Is Marriage to much of a risk ?

Ayuntamiento

Ty Poor Bassist wrote: »

Care to point out where I did any single bit of that?

I'm talking about the majority of the anti-marriage people on this thread. Not you specifically.
There's a lot of people on this thread who have been really hurt and badly f*cked over. I actually do feel sad for them all although I'm sure it will be perceived as smugness. Marriage is not to blame for your negative life experiences.

MadDog76

seenitall wrote: »

If a person in their 90s has, for example, never been abused/ divorced/ abandoned while pregnant / spent time in a women's shelter/ some more stuff I will not go into on here/ experienced different relationships and types of relationships since, or, as another example, emigrated/traveled the word/ worked all different types of jobs, and if they have been married to the same person, living in the same parish for the whole of their life, then yes, I will say that it is very likely that even at 40-something, I have more life experience than that 90 year old person does. It is not a dead cert, but it is likely.

No .......... it just means *whoever* has had a sh*tty life, nothing more.

Ayuntamiento

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

I'm talking about the majority of the anti-marriage people on this thread. Not you specifically.
There's a lot of people on this thread who have been really hurt and badly f*cked over. I actually do feel sad for them all although I'm sure it will be perceived as smugness. Marriage is not to blame for your negative life experiences.

Are you MadDog's wife?

seenitall

MadDog76 wrote: »

No .......... it just means *whoever* has had a sh*tty life, nothing more.

That is an astoundingly naïve way of looking at things, mad dog. I really hope you never get to experience proving yourself wrong !

seenitall

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

I'm talking about the majority of the anti-marriage people on this thread. Not you specifically.
There's a lot of people on this thread who have been really hurt and badly f*cked over. I actually do feel sad for them all although I'm sure it will be perceived as smugness. Marriage is not to blame for your negative life experiences.

Marriage is lovely for all the couples it works for, A. What you should be able to understand is that it simply doesn't work for everyone. If you only grasp that much, you will never have to worry about being perceived as smug or condescending.

josip

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

What if it all go's tits up in a few years time ?

If the tits are still up after a few years consider yourself lucky.

MadDog76

seenitall wrote: »

That is an astoundingly naïve way of looking at things, mad dog. I really hope you never get to experience proving yourself wrong !

Ah, get over yourself .......... I've experienced things in life that would make a billy-goat puke!
But I'm strong enough, and open-minded enough, to know that that has absolutely no bearing on the rest of the world ........ nor should it.

Your argument is akin to pointing at a dead bungee-jumper and saying "Look ........ you'll never really know how bad bungee-jumping is until you die doing it." :rolleyes:

Nonsense.

seenitall

MadDog76 wrote: »

Ah, get over yourself .......... I've experienced things in life that would make a billy-goat puke.

Lol thanks for the image!

You think you are open minded, really? Then you should indeed find it very easy to accept that any other person who has been married has a view of marriage that is just as valid as yours is.

But you don't accept that, do you? That little niggling voice of "I am right, and marriage is just what I say it is, and the way I experience it as" is much stronger than the alleged open mindedness, isn't it?

Jim Bob Scratcher

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Me personally can never see myself tying the knot. How about you good folks of after after hours ?

So good I did it twice!

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

I'm talking about the majority of the anti-marriage people on this thread. Not you specifically.
There's a lot of people on this thread who have been really hurt and badly f*cked over. I actually do feel sad for them all although I'm sure it will be perceived as smugness. Marriage is not to blame for your negative life experiences.

Ah sorru. well, maybe you can see why I got confused when you quoted and responded to me, specifically...

But I guess we're in agreement, anyone who's insisting they're happier than people in different circumstances than themselves is probably a bit insecure

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

[Deleted User] wrote: »

So good I did it twice!

If your username is your date of birth that's pretty good going

Ty Poor Bassist

Ty Poor Bassist wrote: »

If your username is your date of birth that's pretty good going

It's not my DOB.

TeaBagMania

knew a guy that inherited half a mill, got married a year later, two years after that SHE wants a divorce and took 250K with her.
yeah if im getting married contract states she leaves with the clothes on her back, period

HS3

Is marriage for everyone? Clearly not. Is it a case of not finding the right person? Who knows. Is it for me? Absolutely. I am so lucky to have met someone I gel with so well. We're 21 years together and have had ups and downs, but he is just the best person I have ever met. He has not god a bad or selfish bone in him. He for sure got the short straw with me, but he makes marriage the best decision I've ever made.

Minera

I am happy I got married I never thought of marriage being a risk! What do people think are risks with regards marriage? If the money aspect to divorce is making you insecure get a pre-nup done.

There is no right or wrong to marriage no one is better or worse for either getting married or not, all depends on how you and your OH (if you have/want one) feel about it! What I don't like is people passing judgement on others beliefs now that drives me crazy.

FortySeven

I'm no fan of marriage. Largely down to my anti-religious beliefs.

Having been badly burned after a long term relationship I do think the family court needs significant reform to ensure relationship failures do not facilitate one party to destroy another.

Marriage gains no rights over a long term relationship since the cohabitation act so it is really just a party.

If you're a man you've a lot to lose these days in a breakup. If you're a woman you are not likely to suffer much at all. Most gain from it. This needs to be equalised.

FortySeven

Minera wrote: »

I am happy I got married I never thought of marriage being a risk! What do people think are risks with regards marriage? If the money aspect to divorce is making you insecure get a pre-nup done.

There is no right or wrong to marriage no one is better or worse for either getting married or not, all depends on how you and your OH (if you have/want one) feel about it! What I don't like is people passing judgement on others beliefs now that drives me crazy.

Pre-nups are not any protection from the cohabitation legislation and are not taken into any consideration.

intheclouds

Moister than an Oyster wrote: »

Most wives find it a chore having sex with their husband, they give him just enought sex to stick around.

Such a scenario is so common because there is only a minority of men who are attractive. Did you ever hear women complain that there "are no good men". This means there are very few sexy men who would be willing to marry them.

We have the agricultural revolution to blame.for people being brainwashed into notional monogomy.

Is this a new record? Banned and rereged to post on the same thread within hours!

MadDog76

seenitall wrote: »

Lol thanks for the image!

You think you are open minded, really? Then you should indeed find it very easy to accept that any other person who has been married has a view of marriage that is just as valid as yours is.

But you don't accept that, do you? That little niggling voice of "I am right, and marriage is just what I say it is, and the way I experience it as" is much stronger than the alleged open mindedness, isn't it?

You're letting your own warped view of marriage taint how you read into my post ........ I said I feel sorry (for lack of a better word) for anybody who hasn't yet gotten to experience what I personally have, ie. a very happy successful marriage.

intheclouds

FortySeven wrote: »

If you're a man you've a lot to lose these days in a breakup. If you're a woman you are not likely to suffer much at all. Most gain from it. This needs to be equalised.

This isn't true at all. How does a woman gain from a marriage break up?

horgan_p

no guts, no glory

FortySeven

intheclouds wrote: »

This isn't true at all. How does a woman gain from a marriage break up?

They inevitably remain in the family home whilst the male is forced to leave.

Women generally come out of family court much better off, especially if they are prepared to fight dirty.

Women receive child benefit even in shared custody situations giving them a financial advantage.

Women will see more of the children usually. Even in no fault break ups.

For a few. There are many more ways. I don't think there are many who aren't aware of this discrepancy in this country.

Of course, there is no incentive for women to acknowledge this fact.

eviltwin

FortySeven wrote: »

They inevitably remain in the family home whilst the male is forced to leave.

Women generally come out of family court much better off, especially if they are prepared to fight dirty.

Women receive child benefit even in shared custody situations giving them a financial advantage.

Women will see more of the children usually. Even in no fault break ups.

For a few. There are many more ways. I don't think there are many who aren't aware of this discrepancy in this country.

Of course, there is no incentive for women to acknowledge this fact.

that's not unique to marriage though. It's as likely to happen when an unmarried couple end. You can protect yourself by never having a relationship or kids but that's a very lonely existence. You could be missing out on someone amazing.

intheclouds

FortySeven wrote: »

They inevitably remain in the family home whilst the male is forced to leave.

Women generally come out of family court much better off, especially if they are prepared to fight dirty.

Women receive child benefit even in shared custody situations giving them a financial advantage.

Women will see more of the children usually. Even in no fault break ups.

For a few. There are many more ways. I don't think there are many who aren't aware of this discrepancy in this country.

Of course, there is no incentive for women to acknowledge this fact.

None of that is true.

Mediation generally decides whether or not the family home is sold. If there are children it makes sense for it not to be sold and one parent to stay in it. That can be the father.

No idea what you mean about fighting dirty in family court.

Women are not the sole recipients of child benefit. Totally incorrect.

Again untrue about shared custody.

What ways?

I think you're talking rubbish.

FishOnABike

FortySeven wrote: »

They inevitably remain in the family home whilst the male is forced to leave.

Women generally come out of family court much better off, especially if they are prepared to fight dirty.

Women receive child benefit even in shared custody situations giving them a financial advantage.

Women will see more of the children usually. Even in no fault break ups.

For a few. There are many more ways. I don't think there are many who aren't aware of this discrepancy in this country.

Of course, there is no incentive for women to acknowledge this fact.

Not invariably so but the research and statistics are there to show that in the vast majority of cases the above is true.

The opposite result is practically at the level of statistical noise.

FortySeven

eviltwin wrote: »

that's not unique to marriage though. It's as likely to happen when an unmarried couple end. You can protect yourself by never having a relationship or kids but that's a very lonely existence. You could be missing out on someone amazing.

The only difference in legislation between married and a 2+ year relationsip is automatic shared custody for father of married. Everything else is the same for all parties married or not.

I'm not saying men shouldn't go for it anyway, you are right, lonely otherwise. We are the ones taking the most risk though.

Of course, this is only when children are involved.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

FortySeven wrote: »

They inevitably remain in the family home whilst the male is forced to leave.

Women generally come out of family court much better off, especially if they are prepared to fight dirty.

Women receive child benefit even in shared custody situations giving them a financial advantage.

Women will see more of the children usually. Even in no fault break ups.

For a few. There are many more ways. I don't think there are many who aren't aware of this discrepancy in this country.

Of course, there is no incentive for women to acknowledge this fact.

Fathers' rights are fcuked in Ireland, I agree, but marriages don't necessarily involve children, besides which you're far better off not to be an unmarried father if we're talking about contested access.

Women all over the country acknowledge the imbalance, it's amazing how men who've been through the wringer just tune that out. What does tend to get womens hackles up isn't saying that the family courts are unfair (ime) but the idea that it's a dead cert we'll reveal our true vindictive selves the second we tire of some poor innocent man and mess him around for kicks.

Most of the families I know where the parents are split get on very civilly, and in the ones that don't believe me women do not have the monopoly on being vindictive and obstructive. None of the horrible behaviour I've seen and heard from those men would put me off making a commitment to a man though.

FortySeven

intheclouds wrote: »

None of that is true.

Mediation generally decides whether or not the family home is sold. If there are children it makes sense for it not to be sold and one parent to stay in it. That can be the father.

No idea what you mean about fighting dirty in family court.

Women are not the sole recipients of child benefit. Totally incorrect.

Again untrue about shared custody.

What ways?

I think you're talking rubbish.

I'm on my phone so I can't be bothered doing a statistical survey and data dump on here but I can back these statements with figures and relevant legislation.

There are plenty groups funded and fighting for fathers rights.

How many for mothers? Ever ask yourself why?

OCEANIC FIZZY POP NINE

Anyone that says they are happy in marraige/relationship, ask your partner for their phone and to open all the Apps. Vast majority of ye will get a shock. Everyones playing away from home.

FortySeven

Ty Poor Bassist wrote: »

Fathers' rights are fcuked in Ireland, I agree, but marriages don't necessarily involve children, besides which you're far better off not to be an unmarried father if we're talking about contested access.

Women all over the country acknowledge the imbalance, it's amazing how men who've been through the wringer just tune that out. What does tend to get womens hackles up isn't saying that the family courts are unfair (ime) but the idea that it's a dead cert we'll reveal our true vindictive selves the second we tire of some poor innocent man and mess him around for kicks.

Most of the families I know where the parents are split get on very civilly, and in the ones that don't believe me women do not have the monopoly on being vindictive and obstructive. None of the horrible behaviour I've seen and heard from those men would put me off making a commitment to a man though.

A good post and I largely agree.

As you can see from intheclouds post, while it may be well recognised that fathers finish last it is not widely acknowledged.

Groups like women's aid still actively campaign to retain the gender imbalances in family court and even to extend them.

I agree that most don't go to extremes and I'm not slating anyone here. Just pointing out how in some cases men are going to get shafted. Legally.

In a discussion pertaining to the risks of marriage it is deserving of mention.