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Is Marriage to much of a risk ?

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    #122
    minikin
    Registered Users Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭minikin


    That's ok, you're not compelled to agree with the logic.

    Marriages can end easily?
    Really? How does that work?
    I'm in hell because of this marriage breakup.
    How do I make the process easier?

    The logic behind my point was that some people are more inclined to behave better, before they have a ring on their finger, which improves the chances of a more sustainable relationship.

    I'd appreciate if there was no more questioning of my particular personal situation. It's hard enough trying to come to terms with it and only seeing my daughter when the ex's mood facilitates it.

    I'm only giving one perspective, which is valid for me because it's been my first hand experience.
    I'm not saying this is the way it is for everyone.
    If you have doubts about marriage DON'T DO IT.
    If you both have no doubts then of course DO IT.


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    #123
    MeatTwoVeg
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 861 ✭✭✭MeatTwoVeg


    Thanks to the institution of marriage I was able to stop showering everyday and pile on the pounds.
    I've never been happier.


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    #124
    Hoboo
    Registered Users Posts: 3,546 ✭✭✭Hoboo


    Why buy the cow, when you can have the milk for free?


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    #125
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    minikin wrote: »
    That's ok, you're not compelled to agree with the logic.

    Marriages can end easily?
    Really? How does that work?
    I'm in hell because of this marriage breakup.
    How do I make the process easier?

    The logic behind my point was that some people are more inclined to behave better, before they have a ring on their finger, which improves the chances of a more sustainable relationship.

    I'd appreciate if there was no more questioning of my particular personal situation. It's hard enough trying to come to terms with it and only seeing my daughter when the ex's mood facilitates it.

    I'm only giving one perspective, which is valid for me because it's been my first hand experience.
    I'm not saying this is the way it is for everyone.
    If you have doubts about marriage DON'T DO IT.
    If you both have no doubts then of course DO IT.

    I'm not making any comment on your personal situation.

    But you seem to think marriages are "safer" than relationships. They're not. Either can break up.

    I can't possibly agree that people behave better without a ring on their finger, if anything I would argue the opposite.

    I also made no comment on how easy it was emotionally, on either type of break up.


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    #126
    minikin
    Registered Users Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭minikin


    intheclouds wrote: »
    I'm not making any comment on your personal situation.

    But you seem to think marriages are "safer" than relationships. They're not. Either can break up.

    I can't possibly agree that people behave better without a ring on their finger, if anything I would argue the opposite.

    I also made no comment on how easy it was emotionally, on either type of break up.

    You're commenting on 'what I seem to think' as if you know better than I do about my personal situation. That's crazy.

    I've just come through a marriage that's been destroyed, how could I possibly think that it's safer than any other type of relationship??

    The difference with marriage is that the consequences of it ending are far from equal for the husband and wife (talking heterosexual marriage because that's my experience, rather than out of disrespect for any members of LGBT community) - in general we men get our balls severed and handed back to us with a bill for the process. Some women in marriage use this nutcracker as leverage in the relationship... always have that big gun in reserve... which can sour things, so it's not truly an equal relationship.

    It's your right not to agree with the behaviour point! That doesn't mean you or I are right or wrong...

    I'm not having a go at your marriage, if you are married, or your opinions on it.
    My opinions are my own and don't have any impact on you for your choices!


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    #127
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    intheclouds wrote: »
    I can't possibly agree that people behave better without a ring on their finger, if anything I would argue the opposite.

    Some people do, some people don't.


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    #128
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    minikin wrote: »
    You're commenting on 'what I seem to think' as if you know better than I do about my personal situation. That's crazy.

    You don't seem able for someone to disagree with you without making it about yourself (as opposed to your opinions) so I'll leave it there.

    Although your ball cracking comment is pure nonsense. As the higher earner in my marriage it's my balls that would be cracked in break up, not my husbands. This isn't America.


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    #129
    minikin
    Registered Users Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭minikin


    intheclouds wrote: »
    You don't seem able for someone to disagree with you without making it about yourself (as opposed to your opinions) so I'll leave it there.

    Although your ball cracking comment is pure nonsense. As the higher earner in my marriage it's my balls that would be cracked in break up, not my husbands. This isn't America.

    You're again making a personal attack on me saying I don't seem to be able to handle disagreement... can I point out this is a public forum, we don't know each other... I'm trying to diffuse argument by saying these are just my opinions. I don't understand why you're so invested in what I'm saying...

    Again you don't seem to have got the point... in my situation I got fecked over, I'm not claiming it's in every case. That's why I prefaced it with the term "in general"

    You're not involved in a breakup and hopefully never will be, I wish you a long happy life together, why involve yourself in the debate when it's immaterial to you? You're the higher earner - good for you. One swallow doesn't make a summer! I'm well aware of what country I live in, thanks buddy.


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    #130
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I got married after 13 years together to make things more secure financially. I could have just not bothered, marriage never really meant that much to me. 8 years on it hasn't made any difference, we are not happier because we married but neither are we less happy. I think some posters are cynical about any kind of long term relationship, thankfully mine has been a really positive experience.


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    #131
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    I think I know what I think about marriage but what do I know, tee-hee. Could some man who's never met me please tell me what I'm really thinking??

    Seriously though I'd be ambivalent I guess. I'd do it if there was a good solid practical reason but not just because, and not before I'd been with someone for ages and through some tough times.


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    #132
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    Ty Poor Bassist wrote: »
    ......and not before I'd been with someone for ages and through some tough times.

    It must have been a nightmare in my parents day to go from dating, no sex, not living together to then being married, living together, sexual relationship etc....


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    #133
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    intheclouds wrote: »
    It must have been a nightmare in my parents day to go from dating, no sex, not living together to then being married, living together, sexual relationship etc....

    Yep, recipe for disaster! Getting married young seems like a big risk, though fair play to the people for whom it works. Often on the relationship forums on reddit I see posts from Americans like 'I (24f) and my husband (24m) have been together for 3 years...'. I know in Ireland the age at which people get married is unusually high but anything before 25 is a serious leap in the dark I think


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    #134
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    Ty Poor Bassist wrote: »
    Yep, recipe for disaster!

    Even worse before divorce!

    Hard to believe the divorce referendum was so close - pretty much 50% said NO. I mean, why?


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    #135
    boardsuser1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭boardsuser1


    Currently 32. I'll be between 40 & 44 getting married. Depends on what happens at 40.


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    #136
    Winterlong
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,759 ✭✭✭Winterlong


    intheclouds wrote: »
    Even worse before divorce!

    Hard to believe the divorce referendum was so close - pretty much 50% said NO. I mean, why?

    My 92 year old widowed grandfather got out of his sickbed to vote against divorce. He was determined to follow the church's doctrine and to help 'protect' the generations that followed.
    He drove the rest of us nuts.


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    #137
    RobertKK
    Registered Users Posts: 33,746 ✭✭✭✭RobertKK


    intheclouds wrote: »
    Even worse before divorce!

    Hard to believe the divorce referendum was so close - pretty much 50% said NO. I mean, why?

    I voted against it, don't see why if I married someone they have a right to half my property when it was never their property before the marriage.
    Marriage is for poor people who have nothing to lose, because a person might simply be attractive for their wealth...
    Pre-nuptial agreements are not legal, and civil marriage is not about love but about inheritance rights and tax breaks.
    Divorce just validates how marriage is just a contract that can be broken and how people can lose a lot of wealth, or gain it...by using marriage.


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    #138
    Winterlong
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,759 ✭✭✭Winterlong


    RobertKK wrote: »
    I voted against it, don't see why if I married someone they have a right to half my property when it was never their property before the marriage.
    Marriage is for poor people who have nothing to lose, because a person might simply be attractive for their wealth...
    Pre-nuptial agreements are not legal, and civil marriage is not about love but about inheritance rights and tax breaks.
    Divorce just validates how marriage is just a contract that can be broken and how people can lose a lot of wealth, or gain it...by using marriage.

    You voted against divorce because you do not believe in the need for marriage?


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    #139
    RobertKK
    Registered Users Posts: 33,746 ✭✭✭✭RobertKK


    Winterlong wrote: »
    You voted against divorce because you do not believe in the need for marriage?

    I have never supported civil marriage, divorce made it a way to gain wealth by marrying tactfully..
    Civil marriage has nothing to do with love, it is about gaining rights which one can use to their advantage via divorce.


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    #140
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    RobertKK wrote: »
    I voted against it, don't see why if I married someone they have a right to half my property when it was never their property before the marriage.
    Marriage is for poor people who have nothing to lose, because a person might simply be attractive for their wealth...
    Pre-nuptial agreements are not legal, and civil marriage is not about love but about inheritance rights and tax breaks.
    Divorce just validates how marriage is just a contract that can be broken and how people can lose a lot of wealth, or gain it...by using marriage.

    Eh, OK. So you don't agree with marriage therefore you want everyone else to stay married. Makes no sense at all but there you go, that's democracy for you.

    You still haven't elucidated what the more up to date thing to be doing is?


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    #141
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    intheclouds wrote: »
    Id say you look like this only uglier:

    http://research.pomona.edu/itsecurity/files/2014/11/Troll.jpg

    DON'T FEED. :D:D


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    #142
    RobertKK
    Registered Users Posts: 33,746 ✭✭✭✭RobertKK


    intheclouds wrote: »
    Eh, OK. So you don't agree with marriage therefore you want everyone else to stay married. Makes no sense at all but there you go, that's democracy for you.

    You still haven't elucidated what the more up to date thing to be doing is?


    Do people think civil marriage which is marriage by the state means the state actually cares about your personal life?
    It just gives the state more control over your life.

    We should have had a referendum to abolish civil marriage and be progressive by removing state control over what is suppose to be about two people, when you get married there is a civil bit to it, in reality there is always three entities in a marriage, - oneself, the person you married and the state who have set down laws on what is allowed if one dies or if you divorce.
    Personal agreements have no legal standing.

    More and more people live together compared to the past. Civil marriage has failed despite so many people still institutionalising themselves with the state, and so many people waste lots of money on weddings.

    People should like funerals have a secular non civil wedding or a religious or whatever takes their fancy and remove the state/civil element.
    Married people are no more special than single people who are discriminated against for being single.
    I know some people like it that the state can control their lives and choices, and a lot sign the line to copper fasten it.


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    #143
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    How does the state discriminate against single people?


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    #144
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    RobertKK wrote: »
    I have never supported civil marriage, divorce made it a way to gain wealth by marrying tactfully..
    Civil marriage has nothing to do with love, it is about gaining rights which one can use to their advantage via divorce.

    Civil marriage is a way to get married without all the religious stuff. A church wedding isn't a guarantee of anything. Either can be for any number of reasons. I had a civil marriage and it was very much for love, a religious ceremony wouldn't change that.


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    #145
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #146
    Stealthfins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,141 ✭✭✭Stealthfins


    sashafierce wrote:
    This post has been deleted.

    Exactly,lol there's loads of like you knewww kinda like middle classes buying big wedding,getting married to someone they hate....
    Spending the next 3 years with nothing but the light and mouldy sausages in the fridge.

    Independence suits me....sure who'd have me


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    #147
    paralysed
    Site Banned Posts: 391 ✭✭paralysed


    As far as I'm aware, there's evidence to suggest, that on average divorced men have shorter lives than batchelors. Anyway, I always remembered this joke:

    Alan Harper: Hey Herb, congrats on your engagement - you know on average, married men live 8 years longer
    Herb: What if they don't want to


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    #148
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #149
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #150
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    You must have super rich friends!! 30k+ on a wedding??

    Even at the absolute height of the boom the dearest one I personally heard of was 25k.


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    #151
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,730 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    FYI - I've had to delete loads of posts as there was a re-reg on the rampage and I tried to clean up to the carnage caused.


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