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Is Marriage to much of a risk ?

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    #152
    IvyTheTerrible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,949 ✭✭✭✭IvyTheTerrible


    Marriage /= wedding.
    You can be against a 30000 euro wedding (it wasn't for me, that's for sure) but still be for marriage.
    Some people confound the two.


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    #153
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    IvyTheTerrible wrote: »
    Marriage /= wedding.
    You can be against a 30000 euro wedding (it wasn't for me, that's for sure) but still be for marriage.
    Some people confound the two.

    The bloody wedding-industrial complex has really got out of hand. I'd never have one of those huge ones but if I'm honest the thoughts of resisting that pressure do factor into my feelings about it. I have 40 odd first cousins, I've been at a few of their weddings and I can hear the 'well if you in invite X you have to invite Y, if you're not having a photo booth what are you having instead' conversations already. I wouldn't be swayed but oh god the hassle. I'm 27 now so people are getting married all over the place, whole wedding party seems to be stressed for a solid six months! Either getting caught up in the whole thing or fighting tooth and nail not to.


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    #154
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #155
    listermint
    Registered Users Posts: 33,856 ✭✭✭✭listermint


    Vada Unimportant Salad wrote: »
    Just after our 11th anniversary we had a nice wedding which we celebrated in absolute luxury, with our witnesses, for 1200 quid. We did it for pragmatic reasons, so we're each other's next-of-kin, because the idea that we would ever be without each other is laughable.

    When people talk about weddings and marriage, a lot of the time they're talking about the fifty grand they'll spend, the insane planning and boring crap they'll waste a year on, all the relatives and acquaintances they'll introduce to each other awkwardly, the fact that if they now want to leave that person it's a whole rigmarole of legal fees and divorce. Balls to that. Sh!t on my actual face, rather than that.

    no thats simply not true.

    thats sort of daily mail nonsense.

    people dont get married for that, but its a helpful little ball to lump people into for those who have convinced themselves for years that marriage is horse****.

    I have an uncle like that, my aunty had other ideas but she plugs away anyway


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    #156
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Jaysus! There's no accounting for what people want to spend their money on. In saying that, I'd see that as a waste on a car too whereas some people would be into it. Each to their own.

    But don't confuse a wedding with a marriage. A wedding is just a party.


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    #157
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #158
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    I eloped and we had 2 strangers as witnesses. Best day ever! The way we saw it our feelings for each other were a personal, private thing, and we wanted a personal and private wedding.


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    #159
    Maximus Alexander
    Registered Users Posts: 13,080 ✭✭✭✭Maximus Alexander


    Thankfully my OH and I are agreed that if we ever do decide to get married it will be for pittance. We'd both rather spend the money travelling for 6 months, or buying a nicer house, or whatever.


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    #160
    whisky_galore
    Registered Users Posts: 16,015 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    intheclouds wrote: »
    I can't possibly agree that people behave better without a ring on their finger.

    A ring never blocked a hole..


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    #161
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #162
    Ayuntamiento
    Registered Users Posts: 346 ✭✭Ayuntamiento


    sashafierce wrote: »
    Do people even enjoy their wedding day? All that mooching around talking to people some of which you've never seen before (the plus 1's) and eating a mediocre dinner before dancing in uncomfortable clothes to the usual songs before moving to the residence bar and then waking up poor...? Is that really the best day of your life people?

    I'm another person who eloped. I couldn't recommend it more. It was basically the most exciting holiday of my life! And we used the money that we would have spent on a wedding on a deposit for a house.
    Irish weddings are the worst. However, I've never lived my life based on the expectations of others/the 'normal' Irish way of doing things.
    At this stage all my friends and family know that I'll always do it my own way and it doesn't bother them. I think a lot of people feel obligated to do it the traditional way.


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    #163
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    seenitall wrote: »
    The difference between mad dog and me is experience. I have it, he doesn't. He knows only what it is to be happily married, I know both sides of marriage, the good one and the one where it all goes to pot.

    So it is very funny, a bit unnerving and somewhat perplexing when someone with less experience of marriage than me feels sorry for me - it's like saying: hey you got out but what you had is all crap and you don't know what you are talking about because it's there in your past.

    No. It's precisely because it is all in my past that I know what I am talking about. My experience of marriage, or of being happy outside wedlock is no less valid than yours, however much you want to pretend happily married is the only way to be happy in a couple, period. It patently is not, all the patronising shyte talk aside - but will mad dog ever accept that? No, he won't.

    Except in the case of experience. Which I wouldn't wish on him or anyone.

    That's some twisty-turns!!! :D

    I'm happily married, I'm sorry if that offends your sensibilities because of your failed marriage but there you go .......... I don't need to experience negative situations to know I wouldn't like them, obviously.

    I was happy single .......... I'm married now and happier than ever, you'll just have to accept that fact and get over it. It's not about you ..........


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    #164
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I feel sorry for anybody who has such a narrow view of other people's lives, lives you know nothing about. It's not for any of us to assume what is the "right" or "wrong" way to be.
    Try being a little more open minded and accepting that other people are different to you.

    I didn't say being married is "right"??? :confused: Calm yourself down .........

    I'll put it this way ........... if I go on an amazing holiday to a beautiful location then I'd probably say "I feel "sorry" for anybody who never get's to experience this .........." ........... being married, for me, is like being on that amazing holiday every day! :)


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    #165
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    I didn't say being married is "right"??? :confused: Calm yourself down .........

    I'll put it this way ........... if I go on an amazing holiday to a beautiful location then I'd probably say "I feel "sorry" for anybody who never get's to experience this .........." ........... being married, for me, is like being on that amazing holiday every day! :)

    I get you. It's just the phrase, "feel sorry for" that gets me going. If I say "I feel sorry that person never experienced the love I had growing up" then it's like I'm assuming my reality is better than theirs or I have some monopoly on what it means to be happy.

    You are in a happy marriage and for you that's a lovely thing but lots and lots of people are just as happy not being married.


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    #166
    Stealthfins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,141 ✭✭✭Stealthfins


    I accept some people are able for marriage and compromise.
    I am not one of those men or women who can be towing the line or have responsibility.
    I tried relationships and I can honestly say the best relationship I ever had was when I was thirty,and she was 49.
    We got on really well and just made a great connection she so laid back and easy to get along with,had no kids either.
    She was a beautiful woman,like that blonde lady in the timote advert from the 80's lived in a small cosy cottage in Connemara.
    Unfortunately she got very I'll and tragedy struck.
    I was broken after,she was my love.

    I'm 41 now and still single better to have loved than never loved at all...


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    #167
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    MadDog76 wrote: »

    I'll put it this way ........... if I go on an amazing holiday to a beautiful location then I'd probably say "I feel "sorry" for anybody who never get's to experience this .........." ........... being married, for me, is like being on that amazing holiday every day! :)

    And it'd be as peculiar and condescending to say that apropos of nothing about a holiday as it is to say about marriage. It's undeniably passive aggressive to say you feel sorry for people who are not only not looking for your sympathy but explicitly saying they're happy as they are, you can pretend you don't know that as much as you like. Having to insist 'NO I'M HAPPIER'just smacks of insecurity to be honest.


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    #168
    seenitall
    Registered Users Posts: 3,718 ✭✭✭seenitall


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    That's some twisty-turns!!! :D

    I'm happily married, I'm sorry if that offends your sensibilities because of your failed marriage but there you go .......... I don't need to experience negative situations to know I wouldn't like them, obviously.

    I was happy single .......... I'm married now and happier than ever, you'll just have to accept that fact and get over it. It's not about you ..........

    I've nothing to get over , mad dog, I wish you all the best in your marriage, as I do anyone. The simple fact is I have seen more life than you have, and that is how I know you would be singing a completely different tune with some more/different experience under your belt.

    So when you come out with this condescending feeling sorry for us who are not married crap, it is laughable, that's all.


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    #169
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Yes, we had a fantastic day! :)
    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    We knew pretty much everybody at our Wedding ......... and I really enjoyed getting to knew the few I hadn't met before, lovely people.
    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Our meal was one of the best I've ever eaten.
    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    My suit was tailored made and fit like a dream ......... would happily sleep in it!
    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    We hand-picked our Band based on them being willing, able and happy to perform our chosen song-list .......... they did a great job.
    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    We drank until the wee hours ........ didn't really want the party to end! :)
    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    The Father-In-Law took care of the bill ........ he insisted!
    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    One of the best, yes .......... would love to do it all again!

    Any more questions?


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    #170
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I get you. It's just the phrase, "feel sorry for" that gets me going. If I say "I feel sorry that person never experienced the love I had growing up" then it's like I'm assuming my reality is better than theirs or I have some monopoly on what it means to be happy.

    You are in a happy marriage and for you that's a lovely thing but lots and lots of people are just as happy not being married.

    As was I .........


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    #171
    Ayuntamiento
    Registered Users Posts: 346 ✭✭Ayuntamiento


    Ty Poor Bassist wrote: »
    And it'd be as peculiar and condescending to say that apropos of nothing about a holiday as it is to say about marriage. It's undeniably passive aggressive to say you feel sorry for people who are not only not looking for your sympathy but explicitly saying they're happy as they are, you can pretend you don't know that as much as you like. Having to insist 'NO I'M HAPPIER'just smacks of insecurity to be honest.

    Having to insist 'NO IM HAPPIER NOT BENG MARRIED AND ALL OF YOU MARRIED PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS' actually smacks of insecurity to me.
    If you're single and happy then that's great. You don't need to attack marriage as a concept to prove that point.


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    #172
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Ayuntamiento wrote: »
    Having to insist 'NO IM HAPPIER NOT BENG MARRIED AND ALL OF YOU MARRIED PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS' actually smacks of insecurity to me.
    If you're single and happy then that's great. You don't need to attack marriage as a concept to prove that point.

    Care to point out where I did any single bit of that?


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    #173
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    seenitall wrote: »
    I've nothing to get over , mad dog, I wish you all the best in your marriage, as I do anyone. The simple fact is I have seen more life than you have, and that is how I know you would be singing a completely different tune with some more/different experience under your belt.

    So when you come out with this condescending feeling sorry for us who are not married crap, it is laughable, that's all.

    Having bad experiences in life does not mean that you've "seen more of life" ........ it just means you have had bad experiences .......... there's people in their 90's who've had extremely happy lives/marriages ......... do you think you are more "life-experienced" than them?


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    #174
    Olishi4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,469 ✭✭✭Olishi4


    sashafierce wrote: »
    Do people even enjoy their wedding day? All that mooching around talking to people some of which you've never seen before (the plus 1's) and eating a mediocre dinner before dancing in uncomfortable clothes to the usual songs before moving to the residence bar and then waking up poor...? Is that really the best day of your life people?

    I really enjoyed my wedding. We had a big wedding. I wasn't a bridezilla or ridiculously fussy but everything went great. We had it in a really nice hotel, the food, arrangements, band and music and all the other stuff didn't let us down.

    I don't usually spend or indulge too much in general but we just wanted to have a great day with all our friends and family. My oh is not from Ireland and it was so nice to have his family and my family all together having fun. My mam called me aside at one point when my oh, his dad and his uncle were on the dance floor and she said "it's weird, they all use the same dance moves" :)

    I've been to smaller weddings and they were just as fun.

    In relation to the thread, I didn't really feel like I was taking a risk when I married my husband although I know it was one, I didn't feel like that. We met young, know each other a long time and get on very well. We have our faults and some incompatibilities but we just work on them as we go along. We have some lovely memories including when he proposed and our wedding day.

    I would hope that if things ever did turn sour between us that we would be able to look back at some stage and realise that all the commitments that we've made were right and good for us at the time and it would be hard but hopefully we would be able to try to find a fair solution for us both. That's all you can really try do if it comes to that.

    I don't know how I'd feel about marrying someone else if my marriage failed though and id have a lot more to consider and lose now so I can understand that people who are entering a relationship a bit older with more experience or previous bad experience would be more than apprehensive. If it's just a case that you never felt it was for you then that's grand too.


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    #175
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    As was I .........

    There is no need to feel sorry for people who aren't married MadDog. I don't feel sorry for people who are single.


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    #176
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Ty Poor Bassist wrote: »
    And it'd be as peculiar and condescending to say that apropos of nothing about a holiday as it is to say about marriage. It's undeniably passive aggressive to say you feel sorry for people who are not only not looking for your sympathy but explicitly saying they're happy as they are, you can pretend you don't know that as much as you like. Having to insist 'NO I'M HAPPIER'just smacks of insecurity to be honest.

    You seem to be very angry about "something" .......... so I won't bother getting into it with you.


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    #177
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Deleted User wrote: »
    There is no need to feel sorry for people who aren't married MadDog. I don't feel sorry for people who are single.

    If you read my other posts on this thread you'll see that I don't actually "feel sorry" for anybody ......... I lack empathy in that regard.


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    #178
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    I lack empathy in that regard.

    Finally something we agree on.


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    #179
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    You seem to be very angry about "something" .......... so I won't bother getting into it with you.

    You know you've won an argument when someone trots out that line in response to a perfectly civil post


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    #180
    seenitall
    Registered Users Posts: 3,718 ✭✭✭seenitall


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    Having bad experiences in life does not mean that you've "seen more of life" ........ it just means you have had bad experiences .......... there's people in their 90's who've had extremely happy lives/marriages ......... do you think you are more "life-experienced" than them?

    If a person in their 90s has, for example, never been abused/ divorced/ abandoned while pregnant / spent time in a women's shelter/ some more stuff I will not go into on here/ experienced different relationships and types of relationships since, or, as another example, emigrated/traveled the word/ worked all different types of jobs, and if they have been married to the same person, living in the same parish for the whole of their life, then yes, I will say that it is very likely that even at 40-something, I have more life experience than that 90 year old person does. It is not a dead cert, but it is likely.


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    #181
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Ty Poor Bassist wrote: »
    You know you've won an argument when someone trots out that line in response to a perfectly civil post

    :D

    You win so! ;)


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