Those little tips and tricks that make life that little bit easier.

Chuck Stone

Fighting Irish wrote: »

A high precentage of people on boards are the same, try way to hard to be funny, i personally believe the "thanks" button caused it all

I hated the thanks thing when I joined first - but I can be just as big a thanks whore as the next guy these days.

I now will wait until at least 6/7 posters have contributed before saying my piece on any new threads henceforth.

IM0

perspective

foxyboxer

Gents, convince people you have a Girlfriend by standing outside A-Wear with shopping bags in both hands whilst intermittently glancing over your shoulder into the store, sighing loudly and shaking your head.

Deus Ex Machina

giles lynchwood wrote: »

Always put your underware on,yellow to the front and brown to the back.

Not much use to the gays that one.

Ole Rodrigo

RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually
speaking clearly in the first place.

GANGLAND HARDMEN: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You'll never see it again.

Ole Rodrigo

Attention cinema goers: Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a pee before the film starts.

Wossack

Avoid being seen as a racist by saying "I'm not a racist but..." prior to making racist comments.

Cheer yourself up by watching your wedding video in reverse. You'll love the bit where you give her back the ring, walk back up the aisle, get into a car and **** off.

Employers, avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

Shamelessly poached from Viz

twowheelsonly

Vote Fine Gael for change.

Works every time...

The King of Moo

Tired of a long and expensive commute to work?
Simply start working as the train driver, dramatically reducing both the length and cost of your commute!

Not getting as many thanks as you'd like?
Hide your resentment by pretending that you don't care about thanks at all and think it's ruining After Hours.
Don't forget to tell everyone about it though.

Tired of not winning the lottery?
Simply buy millions of tickets. Though expensive, the money you're more than likely to win will more than compensate, still leaving you with a healthy profit.

Sick of burglaries bringing down the value of the houses in your area?
Simply move into an area where lots of burglars live. They will never burgle any homes in the area as they wouldn't want their homes to be devalued.

Johro

Balfie wrote: »

also with the jar, if ya can't open it, stab the lid with a sharp knife it releases the pressure and it opens easy. Its what I always do..

if ya can't beat em, stab em.

keano_afc

Cant get up to the north coast?

Recreate the Northern Lights in your sitting room by simply lighting your dog's farts.

cloptrop

If you think someone is an asshole thank their post. Itll make them go away.

keano_afc

Ensure you'll always have a contribution to top tips threads on boards.ie by buying Viz once a month.

fluff_daddy

After exercising/running/football wear your gear when taking a shower

cloptrop

Dont beat your wife twice in one week, she will leave you.

BrensBenz

So much advice here about laundry and yet, not the most useful tip, i.e. throw suspect laundry at the wall. If it sticks, wait a few days for all traces of moisture to evaporate. Then retest. Only wear laundry which passed this test. I call it the “Irish Referendum / Re-referendum Test”.

Time saving tip gleaned from several female colleagues:

• Don’t waste time with soap in the morning - just spray on MORE deodorant.
• Don’t waste time with soap when going out for the night - just spray on MORE perfume.

Time saving tip gleaned from several French females:

• Don’t waste time with soap.

Time saving tip gleaned from several male colleagues:

• What’s soap?
• Don’t waste time cleaning shoes - just buy multi-coloured trainers.
• Don’t waste time brushing teeth - just swish with first pint.

fluff_daddy

Water down your fairy liquid - no one needs that much suds

later12

On the evening before you spend a Friday or Saturday night on the lash, clean your house/ apartment, make your lunch and breakfast for the next day, and leave a recovery pack (chocolate, lucozade, painkillers) on your bedside locker.

That way, when you get up, your house is clean and stress-free and your lunch has been made, and everything is as hassle free as possible.

Also, on nights out you should always keep a €20 stashed somewhere on your person,but not in your wallet. That way, if you lose your wallet, you can still take a taxi home.

Also, put your house key on an old shoelace or some manner of chain, and tie it around you neck. The easiest way to lose your house-keys is by placing them in your pocket, and have them fall out when you stand up from where you've been sitting.

MayoForSam

later10 wrote: »

Also, put your house key on an old shoelace or some manner of chain, and tie it around you neck. The easiest way to lose your house-keys is by placing them in your pocket, and have them fall out when you stand up from where you've been sitting.

Plus the shoelace might come in handy if you get lucky and want to try a spot of auto-erotic asphyxiation.

seXmym0nkey

later10 wrote: »

... leave a recovery pack (chocolate, lucozade, painkillers) on your bedside locker.

Ah yes! I used to leave a hangover platter beside my bed when I came home drunk. Usualy painkillers water and fruit!

You should also neck a couple of pints of water when you get home but make sure to take a nice long piss before bed! This will reduce your hangover the next morning, but you'll still have to suffer a bit...

jpm4

Snack sized mars bars make great normal sized mars bars for dwarves.

Blisterman

It's easier to sharpen a worm in a pencil sharpener if you freeze it first.

Salt001

Lads never mistake your wardrobe for a toilet when you are in a hoop

flanum

Save time when crossing the road by only looking one way!

cloptrop

Make your own perfectly shaped bum dildos by frezing your poo.

kincsem

If you are going away for a few days fill your bath with water, and put in a cup of washing powder.
When you come back you will have a clean bath (and dirty water.)

OK, make sure you have a bath with an overflow so that a dripping tap does not flood the house.

Mauricmo

Blisterman wrote: »

It's easier to sharpen a worm in a pencil sharpener if you freeze it first.

Pro-tip

micropig

later10 wrote: »

On the evening before you spend a Friday or Saturday night on the lash, clean your house/ apartment, make your lunch and breakfast for the next day, and leave a recovery pack (chocolate, lucozade, painkillers) on your bedside locker.

That way, when you get up, your house is clean and stress-free and your lunch has been made, and everything is as hassle free as possible.

Make a big pot of stew before going out-Good before and/or after a few beers and even better the next day!!

castletownman

When going out on the beer, remember one thing kids: Eating is cheating.

Balmed Out

If your out of shampoo / conditioner and have something on you need to be presentable then use use an egg instead.

Banana sandwiches are really good and simple to make. Peel a banana and wrap a slice of bread around it, if your feeling fancy and want a banana roll then when cutting the roll leave one end uncut to keep the banana firmly in place.

Bannana rolls are a really cheap and readily available breakfast when travelling.

Be wide of unusually big bananas they may be plantains which are really hard and need to be cooked.

If your out of polish use the inside of a banana skin instead and wipe with a cloth afterwards.