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  • “There is one more way to kill a man, but it is as intricate and precise as a well played game of chess.”

    *kicks down door, opens up with a machine gun*




  • Ja ja ja, mach schnell mit der art things, huh? I must get back to Dancecentrum in Stuttgart in time to see Kraftwerk.

    Hey, und dummkopf! Watch out for the CD-changer in my trunk, eh? Idiot.

    Hey, fun boys, get a room!




  • Yeah, I really miss the old guy. It was all I could do to put on his jewels and score with his wife every night.




  • Lisa: “We don’t have smoke alarms, but we’ve got a secret door?”

    Homer: “Smoke is its own alarm.”




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  • Homer:Damage report, Mr. Moe.

    Moe: Sonar: out. Navigation: out. Radio: out.

    Homer: Enough of what's out! What's in?

    Moe: Ice-blended mocha drinks and David Schwimmer.

    Homer: Yes, he is handsome in an ugly sort of way.




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  • Kent Brockman: "A large bearlike animal, most likely a bear, has wandered down from the hills in search of food or, perhaps, employment".








  • tgdaly wrote: »
    Kent Brockman: "A large bearlike animal, most likely a bear, has wandered down from the hills in search of food or, perhaps, employment".

    Homer: Let the bears pay the Bear Tax. I pay the Homer Tax!


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  • Homer: We're here We're Queer we don't want anymore Bears...

    Lenny: Hey Homer, that's a pretty catchy chant. Where'd you learn it?

    Homer: Oh, I heard it at the mustache parade they have every year.




  • Homer: We're here We're Queer we don't want anymore Bears...

    Lenny: Hey Homer, that's a pretty catchy chant. Where'd you learn it?

    Homer: Oh, I heard it at the mustache parade they have every year.

    And on that note

    Gay men : We're here. We're queer. Get used to it.

    Lisa : You do this every year, we are used to it.




  • Four score and seven years ago, we took the finest hops and barley to brew a refreshing full-bodied lager.




  • Smithers, whose that goat legged fellow?




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  • tgdaly wrote: »
    Kent Brockman: "A large bearlike animal, most likely a bear, has wandered down from the hills in search of food or, perhaps, employment".

    Homer; Ah not a bear in sight. The Bear patrol must be working overdrive.
    Lisa; That's some specious reasoning, Dad
    Homer; Thank you honey
    Lisa (sighs); By your logic I could say this rock keeps tigers away
    Homer; How does does it work?
    Lisa; It doesn't work.
    Homer; Uh-huh
    Lisa; It's just a stupid rock. But I don't see any tigers around here do you?
    Homer; Lisa, I want to buy your rock




  • Oh, Andy Cap you wife beating drunk!




  • Lionel Hutz: Uh-oh! We've drawn Judge Snyder!
    Marge: Is that bad?
    Lionel Hutz: Well he's kinda had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
    Marge: You did?
    Lionel Hutz: Well actually replace the word 'kinda' with 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'.




  • Bart: I AM SO GREAT, I AM SO GREAT, EVERYBODY LOVES ME, I AM SO GREAT




  • Lionel Hutz: Uh-oh! We've drawn Judge Snyder!
    Marge: Is that bad?
    Lionel Hutz: Well he's kinda had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
    Marge: You did?
    Lionel Hutz: Well actually replace the word 'kinda' with 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'.

    Belt of scotch?


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  • Belt of scotch?

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  • I've argued in front of every judge in the city, often as a lawyer.




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  • Belt of scotch?

    It's 9:30 in the morning.


    Yeah, but I haven't slept in days

    :D








  • Hi Kids! Welcome to Kamp Krusty! Hoo huh hoo heh ha heh!

    I'll see you in a few weeks! Until then, I turn things over to my

    bestest buddy in the whole wide world, Mr. Black. I want you to treat

    Mr. Black with the same respect you would give me. Now here's Mr. Black.





  • They laugh at me? I'd always considered myself rather popular... My speed with numbers? My years of service as a hall monitor? My prize winning dioramas? These things mean nothing to them?





  • Groundskeeper Willie: Alright, now what's so fire great about your fancy pants leader?

    Homer: The leader knows all and sees all!!!

    Willie: Uh, well that is impressive.

    Homer: And he's going to take us to a wonderful new planet.

    Willie: Oh, this leader, he sounds like a grand fella.

    Marge: Willie, I'm not sure we're making any headway here.

    Willie: WOULD YOU SHUT UP WOMAN!!! HE'S TALKING ABOUT ME LEADER!!!






  • And I have to include a gag from our own Dara O'Briain on this selfsame topic

    "Oh, but they're [the Chinese] so wise. They have one word for 'crisis' and 'opportunity'." Yes, but they also have one word for 'China' and 'Tibet' and it's 'China', so f**k them.

    Post edited by Loafing Oaf on


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  • Mr. Simpson, don't you worry. I saw an episode of Matlock in a bar last night. The sound was down, but I think I got the gist of it.



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