Living with your parents at 25.

Jo King

Jo King wrote: »

A person is a child until they move out no matter what age.

I've seen some nonsense posts on boards and this is up there with the worst of them.

IrishExpat

Maybe if you're Italian ...

Messing aside, I'm not far off 25 myself, and though I was out on my own two feet from 19-24 (recently), I came back home for a short time in order to do a few courses.

I'm actually leaving again this week (Friday), back to Spain - and I think a minor drive in that was 'not' being at home past the 25 yr mark. There was no pressure from family or anything, but I just couldn't justify staying at that age.

Now that's just me.

I know full well anything can happen with mortgages, marriage/relationship troubles - and you can find yourself back at home.

hoodwinked

Ariella Colossal Rainfall wrote: »

I've seen some nonsense posts on boards and this is up there with the worst of them.

how so?


so many people fall into the parent/child trap when around their parents is it that hard to believe children living with their parents will adopt that role as a natural one?

every relationship is different, there are children who can tell their parents where to go, and there are those that will do what they are told,


i find men tend to be more susceptible to staying at home especially when they are molly coddled by the parents.


take my husband and his two brothers

the eldest: lived at home until 28ish when he finally decided to move in with his long term girlfriend, nevermind they were practically married before they lived together, he used still come home to give mammy his washing or to give out to mammy for not washing the suit he left in his wardrobe at home. (yes IN his old room and she was supposed to guess he needed it) and to drink their milk/eat their food....etc he is now working in an area totally irrelevant to his degree after being unemployed for over a year and is about to get into huge debt building a house. is happy lounging around playing playstation.


the middle (my husband): Moved out at 20 years of age, got his degree, got his job in the area he studied, got married had a child, is now renting and living comfortably, never went home for anything as he never needed to, stands on his own two feet.


the youngest: is 22ish still living at home no plans to leave, struggled to get work experience for college, never worked a day in his life other than work experience, barely passes exams, has no money so lives off his parents/uncle (the uncle throws him money whenever he see's him) its so bad he gets mammy to give him breakfast in bed in the mornings and daddy to collect him from nights in town boozing with his friends. he too is happy lounging around playing playstation.

My husband fully admits he probably have gone the same way if he stayed at home, but being out doing the little things like knowing if you don't pay your bills means you have no electricity, or not paying rent means your homeless...these are what teach you to grow up and accept responsibility. You don't learn that when things are handed to you quite literally on a plate.

he learned other little things like working a washing machine, how to fold clothes properly, look after yourself to the full extent... things mammy would have done at home.

you can grow old without growing up.

Karpops

PhlegmyMoses wrote: »

You can dress it up whatever way you like and use people like Simon Cowell - just read up on him there, rich bloke whose dad was an executive at EMI music and got him his in in the record industry - as some form of validation for your position.

I already stipulated that there will be outliers to that generalisation, there always are, but when I look at real-life examples of people I've come into contact with who live at home in their 30s, there are very few who I'd look at and say "They've done well for themselves."

Do what makes you happy, I suppose, but it's not unfair to say that moving out of home is a step that all adults should take. Obviously circumstances dictate that some people can't, and this understandable, but I know that I wouldn't be overly happy with my lot in life if was taking a date back to my mam's box-room because I lived there by choice.

Hang on, I don't live there by choice. I've lived away from home before and with a lack of full-time work I simply could not afford to sustain that lifestyle once the recession hit. I'm at home because I went back to do an MA, which is costing me thousands of euro and I can't afford fees, deposits, rent, bills, food AND everything else.

Secondly, I'm not in my 30's. I'm in my 20's and still a student. I'm not sure why you feel you need to compare me to a 30 year old who have yet to do well for themselves. So an MA isn't the beginning of doing well for yourself?

hoodwinked

Karpops wrote: »

Hang on, I don't live there by choice. I've lived away from home before and with a lack of full-time work I simply could not afford to sustain that lifestyle once the recession hit. I'm at home because I went back to do an MA, which is costing me thousands of euro and I can't afford fees, deposits, rent, bills, food AND everything else.

Secondly, I'm not in my 30's. I'm in my 20's and still a student. I'm not sure why you feel you need to compare me to a 30 year old who have yet to do well for themselves. So an MA isn't the beginning of doing well for yourself?

Living at home all your life and having to move back temporarily are two totally different things,

what you are doing is using the responsibility you learned when out on your own to make a very tough choice, giving up that freedom to better yourself educationally.

you should be proud of yourself!

Karpops

hoodwinked wrote: »

how so?


so many people fall into the parent/child trap when around their parents is it that hard to believe children living with their parents will adopt that role as a natural one?

every relationship is different, there are children who can tell their parents where to go, and there are those that will do what they are told,


i find men tend to be more susceptible to staying at home especially when they are molly coddled by the parents.


take my husband and his two brothers

the eldest: lived at home until 28ish when he finally decided to move in with his long term girlfriend, nevermind they were practically married before they lived together, he used still come home to give mammy his washing or to give out to mammy for not washing the suit he left in his wardrobe at home. (yes IN his old room and she was supposed to guess he needed it) and to drink their milk/eat their food....etc he is now working in an area totally irrelevant to his degree after being unemployed for over a year and is about to get into huge debt building a house. is happy lounging around playing playstation.


the middle (my husband): Moved out at 20 years of age, got his degree, got his job in the area he studied, got married had a child, is now renting and living comfortably, never went home for anything as he never needed to, stands on his own two feet.


the youngest: is 22ish still living at home no plans to leave, struggled to get work experience for college, never worked a day in his life other than work experience, barely passes exams, has no money so lives off his parents/uncle (the uncle throws him money whenever he see's him) its so bad he gets mammy to give him breakfast in bed in the mornings and daddy to collect him from nights in town boozing with his friends. he too is happy lounging around playing playstation.

My husband fully admits he probably have gone the same way if he stayed at home, but being out doing the little things like knowing if you don't pay your bills means you have no electricity, or not paying rent means your homeless...these are what teach you to grow up and accept responsibility.

he learned other little things like working a washing machine, how to fold clothes properly, look after yourself to the full extent... things mammy would have done at home.

you can grow old without growing up.

That's my exact problem. I spent two years after my degree looking for full-time work and all I could get was Christmas/seasonal/temping/unpaid internships or part-time retail. Nothing else whatsoever. Nothing even remotely related to my degree. Hence the need for the postgrad. I'm working in retail atm which is completely irrelevant to my own degree but judging by your post, I'm supposed to take that as a sign of failure. My only other options are sponge off the dole or have my folks support me. Which aren't even options at all in my book.

hoodwinked

Karpops wrote: »

That's my exact problem. I spent two years after my degree looking for full-time work and all I could get was Christmas/seasonal/temping/unpaid internships or part-time retail. Nothing else whatsoever. Nothing even remotely related to my degree. Hence the need for the postgrad. I'm working in retail atm which is completely irrelevant to my own degree but judging by your post, I'm supposed to take that as a sign of failure. My only other options are sponge off the dole or have my folks support me. Which aren't even options at all in my book.

the difference is you are trying to educate yourself in an area that will get you employment you say you don't want your folks to support you, when he was unemployed he lived off the dole and sponged off his parents. In the end his dad got a friend to give him a job in an unrelated field.



My point is there are those with no choice, but should be proud that they tried to get out of home once, just because you have to move back doesn't mean you failed...

a failure is someone like my long post above who never tried.

hoodwinked

hoodwinked wrote: »

how so.........

You just happen to be referring to two fairly extreme situations. Plenty of people live at home and have good jobs but it just isn't worth their while moving out if they are living near where they work etc. I have a number of friends around my age (28) in this situation. They are building their own houses now and will move out when they are ready but had no reason to move out sooner just for the sake of it.

I moved out at 24 but I would more than likely be living at home if I was close enough to work again as I couldn't really see the point in wasting money on rent when I have a perfectly good room at home. Also living at home doesn't mean you cant cook or operate a washing machine and living away doesn't necessarily mean you can. I brought washing home all the time initially when I lived away now I do most of it myself as I'm not home every weekend due to being busier but I still bring stuff home when I do and usually it gets done for me... a hanging offence it would appear judging by some posts here.

I also know people who are renting for years and cannot cook anything bar a frozen pizza. You cant just generalise like you are above. Some people have to move out, some people want to move out but some people are happy living at home until they get a bit older and maybe look at buying or building their own place.

hoodwinked

Ariella Colossal Rainfall wrote: »

I moved out at 24 but I would more than likely be living at home if I was close enough to work again as I couldn't really see the point in wasting money on rent when I have a perfectly good room at home. Also living at home doesn't mean you cant cook or operate a washing machine and living away doesn't necessarily mean you can. I brought washing home all the time initially when I lived away now I do most of it myself as I'm not home every weekend due to being busier but I still bring stuff home when I do and usually it gets done for me... a hanging offence it would appear judging by some posts here.

I also know people who are renting for years and cannot cook anything bar a frozen pizza. You cant just generalise like you are above. Some people have to move out, some people want to move out but some people are happy living at home until they get a bit older and maybe look at buying or building their own place.

its not a hanging offense but treating a parent like your slave having them do your washing..etc is not standing on your own two feet, something being independent teaches you. What would you do if who ever does your washing wasn't around anymore? if your answer is "id do it myself" then why aren't you all the time now?

doesn't mean its a hanging offense :P its just lazyness. a child-like trait imo.

even those who cannot cook a frozen people survive without mammy's cooking and thats standing on your own two feet, something which is invaluable to learn. you don't have to be gordon ramsey but as long as you aren't dying of starvation or running to mammy i'd consider that a life lesson learned.

suicide_circus

As it says in the bible, 24 - out the door!

jca

hoodwinked wrote: »

how so?


so many people fall into the parent/child trap when around their parents is it that hard to believe children living with their parents will adopt that role as a natural one?

every relationship is different, there are children who can tell their parents where to go, and there are those that will do what they are told,


i find men tend to be more susceptible to staying at home especially when they are molly coddled by the parents.


take my husband and his two brothers

the eldest: lived at home until 28ish when he finally decided to move in with his long term girlfriend, nevermind they were practically married before they lived together, he used still come home to give mammy his washing or to give out to mammy for not washing the suit he left in his wardrobe at home. (yes IN his old room and she was supposed to guess he needed it) and to drink their milk/eat their food....etc he is now working in an area totally irrelevant to his degree after being unemployed for over a year and is about to get into huge debt building a house. is happy lounging around playing playstation.


the middle (my husband): Moved out at 20 years of age, got his degree, got his job in the area he studied, got married had a child, is now renting and living comfortably, never went home for anything as he never needed to, stands on his own two feet.


the youngest: is 22ish still living at home no plans to leave, struggled to get work experience for college, never worked a day in his life other than work experience, barely passes exams, has no money so lives off his parents/uncle (the uncle throws him money whenever he see's him) its so bad he gets mammy to give him breakfast in bed in the mornings and daddy to collect him from nights in town boozing with his friends. he too is happy lounging around playing playstation.

My husband fully admits he probably have gone the same way if he stayed at home, but being out doing the little things like knowing if you don't pay your bills means you have no electricity, or not paying rent means your homeless...these are what teach you to grow up and accept responsibility. You don't learn that when things are handed to you quite literally on a plate.

he learned other little things like working a washing machine, how to fold clothes properly, look after yourself to the full extent... things mammy would have done at home.

you can grow old without growing up.

Brilliant post, You can grow old without growing up, very true indeed.

hoodwinked

hoodwinked wrote: »

its not a hanging offense but treating a parent like your slave having them do your washing..etc is not standing on your own two feet, something being independent teaches you. What would you do if who ever does your washing wasn't around anymore? if your answer is "id do it myself" then why aren't you all the time now?

doesn't mean its a hanging offense :P its just lazyness. a child-like trait imo.

I did say I do it most of the time now, if I'm going home for the weekend I bring home whatever needs doing and sometimes I throw it in the washing machine, others its done unknown to me along with other washing before I have a chance and sometimes I'm busy helping on the farm etc so it is done for me.

I don't see why people have such an issue when parents help out with this sort of thing from time to time.

Just as a matter of interest if a person was living at home and working and always arriving home later then their parents would you expect the parents to just leave them out when preparing dinner and expect them to cook their own when they get in?

hoodwinked

Ariella Colossal Rainfall wrote: »

Just as a matter of interest if a person was living at home and working and always arriving home later then their parents would you expect the parents to just leave them out when preparing dinner and expect them to cook their own when they get in?

Yes, simply because:

if a person was living in a shared house and working and always arriving home later then their housemates would you expect the housemates to just leave them out when preparing dinner and expect them to cook their own when they get in?

if you replace the word Parent with housemate you should see my point of view,



once you hit 18 thats ideally when the relationship should change as you accept more responsibility. Parents will be parents all your life,there for love and support when you need it, but their parenting duties should end once you are an adult who makes your own decisions.

Babooshka

suicide_circus wrote: »

As it says in the bible, 24 - out the door!

Isn't that Bingo?

VinLieger

27 and still living at home due to not having a stable enough income to afford to move out, the second i get a full time 9-5 job that i know will last im outta here but for now im stuck in limbo as are alot of other people i know.
I do as much to help out cook clean wash etc as my form of rent but still feel ashamed that im still living with my parents.
Its not a choice and its aggravating when people call you lazy mollycoddled etc without giving a seconds thought to the reality of the situation.

hoodwinked

hoodwinked wrote: »

Yes, simply because:

if a person was living in a shared house and working and always arriving home later then their housemates would you expect the housemates to just leave them out when preparing dinner and expect them to cook their own when they get in?

if you replace the word Parent with housemate you should see my point of view,



once you hit 18 thats ideally when the relationship should change as you accept more responsibility. Parents will be parents all your life,there for love and support when you need it, but their parenting duties should end once you are an adult who makes your own decisions.

I would never expect a house mate to prepare dinner for me, house sharing you do your own thing. But these are your parents not normal house mates. On occasion the person could prepare a breakfast or dinner for their parents too in the situation but to have the opinion they should not cook an extra bit of meat and bit of veg is frankly pathetic. I don't know what sort of poor relationship people have with their parents if they would expect them to leave them out when preparing a meal.

Sharing with a sibling, living with parents or living with a partner is totally different to living with strangers (even if you have gotten to know them).

hoodwinked

Ariella Colossal Rainfall wrote: »

I would never expect a house mate to prepare dinner for me, house sharing you do your own thing. But these are your parents not normal house mates. On occasion the person could prepare a breakfast or dinner for their parents too in the situation but to have the opinion they should not cook an extra bit of meat and bit of veg is frankly pathetic. I don't know what sort of poor relationship people have with their parents if they would expect them to leave them out when preparing a meal.

Sharing with a sibling, living with parents or living with a partner is totally different to living with strangers (even if you have gotten to know them).

so am i right when i say you do believe its ok for a parent sibling or partner to do things for you, that you wouldn't ask someone you houseshare with?

if that is the case would you not agree then that someone in a houseshare is more independent and self sufficient then someone being looked after by a parent (or someone still living at home, having never moved out?)


in fact wouldn't you be agreeing now with the quote Jo King made

A person is a child until they move out no matter what age.

since their parents do things for them that a housemate or other adult wouldn't?

Miss Lockhart

hoodwinked wrote: »

so am i right when i say you do believe its ok for a parent sibling or partner to do things for you, that you wouldn't ask someone you houseshare with?

if that is the case would you not agree then that someone in a houseshare is more independent and self sufficient then someone being looked after by a parent (or someone still living at home, having never moved out?)

I don't think this argument holds much weight.
Most mature people I know sharing with friends (rather than strangers) share cooking duties and if one tends to work late the others include them in the pot so they're not cooking late when they get home. That is repaid in kind at other times or in other ways. The only housemates I know who live completely separately and independently of each other are either strangers, immature teens obsessed with labelling everything in the fridge, or those who have so little in common as to render shared meals impossible.

hoodwinked

hoodwinked wrote: »

so am i right when i say you do believe its ok for a parent sibling or partner to do things for you, that you wouldn't ask someone you houseshare with?

if that is the case would you not agree then that someone in a houseshare is more independent and self sufficient then someone being looked after by a parent (or someone still living at home, having never moved out?)


in fact wouldn't you be agreeing now with the quote Jo King made



since their parents do things for them that a housemate or other adult wouldn't?

I would expect a parent, sibling or partner to do things that I would not expect of someone in a houseshare but I would also expect them to ask things of me that I wouldn't expect to be asked in a houseshare. For instance I would expect that at least some of the time things would work the other way around also and the person would prepare dinner for the parents, sibling or partner etc.

Also in the houseshares I'm in/have been in everyone looks after every aspect of their own thing. i.e. prepares food, cooks food, cleans and washes up whereas in the above I would expect shared duties. Say a parent normally cooks dinner due to being home earlier or whatever I would expect the wash up/dishwasher loading and general clean up etc to be done by someone else.

hoodwinked

Ariella Colossal Rainfall wrote: »

I would expect a parent, sibling or partner to do things that I would not expect of someone in a houseshare but I would also expect them to ask things of me that I wouldn't expect to be asked in a houseshare. For instance I would expect that at least some of the time things would work the other way around also and the person would prepare dinner for the parents, sibling or partner etc.

Also in the houseshares I'm in/have been in everyone looks after every aspect of their own thing. i.e. prepares food, cooks food, cleans and washes up whereas in the above I would expect shared duties. Say a parent normally cooks dinner due to being home earlier or whatever I would expect the wash up/dishwasher loading and general clean up etc to be done by someone else.

i don't get it.

you are saying its totally different in a house share where the independent adult would be self sufficient as opposed to that at home you are effectively behaving like a child would aka cleaning up after the dinner is cooked for you...

is that not like saying

A person is a child until they move out no matter what age.

the same post you said was nonsense? considering to be self sufficient or independent you need to be not living with people who will do these basic parent-esq things for you?

books4sale

jca wrote: »

Brilliant post, You can grow old without growing up, very true indeed.

Men are just a bigger version of children ..... at least that's what my other half tells me. Has nothing to do with where you live.

Most people I know who are old and 'grew up' are seriously boring feckers.

hoodwinked

hoodwinked wrote: »

i don't get it.

you are saying its totally different in a house share where the independent adult would be self sufficient as opposed to that at home you are effectively behaving like a child would aka cleaning up after the dinner is cooked for you...

is that not like saying



the same post you said was nonsense? considering to be self sufficient or independant you need to be not living with people who will do these basic things for you?

No its not what I'm saying. Cleaning up after dinner is cooked is sharing duties not behaving like a child.

If I was living at home and regularly home before other people I would have no issue with being the person to get dinner going. Personally I would not like this sort of setup in a houseshare unless I was very good friends with the people and Ive only every houseshared with strangers. But its totally different when its family.

I find the whole mentality very strange. Why is it such a bad thing to maintain a close relationship with parents. I would think most people would find what I'm suggesting as the norm and what your suggesting as a very strange situation between parents and a son/daughter. I must tell this to my parents they will get a good laugh out of it anyway.

Carson10

Move out when ever suits you or when you feel you need to, not just cos every1 thinks you should.

Iam 28 and happily live at home and dont have a clue when il move out. I could afford to rent my own place, but iam not just going to do that just for the sake of saying i dont live@home.

Its the same mentality that has every1 in massive debt cos they were brainwashed into buying homes they couldnt afford in the last few years even when they didnt have a family/married etc.

2007, oh john doesnt live at home and has his own house.

2013 John is bankrupt, still young, had to move back home, house repossed. Worse off than ever!

Irish rule book = must be in a relationship by 25, move out soon after. married with kids by 30. age 31 realise you dont love ur chubby wife anymore and you didnt make the most of your late youth, Sit in and never go out anymore. BORING.....

mY Rule book = kiss my ass, live for now, do what i want, not just people think i should conform to a certain life pattern.

Karpops

Carson10 wrote: »

Move out when ever suits you or when you feel you need to, not just cos every1 thinks you should.

Iam 28 and happily live at home and dont have a clue when il move out. I could afford to rent my own place, but iam not just going to do that just for the sake of saying i dont live@home.

Its the same mentality that has every1 in massive debt cos they were brainwashed into buying homes they couldnt afford in the last few years even when they didnt have a family/married etc.

2007, oh john doesnt live at home and has his own house.

2013 John is bankrupt, still young, had to move back home, house repossed. Worse off than ever!

Irish rule book = must be in a relationship by 25, move out soon after. married with kids by 30. age 31 realise you dont love ur chubby wife anymore and you didnt make the most of your late youth, Sit in and never go out anymore. BORING.....

mY Rule book = kiss my ass, live for now, do what i want, not just people think i should conform to a certain life pattern.

That made me laugh so much poor john!

Daveysil15

Carson10 wrote: »

Move out when ever suits you or when you feel you need to, not just cos every1 thinks you should.

Iam 28 and happily live at home and dont have a clue when il move out.I could afford to rent my own place, but iam not just going to do that just for the sake of saying i dont [EMAIL="live@home."]live@home.[/EMAIL]

Yeah I don't live at home, so now I'm a better person and more independent. A load of crap. Some people see it as a huge stigma to be still living at home. As you say, move out when it suits you. No point in moving out just for the sake of it.

books4sale

Carson10 wrote: »

you dont love ur chubby wife anymore.

That's a pity

jackbrad

Make the most of it before you have a huge mortgage, kids under your feet etc, .....I would give anything to have my washing and ironing done, dinner made for me :-)

jca

Carson10 wrote: »

Move out when ever suits you or when you feel you need to, not just cos every1 thinks you should.

Iam 28 and happily live at home and dont have a clue when il move out. I could afford to rent my own place, but iam not just going to do that just for the sake of saying i dont live@home.

Its the same mentality that has every1 in massive debt cos they were brainwashed into buying homes they couldnt afford in the last few years even when they didnt have a family/married etc.

2007, oh john doesnt live at home and has his own house.

2013 John is bankrupt, still young, had to move back home, house repossed. Worse off than ever!

Irish rule book = must be in a relationship by 25, move out soon after. married with kids by 30. age 31 realise you dont love ur chubby wife anymore and you didnt make the most of your late youth, Sit in and never go out anymore. BORING.....

mY Rule book = kiss my ass, live for now, do what i want, not just people think i should conform to a certain life pattern.

Why don't you try living for now using your own place as a base? Oh and try growing up a bit too, it wouldn't go astray.

The Gibzilla

jca wrote: »

Oh and try growing up a bit too, it wouldn't go astray.

That's it, grow up and have an opinion like yours and those who oppose shall be concentrated into camps...by the way your 'tache looks like Chaplin's.

Steve O

Carson10 wrote: »

Move out when ever suits you or when you feel you need to, not just cos every1 thinks you should.

Iam 28 and happily live at home and dont have a clue when il move out. I could afford to rent my own place, but iam not just going to do that just for the sake of saying i dont live@home.

Its the same mentality that has every1 in massive debt cos they were brainwashed into buying homes they couldnt afford in the last few years even when they didnt have a family/married etc.

2007, oh john doesnt live at home and has his own house.

2013 John is bankrupt, still young, had to move back home, house repossed. Worse off than ever!

Irish rule book = must be in a relationship by 25, move out soon after. married with kids by 30. age 31 realise you dont love ur chubby wife anymore and you didnt make the most of your late youth, Sit in and never go out anymore. BORING.....

mY Rule book = kiss my ass, live for now, do what i want, not just people think i should conform to a certain life pattern.

John is a ledgegod.