Those little tips and tricks that make life that little bit easier.

TanG411 · 21-01-2012 2:31am

Don't follow Viz advice.

Chuck Stone · 21-01-2012 2:35am

Wear a garlic necklace to fend off vampires when you're not staying off the moors at night after being advised to by unfriendly English people in a pub... or something.

thisiswar · 21-01-2012 2:40am

Don't masturbate everyday, only do it once a week.

Quality over quantity

Super-Rush · 21-01-2012 2:44am

Never drink milk from a cow with cancer.

TheUsual · 21-01-2012 2:55am

If everyone says that life is unfair, then in turn, it's unfair to everyone, thus it becomes fair.

Hande hoche! · 21-01-2012 3:06am

TheUsual wrote: »

If everyone says that life is unfair, then in turn, it's unfair to everyone, thus it becomes fair.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o941QdmPFM0

stupidusername · 21-01-2012 3:09am

Don't **** on your own doorstep.

I'm not entirely sure what this means but literally or figuratively it it seems like it has to be good advice.

mikom · 21-01-2012 3:09am

Tired of laying out money for haircuts

Have you considered chemotherapy?

cofy · 21-01-2012 3:14am

If you need to be awake for a certain time in the morning - let's say 7am, hit your head off your pillow 7 times, for some reason it works, I don't know why but it does.

nice_very · 21-01-2012 3:14am

when you are drunk onboards.ie, go to bed beforewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwA\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\A

Hande hoche! · 21-01-2012 3:16am

Or hit the Cuckoo's nest

Sindri · 21-01-2012 3:17am

When it says inflammable

Don't take that as a challenge.

G0D · 21-01-2012 3:37am

Ziplock bags for EVERYTHING EVER MADE

eyesquirm · 21-01-2012 3:38am

Hande hoche! wrote: »

Or hit the Cuckoo's nest

Can't. I'm banned from there. Permanently.

fedor.2. · 21-01-2012 7:20am

Wear sunscreen

celj · 21-01-2012 9:33am

Recreate the thrill off the Pamplona bull run by dropping a euro in Guineys.

Cheddar and mini cheddar make tasty replacements for lost spirograph drawing wheels.

Justify drinking alone by surfing facebook.Hey Presto!You're now a social drinker!

Mixing gin with tomato ketchup makes an acceptable emergency bloody Mary.

Fool people into thinking you used to have a tail by cutting a large hole in the seat of your trousers.

Convince your downstairs neighbours that you have an expensive subwoofer by stomping on the floor in time to the music you're listening to.

Save space in your freezer by storing frozen peas in the holes of potato waffles.

Motorists.Save a fortune on expensive repair bills by simply turning up your radio full blast whenever your engine makes a funny noise.
(copyright Viz 2011)

Plazaman · 21-01-2012 9:51am

^^^^

Foil pick pockets by placing a freshly toasted "Pop Tart" in each pocket. Would-be thieves will quickly rupture the fragile pastry and receive nasty finger burns from the steaming hot jam inside.

Don't buy expensive "ribbed" condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

Fool passers by into thinking you keep a bird of prey by walking down the street wearing a leather gauntlet, waving a piece of raw meat in your hand and constantly looking up into the sky.

Ghost Buster · 21-01-2012 10:08am

When you hit my age never waste a horn

RichT · 21-01-2012 10:19am

Don't eat yellow snow!

lau1247 · 21-01-2012 11:13am

thisiswar wrote: »

Don't masturbate everyday, only do it once a week.

Quality over quantity

what do you need the quality for?? passing QA/QC inspection or storing for later?? or worst, after taste??

old_aussie · 21-01-2012 11:16am

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Another one I do, being a bit forgetful, is leave something by the front door if you don't want to forget it the next day.

Works for me also.

KTRIC · 21-01-2012 11:37am

Never rub another mans rhubarb

celj · 21-01-2012 12:41pm

Ghost Buster wrote: »

When you hit my age never waste a horn

True indeed.

celj · 21-01-2012 1:51pm

fedor.2. wrote: »

Wear sunscreen

Good song!

boomkatalog · 21-01-2012 1:55pm

Don't waste time showering, just spray yourself with more lynx.

B1tches love lynx.

woodoo · 21-01-2012 2:22pm

Anything you can do the night before work do it. Ironing, making your lunch etc. Makes getting up in the morning easier.

Before work if you live in a safe place go out and start your car engine and turn the heat up full then go back in and eat your breakfast. You will then get in to a nice warm car for the drive to work during winter.

Straighten all clothes when they come out of the washing machine or tumble dryer. Saves time on the misery of ironing.

celj · 21-01-2012 2:22pm

boomkatalog wrote: »

Don't waste time showering, just spray yourself with more lynx.

B1tches love lynx.

Shower In a can!Can't beat it!

CamperMan · 21-01-2012 2:29pm

piss away from the wind

ygolometsipe · 21-01-2012 2:33pm

if you slowly rub a wet match, it will light!

this could save you life someday / if you smoke it could end it (advise with caution)!

celj · 21-01-2012 5:54pm

ygolometsipe wrote: »

if you slowly rub a wet match, it will light!

this could save you life someday / if you smoke it could end it (advise with caution)!

Always have 2 lighters!Better advice!

Teyla Emmagan · 21-01-2012 6:03pm

boomkatalog wrote: »

Don't waste time showering, just spray yourself with more lynx.

B1tches love lynx.

There is in fact few things bitches like less then a man who hasn't bothered to shower and has instead just doused himself in yet more lynx.

There is at least one on the bus every morning when I'm going to work. Generally a college student wearing grey tracksuit pants with an unfortunate skin irritation between their legs that they are trying to scratch by cleverly concealing their crotch with their folder.

Revolting.

bonzodog2 · 21-01-2012 6:05pm

If you are a little absent-minded, and are one of those strange people who iron clothes, turn off your phone before you start.

celj · 21-01-2012 8:54pm

The smell of lynx turns my stomach.
There seems to be 100 different types of lynx and they all smell the same!

pebbles21 · 21-01-2012 9:04pm

Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time!;)

mattjack · 21-01-2012 9:24pm

When dressing a newborn baby, stretch the clothes ,not the baby.
Social services did not like that one , at all.

muracan · 21-01-2012 9:31pm

If you can smell fish don't assume it is fish!:o

21-01-2012 9:35pm

Olympic athletes; Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.

Weight watchers; Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place, you fat bastard.

Ladies; An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

mattjack · 21-01-2012 9:37pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Olympic athletes; Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by running a bit slower.

Weight watchers; Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place, you fat bastard.

[I]Ladies; An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

[/I]

I nearly pissed myself laughing at this

kumate_champ07 · 21-01-2012 9:57pm

Pin_Cushion wrote: »

If you find yourself in this unfortunate scenario, simply rip up the little brown tube that is left over from the toilet roll into diamond shaped poop-wipes. Use sparingly though, supply is limited.

use a sock, turn it inside out after use

Littlehorny · 21-01-2012 10:26pm

if you notice someone choking on a piece of ice, simply pour a kettle of boiling water down their throat to clear the blockage.

bleg · 21-01-2012 10:26pm

Go to the lifehacking forum.

/thread

mattjack · 21-01-2012 10:30pm

Littlehorny wrote: »

if you notice someone choking on a piece of ice, simply pour a kettle of boiling water down their throat to clear the blockage.

I'm looking forward to trying that.

jockeyboard · 21-01-2012 10:56pm

fool houseguests into thinking your nails grow extramly fast by cutting up a pingpong ball into tiny strips and leaving a small pile of them in the bathroom every morning:cool:

21-01-2012 11:14pm

Always have an extra stash of cigarette papers

EASYNEWS · 21-01-2012 11:14pm

Paparazzo wrote: »

Put a box of tea bags into your hot water tank. You'll have instant tea on tap for a month

LOL:):):)

efb · 21-01-2012 11:16pm

grindr

Johro · 21-01-2012 11:28pm

Don't have a ciggie dangling from your mouth while you're refilling your lighter.
(learned this in my smoking days. No eyebrows for a while)

Johro · 21-01-2012 11:31pm

If someone rubs chewing gum in your hair, peanut butter will loosen it.
Or scissors.:D
To stab them with.

21-01-2012 11:36pm

If you spill something on your white clothes, circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

cml387 · 21-01-2012 11:36pm

If you are having a party in your house,make everyone swallow a numbered counter and note their name on a list.

Then if someone is sick,you'll know who's responsible.

On a related note, men should always keep a copy of the "Mama Mia" dvd in their bathroom should an emetic be required in an emergency.

Those little tips and tricks that make life that little bit easier.

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