluewolf wrote: »
    I have to admit I'm still surprised at the number of people talking about saving for a house or mortgage as though it's an inevitability


    What's great about renting is the freedom to move, not having to pay for maintenance of the house/flat and also the opportunity to live in prime locations. I live slap bang in the centre of Madrid and my salary is pretty measly. I could never do this if I bought. If I can avoid getting a mortgage for the rest of my life, I will.


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    #208
    IzzyWizzy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭IzzyWizzy


    The Gibzilla wrote: »
    6 months to 1 year renting is around 6 weeks notice (not 100%) though obviously if you're acting the maggot and wrecking the house they can have you out within a week.
    The length of notice relates to the duration of renting so 2 years could mean 2 months notice.
    With regards to the length of the lease, as far as I'm aware there's an act whereby if you're renting for over 6 months and you wish to stay longer you can write to your landlord and notify him of your intentions. A lease isn't required in some circumstances either, I think that's called a periodic tenancy. Though that act is, like most rights when renting, based on circumstances.

    Exactly. That's hardly any notice at all. Even 2 months is nothing for someone with kids in a local school or whatever. Hardly fair to your kids to move house in the middle of their Leaving Cert or uproot them to another area. This is exactly why I think so many people just want to buy. Renting is really, really insecure.


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    #209
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    IzzyWizzy wrote: »
    I don't think it's that hard to understand what he meant. It IS hard to break out of 'child mode' when you live at home, as in you have that parent-child dynamic going on. You have to ring your parents if you won't be home for dinner, you have your parents asking where you're going/when you'll be back, you don't have real adult responsibilities like rent and bills to worry about. There's nothing wrong with people living at home through college but there's no way in hell it's anything like living away and supporting yourself.

    Not aiming it at you in particular but why do people think its such good thing to be faced with "real adult responsibilities" is it not good if you can put these of for a while longer if you have the opportunity, wont people spend enough of their lives having to deal with them. As I said I'd love to able to live at home and not be forking out loads of money in rent, I'd have no problem giving toward bills and food though.

    I also don't think the parent-child dynamic being mentioned makes the slightest bit of difference, its a non issue. My parents never hassled me about where I was going or when I'd be back and that sort of stuff, they might ring to find out if I needed dinner or that sort of thing or to pick something up from the shop but why there is anything wrong with this I don't know.

    How is it any different to living with a husband/wife/partner where you would need to let them know where you were going/when you would be home if you wanted dinner etc.
    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    If I can avoid getting a mortgage for the rest of my life, I will.

    The thought of never owning my own place is a horrible one I have to say.


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    #210
    The Gibzilla
    Registered Users Posts: 494 ✭✭The Gibzilla


    IzzyWizzy wrote: »
    Exactly. That's hardly any notice at all. Even 2 months is nothing for someone with kids in a local school or whatever. Hardly fair to your kids to move house in the middle of their Leaving Cert or uproot them to another area. This is exactly why I think so many people just want to buy. Renting is really, really insecure.

    I'd completely agree with you that it's unfair to a tenant's children who've settled in the area but in context of this thread, if someone's 25+ and renting for the first time (assuming they don't have kids) then I wouldn't consider the notice to be too short.


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    #211
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 25,611 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    hoodwinked wrote: »
    would you not consider free bed and board, free college (aka paying their fees/rent) a 'big pay out' for a parent to give an adult child? considering people here are saying they can't afford rent,

    I like how you count the free bed and board separate from the free rent :pac:
    I'm a bit over 18 and living with my parents. What I hand up would rent me a room in a house share in the town I live in but I'd suddenly be spending my ~€20 per week disposable income on bills and literally would have nothing else to spend. I commute to college and combined what I hand up and spend on commuting would get me a room in Dublin if I could save the 6-700 quid deposit necessary but instead I value my sanity. :pac:
    My parents are better off financially with me around as well as having someone to do electronics for them when needed and a bit of heavy lifting and house maintenance that people their age can find hard to do. Don't worry though, I'll more than like be out in just over a year when I can afford it and they can clean their own damn gutters. :pac:


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