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Confused About my fiancé watching gay porn

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    #122
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,000 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    LorMal wrote: »
    very poor debating technique there Chizler. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. Deleting my points is childish and petulant.

    To be honest all you are doing is asserting your assumptions as factual. Nothing else really. Changing your opinions and assumptions into fact doesn't actually make them factual.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #123
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    How on earth is advising someone to talk to their fiancé before marriage "PC"????


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    #124
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    Who exactly appointed you as an expert on this man? You seem certain that he is gay or bi, certain that he is a liar and certain that he will cheat.

    You don't know for certain he is gay or bi
    You don't know for certain he is a liar
    You don't know for certain he is a cheat.


    Noone can be certain of any those things so to be honest I can't take any of your arguments seriously at all.

    he is n=bi sexual of gay if he regularly watches gay porn, Straight people simply don't. (They may watch once or twice from curiosity maybe but not on an ongoing basis. Why would they?)

    I didnt say he was a liar. I said that if he is watching the gay porn regularly and saying he is totally striaight then he is either lying or in denial.

    I never once suggested he is a cheat.

    So how about arguing against the points I actually make rather than making up your own on my behalf?


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    #125
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,000 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    LorMal wrote: »

    If he is regularly watching gay porn, he is either bi-sexual or gay.

    He might be. He might not be.

    You really don't know for certain. This is merely your opinion not a fact.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #126
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    How on earth is advising someone to talk to their fiancé before marriage "PC"????

    I am very much suggesting she talks to her fiance. What I am suggesting is PC is allowing him to suggest he just has a wide range in tastes in porn but he is actually totally straight. If he is regularly enjoying gay porn, he is either bisexual or gay.


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    #127
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    He might be. He might not be.

    You really don't know for certain. This is merely your opinion not a fact.

    What would you require as evidence of someone being bisexual or gay?


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    #128
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    For the same sex in it. But come on gay guys watch gay porn so if someone were to watch gay porn it may indicate they're gay. why is that so hard to comprehend. Apparently Everyone who watches gay porn is straight according to u

    I never said that at all. Try really reading my posts I'm saying watching porn is just fantasy and does not have to match the person sexual preference. It's just porn.
    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    You need a new thread to answer yes or no to question. How sad. Don't need to I already know the answer you think it's ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women

    No just won't answer that question in this thread. And I've already told you I never said it is okay so please stop saying I think its okay you don't know what I think . I've just told that it's not related to this OP's question or issue faced and it tough if you don't like that I will not answer your questions the way you like it.


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    #129
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Here. Read this and just bog off with your "straight men don't watch gay porn" nonsense.

    http://www.m.dailyxtra.com/node/95712


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    #130
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    This man goes into a pub, OK? A village pub, like this village. He gets himself a drink and sits down in the corner by the fire. And then this other chap comes in a few minutes later, and the barman sees him and beams. And he says… He says, erm… “Cocksucker Mike!” The man says, “That’s fine, thanks,” takes his drink and goes and sits down. The first guy’s watching, thinking, “My God.”

    This other man is leaving the bar and he bumps into the other guy. He says “Sorry Cocksucker Mike, didn’t see you there.”

    Then another few minutes go by, and this van pulls up, one of those Pony Express telegram vans. And the girl, the woman with the little bellhop hat and the little shoelets jumps in, and she says, “Telegram! Telegram for Cocksucker Mike. Telegram!” And he runs over and he says, “Thanks very much. I’ll take that now.”

    Our man is obsessed, he can’t contain himself. He goes over and he says, “I have to ask you, how did you get such a name?” And the guy said, “Well I grew up in this village, you know. I had a wonderful job, a great business, I gave money to charity, I repaired the church roof, sent kids away, my own money, married a beautiful girl. Had the respect of the whole parish, and all the outlying parishes you know. But you suck one cock….”


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    #131
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    How patronising - and ill advised. Its this kind of soft soap PC nonsense that will have the poor girl marrying Mr. Gay Porn and then wondering where it all went wrong when he finally comes out in a few years time.

    If he is regularly watching gay porn, he is either bi-sexual or gay. If she is happy with that and wants to go ahead then fine. But if he is suggesting that he is totally straight and watching a lot of gay porn because he has a range of tastes in pornography then I suggest he is completely in denial or lying though his teeth becuse he does not want to admit his true nature..

    I really don't know where you're coming from with regards to PC nonsense, it certainly wasn't from my post anyway. It's exactly fear of reactions like this that can make people not want to talk to their partners about personal issues, fear of being labeled as something they're not and the potential outcome of that.
    LorMal wrote: »
    I am very much suggesting she talks to her fiance. What I am suggesting is PC is allowing him to suggest he just has a wide range in tastes in porn but he is actually totally straight. If he is regularly enjoying gay porn, he is either bisexual or gay.

    According to you.


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    #132
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    So an article written by a gay man about one straight man who suggested he watches gay porn is your proof???


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    #133
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Wtf are you on about?


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    #134
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    So an article written by a gay man about one straight man who suggested he watches gay porn is your proof???

    No. I'm saying that your assertion that no straight man can watch gay porn without being gay is wrong. Obviously.

    Where's your proof that bisexual people will cheat?


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    #135
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    Again, what would persuade you that someone is bi-sexual or gay?


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    #136
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    Again, what would persuade you that someone is bi-sexual or gay?

    Them telling me.


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    #137
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    "Bad Joke (I think it was a joke?)"
    To respond to that I'd have to make it personal by questioning the sense of humour, motives, and maturity of the person posting it, luckily I'm above all that...


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    #138
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    No. I'm saying that your assertion that no straight man can watch gay porn without being gay is wrong. Obviously.

    Where's your proof that bisexual people will cheat?

    Again - I didn't say that. Please argue (politely) against anything I actually write, okay?

    I asserted that if he is regularly watching gay porn he is EITHER gay or bi-sexual in my opinion. (And opinions are all we have - no one knows the full facts).

    I did not suggest he would definitely cheat - but I did suggest that he is very likely to either eventually leave or to act out on his true sexuality. Therefore he will probably leave the marriage or, if he remains lying about his sexuality, he will eventually cheat.
    I am not suggesting that bisexuals cheat. I have zero issue with anyone's sexuality - only with their honesty


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    #139
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Them telling me.

    what if they are lying?


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    #140
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    I never said that at all. Try really reading my posts I'm saying watching porn is just fantasy and does not have to match the person sexual preference. It's just porn.



    No just won't answer that question in this thread. And I've already told you I never said it is okay so please stop saying I think its okay you don't know what I think . I've just told that it's not related to this OP's question or issue faced and it tough if you don't like that I will not answer your questions the way you like it.



    How juvenile. You'll post a full paragraph stating why you won't answer a question instead of just saying yes or no. Your wife's depression meeting her in a gay bar etc had nothing to do with OP either but you were happy talking about that. Once again you don't want to answer because you think it's ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women. You Watch gay porn and go to gay bars so I understand why you mightn't want to answer if it's ok for a closeted man to marry a women. Hmm


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    #141
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    TheChizler wrote: »
    To respond to that I'd have to make it personal by questioning the sense of humour, motives, and maturity of the person posting it, luckily I'm above all that...

    Huh?


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    #142
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    he is very likely to either eventually leave or to act our on his true sexuality. Therefore he will probably leave the marriage or, if he remains lying about his sexuality, he will eventually chat.

    But why do you assume if he is bisexual, for example, that he won't be able to stop himself having sexual contact with a man? Why is it so difficult? The gender of his partner makes no difference. If he loves his partner, then acting on his sexuality will no more happen than you "acting on" your sexuality. Statistically you are as likely to cheat on your female partner as he is. He has a decision making capability. Suggesting that bisexuals will leave or cheat unless they say the words "I am bisexual" is such a nonsense.


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    #143
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    what if they are lying?

    All you can ever do is trust what someone says. Do you trust your wife saying she's straight?


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    #144
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    But why do you assume if he is bisexual, for example, that he won't be able to stop himself having sexual contact with a man? Why is it so difficult? The gender of his partner makes no difference. If he loves his partner, then acting on his sexuality will no more happen than you "acting on" your sexuality. Statistically you are as likely to cheat on your female partner as he is. He has a decision making capability. Suggesting that bisexuals will leave or cheat unless they say the words "I am bisexual" is such a nonsense.

    But if he is Gay what good is platonic love. That's not good enough for his wife she deserves better.


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    #145
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    But if he is Gay what good is platonic love. That's not good enough for his wife she deserves better.

    Yeah fair enough. He shouldn't marry someone unless he is romantically and sexually in love. I will grant you that. But watching porn does not equate to being gay. It just doesn't.


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    #146
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    How juvenile. You'll post a full paragraph stating why you won't answer a question instead of just saying yes or no. Your wife's depression meeting her in a gay bar etc had nothing to do with OP either but you were happy talking about that. Once again you don't want to answer because you think it's ok for a closeted gay man to marry a women. You Watch gay porn and go to gay bars so I understand why you mightn't want to answer if it's ok for a closeted man to marry a women. Hmm

    As for my post about my marriage that was in response to you asking/linking the issues with my sexual preference. I was polite enough to answer and explain that it was not related to that and I answered your follow up questions on that one as I do watch gay porn however it did not break-up my marriage and I did not cheat.
    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    You Watch gay porn and go to gay bars so I understand why you mightn't want to answer if it's ok for a closeted man to marry a women. Hmm

    As I told you my wife and I knew about each others sexuality beforehand and it never was an issue. I also told you I never said it's okay for someone who is in the closest to marry someone else (Be that a man or woman) so again please stop saying that I am saying it's okay as I never said that.


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    #147
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    I did not suggest he would definitely cheat - but I did suggest that he is very likely to either eventually leave or to act out on his true sexuality. Therefore he will probably leave the marriage or, if he remains lying about his sexuality, he will eventually cheat.
    I am not suggesting that bisexuals cheat. I have zero issue with anyone's sexuality - only with their honesty

    So instead of:
    LorMal wrote: »
    Because:
    1. he is lying to her about his sexuality
    2. he is likely to act on it eventually
    3. she wants to marry someone stright - which is reasonable given that she is straight
    4. if/when he does have sex outside of the marriage and if he continues to have sex with her, he is exposing her to the risk of STDs
    5. if it turns out he is wholly gay and just in denial she may not have a sex life with him in the near future and will perhaps miss out on having children
    6. because it morally unfair to enter into a lifelong committment on such a serious lie

    It might be more accurate to say you meant:
    LorMal wrote: »
    Because:
    1. he is possibly lying to her about his sexuality
    2. if he is lying to her about his sexuality it is possible that he is likely to act on it eventually
    3. I assume that she wants to marry someone stright - which is reasonable given that she is straight
    4. if/when he does have sex outside of the marriage and if he continues to have sex with her, he is exposing her to the risk of STDs
    5. if the remote possiblity of the combined possibilities outlined above come true and it turns out he is wholly gay and just in denial she may not have a sex life with him in the near future and will perhaps miss out on having children
    6. assuming again that he is lying about his sexuality on the basis of analyzing the type of porn he watches occasionally, because it morally unfair to enter into a lifelong committment on such a serious lie

    Not to put words in your mouth. Would you agree that this may be more accurate?


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    #148
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Let's flip this a little. How would you feel if your wife was watching lesbian porn? Would you assume she was about to leave? Cheat? Is she dishonest?


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    #149
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    As for my post about my marriage that was in response to you asking/linking the issues with my sexual preference. I was polite enough to answer and explain that it was not related to that and I answered your follow up questions on that one as I do watch gay porn however it did not break-up my marriage and I did not cheat.



    As I told you my wife and I knew about each others sexuality beforehand and it never was an issue. I also told you I never said it's okay for someone who is in the closest to marry someone else (Be that a man or woman) so again please stop saying that I am saying it's okay as I never said that.

    So you're quite happy to answer and dismiss other questions unrelated to op but not if it's ok for a gay closeted man to marry a women. Once again how juvenile. And yes you did answer you're silence on this issue is deafening


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    #150
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    You Watch gay porn and go to gay bars so I understand why you mightn't want to answer if it's ok for a closeted man to marry a women. Hmm

    If you have a direct question regarding myself or my life please ask it directly. Instead of making very childishness comments. You seem to think and be insinuating that I hid my sexuality from my wife and I can reassure you I never hid my feelings, she knows and knew my sexuality from the start.


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    #151
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    But why do you assume if he is bisexual, for example, that he won't be able to stop himself having sexual contact with a man? Why is it so difficult? The gender of his partner makes no difference. If he loves his partner, then acting on his sexuality will no more happen than you "acting on" your sexuality. Statistically you are as likely to cheat on your female partner as he is. He has a decision making capability. Suggesting that bisexuals will leave or cheat unless they say the words "I am bisexual" is such a nonsense.

    As I said repeatedly, the dishonestly is the problem. He has denied being bi-sexual. She asked him and he denied it. Personally I don't believe him. Not a good way to start a marriage, is it?
    Your argument has also been that he is straight and that it is common for straight people to enjoy gay porn. I don't agree.
    If he is bisexual or gay, don't you think he might want to act on it at some stage? And if not, how come we have always been told that a gay person cannot deny their sexuality - it is unnatural to do so? (Which I agree with)


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