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Confused About my fiancé watching gay porn

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    #92
    syklops
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,966 ✭✭✭✭syklops


    I seem to have wandered into a thread from the 1930s.


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    #93
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    Sorry - spelling error.
    If he is not telling her he is bisexual,(in fact denying it) then surely that's an issue? She certainly cares - it's why she posted about it in the first place!
    And it could be, you know, the truth.


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    #94
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    But if he is not straight then the likelihood is that he will.

    You are wrong. You're basically saying all bisexual people cheat. Ok, I know the OP's fiance may not be bisexual, but by saying that if you're not straight, you'll cheat it amounts to the same thing.

    That is incorrect.

    Look, if the OP is even still reading this, just remember, he is still the man you love and no doubt he loves you. Very few people will marry someone in this day and age if they don't love them. He may be confused about his sexuality, and that sucks for you, but he's not deliberately trying to hurt you.


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    #95
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    So you say all that about yourself but won't answer if you think it's ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women? Interesting

    My own wife and I met in a gay bar so she knew. She was holding a young man's hand at the time who was coming out for the first time. I hit on her and not on him, he was not my type.

    But the thread is not about closeted gay man or women getting married. Start a new thread and ill answer you.

    This is about the OP's situation . Fiance watching a bit of porn on the side.


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    #96
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    TheChizler wrote: »
    Why do you think it's an issue if it's true? You've stated that you think that it's an issue (actually stated categorically that it IS an issue) and been asked enough times why you think this is.

    Because:
    1. he is lying to her about his sexuality
    2. he is likely to act on it eventually
    3. she wants to marry someone stright - which is reasonable given that she is straight
    4. if/when he does have sex outside of the marriage and if he continues to have sex with her, he is exposing her to the risk of STDs
    5. if it turns out he is wholly gay and just in denial she may not have a sex life with him in the near future and will perhaps miss out on having children
    6. because it morally unfair to enter into a lifelong committment on such a serious lie


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    #97
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    My own wife and I met in a gay bar so she knew. She was holding a young man's hand at the time who was coming out for the first time. I hit on her and not on him, he was not my type.

    But the thread is not about closeted gay man or women getting married. Start a new thread and ill answer you.

    This is about the OP's situation . Fiance watching a bit of porn on the side.

    This thread isn't about your wife either but you love talking about her. You met here in a gay bar. You watch gay porn. Hmmm


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    #98
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    TheChizler wrote: »
    And it could be, you know, the truth.

    No way Jose. Why would any straight man watch gay porn on a regular basis??


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    #99
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    Because:
    1. ...
    2. ...
    3. ...
    4. ...
    5. ...
    6. ...
    FYP to leave out some assumptions.


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    #100
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    28064212 wrote: »
    Probably going to regret asking this, but what do you mean by that quote?

    I am probably even more likey to regret answering - Because it is difficult and damaging to suppress your true sexuality in the long term


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    #101
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    Because:
    1. he is lying to her about his sexuality
    2. he is likely to act on it eventually
    3. she wants to marry someone stright - which is reasonable given that she is straight
    4. if/when he does have sex outside of the marriage and if he continues to have sex with her, he is exposing her to the risk of STDs
    5. if it turns out he is wholly gay and just in denial she may not have a sex life with him in the near future and will perhaps miss out on having children
    6. because it morally unfair to enter into a lifelong committment on such a serious lie

    I'm done. I can't even be bothered to pick out the complete lies in your list. You need to work on your assumptions about sexuality.


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    #102
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    LorMal wrote: »
    Because:
    1. he is lying to her about his sexuality
    2. he is likely to act on it eventually
    3. she wants to marry someone stright - which is reasonable given that she is straight
    4. if/when he does have sex outside of the marriage and if he continues to have sex with her, he is exposing her to the risk of STDs
    5. if it turns out he is wholly gay and just in denial she may not have a sex life with him in the near future and will perhaps miss out on having children
    6. because it morally unfair to enter into a lifelong committment on such a serious lie

    So to sum it up you are can I take it your presuming that he will likely cheat because he's not as "straight" as you are ?


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    #103
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    TheChizler wrote: »
    FYP to leave out some assumptions.

    very poor debating technique there Chizler. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. Deleting my points is childish and petulant.


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    #104
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    I'm done. I can't even be bothered to pick out the complete lies in your list. You need to work on your assumptions about sexuality.

    Missing you already


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    #105
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    very poor debating technique there Chizler. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. Deleting my points is childish and petulant.
    And if you post without making massive assumptions or at least explaining the reasoning behind the assumptions we can debate the points you're making


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    #106
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    So to sum it up you are can I take it your presuming that he will likely cheat because he's not as "straight" as you are ?

    Nope - try debating the points i actually make rather than making them up for me


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    #107
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    This thread isn't about your wife either but you love talking about her. You met here in a gay bar. You watch gay porn. Hmmm

    I mentioned that I was faithful during my marriage as example.
    You have linked back to my marriage and insinuated it's linked to my sexuality in your posts. I have been polite enough to answer.
    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    You met here in a gay bar. You watch gay porn. Hmmm

    Did you actually have a question or point to make ?


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    #108
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    Yea my point is you think it's ok for a closeted man to marry a women. You say you don't want to answer it on this thread and the reason is because you think it's ok. Your happy to talk about everything else


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    #109
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    LorMal wrote: »
    Nope - try debating the points i actually make rather than making them up for me

    Your points have a huge error in logic from the start and that is that if and that's a big if he's bi it means he is likely to act it out by cheating. That's what your points seem to be making and it's flawed thinking as far as I am concerned.


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    #110
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    Yea my point is you think it's ok for a closeted man to marry a women. You say you don't want to answer it on this thread and the reason is because you think it's ok. Your happy to talk about everything else

    I never said i thought it was okay.
    I said I will answer that when that is the topic and it's not i've also said that a number of times.

    The topic is the OP and him watching a bit of gay porn on the side.


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    #111
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    Nope - try debating the points i actually make rather than making them up for me

    I actually think we all have been. You just continue to trundle on like someone from the 50's.

    You have said that straight people can't enjoy gay porn and vice versa. I am an example which proves you wrong, yet you don't accept that.

    Many of your points are assumptions, not facts. Bisexual people are NOT more likely to cheat. That is a falsity.

    It is quite possible for a bisexual person to be in love with a person of one gender, and still be attracted to other people, of other genders. Bisexuality does not make you incompatible with monogamy, just like being attracted to other people doesn't make you likely to cheat on your partner, regardless of gender.

    I thought this thread was in PI, hence the bowing out to save myself a ban from dragging off topic in there. I'm not going to sit by and watch you drag bisexuality thorugh the mud and state nonse claims about faithfulness.


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    #112
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    OP if you're still here I think you'd be best paying little attention to the last few pages. Other people's strong opinions don't necessarily have anything to do with your situation. Talk it out with your fiance is all the advice I can give, he may be afraid of people's reactions (such as the ones demonstrated above) and be uncomfortable talking about it. Make it clear that you're ok with his feelings on the subject from the start.


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    #113
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    I never said i thought it was okay.
    I said I will answer that when that is the topic and it's not i've also said that a number of times.

    The topic is the OP and him watching a bit of gay porn on the side.

    And it's a possibility he may well be gay in the closet. It's a possibility and no one can deny that. So it's a fair question


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    #114
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    And it's a possibility he may well be gay in the closet. It's a possibility and no one can deny that. So it's a fair question

    Anything is possible.... He might be dressing up as batman and playing hero at night - who know's. But based on what the OP has said "It's a fella and he watches porn on the side, some of it gay porn"

    Nobody can tell his sexuality be that straight / bi or otherwise based on a few board postings. Only he know that. But what I do know is watching a bit of gay porn does not in itself make you a closet gay man as your trying to make it sound. Your jumping to conclusions all over the thread and not only about the OP's finace.


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    #115
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Anything is possible.... He might be dressing up as batman and playing hero at night - who know's. But based on what the OP has said "It's a fella and he watches porn on the side, some of it gay porn"

    Nobody can tell his sexuality be that straight / bi or otherwise based on a few board postings. Only he know that. But what I do know is watching a bit of gay porn does not in itself make you a closet gay man as your trying to make it sound. Your jumping to conclusions all over the thread and not only about the OP's finace.

    It's a possibility tho. Plenty of closet men would watch gay porn. And that's my point. My question was fair and u refused to answer it


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    #116
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    It's a possibility tho. Plenty of closet men would watch gay porn. And that's my point. My question was fair and u refused to answer it

    Plenty of gay men & woman watch straight porn it's just porn and means nothing.

    And I offered to answer you question a few times. Start a thread on it ill follow it and give you an answer.


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    #117
    pl4ichjgy17zwd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,053 ✭✭✭pl4ichjgy17zwd


    I'm a gay girl and the concept of enjoying gay male porn is alien to me, and after reading that article linked I found the reasonings utterly baffling.

    But why would I assume that because I feel a certain way, everyone should? That a certain identity has only certain ascribed behaviours with nothing else allowed? That I have any sort of right to police how baby and crumble identifies?

    Porn is just porn. The whole idea of it is that it's a fantasy. Almost every person walking around has fantasies they would never dream of or want to act out in real life.


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    #118
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Cory Wonderful Apparel wrote: »
    I'm a gay girl and the concept of enjoying gay male porn is alien to me, and after reading that article linked I found the reasonings utterly baffling.

    But why would I assume that because I feel a certain way, everyone should? That a certain identity has only certain ascribed behaviours with nothing else allowed? That I have any sort of right to police how baby and crumble identifies?

    Porn is just porn. The whole idea of is that it's a fantasy. Almost every person walking around has fantasies they would never dream of or want to act out in real life.

    Good egg. :cool:


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    #119
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,001 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    LorMal wrote: »
    Because:
    1. he is lying to her about his sexuality
    2. he is likely to act on it eventually
    3. she wants to marry someone stright - which is reasonable given that she is straight
    4. if/when he does have sex outside of the marriage and if he continues to have sex with her, he is exposing her to the risk of STDs
    5. if it turns out he is wholly gay and just in denial she may not have a sex life with him in the near future and will perhaps miss out on having children
    6. because it morally unfair to enter into a lifelong committment on such a serious lie

    Who exactly appointed you as an expert on this man? You seem certain that he is gay or bi, certain that he is a liar and certain that he will cheat.

    You don't know for certain he is gay or bi
    You don't know for certain he is a liar
    You don't know for certain he is a cheat.


    Noone can be certain of any those things so to be honest I can't take any of your arguments seriously at all.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #120
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    Plenty of gay men & woman watch straight porn it's just porn and means nothing.

    And I offered to answer you question a few times. Start a thread on it ill follow it and give you an answer.

    For the same sex in it. But come on gay guys watch gay porn so if someone were to watch gay porn it may indicate they're gay. why is that so hard to comprehend. Apparently Everyone who watches gay porn is straight according to u

    You need a new thread to answer yes or no to question. How sad. Don't need to I already know the answer you think it's ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women


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    #121
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    TheChizler wrote: »
    OP if you're still here I think you'd be best paying little attention to the last few pages. Other people's strong opinions don't necessarily have anything to do with your situation. Talk it out with your fiance is all the advice I can give, he may be afraid of people's reactions (such as the ones demonstrated above) and be uncomfortable talking about it. Make it clear that you're ok with his feelings on the subject from the start.

    How patronising - and ill advised. Its this kind of soft soap PC nonsense that will have the poor girl marrying Mr. Gay Porn and then wondering where it all went wrong when he finally comes out in a few years time.

    If he is regularly watching gay porn, he is either bi-sexual or gay. If she is happy with that and wants to go ahead then fine. But if he is suggesting that he is totally straight and watching a lot of gay porn because he has a range of tastes in pornography then I suggest he is completely in denial or lying though his teeth becuse he does not want to admit his true nature..


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