Those little tips and tricks that make life that little bit easier.

Orando Broom

Triathletes, wear your finisher's t-shirts to parties so the normals will know who to avoid.

brummytom

When coming out of a florists, always punch the first person that you see to ensure that no one thinks you are gay.



Make people believe you are magic by vigourously shaking a bottle of talcum powder when you exit a room, giving the impression of you disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Rocky_Dennis

Ears believe people, eyes believe themselves.

A solid piece of advice

Ole Rodrigo

Naval Divers: change your job title to 'Navel Diver', thereby drastically reducing the area you are expected to cover when a cruise ship sinks , and increasing your jobs sauciness factor. Possibly.

Mickey Dazzler

Always pull down your pants BEFORE you take a dump.

doomsday

Never argue with a moderator...joking..honest...

44leto

A potential life saving one. When fixing a landing light turn the trip switch off, do not rely on the switch (I leaned on it climbing up the ladder) it happened a month ago and my hair is still standing up.

GKidd

Funsize Mars bars make excellent regular size Mars bars for midgits.
Regular size Mars bars make excellent Extra large Mars bars for midgits.

Additionally, Regular size Mars bars make excellent funsize Mars bars for giants.
Extra large Mars bars make excellent regular size Mars bars for giants.

GKidd

GKidd wrote: »

Funsize Mars bars make excellent regular size Mars bars for midgits.
Regular size Mars bars make excellent Extra large Mars bars for midgits.

Additionally, Regular size Mars bars make excellent funsize Mars bars for giants.
Extra large Mars bars make excellent regular size Mars bars for giants.

Take a picture of your cock beside a funsize can of coke and a mini mars bar to make the ladies think you're well endowed;)

kincsem

Don't get a tattoo. Carry the picture on a sheet of paper instead.

BASHIR

Righty tighty, Lefty loosey

Deus Ex Machina

Always be overdressed and you'll never be lost for something to talk about.

omerin

Is your partner/wife pregnant?

Have you considered abortion?

18 years of potential hassle and grief gone

controversial, J Carr inspired

zef

Cut firelogs in half,
work just as well for gettin the fire goin'.

Blisterman

Save wear and tear on your forks when eating spaghetti by tieing the ends of each strand together and eating it in one long suck.

wilkie2006

Don't get stressed or pushed around on a packed DART/bus; hold a plastic bottle in front of your crotch and gently press it into the back of anyone who's not giving you your rightful space. No one will come near you.

Chuck Stone

Don't waste money buying a T-shirt of your favourite band; simply have its name tattooed on your chest and go bareback.

Johro

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Don't waste money buying a T-shirt of your favourite band; simply have its name tattooed on your chest and go bareback.

You've a thing about tattoos haven't ya? Is there room on your chest beside the communist manifesto?:p

omerin

Who needs a nagging girlfriend when there's a plentiful supply of sheep if you know where to look. Never had one give out about me being late or for lacking effort and they don't get headaches. Who said dogs were a mans best friend

Ole Rodrigo

Pet Owners - Don't bother getting your cat neutered, simply buy on the of those rubber thimbles that bank clerks use for counting money, slip it on your moggys crayon and hey presto - a catty condom. Its even ribbed for extra pleasure.

Johro

rocstar wrote: »

Pet Owners - Don't bother getting your cat neutered, simply buy on the of those rubber thimbles that bank clerks use for counting money, slip it on your moggys crayon and hey presto - a catty condom. Its even ribbed for extra pleasure.

That's some girth on your moggy's crayon. Bet he likes to colour in. A lot.

Chuck Stone

Johro wrote: »

You've a thing about tattoos haven't ya? Is there room on your chest beside the communist manifesto?:p

Why say you those things Sir?

Johro

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Why say you those things Sir?

Things ya get accused of by the crowd that shouts 'PC nonsense!' and 'leftwing pinko liberal' and that kinda shite. Joke, in other words, in the 'get your ink' vein.

mattjack

Deleted User wrote: »

Take a picture of your cock beside a funsize can of coke and a mini mars bar to make the ladies think you're well endowed;)

Alternatively , when sizing up a new potential date , make sure she has small hands.....make's your cock look bigger in any pictures taken on the phone.

Ladies, same applies .. look for a potential partner with small hands...your boobage will look bigger in his hands.

mattjack

mattjack wrote: »

Ladies, same applies .. look for a potential partner with small hands...your boobage will look bigger in his hands.

Oh I'd need a man with big hands. Otherwise I'd be breaking the "more than a handful" rule

Johro

Deleted User wrote: »

Oh I'd need a man with big hands. Otherwise I'd be breaking the "more than a handful" rule

There's a rule? Explain the rule?

mattjack

Memo to self.....when writing an essay pay no attention to Boards .

Chuck Stone

Johro wrote: »

Things ya get accused of by the crowd that shouts 'PC nonsense!' and 'leftwing pinko liberal' and that kinda shite. Joke, in other words, in the 'get your ink' vein.

Lol yeah true, forgot about the 'get your ink comment'. The thing is I'd be a strong proponent of the free market as well as being really liberal on social issues like abortion and drugs.

Pisses the left and the right off. :pac:

twirlagig

If you have a bottle or jar that you can't open, put on a rubber glove and then twist it! Works like magic! (I think that might be an Aggie & Kim tip)

Johro

Or if that doesn't work, push a blunt tipped knife under the edge of the lid, breaks the vacuum, lid comes off easy.