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Confused About my fiancé watching gay porn

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    #62
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    So if man marries a women and he is a closeted gay but doesn't act on it you think that's ok? Wouldn't it be fair to say that the marriage is a sham and he is denying her a chance of real happyness.
    Total strawman. Have an honest argument at least.


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    #63
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    TheChizler wrote: »
    Total strawman. Have an honest argument at least.

    So you think it's ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women and deny her of a real relationship. Thought as much


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    #64
    Goodshape
    Registered Users Posts: 8,488 ✭✭✭Goodshape


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    So you think it's ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women and deny her of a real relationship. Thought as much

    So you have the ability and the right to dictate a strangers sexuality to them based on their supposed porn habits?

    Really?


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    #65
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    Goodshape wrote: »
    So you have the ability and the right to dictate a strangers sexuality to them based on their supposed porn habits?

    Really?

    Nothing supposed about it. And what I said was in relation to what jim said, so you to think its ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women as long as he doesn't act on it. Another women denied a fair shot at life partner.

    Really?


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    #66
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    So if man marries a women and he is a closeted gay but doesn't act on it you think that's ok? Wouldn't it be fair to say that the marriage is a sham and he is denying her a chance of real happyness.


    He watched some gay porn does not mean he is a closet gay man.
    You seem to have problems with this point.

    I was married for over a decade to a woman, I never cheated and I watch gay porn from time to time. And No I am not gay. At least I don't see myself as a "Gay man"


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    #67
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    Nothing supposed about it. And what I said was in relation to what jim said, so you to think its ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women as long as he doesn't act on it. Another women denied a fair shot at life partner.

    Really?

    Were not talking about closeted gay man... totally different subject.
    Were taking about the OP's fiance who watched a bit of gay porn.


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    #68
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    He watched some gay porn does not mean he is a closet gay man.
    You seem to have problems with this point.

    I was married for over a decade to a woman, I never cheated and I watch gay porn from time to time. And No I am not gay.

    You're the one who says a partner can have feelings but as long as he doesn't act on them its fine the other half doesn't have to know. To which I said thats fine unless he's gay,as he's denying her a chance of real happyness which you yet to answer so you must believe it to be true.


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    #69
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Were not talking about closeted gay man... totally different subject.
    Were taking about the OP's fiance who watched a bit of gay porn.

    For all we know he could be closeted gay so you can't say we aren't talking about a closeted gay man. So do you think its ok for a closeted gay man to marry women yes or no?


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    #70
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    You're the one who says a partner can have feelings but as long as he doesn't act on them its fine the other half doesn't have to know. To which I said thats fine unless he's gay,as he's denying her a chance of real happyness which you yet to answer so you must believe it to be true.

    Porn, fantasy and "feelings" are very different things.

    Watching gay porn does not equal being gay or gay feelings. It does not work like that. He could be BI and he could be straight and just have a odd sex fantasy about a man.


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    #71
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    Goodshape wrote: »
    So you have the ability and the right to dictate a strangers sexuality to them based on their supposed porn habits?

    Really?

    Yes absolutely. If they are consistently watching gay porn then they are absolutely not straight.
    Isn't the gay community always saying that you don't 'choose' to be gay - it is just how you naturally are? If that's the case then surely you cant 'choose' to be straight if you are gay?
    If this guy is pretending to his fiance that he is straight (when he is obviously bi sexual or gay in denial) then he is lying to her. That's unfair on his partner and no way to start a marriage.
    The Gay community won a great victory for marriage equality recently. I would therefore think they should show more respect for marriage than is reflected here.


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    #72
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    For all we know he could be closeted gay so you can't say we aren't talking about a closeted gay man. So do you think its ok for a closeted gay man to marry women yes or no?

    Nothing suggests he is closeted gay from what the OP posted.
    Just that he watches a variety of porn including gay porn.

    You are the one jumping to conclusion that he's gay and there is simply noway you can know that, and no evidence has been mentioned by the OP that suggests to me he is.


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    #73
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Porn, fantasy and "feelings" are very different things.

    Watching gay porn does not equal being gay or gay feelings. It does not work like that. He could be BI and he could be straight and just have a odd sex fantasy about a man.

    'The odd sex fantasy about a man' - bisexual or gay.
    Watching gay porn regularly = bisexual or gay.
    Getting married to a woman = straight.
    He is lying.


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    #74
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    LorMal wrote: »
    (when he is obviously bi sexual or gay in denial)

    :rolleyes:

    Then I must be obviously a lesbian space adventurer from the 22nd century


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    #75
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Nothing suggests he is closeted gay from what the OP posted.
    Just that he watches a variety of porn including gay porn.

    You are the one jumping to conclusion that he's gay and there is simply noway you can know that, and no evidence has been mentioned by the OP that suggests to me he is.

    Still hasn't answered does he think its ok for a closeted man to marry a women. You said you watch gay porn and you're marriage failed so maybe you're another closet case in denial hence you don't want to condemne yourself. Lol no evidence to suggest he's gay apart from **** to two men having sex frequently.


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    #76
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    LorMal wrote: »
    'The odd sex fantasy about a man' - bisexual or gay.
    Watching gay porn regularly = bisexual or gay.
    Getting married to a woman = straight.
    He is lying.

    Watching gay porn regularly = Fantasy
    Getting married to someone you love = Happy days


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    #77
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    Still hasn't answered does he think its ok for a closeted man to marry a women. You said you watch gay porn and you're marriage failed so maybe you're another closet case in denial hence you don't want to condemne yourself. Lol no evidence to suggest he's gay apart from **** to two men having sex frequently.

    I have not answered because it's not the topic.
    The topic is not:

    "Do you think it's okay for a closeted man or woman to marry and not disclose"

    Happy to discuss that in a different thread with you.


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    #78
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    'The odd sex fantasy about a man' - bisexual or gay.

    Nope, just means he has the odd sex fantasy about a man. I have the odd sex fantasy about friends, doesn't mean I actually want to bang them.
    LorMal wrote: »
    Watching gay porn regularly = bisexual or gay.

    Again, nope. Just means he likes it. Again, I am a gold star lesbian, and I watch porn with dudes in it.
    LorMal wrote: »
    Getting married to a woman = straight.
    He is lying.

    Again, nope. He may be bisexual. He may not want to tell his fiance that because he fears it may break up a very happy relationship. Many many people fear bisexuality because they assume being bi = going to shag around. It is so not true. I can't blame him tbh, lots of people on this thread seem to assume that he can't possibly love a person and still have sexual desires for other people. Why is it so hard to understand?


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    #79
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    I have not answered because it's not the topic.
    The topic is not:

    "Do you think it's okay for a closeted man or woman to marry and not disclose"

    Happy to discuss that in a different thread with you.

    Simple yes or no and you don't want to answer because you think its ok. No other reason. You don't want to condemn yourself so I understand


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    #80
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Watching gay porn regularly = Fantasy
    Getting married to someone you love = Happy days

    Nonsense.

    If you are having gay fantasies, you are not straight. Straight people do NOT regularly have gay fantasies.

    Getting married to someone you love = Happy Days IF they are not lying to you about their sexuality and therefore entering into a lifetime commitment to you with their fingers crossed behind their backs.


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    #81
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    Still hasn't answered does he think its ok for a closeted man to marry a women. You said you watch gay porn and you're marriage failed so maybe you're another closet case in denial hence you don't want to condemne yourself. Lol no evidence to suggest he's gay apart from **** to two men having sex frequently.

    My own marriage failed due to my wife having a nervous breakdown caring for my autistic son. That might sound hash but it's the truth, my wife has mental health issues including long deep depression during that she also went and cheated.

    It's complex but has nothing to do with me watching gay porn.,


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    #82
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    LorMal wrote: »
    Nonsense.

    If you are having gay fantasies, you are not straight. Straight people do NOT regularly have gay fantasies.

    Getting married to someone you love = Happy Days IF they are not lying to you about their sexuality and therefore entering into a lifetime commitment to you with their fingers crossed behind their backs.

    gay fantasies is just a fantasy. Many have a fantasy now and then, does not mean he/she is going to cheat or not be a good husband/wife.


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    #83
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Nope, just means he has the odd sex fantasy about a man. I have the odd sex fantasy about friends, doesn't mean I actually want to bang them.

    Again, nope. Just means he likes it. Again, I am a gold star lesbian, and I watch porn with dudes in it.

    Again, nope. He may be bisexual. He may not want to tell his fiance that because he fears it may break up a very happy relationship. Many many people fear bisexuality because they assume being bi = going to shag around. It is so not true. I can't blame him tbh, lots of people on this thread seem to assume that he can't possibly love a person and still have sexual desires for other people. Why is it so hard to understand?

    Is he telling here he is bisexual? No. Do you think they might be a bit of an issue?


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    #84
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    Is he telling here he is bisexual? No. Do you think they might be a bit of an issue?

    What?


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    #85
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    gay fantasies is just a fantasy. Many have a fantasy now and then, does not mean he/she is going to cheat or not be a good husband/wife.

    Jim, people have fantasies all the time. If you have a homo erotic fantasy on a regular basis, you are not straight.
    He may not cheat on her. But if he is not straight then the likelihood is that he will.


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    #86
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    He may be bisexual. He may not want to tell his fiance that because he fears it may break up a very happy relationship. Many many people fear bisexuality because they assume being bi = going to shag around. It is so not true. I can't blame him tbh, lots of people on this thread seem to assume that he can't possibly love a person and still have sexual desires for other people. Why is it so hard to understand?

    Why is it hard to understand, I think it's just that some people secretly or not so secretly fear what they don't understand and live with closed minds towards the world around them.


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    #87
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    Is he telling here he is bisexual? No. Do you think they might be a bit of an issue?
    Why do you think it's an issue if it's true? You've stated that you think that it's an issue (actually stated categorically that it IS an issue) and been asked enough times why you think this is.


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    #88
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    What?

    Sorry - spelling error.
    If he is not telling her he is bisexual,(in fact denying it) then surely that's an issue? She certainly cares - it's why she posted about it in the first place!


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    #89
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    LorMal wrote: »
    Jim, people have fantasies all the time. If you have a homo erotic fantasy on a regular basis, you are not straight.
    He may not cheat on her. But if he is not straight then the likelihood is that he will.

    How do you jump to the conclusion that he is likely to cheat ?
    I know huge amount of straight women and men that cheat on each other so I would love to hear any proof you have this man will likely cheat.


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    #90
    28064212
    Registered Users Posts: 10,515 ✭✭✭✭28064212


    LorMal wrote: »
    But if he is not straight then the likelihood is that he will.
    Probably going to regret asking this, but what do you mean by that quote?

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    #91
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    My own marriage failed due to my wife having a nervous breakdown caring for my autistic son. That might sound hash but it's the truth, my wife has mental health issues including long deep depression during that she also went and cheated.

    It's complex but has nothing to do with me watching gay porn.,

    So you say all that about yourself but won't answer if you think it's ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women? Interesting


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