Is Marriage to much of a risk ?

Ayuntamiento

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Of course there is. I was being a bit tongue in cheek. Like you a big white wedding is not something I want and I don't believe in Prince Charming. That's the thing, I don't believe in 'oh you haven't met the right person'. Marriage is for some people and it's not for others.

The concept of marriage is committing to love somebody, be loyal to them, support them no matter what, have fun with them, share their life adventures, celebrate their successes, console them in their failures.
What kind of person wouldn't want that in their life?

Colser

ChikiChiki wrote:

Seriously does anyone else think that staying with one person for 40+ years is not normal or is it just me. I think in the confines of marriage we should be allowed stray outside every so often. That's just my opinion.

Doesn't that defeat the point of marriage though..why marry someone if you want to stray?

I'm a total cynic where marriage/cohabiting is concerned..too easy to get into and ridiculously difficult to get out of imo.

Barry Badrinath

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

The concept of marriage is committing to love somebody, be loyal to them, support them no matter what, have fun with them, share their life adventures, celebrate their successes, console them in their failures.
What kind of person wouldn't want that in their life?

You can do that without marriage.

Temptamperu

As a pretend jedi im not allowed get married.

Tauriel

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

The concept of marriage is committing to love somebody, be loyal to them, support them no matter what, have fun with them, share their life adventures, celebrate their successes, console them in their failures.
What kind of person wouldn't want that in their life?

Someone who doesn't want to be a caregiver for the rest of their life

Ayuntamiento

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

The concept of marriage is committing to love somebody, be loyal to them, support them no matter what, have fun with them, share their life adventures, celebrate their successes, console them in their failures.
What kind of person wouldn't want that in their life?

Somebody who believes they can have that without needing to sign a piece of paper. To be honest I do understand why it's important to some people. We are all different. It's not for me to say "oh would you be bothered getting married". It's just not something I feel is necessary for me.

Edited to add that there is a huge emotional risk in committing to a relationship. If all you've ever known is heartache and loss then chances are you will be slow to open yourself up to what you describe.

pragmatic1

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

But why do family relationships not have a time limit? Because you accept your family for who they are and try to love them unconditionally.
I don't see why the same idea can't be applied to marriage.

It's the DNA. It's an animal instinct thing with family. Even nieces and nephews, I'd put myself in danger for their well being. Which logically doesn't make much sense as I have interactions with friends on a much more regular basis.

dd972

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Me personally can never see myself tying the knot. How about you good folks of after after hours ?

What OP?, are you telling us that you can't find some stranger whom you've got a stronger bond with than your parents, siblings or closet friends? This is the easiest thing to do in the world, what's wrong with you?!!!:eek:

(That was from the perspective of the married smuggo's), another poster on boards got it in one when they said that the most successful and long lasting marriages are between a couple of c**ts who form a pact for getting what they want out of life and screwing people people over.

Dr Crayfish

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

The concept of marriage is committing to love somebody, be loyal to them, support them no matter what, have fun with them, share their life adventures, celebrate their successes, console them in their failures.
What kind of person wouldn't want that in their life?

Well, me! Maybe I'll change over time, but right now, having someone all up in my grill all the time sounds like hell to me. I don't particularly need anyone, I have plenty of friends and things to keep me busy. I am content the way things are!

Temptamperu

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Well, me! Maybe I'll change over time, but right now, having someone all up in my grill all the time sounds like hell to me. I don't particularly need anyone, I have plenty of friends and things to keep me busy. I am content the way things are!

they dont let you play video games either... Bunch of C**TS :pac:

John_Rambo

Thankfully child marriage is illegal in Ireland. You're safe for now.

Ayuntamiento

Well it works for me and I was just trying to give my perspective. I'm obviously much too smug and happy for some of the people on this thread! I can tell some of you have been badly burned before.
Do what you want as long as it makes you happy!

Pac1Man

I couldn't do the typical wedding day. All that attention would freak me out. Plus pissing away the guts of 20k for it too! Insane.

ChikiChiki

Pac1Man wrote: »

I couldn't do the typical wedding day. All that attention would freak me out. Plus pissing away the guts of 20k for it too! Insane.

Know a lad that spent 30k (some saved, some borrowed) on his wedding and she did the dirty on him 7 months later.

Pac1Man

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Know a lad that spent 30k (some saved, some borrowed) on his wedding and she did the dirty on him 7 months later.

Sweet Jesus! The borrowed bit suprises me the most about that example, whatever about spending your own money.

If I was to ever do it, it would be for the legal advantages and the process would be completed as such. Into an office, couple of witnesses, sign the document, home before lunch.

saintsaltynuts

Don't Do It.

misstearheus

This has made me wonder now if there's many out there that have only ever slept with the guy they married... Don't think I'd like that somehow. Miss out experiencing different guys big time! But I guess they mightn't see it like that if they're happy out with just one guy.

9or10

bee06 wrote: »

For me, marriage was the obvious thing to do from a legal standpoint, a financial standpoint (tax benefits) and at the end of the day, he's the only man I've ever loved and my life would be crappy without him.

Is that you Bridie? Never knew ye had a Boards a/c

Dr Crayfish

misstearheus wrote: »

This has made me wonder now if there's many out there that have only ever slept with the guy they married... Don't think I'd like that somehow. Miss out experiencing different guys big time! But I guess they mightn't see it like that if they're happy out with just one guy.

It's different now, in my parents day I think most people weren't concerned with sleeping around and trying different sexual partners. Financial stability and having kids seemed to be more important.
We're in a golden age right now of having tonnes of money and choices, at least in this part of the world. I wonder would attitudes to relationships and sex change if we became dirt poor again with little possessions or consumer culture, like it was say 60 years ago? Would people just be glad to have somebody, anybody, to take care of them and to get through their miserable existences with? Too preoccupied by day to day challenges without worrying about not having had enough sex with enough people?

ChippingSodbury

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

What if it all go's tits up in a few years time ?

"Isn't it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"
Tennyson (I think he played for Kilkenny in the 2000's)

Sam Kade

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

Marriage is the best thing I ever did. I'm incredibly happy that I get to spend the rest of my life with this incredible person. Maybe I got lucky though.

You did ya lucky bollix For any man thinking on getting married find a woman that has plenty money and that you really really really get along with

9or10

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

It's different now, in my parents day I think most people weren't concerned with sleeping around and trying different sexual partners. Financial stability and having kids seemed to be more important.
We're in a golden age right now of having tonnes of money and choices, at least in this part of the world. I wonder would attitudes to relationships and sex change if we became dirt poor again with little possessions or consumer culture, like it was say 60 years ago? Would people just be glad to have somebody, anybody, to take care of them and to get through their miserable existences with? Too preoccupied by day to day challenges without worrying about not having had enough sex with enough people?

Yes.

Heard a thing on Newstalk about Ireland just after the famine. If you were born on a farm the eldest lad would inherit but couldn't marry until Mum and Dad passed on. Any daughters were married off.

Even worse for the 2nd or 3rd sons. Any really bright could maybe get into the priesthood. Otherwise they stayed working the farm for little more than a roof and food and never married.

Not so great

Dr Crayfish

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

I wonder would attitudes to relationships and sex change if we became dirt poor again with little possessions or consumer culture, like it was say 60 years ago? Would people just be glad to have somebody, anybody, to take care of them and to get through their miserable existences with? Too preoccupied by day to day challenges without worrying about not having had enough sex with enough people?

Jesus, I read that again, I sound like I'm narrating a Sex and the City episode

indioblack

My regret is not marrying and having children.
We were the children of a ghastly childhood - the result of a marriage that should never have been.
My parents conducted an extremely unpleasant war with each other from the earliest time us children could remember, through our teenage years and after. They never seriously attempted to do anything about their incompatibility, never considered divorce until my father finally left - they divorced 10 years after - bit late then!
They had little regard for their children, they were more concerned about themselves and their feuding. These were the most important, formative years for us as children and they were completely overshadowed by our parents fighting - everything else, the child's needs, future, was ignored. Decades later the price is still being paid.
I developed a cynical, mistrustful attitude towards marriage and commitment. It felt like a trap.
I told my story to a friend and she asked me, "If you were married, would you behave as your parents had? Even if there were difficulties, wouldn't you still try to do the best for your children? "Of course, I would", I answered.
"There you are then", she replied, "you learned a hard lesson from your own childhood, so you wouldn't have inflicted those experiences on your own children. You should have married".

Pherekydes

Tied the knot twice. Untied the first one.

First was a disaster. Second time around is much better.

Life is so very, very short. I cannot believe how fast the years and decades have gone.

Whatever you do, be conscious of that. Life is tough, and if you think about what its meaning is too much it can be very dark and pointless. Distractions are often essential for our sanity, as much as we might aspire to be brave and keep all sorts of hard-arsed rational principles from our younger most vibrant days. Perspectives change as we go through life because, in large part, we become more conscious of our own mortality.

Whether you choose marriage or a long-term relationship if it lasts it's going to have to fulfil the basic needs of human beings, this sort of stuff.

If you're not in a meaningful relationship where love, vulnerability, interdepedency, support, goodwill and love (again) is what it thrives on, you should be making an amazing life for yourself with that freedom you have from being single.

If I could, I'd take a career break and travel the world and go off to some monastic community and connect with life at some deeper, spiritual level. For the next few years, however, it looks like I'll be getting up every night feeding/consoling babies. There's a contrast. In hindsight, I should have valued my single years much more. In other words, there are huge advantages in being single but I suspect most of you singletons are not maximising those advantages by being some sort of trailblazing artist/writer/business person building something great with all your free time. At that rate, you might as well join us boring defeated sorts and get into a serious, meaningful relationship because, as I said at the start, life is ridiculously short and what could be a better, richer experience in life than giving love to, and being loved by, another human being at the deepest level of our short existence?

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Life is so very, very short. I cannot believe how fast the years and decades have gone.

Whatever you do, be conscious of that. Life is tough, and if you think about what its meaning is too much it can be very dark and pointless. Distractions are often essential for our sanity, as much as we might aspire to be brave and keep all sorts of hard-arsed rational principles from our younger most vibrant days. Perspectives change as we go through life because, in large part, we become more conscious of our own mortality.

Whether you choose marriage or a long-term relationship if it lasts it's going to have to fulfil the basic needs of human beings, this sort of stuff.

If you're not in a meaningful relationship where love, vulnerability, interdepedency, support, goodwill and love (again) is what it thrives on, you should be making an amazing life for yourself with that freedom you have from being single.

If I could, I'd take a career break and travel the world and go off to some monastic community and connect with life at some deeper, spiritual level. For the next few years, however, it looks like I'll be getting up every night feeding/consoling babies. There's a contrast. In hindsight, I should have valued my single years much more. In other words, there are huge advantages in being single but I suspect most of you singletons are not maximising those advantages by being some sort of trailblazing artist/writer/business person building something great with all your free time. At that rate, you might as well join us boring defeated sorts and get into a serious, meaningful relationship because, as I said at the start, life is ridiculously short and what could be a better, richer experience in life than giving love to, and being loved by, another human being at the deepest level of our short existence?

What could be better is exactly as you describe how single life can be Of course even if single people are not maximising their advantages that still doesn't mean a relationship will make them happy or is something to pursue.

Relationships are difficult, if you have horrible experiences then perhaps concentrate on giving yourself all of that love. There is an arrogance in assuming we all want a happy ending and that there is nothing quite like loving and being loved by another.

misstearheus

Pherekydes wrote: »

Tied the knot twice. Untied the first one.

Post of the day!

tupenny

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Me personally can never see myself tying the knot. How about you good folks of after after hours ?

I'd never do it either. Crazy madness. Been propsosed to and said no thanks. Relationship lasted only a few more years so glad i declined.. I've mates getting engaged ever weekend lately and i genuinely feel nauseous for them. Its a scarey concept imo

Dr Crayfish

Circonflexe wrote: »

I find it incredible that so many people choose to only have sex with one person for the rest of their life, to never have that thrill and excitement of sex with a new person ever again.

They are probably seeking something deeper than the short lasting thrill of carnal pleasure. It's not rocket science.