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Is Marriage to much of a risk ?

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    #212
    harry Bailey esq
    Registered Users Posts: 4,814 ✭✭✭harry Bailey esq


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    Me personally can never see myself tying the knot. How about you good folks of after after hours ?

    I can,it wont be to yourself though jim,you're probably an excellent and indeed eligible suitor, but if your name is anything to go by,you are of the wrong gender unfortunately jimmy :( I hope you eventually find the one.


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    #213
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Citrus Strike wrote: »
    The majority of wives do not fancy their husband, only a small percentage of men are sexy, this is why chore sex and choreplay is so common. There aren't enough sexy men to go around.

    This makes sense evolutionarily, it makes sense that women would only be attracted to top level men for the best genes for their children.

    Go away.


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    #214
    Sgt Pepper 64
    Registered Users Posts: 9,627 ✭✭✭Sgt Pepper 64


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    Me personally can never see myself tying the knot. How about you good folks of after after hours ?

    maybe......everyone loves a prison marriage don't they?


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    #215
    ceadaoin.
    Registered Users Posts: 8,174 ✭✭✭ceadaoin.


    FortySeven wrote: »
    They inevitably remain in the family home whilst the male is forced to leave.

    Women generally come out of family court much better off, especially if they are prepared to fight dirty.

    Women receive child benefit even in shared custody situations giving them a financial advantage.

    Women will see more of the children usually. Even in no fault break ups.

    For a few. There are many more ways. I don't think there are many who aren't aware of this discrepancy in this country.

    Of course, there is no incentive for women to acknowledge this fact.

    It's not like those things happen for no reason. Women are far more likely to be the primary carer to any children, even when they also work full time. This is usually why they are awarded custody more frequently and get to stay in the family home with said children, because it is what is best for them.

    Women are also more likely to have a lower earning potential after having children whilst the husbands career progressing unhindered. This is why in some cases spousal maintenance is awarded.


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    #216
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    FortySeven wrote: »
    A good post and I largely agree.

    As you can see from intheclouds post, while it may be well recognised that fathers finish last it is not widely acknowledged.

    Groups like women's aid still actively campaign to retain the gender imbalances in family court and even to extend them.

    I agree that most don't go to extremes and I'm not slating anyone here. Just pointing out how in some cases men are going to get shafted. Legally.

    In a discussion pertaining to the risks of marriage it is deserving of mention.

    In marriages where there are no children it's 50/50 who stays in the family home, if anyone. I know one wife who was court ordered to pay spousal support to her husband in Ireland. But usually the family home is sold in that case.

    Obviously if a woman has had children has missed out getting further in her career and is usually the one who has spent more time caring for the kids so for their sakes it makes sense that she stays in the family home. The clue is in the word 'family'.

    You seem sore that a mans family is not made homeless and destitute upon divorce. That's a pretty shabby way to view women and children.


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    #217
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    FortySeven wrote: »
    I'm on my phone so I can't be bothered doing a statistical survey and data dump on here but I can back these statements with figures and relevant legislation.

    There are plenty groups funded and fighting for fathers rights.

    How many for mothers? Ever ask yourself why?

    Unmarried fathers rights. No one us disagreeing that fathers rights are lacking in Ireland. But this is a thread about marriage. Married parents have the same rights to their kids.


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    #218
    pilly
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,005 ✭✭✭pilly


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    Having bad experiences in life does not mean that you've "seen more of life" ........ it just means you have had bad experiences .......... there's people in their 90's who've had extremely happy lives/marriages ......... do you think you are more "life-experienced" than them?

    Just stop digging MadDog, you made an extremely condescending comment by saying you "felt sorry" for anyone who hadn't your experience of marriage. It was maybe just badly phrased but came across as pompous and arrogant all the same. It's not the same as having a great holiday. I wouldn't come back from a great holiday and say I "felt sorry" for all the people in the world who hadn't been there. :D Seriously, stop digging.


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    #219
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #220
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #221
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #222
    Ayuntamiento
    Registered Users Posts: 346 ✭✭Ayuntamiento


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Next time you go on holidays abroad, set aside a day to get married! There are lots places, even within Europe, where you only need to give 48hrs notice and the ceremony takes 20min approx. They still make it feel very special.
    Where we got married, the entire thing cost about €300. It was in a beautiful old city in Southern European which neither of us had ever visited before. The weather was amazing. We got incredible wedding photos of the 2 of us walking around this beautiful city in our wedding finery. We had 2 people who worked in the registry office as witnesses. And legally we're 100% as married as those people who spend 20k for a rainy day in an Irish country hotel.
    It felt like the biggest adventure of my life. I know I'd be with my husband forever whether we'd married or not but things are even better now (which I wouldn't have thought possible).


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    #223
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #224
    Ayuntamiento
    Registered Users Posts: 346 ✭✭Ayuntamiento


    sashafierce wrote: »
    Sounds lovely and if I ever get married we will do something like that. The big hullabaloo of two years savings and the traditional wedding is just not my taste and really not a priority for me financially. Were your family offended they weren't there?

    My family didn't mind at all. Once I explained that it was about the fact that we wanted it to be low key (like yourself, I'd probably die if I was centre of attention for even 5 seconds!) and inexpensive, they were all in agreement. In fact I feel I took a lot of pressure off them as there was no huge wedding for them to contribute to and they were glad that we'd be in a position straight after to buy our first home.
    I think my husband's mother was a little bit upset initially but she has 3 other children to marry off! One of them is engaged now and planning the big traditional wedding. Ultimately she wanted a good relationship with her son and daughter-in-law so by the time we visited her she was really happy for us.
    We got a tax refund of €2k last year just because we were married which was a huge help towards buying a house. I haven't had a single reason to regret it. If you want to know any details about where we got married I can PM details of our lovely wedding planner.


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    #225
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    :confused: Isn't it always??? Unless people are now marrying themselves!!! :D


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    #226
    mzungu
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,308 Mod ✭✭✭✭mzungu


    MadDog76 wrote: »
    :confused: Isn't it always??? Unless people are now marrying themselves!!! :D

    Some people are.
    Sologamy isn't recognized in the US or Europe. However, while it might not be a legally binding union, it is part of a growing self-empowerment movement. The benefits are plentiful—no pressure to change your perfectly decent surname, no doing sex with the same body again and again, no resentment over a lopsided chore schedule. It's all about real self-love. So you can see why people are into it.

    http://www.vice.com/read/life-after-marrying-yourself


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    #227
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    mzungu wrote: »
    Some people are.



    http://www.vice.com/read/life-after-marrying-yourself

    At last!! :D


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    #228
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #229
    Advbrd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 619 ✭✭✭Advbrd


    mzungu wrote: »
    Some people are.



    http://www.vice.com/read/life-after-marrying-yourself

    That's batsh1t mad.


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    #230
    Mortpourvelo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 393 ✭✭Mortpourvelo


    Advbrd wrote: »
    That's batsh1t mad.

    Oh I dunno, there's many a bloke having sex with himself - maybe the hand insisted he put a ring on it ????


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    #231
    RobertKK
    Registered Users Posts: 33,746 ✭✭✭✭RobertKK


    TeaBagMania wrote: »
    knew a guy that inherited half a mill, got married a year later, two years after that SHE wants a divorce and took 250K with her.
    yeah if im getting married contract states she leaves with the clothes on her back, period


    I know some here think I am crazy as I voted against divorce, but it is mostly because of property rights that I voted against it.
    I suspect most farmers and self employed business owners voted against it as there is no protection for one's own assets that they enter into marriage with.

    A contract is worthless as pre-nuptial agreements which is a contract is worthless in Irish law.
    One needs to find the person who loves them before they have any sort of decent wealth, given if one party to the marriage is far wealthier than the other, when you sign the civil marriage marriage form, the person with the most wealth is transferring wealth to the other person.
    I think civil marriage is a joke at the way it is designed to allow wealthier people to be ripped off.


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    #232
    TeaBagMania
    Registered Users Posts: 1,192 ✭✭✭TeaBagMania


    RobertKK wrote: »
    I think civil marriage is a joke at the way it is designed to allow wealthier people to be ripped off.
    Indeed it is, oh and to add insult to injury the fellow I was referring too had to pay child support because he had adopted his then wife s son.
    If a couple build wealth together over time than absolutely it should be split evenly. I just don t understand how after a few years of marriage the other half is entitled to half of what they didn t contribute or earn


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    #233
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Actually getting married to her made all the difference in the world ........


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    #234
    Shergar6
    Registered Users Posts: 219 ✭✭Shergar6


    Nah, no interest in getting married. Never have really. I don't even like weddings. Such long and dreary days making small talk with people you barely know most of the time, or having to spend a whole day with the relations you can't stand. Then the expense when it's your own wedding is obviously nuts. Not cheap as a guest either seeing as people would probably think you were stingy if you gave any less than 100euro, or 200e for the real yuppies. Then having rig yourself out is stupid money, especially for women with fake tans, nails, up do's etc. Hotel costs then in some cases.

    Total con job imo. Each to their own but in any case i don't think people should get married until they are well into their 30s considering the amount of people that break up these days. Age can't guarantee a marriage that works of course but you should have some idea about what you can and can't live with by 35.

    As for pre-nups - i don't think it's right for a partner to get half of your wealth unless they've literally been with you for 30 years and you dump them during a mid-life crisis. I think women especially make a lot of sacrifices in a marriage, having to take time off work to have kids, lost promotional opportunities, not moving up the salary scale etc - so in that respect i think they should be looked after during a split. It's the gamble you take when you tell somebody you want them to share your life until death do you part.

    And honestly, these middle aged/old men dumping the college sweethearts for a 25 year old who leaves them 3 years later deserve to lose half of what they have. Stupid and delusional or what!


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    #235
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #236
    Mortpourvelo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 393 ✭✭Mortpourvelo


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Some guff about "feeling more connected".

    I always take that to mean "more paperwork to leg it".

    Marriage - not for me. Not even to myself!

    I've a mate who is literally desperate to be married, it's scary.


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    #237
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    Mortpourvelo wrote: »
    Some guff about "feeling more connected".

    I always take that to mean "more paperwork to leg it".

    Marriage - not for me. Not even to myself!

    I've a mate who is literally desperate to be married, it's scary.

    Funnily enough, it did make me feel more connected with my wife because I had found someone to make that commitment to and I was delighted to do it as was she(and it's nothing to do with the paperwork required to leg it…). I know it's easy to be cynical about it and we probably would have been grand to coast along in the relationship as it was but making that commitment to each other was important to us. I'm not going to espouse that it's the way that every couple should do it and it's going to make a difference to their relationships. It isn't and it mightn't change your relationship for the better and it could quite possibly make things a lot worse as in the case of minikin but it worked for us.

    You don't want to get married, that's cool. Your friend who is desperate to get married for the sake of it? That is scary… Marriage as part of a checklist of things to do in life is really not the way to be looking at it.


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    #238
    Mortpourvelo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 393 ✭✭Mortpourvelo


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    Funnily enough, it did make me feel more connected with my wife because I had found someone to make that commitment to and I was delighted to do it as was she(and it's nothing to do with the paperwork required to leg it…). I know it's easy to be cynical about and we probably would have been grand to coast along in the relationship as it was but making that commitment to each other was important to us. I'm not going to espouse that it's the way that every couple should do it and it's going to make a difference to their relationships. It isn't and it mightn't change your relationship for the better and it could quite possibly make things a lot worse as in the case of minikin but it worked for us.

    You don't want to get married, that's cool. Your friend who is desperate to get married for the sake of it? That is scary… Marriage as part of a checklist of things to do in life is really not the way to be looking at it.

    By 30 or she's "failed at life".

    The woman has a PhD ffs!!!!!

    Mahzel'tov btw - not for me like I said but the world needs happiness, so good on you and Mrs Nugget. Assuming she didn't keep her name!


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    #239
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #240
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #241
    MadDog76
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,162 ✭✭✭MadDog76


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    If you're ever lucky enough to marry "The One" you'll have the answer to your question .........


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