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Is Marriage to much of a risk ?

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    #62
    mzungu
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,308 Mod ✭✭✭✭mzungu


    Deleted User wrote:
    At that rate, you might as well join us boring defeated sorts and get into a serious, meaningful relationship because, as I said at the start, life is ridiculously short and what could be a better, richer experience in life than giving love to, and being loved by, another human being at the deepest level of our short existence?
    I think that would be the worst reason to get into a relationship. In essence, that would mean entering a relationship simply because society tells us thats what people do.


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    #63
    nice_guy80
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,723 ✭✭✭nice_guy80


    stimpson wrote: »
    There's only two reasons to get married. For love and for money.


    Just make sure you do it the right way round.

    Money first, obviously


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    #64
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Circonflexe wrote: »
    You can have both
    Very difficult. The deeper connection is mostly a function of the shared denial of that new thrill.


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    #65
    Ayuntamiento
    Registered Users Posts: 346 ✭✭Ayuntamiento


    tupenny wrote: »
    I'd never do it either. Crazy madness. Been propsosed to and said no thanks. Relationship lasted only a few more years so glad i declined.. I've mates getting engaged ever weekend lately and i genuinely feel nauseous for them. Its a scarey concept imo

    I'm surprised the relationship actually lasted a few more years after you basically rejected that person. The writing was on the wall from that point onwards surely.


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    #66
    s4uv3
    Registered Users Posts: 952 ✭✭✭s4uv3


    There's no right or wrong, and no hard and fast rules. Some marriages suck balls, and some are sickeningly blissful. Some take hard work and are well worth the effort, some should never have happened.
    Horses for courses and pegs for holes and all tha :)


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    #67
    tupenny
    Registered Users Posts: 1,439 ✭✭✭tupenny


    Ayuntamiento wrote: »
    I'm surprised the relationship actually lasted a few more years after you basically rejected that person. The writing was on the wall from that point onwards surely.

    Well i loved him at the time but explained i'd never get married. And still i never would. It wasnt rejection of him, it was rejection of marriage.


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    #68
    Goya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 464 ✭✭Goya


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Why do you assume that?
    Ah I just think a lot of the "Oh God no I'd never marry" is the lady protesting too much from people who have not met the right person and who are not happy about this and would be saying something different if they did meet the right person (this is taking into account being burned and exercising caution too).

    That said, I do agree it's probably not as nature intended it for people to have the same sex partner forever, and settling out of fear of being alone is a depressing thought. But if you meet someone whom you deeply love, emotionally and physically, I guess you just end up wanting to go for it - however long it'll last. It is a risk in that it could end but that could be said about a lot of things. Preferable for many to "What if?" It's a risk for some men too if their wives are scheming gold-diggers, but most women aren't and those who say it's a risk for any man at all are not being fair. It's a risk for some women too in that it could turn ugly.


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    #69
    seenitall
    Registered Users Posts: 3,715 ✭✭✭seenitall


    pragmatic1 wrote: »
    Can't see myself getting married although it's a nice idea. I think that human relationships, outside of family, have time limits.

    Username/content = slam dunk! :D

    Marriage is simply not for everyone, no matter what the resident marriage enthusiasts on this thread would have you believe. It was, for example, not for my ex who was miserable while married to me and is as happy as larry years now with his gf. They are both on the same page regarding it and make a mockery of the self-righteous people presuming everyone should follow the same script for ultimate happiness. What utter naivety.

    Another couple close to me, perfectly happy together, 16 years and counting, no visit to the church/registrars.

    Marriage is just what the majority do with their lives, but it by no means guarantees long lasting happiness and harmony. One size most certainly does NOT fit all, folks. Just remember that and there will be less occasions in which you feel you've got on people's nerves.


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    #70
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    I'm married ......... very happily married ......... and I kind of feel sorry for anybody who never gets to experience how that feels.


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    #71
    pragmatic1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,573 ✭✭✭pragmatic1


    ChikiChiki wrote: »
    Know a lad that spent 30k (some saved, some borrowed) on his wedding and she did the dirty on him 7 months later.
    That's foul but not uncommon unfortunately. I know quite a few friends that cheat on their partner/spouce on a regular basis. Think it's more prevalent due to dating apps and the like.

    I remember in LK a few years back there was a male prostitute that was a transvestite. He got busted by the Gardai for something or other. Turned out the man was HIV positive and most of his clientele were married men, who then by law had to explain to their wives that they were now at risk.


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    #72
    seenitall
    Registered Users Posts: 3,715 ✭✭✭seenitall


    ^^^^. There ya go flimpson.

    Now I could get blue in the face explaining to Mad Dog how self-righteous and presumptive his opinion is, but I doubt I would ever be able to shake his trust that he's better off than anybody not married is. He actually feels sorry for us! :D

    There are a lot of mad dogs out there, unfortunately.


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    #73
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    seenitall wrote: »
    ^^^^. There ya go flimpson.

    Now I could get blue in the face explaining to Mad Dog how self-righteous and presumptive his opinion is, but I doubt I would ever be able to shake his trust that he's better off than anybody not married is. He actually feels sorry for us! :D

    There are a lot of mad dogs out there, unfortunately.

    Not just married ......... very happily married.

    I was once unmarried/single and happily so .......... I prefer, after experiencing both, being happy and married.


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    #74
    seenitall
    Registered Users Posts: 3,715 ✭✭✭seenitall


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    Not just married ......... very happily married.

    I was once unmarried/single and happily so .......... I prefer, after experiencing both, being happy and married.

    Sure, and I was in turn happily single, unhappily single, happily married, unhappily married, happily divorced, now I am happily dating - and have never been happier than having both a freedom of my time and resources, and someone to care about and do stuff with when we feel like it, at the same time. :)

    Only I would never presume to tell anyone else I feel sorry for them for not experiencing my exact brand of happiness. Doesn't that sound a bit cracked to you, no?


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    #75
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    seenitall wrote: »
    Sure, and I was in turn happily single, unhappily single, happily married, unhappily married, happily divorced, now I am happily dating - and have never been happier than having both a freedom of my time and resources, and someone to care about and do stuff with when we feel like it, at the same time. :)

    Only I would never presume to tell anyone else I feel sorry for them for not experiencing my exact brand of happiness. Doesn't that sound a bit cracked to you, no?

    I've never been unhappily married ......... another reason to feel sorry for you I guess. :(


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    #76
    Goya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 464 ✭✭Goya


    Oh MadDog, you don't feel a bit sorry for her, nor do you - I suspect - feel sorry for people who have not experienced a happy marriage like you have. :)

    I'm sure you like the idea of others having a marriage as happy as yours - don't we all! - but feeling sorry for people who don't know what they're missing? Nah, don't buy it. I do however understand feeling sorry for people who would dearly love a happy marriage and aren't in one.


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    #77
    seenitall
    Registered Users Posts: 3,715 ✭✭✭seenitall


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    I've never been unhappily married ......... another reason to feel sorry for you I guess. :(

    Just as I suspected, self-righteous and unyielding. But hey, I won't take it personally, probably not your fault.

    Enjoy your marriage! :)


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    #78
    gctest50
    Registered Users Posts: 9,605 ✭✭✭gctest50


    Then you go buy one of those drones to see are they any craic

    18 years of marriage in the bin




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    #79
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    Flimpson wrote: »
    Oh MadDog, you don't feel a bit sorry for her, nor do you - I suspect - feel sorry for people who have not experienced a happy marriage like you have. :)

    I'm sure you like the idea of others having a marriage as happy as yours - don't we all! - but feeling sorry for people who don't know what they're missing? Nah, don't buy it. I do however understand feeling sorry for people who would dearly love a happy marriage and aren't in one.

    "Feeling sorry" is probably not the correct phrase to use as that would imply some form of empathy on my part .......... I suppose I would view the opinions of marriage from an individual who is not happily married the same as I would somebody who has never had sex telling me how sh*t sex is, ie. how could you possibly know? :confused:

    Likewise, if an individual goes through an unhappy/failed marriage then I would view that person's views on marriage to be tainted at best.


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    #80
    Goya
    Closed Accounts Posts: 464 ✭✭Goya


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    "Feeling sorry" is probably not the correct phrase to use as that would imply some form of empathy on my part .......... I suppose I would view the opinions of marriage from an individual who is not happily married the same as I would somebody who has never had sex telling me how sh*t sex is, ie. how could you possibly know? :confused:

    Likewise, if an individual goes through an unhappy/failed marriage then I would view that person's views on marriage to be tainted at best.
    I agree there. Sorry if I was harsh. I don't get people who have never married saying marriage is to be avoided, or those who had a marriage breakdown deciding marriage full stop is a bad idea. Marriage isn't the issue there - the people (or one of them) in the marriage are!
    And on the flip side, those who have a great marriage don't speak for all marriages either.


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    #81
    05eaftqbrs9jlh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,104 ✭✭✭05eaftqbrs9jlh


    Just after our 11th anniversary we had a nice wedding which we celebrated in absolute luxury, with our witnesses, for 1200 quid. We did it for pragmatic reasons, so we're each other's next-of-kin, because the idea that we would ever be without each other is laughable.

    When people talk about weddings and marriage, a lot of the time they're talking about the fifty grand they'll spend, the insane planning and boring crap they'll waste a year on, all the relatives and acquaintances they'll introduce to each other awkwardly, the fact that if they now want to leave that person it's a whole rigmarole of legal fees and divorce. Balls to that. Sh!t on my actual face, rather than that.


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    #82
    Summer wind
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,285 ✭✭✭Summer wind


    I'm with my husband 22 years and we have been married for 16 of those. We got married in Italy and it was sooo nice not to have to go through the huge big day that weddings in Ireland are. We had a lovely meal and then had a great night in a bar in Rome. Marriage is something that should not be entered into without a lot of thought and even then who knows how it's going to pan out. People should really enjoy being single and take all the time they want before getting married. There's no wrong or right way to live and if you don't want to get married don't let anyone tell you your point of view is wrong.


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    #83
    seenitall
    Registered Users Posts: 3,715 ✭✭✭seenitall


    Flimpson wrote: »
    I agree there. Sorry if I was harsh. I don't get people who have never married saying marriage is to be avoided, or those who had a marriage breakdown deciding marriage full stop is a bad idea. Marriage isn't the issue there - the people (or one of them) in the marriage are!
    And on the flip side, those who have a great marriage don't speak for all marriages either.

    The difference between mad dog and me is experience. I have it, he doesn't. He knows only what it is to be happily married, I know both sides of marriage, the good one and the one where it all goes to pot.

    So it is very funny, a bit unnerving and somewhat perplexing when someone with less experience of marriage than me feels sorry for me - it's like saying: hey you got out but what you had is all crap and you don't know what you are talking about because it's there in your past.

    No. It's precisely because it is all in my past that I know what I am talking about. My experience of marriage, or of being happy outside wedlock is no less valid than yours, however much you want to pretend happily married is the only way to be happy in a couple, period. It patently is not, all the patronising shyte talk aside - but will mad dog ever accept that? No, he won't.

    Except in the case of experience. Which I wouldn't wish on him or anyone.


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    #84
    DukeOfTheSharp
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭DukeOfTheSharp


    Marriage doesn't really mesh with me to be honest, mostly because in my family, divorce is the norm and relationships rarely last. I chock that up to the relatively unhealthy family life we had growing up, same with our various cousins, basically one side of the family is a mess when it comes to marriage.

    Couple that with the fact that over the years my health has been...well, awful, and I fear that I may pass that down genetically to a child, to the point where I genuinely don't want children who'd have to live through the hell I did, and you've got a one-two punch of BS that makes it difficult to commit to something long-term without the prospect of marriage. I get the appeal, I honestly do, but I've always maintained that the moment you start having arguments about what colour curtains to put in the kitchen, love has died and it's all over.


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    #85
    IvyTheTerrible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,949 ✭✭✭✭IvyTheTerrible


    For me, it wasn't. We were together 9 years before we decided to get married, two months later we had our ideal low-key wedding with 20 people. I love being married to him. But I'd never presume to tell other people that marriage is the only way to go. It works for us, that's all.


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    #86
    _Jamie_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 603 ✭✭✭_Jamie_


    Richard Hillman wrote: »
    It is absolutely stone wall crazy for any man to marry a woman. You are signing away most of your savings and a chunk of your future earnings just to 'secure' one woman. It makes no sense.

    That works both ways; this isn't America. If the woman earns more and the marriage hits the skids, she'll be the one paying more.


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    #87
    LordSutch
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,078 ✭✭✭✭LordSutch


    Love, honour & obey, and you'll be fine...


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    #88
    kuntboy
    Registered Users Posts: 290 ✭✭kuntboy


    It is high time the entire divorce/defacto laws were changed. Women are not entitled to 50%+ of a mans money, for any reason. In fact you are entitled to jack 5hit.

    The fact that you "gave up the best years of your life" or your career to "look after the kids" or whatever is irrelevant. Men should be liable for child support and nothing else. Go out and get a job like everyone else.

    Hey, you wanted equality, you got it.


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    #89
    failinis
    Registered Users Posts: 1,691 ✭✭✭failinis


    I think marriage is a risk because you either will continue bein head over heels for the person (with some ups and downs as thats life) or you grow to resent the person but you both know its a bit late in the game to go hunt for someone else and you dont want to die alone even if you hate the other partner. I do not think I will marry.


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    #90
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    Ayuntamiento wrote: »
    Marriage is the best thing I ever did. I'm incredibly happy that I get to spend the rest of my life with this incredible person. Maybe I got lucky though.

    That makes 2 of us...luck must have been in abundance that day:)


    Note: I'm married to someone other than Ayuntamiento :D


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    #91
    Fuzzytrooper
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 896 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fuzzytrooper


    Marrying Mrs.Trooper is one of the best decisions I ever made. I think a lot of people though are too quick to jump into it with the wrong person.


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