Dental plan!

(Homer, Bart and Lisa are tied up in a dark room with only a small dim light on)
Groundskeeper Willie: Oh, you're gonna break like matchsticks, I promise you that.
(Ned comes through the door, turns on the big light)
Ned Flanders: Hey, I made some Rice Krispies Squares for our hungry deprogram-erinos.
Groundskeeper Willie: Oh, man! You ruined the atmosphere, you daft pansy!
Ned Flanders: Well, this is my rumpus room.
Groundskeeper Willie: Don't call it that!

And how much is this free weekend

Lisa: Watch yourself, Dad. You're the highly suggestible type.
Homer: Yes, I am the highly suggestible type.

Marge: (to Homer) When we got married, you promised me my harvesting days were over.

Uh, do you happen to need a Messiah?

Reverend Lovejoy pouring petrol over the altar
“I didn’t think I’d have to do this again “

Awww, they were just about to show some close-ups of the rod!

Lisa Simpson : If they're really witches, why don't they use their powers to escape!

Homer Simpson : That sounds like witch talk to me, Lisa.

Lisa Simpson : Never mind.

Lisa: “We don’t have smoke alarms, but we’ve got a secret door?”

Homer: “Smoke is its own alarm.”

tgdaly wrote: »

Kent Brockman: "A large bearlike animal, most likely a bear, has wandered down from the hills in search of food or, perhaps, employment".

Homer: Let the bears pay the Bear Tax. I pay the Homer Tax!

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Homer: We're here We're Queer we don't want anymore Bears...

Lenny: Hey Homer, that's a pretty catchy chant. Where'd you learn it?

Homer: Oh, I heard it at the mustache parade they have every year.

And on that note

Gay men : We're here. We're queer. Get used to it.

Lisa : You do this every year, we are used to it.

Smithers, whose that goat legged fellow?

Lionel Hutz: Uh-oh! We've drawn Judge Snyder!
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well he's kinda had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well actually replace the word 'kinda' with 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'.

Loafing Oaf wrote: »

Lionel Hutz: Uh-oh! We've drawn Judge Snyder!
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well he's kinda had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well actually replace the word 'kinda' with 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'.

Belt of scotch?

I've argued in front of every judge in the city, often as a lawyer.

Hi Kids! Welcome to Kamp Krusty! Hoo huh hoo heh ha heh!

I'll see you in a few weeks! Until then, I turn things over to my

bestest buddy in the whole wide world, Mr. Black. I want you to treat

Mr. Black with the same respect you would give me. Now here's Mr. Black.

Groundskeeper Willie: Alright, now what's so fire great about your fancy pants leader?

Homer: The leader knows all and sees all!!!

Willie: Uh, well that is impressive.

Homer: And he's going to take us to a wonderful new planet.

Willie: Oh, this leader, he sounds like a grand fella.

Marge: Willie, I'm not sure we're making any headway here.

Willie: WOULD YOU SHUT UP WOMAN!!! HE'S TALKING ABOUT ME LEADER!!!

Mr. Simpson, don't you worry. I saw an episode of Matlock in a bar last night. The sound was down, but I think I got the gist of it.