Living with your parents at 25.

desertcircus

In a world where large chunks of the employment market are limited to people with degrees, it's farcical to talk about 18 as the default age for people to move out. If you want to work as a solicitor in a specialised field, you'll need a law degree. You'll also need to be able to explain and defend more or less every result you get in college to potential employers. Is someone who lives at home till 22 to avoid having to get a part-time job that damages their study time really a failure as an adult compared to someone who works twenty hours a week to live on campus and then misses out on a job in their preferred field thanks to their results?

Talking about this as though there's a hard and fast rule, or even as though people live at home for the same reasons, is ridiculous. I was living at home when I turned thirty, because my mother couldn't afford the mortgage on her own and needed financial breathing room so she could eventually sell the place without having to take the first offer. If you think that makes me pathetic or sad, I can live with that.

Legs.Eleven

Ariella Colossal Rainfall wrote: »

The thought of never owning my own place is a horrible one I have to say.

I'm never going to be a big earner (I'm guessing you will be with a PhD), so if I bought, it'd be in some horrible new development in the outskirts of some city. I'd rather chop my legs off then ever live somewhere like that.

Lombardo86

This thread should just be shut... To each their own. There is no right or wrong, only what everybody thinks, in their own eyes, is right and wrong. Everybody is going to have different circumstances and will just have to adjust.

My situation was i moved out at 25. Worked through college and was supported by my parents in the final year.. not given handouts but things like monthly commuter tickets and free board etc. I was not given money to socialise, i worked hard to save that in third year for the rare nights i would go out in final year.

I got a job straight from college as did a lot of people who moved up to Dublin after college.. i lived at home because i was from Dublin and enjoying the money i was earning (while contributing at home and helping out) as a graduate. People couldnt believe i was at home but sure these people had been out on their own since college.. i wasnt. why would i pay for rent in dublin at 19 when i have a house i could stay in?

I went on holidays all over the world for the 3-4 years i was living at home as a professional while people who were out on their own were going to london for the week etc. Nothing wrong with that,, i just sacrificed my ownplace to go further afield.

My own points..

- You can be an adult at home. I agree with what a lot of people have said like when you live at home and won't be home, you check in, its respect. You also pay your way, chip in etc. It's almost like a roommate arrangement rather than the parent / child relationship (although don't push that side of it)

- You can be a child out of home. Sure you might have your own place, just dont eat pot noodles and rice cakes all day either.

- You can also be a child at home and an adult outside.

Does anybody give a ****. I certainly dont

homemadecider

I don't see how living at home with your parents could be compared to the freedom you have living in your own place.

I rent with my OH. I can make scrambled eggs in the nip, dance in the living room at 2am, have friends over for late night movies, have full access to the kitchen whenever I want it... none of these things are remotely the same when you're still under your parents roof. Unless you're from a nudist, party loving, non-cooking family perhaps.

Legs.Eleven

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I'm never going to be a big earner (I'm guessing you will be with a PhD), so if I bought, it'd be in some horrible new development in the outskirts of some city. I'd rather chop my legs off then ever live somewhere like that.

I wouldn't be against buying in a modern estate at all outside a city myself to be honest that or build at my home place (if I can get work near there). As appealing as buying city center would be I probably wouldn't buy there as my main residence anyway, just not enough space and freedom for the money. Time will tell I suppose.

Legs.Eleven

Lombardo86 wrote: »

This thread should just be shut... To each their own. There is no right or wrong, only what everybody thinks, in their own eyes, is right and wrong. Everybody is going to have different circumstances and will just have to adjust.

My situation was i moved out at 25. Worked through college and was supported by my parents in the final year.. not given handouts but things like monthly commuter tickets and free board etc. I was not given money to socialise, i worked hard to save that in third year for the rare nights i would go out in final year.

I got a job straight from college as did a lot of people who moved up to Dublin after college.. i lived at home because i was from Dublin and enjoying the money i was earning (while contributing at home and helping out) as a graduate. People couldnt believe i was at home but sure these people had been out on their own since college.. i wasnt. why would i pay for rent in dublin at 19 when i have a house i could stay in?

I went on holidays all over the world for the 3-4 years i was living at home as a professional while people who were out on their own were going to london for the week etc. Nothing wrong with that,, i just sacrificed my ownplace to go further afield.

My own points..

- You can be an adult at home. I agree with what a lot of people have said like when you live at home and won't be home, you check in, its respect. You also pay your way, chip in etc. It's almost like a roommate arrangement rather than the parent / child relationship (although don't push that side of it)

- You can be a child out of home. Sure you might have your own place, just dont eat pot noodles and rice cakes all day either.

- You can also be a child at home and an adult outside.

Does anybody give a ****. I certainly dont

If we all agreed to disagree in AH, it'd be Thumbleweed City, Arizona population: you.

Lombardo86

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

If we all agreed to disagree in AH, it'd be Thumbleweed City, Arizona population: you.

I really should have double checked what forum this was.. point taken!

IzzyWizzy

homemadecider wrote: »

I don't see how living at home with your parents could be compared to the freedom you have living in your own place.

I rent with my OH. I can make scrambled eggs in the nip, dance in the living room at 2am, have friends over for late night movies, have full access to the kitchen whenever I want it... none of these things are remotely the same when you're still under your parents roof. Unless you're from a nudist, party loving, non-cooking family perhaps.

Exactly. You can essentially do whatever you want when you're in your own place or renting with a partner. People might think it's the same living at home but unless your parents are exceptionally liberal, it just isn't. My parents are quite laidback and I feel stifled when I visit. I've been on my own since I was 18, I'm used to having complete freedom. My parents only know what I want them to know. My relationship, social life, financial position etc are none of their business at all. I don't see how you can ever have that living at home.

IzzyWizzy

Ariella Colossal Rainfall wrote: »

Not aiming it at you in particular but why do people think its such good thing to be faced with "real adult responsibilities" is it not good if you can put these of for a while longer if you have the opportunity, wont people spend enough of their lives having to deal with them. As I said I'd love to able to live at home and not be forking out loads of money in rent, I'd have no problem giving toward bills and food though.

It's just a bit childish. I think when you get into your twenties, it's time to start acting like an adult and being independent. I don't have an issue with people who don't fancy that, I have an issue with people who live at home, depend on their parents and then claim they're self-sufficient.

I also don't think the parent-child dynamic being mentioned makes the slightest bit of difference, its a non issue. My parents never hassled me about where I was going or when I'd be back and that sort of stuff, they might ring to find out if I needed dinner or that sort of thing or to pick something up from the shop but why there is anything wrong with this I don't know.

How is it any different to living with a husband/wife/partner where you would need to let them know where you were going/when you would be home if you wanted dinner etc.



The thought of never owning my own place is a horrible one I have to say.

It's just not the same. You can't do what you want in your parents' house, you just can't.

ProudDUB

The Gibzilla wrote: »

Tenants have a long list of rights and I'm always surprised at the amount of tenants who don't know them. Threshold.ie and Citizen's Information are very useful to educate yourself on your rights if you're renting, thinking of renting or are having any hassle with your landlord.
In my experience some landlord's try get away with murder when it comes to asking a tenant to move out, depending on the duration you've been renting you're supposed to be given plenty of notice.

A landlord can ask you to move out/and or not renew your lease agreement, if he wants the property back to renovate, to give to another family member to live in, or to sell. (All of which are perfectly easy to lie about and fake really.) The amount of notice he has to give you depends on how long you have lived there. It ranges from 28 days for someone who has been there less than a year, to 3 months if you have been there for four years plus. Even if you are lucky and are at the 3 month end of the spectrum, it is still bloody hard to find somewhere that will suit you if you have a spouse, jobs that you have to commute to, kids that are in school, family members that may be dependent on you or vice versa & all the other things that people take into consideration when they are choosing a place to live.

It can be a nightmarish scenario that can be made even worse if you get your marching orders in December when businesses/landlords shut down for Xmas/New Year, or August/September when all the good rental properties have already been taken by students. (That happened to a friend of mine last year.) A land lord can basically totally turn your life upside down at the drop of a hat. Threshold and the citizens.ie can't do a damm thing for you in any real practical sense. They are advisory bodies only. They have no legal powers. Even if they did, they still couldn't do anything for you as the landlord is acting perfectly within his legal rights to give you the heave ho if he wants to. Until this changes, people here are always going to want the security of having their own home that no one can turf them out of, and I can't say I blame them really.

joetoad

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

It's just a bit childish. I think when you get into your twenties, it's time to start acting like an adult and being independent. I don't have an issue with people who don't fancy that, I have an issue with people who live at home, depend on their parents and then claim they're self-sufficient.



It's just not the same. You can't do what you want in your parents' house, you just can't.

Depends on the parents, my parents didn't mind people coming over for a few pre-drinks before we hit the town or if I brought a young one back.

homemadecider

joetoad wrote: »

Depends on the parents, my parents didn't mind people coming over for a few pre-drinks before we hit the town or if I brought a young one back.

Would they be ok with it if you decided to shag your ladyfriend on the kitchen table, in front of the fire, on the stairs? If not, then no it is not the same.

Miss Lockhart

homemadecider wrote: »

Would they be ok with it if you decided to shag your ladyfriend on the kitchen table, in front of the fire, on the stairs? If not, then no it is not the same.

I doubt housemates in a house share would be too happy with such activities either. Again, another argument that just doesn't hold much weight.

IzzyWizzy

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

It's just not the same. You can't do what you want in your parents' house, you just can't.

Actually having your own place is one thing but a lot of people who move out are moving into a house share, I cant afford to rent or buy my own place at the moment and have been living in the same house share for the last 4 years and I love getting home for a weekend and throwing myself on the armchair at home I just feel much more comfortable. My house is also a very nice place and you get used to the comforts very fast even when home for a few days.

Its easier argue over whats on tv, if someone hasn't cleaned up after themselves etc and I can come in drunk or have friends stay over before/after nights out or have parties in the house no problem at all. I cant say I ever had the desire to walk around naked but I'd walk around home in just my boxers often and never do that in my house share.

The one thing obvious freedom you lack somewhat at home is bringing back "someone". Now my parents don't mind my gf sleeping in my room when they know her etc but obviously earlier stages of the relationship would be different.

Fighting Irish

:rolleyes:

Lombardo86 wrote: »

This thread should just be shut... To each their own. There is no right or wrong, only what everybody thinks, in their own eyes, is right and wrong. Everybody is going to have different circumstances and will just have to adjust.

My situation was i moved out at 25. Worked through college and was supported by my parents in the final year.. not given handouts but things like monthly commuter tickets and free board etc. I was not given money to socialise, i worked hard to save that in third year for the rare nights i would go out in final year.

I got a job straight from college as did a lot of people who moved up to Dublin after college.. i lived at home because i was from Dublin and enjoying the money i was earning (while contributing at home and helping out) as a graduate. People couldnt believe i was at home but sure these people had been out on their own since college.. i wasnt. why would i pay for rent in dublin at 19 when i have a house i could stay in?

I went on holidays all over the world for the 3-4 years i was living at home as a professional while people who were out on their own were going to london for the week etc. Nothing wrong with that,, i just sacrificed my ownplace to go further afield.

My own points..

- You can be an adult at home. I agree with what a lot of people have said like when you live at home and won't be home, you check in, its respect. You also pay your way, chip in etc. It's almost like a roommate arrangement rather than the parent / child relationship (although don't push that side of it)

- You can be a child out of home. Sure you might have your own place, just dont eat pot noodles and rice cakes all day either.

- You can also be a child at home and an adult outside.

Does anybody give a ****. I certainly dont

Jamsiek

Ariella Colossal Rainfall wrote: »

The thought of never owning my own place is a horrible one I have to say.

Its each to their own really, I would hate to be stuck with a mortgage for life. I enjoy the freedom of being able to move about and live in new places, I have a low boredom threshold. If I win the lotto I might buy a place though :-)

Jamsiek

Jamsiek wrote: »

Its each to their own really, I would hate to be stuck with a mortgage for life. I enjoy the freedom of being able to move about and live in new places, I have a low boredom threshold. If I win the lotto I might buy a place though :-)

Yes of course everyone has their preference and its each to their own but I'm the exact opposite to you, I hate moving around and I like being in familiar surroundings. I've lived in three different places home (Galway), London for one year and now Cork for a few years and the thought of having to start over again and settle in even somewhere else within Ireland is painful.

Living back home in Galway is always going to be my ultimate plan and if I can get work back there buying or building would be almost guaranteed. I dont mind living in Cork either at the moment but another move to a new place, no thanks.

coffee_cake

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

What's the alternative, though? Rent for years and years and then become homeless when you can no longer work? I'm definitely not and never was on the 'you HAVE to buy a house before you're 30' bandwagon, but as I get older, it's something I'm worrying about more and more.

Renting is precarious in Ireland and the UK. You get a year-long lease

We're on a longer lease. The landlord likes us, it's a good rate, and a long term type of set up. No, it might not be so affordable on a pension, but then she wouldn't need such a big place anyway.
It's not surprising that the majority of leases might be shorter - I got a month notice before when I was renting with housemates but he said he'd wait as long as it took - when a lot of it is viewed as being for young people or students "before they buy a house". If more people are interested in longer term renting later in life, and make it clear before signing a lease that a longer notice period is required for kids etc, a market for it might develop like they have elsewhere.

I don't mind, I'll be off again by the end of the year hopefully and who knows where I will end up. I'd hate to be tied down any time soon.
I also didn't call it or imply it was an extravagance - I just said I'm surprised how common it is still. Probably because it's so opposite to my own inclinations.
Maybe I've just been lucky with landlords?

IzzyWizzy

bluewolf wrote: »

Pretty sure my mum has signed a 5 year lease. The landlord likes us, it's a good rate, and a long term type of set up. No, it might not be so affordable on a pension, but then she wouldn't need such a big place anyway.
It's not surprising that the majority of leases might be shorter - I got a month notice before when I was renting with housemates but he said he'd wait as long as it took - when a lot of it is viewed as being for young people or students "before they buy a house". If more people are interested in longer term renting later in life, and make it clear before signing a lease that a longer notice period is required for kids etc, a market for it might develop like they have elsewhere.

I don't mind, I'll be off again by the end of the year hopefully and who knows where I will end up. I'd hate to be tied down any time soon.
I also didn't call it or imply it was an extravagance - I just said I'm surprised how common it is still. Probably because it's so opposite to my own inclinations.
Maybe I've just been lucky with landlords?

I'd be the same as you - short term renting has suited me so far. I move country about once a year, so I haven't wanted anything longer term. The issue is when you want to have a family or even stay in one place forever/for a long time. I'm only 27 but I've started working from home, so I'll need a place with an office with furniture, a nice comfortable place to live etc. It wouldn't be just somewhere to sleep, the way it used to be. It'd be really annoying to rent a place and furnish it nicely, get used to the area and then be kicked out with a few month's notice. I still don't understand single people like Alison O'Riordan buying one-bed apartments but if you want to stay in one place and have a family, I think buying is the logical step.

Crasp

Karpops wrote: »

Actually I did live with another couple, I rented a room in their apartment when I was in college.

Also, I have three younger siblings at home who are all also in college. All of us make a part time wage, nowhere near enough for deposits/rent/bills. My parents privacy is not dependant on me.

It's them.

It's parents' privacy.

Daveysil15

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Exactly. You can essentially do whatever you want when you're in your own place or renting with a partner. People might think it's the same living at home but unless your parents are exceptionally liberal, it just isn't. My parents are quite laidback and I feel stifled when I visit. I've been on my own since I was 18, I'm used to having complete freedom. My parents only know what I want them to know. My relationship, social life, financial position etc are none of their business at all. I don't see how you can ever have that living at home.

Of course you can. I'm at home and my parents know nothing about my financial postion, relationship etc. I went out with a girl for a while that they didn't know about. Although she had her own place, which was different I suppose. I don't need to tell them where I'm going or when I'll be back either. Unless your parents are very noisy, you can still keep these things to yourself.

hoodwinked

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Of course you can. I'm at home and my parents know nothing about my financial postion, relationship etc. I went out with a girl for a while that they didn't know about. Although she had her own place, which was different I suppose. I don't need to tell them where I'm going or when I'll be back either. Unless your parents are very noisy, you can still keep these things to yourself.

and if she didn't? either her parents or yours would have known...

Daveysil15

hoodwinked wrote: »

and if she didn't? either her parents or yours would have known...

Not necessarily, there's always the backseat of the car. Plus her parents were in Poland so that wouldn't have been a problem.

Jamsiek

Ariella Colossal Rainfall wrote: »

Yes of course everyone has their preference and its each to their own but I'm the exact opposite to you, I hate moving around and I like being in familiar surroundings. I've lived in three different places home (Galway), London for one year and now Cork for a few years and the thought of having to start over again and settle in even somewhere else within Ireland is painful.

Living back home in Galway is always going to be my ultimate plan and if I can get work back there buying or building would be almost guaranteed. I dont mind living in Cork either at the moment but another move to a new place, no thanks.

I'm from Galway too, north east of the county, moved back home from England after being made redundant.
I stayed at home for a few months until I found work in Canada.
It was nice at home with the parents and my friends for a few months but I was starting to lose my mind after a while.
I'm glad I did it as I learned something about myself then.

Legs.Eleven

How do you ride in your parents' house? Genuinely. How is it done?

I spent a week at home in my parents' house last week with de fella and twas torture riding. Not pleasurable one bit trying to keep the noise down. Simple stuff like this. How do you court as an adult living at home? I don't want to have sex in a car or a ditch or a park bench. Whaddyado?

Edit: I'm talking about proper riding. Not namby pamby stuff. Proper animalistic adult riding. Can't be done living at home. At least not in my parents home. The forbidden fruit element has lost its sheen about 12 years ago for me.

joetoad

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

How do you ride in your parents' house? Genuinely. How is it done?

I spent a week at home in my parents' house last week with de fella and twas torture riding. Not pleasurable one bit trying to keep the noise down. Simple stuff like this. How do you court as an adult living at home? I don't want to have sex in a car or a ditch or a park bench. Whaddyado?

Edit: I'm talking about proper riding. Not namby pamby stuff. Proper animalistic adult riding. Can't be done living at home. At least not in my parents home. The forbidden fruit element has lost its sheen about 12 years ago for me.

You don't use the bed as it makes the most noise, you do it on the floor with a towel or something underneath ya. Then Roger away but try not to scream. Bit of music also helps.

April O Neill

Crasp wrote: »

It's parents' privacy.

Isn't grammar Nazism banned on this forum?

LizT

April O Neill wrote: »

Isn't grammar Nazism banned on this forum?

Mod

So is backseat modding, in future just report the post please.

Barnsleyfc

Big Bottom wrote: »

People who live at home with parent over 21 should receive much less welfare if the parents earn over 60K combined.

FYI such a rule already exists in the form of age discrimination and means-testing for SW for under 25s regardless of where they live but keep playing to stereotypes if it makes you happy.

johnwest288

What if I told you,

One of my mates still lives at home at 37 ?

In fairness he is unemployed but in my humble opinion I advised him to get Rental Allowance. Which he keeps making BS excuses about. In my opinion he never moved out and is just plain afraid too! I was once too but after i took the plunge i loved having my life to myself:cool: