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Is Marriage to much of a risk ?

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    #242
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #243
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    If you're ever lucky enough to marry "The One" you'll have the answer to your question .........

    Tbf, that doesn't say anything about anything. I'm sure there's plenty of people whose marriage to 'The One' crashed an burned.


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    #244
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    Tbf, that doesn't say anything about anything. I'm sure there's plenty of people whose marriage to 'The One' crashed an burned.

    That's because they weren't "The One" ......... they thought they were "The One" but, evidently, that turned out not to be the case ....... sadly.


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    #245
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Did I suggest that? :confused: Or are you projecting ........... ???


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    #246
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    That's because they weren't "The One" ......... they thought they were "The One" but, evidently, that turned out not to be the case ....... sadly.

    What if your marriage ends in ten years time? Right now you view your wife as 'the one' but you don't know what's around the corner.


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    #247
    Kadser
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 102 ✭✭Kadser


    Lad from my year in school got married over a decade ago. He was laughing saying I would never get married. They spilt up. I never married.


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    #248
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Kadser wrote: »
    Lad from my year in school got married over a decade ago. He was laughing saying I would never get married. They spilt up. I never married.

    So he was right then?


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    #249
    Ayuntamiento
    Registered Users Posts: 346 ✭✭Ayuntamiento


    Deleted User wrote: »
    What if your marriage ends in ten years time? Right now you view your wife as 'the one' but you don't know what's around the corner.

    I equate the strength of the love that I have for my husband to the strength of love that a parent would have for their child. Could you ever imagine a parent not loving their child?
    It actually seems unnatural to even suggest it. I know that my love for him is permanent in that same way.
    It's a very different type of attachment to the boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic. When you've found that type of love it's on a totally different level to anything you've experienced before.


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    #250
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Deleted User wrote: »
    What if your marriage ends in ten years time? Right now you view your wife as 'the one' but you don't know what's around the corner.

    Probably stating the obvious here but yes, you're right, as a mere mortal I am incapable of predicting the future ............


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    #251
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Ayuntamiento wrote: »
    I equate the strength of the love that I have for my husband to the strength of love that a parent would have for their child. Could you ever imagine a parent not loving their child?
    It actually seems unnatural to even suggest it. I know that my love for him is permanent in that same way.
    It's a very different type of attachment to the boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic. When you've found that type of love it's on a totally different level to anything you've experienced before.

    I understand what you mean. That's the love you and your husband share with each other.

    When you say it's a different type of attachment to girlfriend/boyfriend dynamic are you referring to being married?


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    #252
    Ayuntamiento
    Registered Users Posts: 346 ✭✭Ayuntamiento


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I understand what you mean. That's the love you and your husband share with each other.

    When you say it's a different type of attachment to girlfriend/boyfriend dynamic are you referring to being married?

    No, I mean that I had previous relationships that had no depth whatsoever and I can see the difference between this relationship and those previous ones.
    It's not the act of marriage that creates an amazing relationship and I'm not trying to be an advocate for marriage.
    I'm only defending marriage as a concept in order to add some balance to all the cynical posters that are bashing it because it didn't work out for them.

    At the end of the day, it's very easy to coast along for years in a long-term relationship without making any formal commitment to the other person. Hedging your bets essentially.
    Personally I felt that it was a mark of respect to my partner to put my cards on the table and make a solid commitment to him. And yes, that commitment should have consequences if I can't fulfill it, otherwise what is its value?


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    #253
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Ayuntamiento wrote: »
    No, I mean that I had previous relationships that had no depth whatsoever and I can see the difference between this relationship and those previous ones.
    It's not the act of marriage that creates an amazing relationship and I'm not trying to be an advocate for marriage.
    I'm only defending marriage as a concept in order to add some balance to all the cynical posters that are bashing it because it didn't work out for them.

    At the end of the day, it's very easy to coast along for years in a long-term relationship without making any formal commitment to the other person. Hedging your bets essentially.
    Personally I felt that it was a mark of respect to my partner to put my cards on the table and make a solid commitment to him. And yes, that commitment should have consequences if I can't fulfill it, otherwise what is its value?

    I'm very interested in relationships. My mam and dad married in the early seventies and are together ever since. Lots of ups and downs of course but very united. Mammy has alzheimers now and the love my dad shows towards her is amazing. It's what I would like, just like the love you describe between you and your husband.

    I agree with you that it's not the act of marriage which creates the loving relationship. It's not something I believe is necessary in order to have a loving relationship, for me. Once upon a time it was something I had wanted but in a kind of far away many years down the road way.

    Arrah sure who'd be marrying me anyway :p


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    #254
    Butters1979
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Butters1979


    Basically OP, marrying you probably would be.


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    #255
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Arrah sure who'd be marrying me anyway :p

    Some extremely lucky gent!!! ;)


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    #256
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    Some extremely lucky gent!!! ;)

    You are such a winder upper that I can't tell when you're being sincere or sarcastic.

    :p


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    #257
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Deleted User wrote: »
    You are such a winder upper that I can't tell when you're being sincere or sarcastic.

    :p

    :D I take your point about winding people up (sometimes!) but I was actually being sincere!!

    You get an impression, rightly or wrongly, of people on Boards based on their posts on various threads ......... my impression of you Persepoly is a very positive one.


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    #258
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    :D I take your point about winding people up (sometimes!) but I was actually being sincere!!

    You get an impression, rightly or wrongly, of people on Boards based on their posts on various threads ......... my impression of you Persepoly is a very positive one.

    That's very kind of you to say MadDog. Thank you.


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    #259
    promethius
    Registered Users Posts: 1,103 ✭✭✭promethius


    Tony Cascarino was on the radio last week, they were talking about sports people and issues with gambling. Serious conversation then tony chips in with "if you really want a gamble get married! 50% chance of failure" (paraphrasing a bit there). I was lucky with my gamble, when you know you know is true.


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    #260
    Ayuntamiento
    Registered Users Posts: 346 ✭✭Ayuntamiento


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I'm very interested in relationships. My mam and dad married in the early seventies and are together ever since. Lots of ups and downs of course but very united. Mammy has alzheimers now and the love my dad shows towards her is amazing. It's what I would like, just like the love you describe between you and your husband.

    I agree with you that it's not the act of marriage which creates the loving relationship. It's not something I believe is necessary in order to have a loving relationship, for me. Once upon a time it was something I had wanted but in a kind of far away many years down the road way.

    Arrah sure who'd be marrying me anyway :p

    I'm so sorry for what your mother is going through. And what your family is going through alongside it. I can't imagine how hard it is for your father.
    If anything, that's the downside of loving somebody so much. It opens you up to the possibility of pain & loss on a scale that you might never experience otherwise.

    All I wanted to express in my posts is that you should always leave yourself open to the possibility that you could meet an amazing person. The world is so cynical and jaded these days. Hence why this thread was created and hence all the anti-marriage posts.

    I don't for a second believe that solid, loving & committed relationships (like your parents) are a thing of the past. I hope my husband and I are 2 annoying old gits together some day

    Ps. I went into edit mode to try and get that annoying smiley face out of the subject line (totally not befitting of the topic being discussed) but I've exhausted my technical capacities so it's staying!


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    #261
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Ayuntamiento wrote: »
    I'm so sorry for what your mother is going through. And what your family is going through alongside it. I can't imagine how hard it is for your father.
    If anything, that's the downside of loving somebody so much. It opens you up to the possibility of pain & loss on a scale that you might never experience otherwise.

    All I wanted to express in my posts is that you should always leave yourself open to the possibility that you could meet an amazing person. The world is so cynical and jaded these days. Hence why this thread was created and hence all the anti-marriage posts.

    I don't for a second believe that solid, loving & committed relationships (like your parents) are a thing of the past. I hope my husband and I are 2 annoying old gits together some day

    Thank you. It's not easy but it's strange how something once incomprehensible can become part of your normal.

    There is a lot of cynicism around love. I'm guilty of it myself. Mine comes from hurt and fear. I will take a guess and say that's where other people's comes from. Past experiences can leave a very strong mark. The risk can sometimes be too great for people.

    I would never ever assume that my way or opinion on marriage was the right way. The evidence of happy marriages are in my life, and in yours and plenty of others on this thread.


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    #262
    The flying mouse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,915 ✭✭✭The flying mouse


    As been said a few times here already marriage is for some folks & not for others, for all kind of reasons from beliefs to finical to they just don't want to or not.

    I have been married twice, Two very big weddings ,Cost a fortune but money wasn't an issue, Both marriages failed for a variety of reasons that I wont go into here.

    When I got Married we did with all the best intentions and in both cases we had some very happy & good times together, and yes I did think this was the special one.

    Would I get married again, probably yes.
    Do I regret being married before , No.
    Is it for everyone No.

    I know lots of contented happily married couples, know quite a few divorced ones to .imo its nice to have someone close & loving to you, married or not.


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    #263
    HS3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 405 ✭✭HS3


    OCEANIC FIZZY POP NINE wrote: »
    Anyone that says they are happy in marraige/relationship, ask your partner for their phone and to open all the Apps. Vast majority of ye will get a shock. Everyones playing away from home.

    I see posts like this on Facebook all the time and wonder whether people genuinely believe all married couples are that deceptive.


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    #264
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #265
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    I'm not sure what reassurance you're hoping to get from him in terms of your own relationship… You have one view of marriage, he has another and thankfully neither of you are forced to live by the other's view.

    Getting married doesn't mean wanting a big flash wedding either - you really can do whatever you choose.


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    #266
    Goya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 464 ✭✭Goya


    HS3 wrote: »
    I see posts like this on Facebook all the time and wonder whether people genuinely believe all married couples are that deceptive.
    Doubt it. Some people just like saying "shocking" stuff for the sake of it.


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    #267
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #268
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    And I'm asking how you came to the conclusion that I suggested any of that from my posts?

    I think you're trying to convince yourself of "something" more than anything else to be honest ..............


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