Confused About my fiancé watching gay porn

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

I don't care how straight you are but you implied you were straight and that watching gay porn means nothing when in fact you were sleeping with men and having relationships with them so obviously it did mean something you fancied men hence you watched gay porn

I did not imply that I was straight - you presumed.
I said i was married, watched gay porn from time to time and I did not cheat. Again you presumed I was straight or at least your definition of straight.

Summertime8989 wrote: »

You keep saying you're not gay but you've had boyfriends and girlfriends that would make you bi or somewhat bi. You are not straight if you're romantically emotionally and sexually attracted to the same sex and you need to be if you enter in to a relationship with a person of the same sex and that's not labeling that's just fact. Show me where the label hurt you

I did not say the label hurts, it's just not the case that we only have Gay / Straight or Bi's sexuality. And it's definitely not like suggested by some in this thread that watching a bit of gay porn would make you gay. I know loads of straight people who watch a bit of gay porn from time to time, be it mostly women. (In my friends groups at least) Also sexuality and sexual attraction is not black and white or borders as some like to think.

But tell what is it about me or my past that has you so focused when the topic is not about that at all ?

Summertime8989

jimdublin15 wrote: »

I did not imply that I was straight - you presumed.
I said i was married, watched gay porn from time to time and I did not cheat. Again you presumed I was straight or at least your definition of straight.





I did not say the label hurts, it's just not the case that we only have Gay / Straight or Bi's sexuality. And it's definitely not like suggested by some in this thread that watching a bit of gay porn would make you gay. I know loads of straight people who watch a bit of gay porn from time to time, be it mostly women. (In my friends groups at least) Also sexuality and sexual attraction is not black and white or borders as some like to think.

But tell what is it about me or my past that has you so focused when the topic is not about that at all ?

You said you watched gay porn and were married and it didn't mean a thing as you weren't gay. But its not like you're exclusively straight when you were sleeping with men and having boyfriends but you kindly left that part out. So your opinion is invalid in "Relation to straight men watching gay porn"as you are attracted to men.

You say you're not gay but you're certainly not straight either if you sleeping with men and entering in to a relationship with them. I don't see how that's so hard to fathom, you hide behind not being labeled if makes you feel better

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

You said you watched gay porn and were married and it didn't mean a thing as you weren't gay. But its not like you're exclusively straight when you were sleeping with men and having boyfriends but you kindly left that part out. So your opinion is invalid as you are attracted to men.

You say you're not gay but you're certainly not straight either if you sleeping with men and entering in to a relationship with them. I don't see how that's so hard to fathom, you hide behind not being labeled if makes you feel better

My opinion is and was that i was in a straight relationship and was faithful during that relationship. Watching gay porn did not make me a closeted gay man as you have been hinting towards for the past 4 pages of the thread.

You may not like my opinion but it's holds as much value or lack of as yours does. Don't tell me that as I slept with a man or am less straight than you like that my views are not valid.

AgreeableSir

Some people in this thread have no clue what they are talking about. Illusion and babble is all it is. Honestly some of you people

Summertime8989

jimdublin15 wrote: »

My opinion is and was that i was in a straight relationship and was faithful during that relationship. Watching gay porn did not make me a closeted gay man as you have been hinting towards for the past 4 pages of the thread.

You may not like my opinion but it's holds as much value or lack of as yours does. Don't tell that as I slept with a man before my views are not valid.

Your opinion, I watched gay porn while married but it doesn't mean anything because i'm not gay While hiding in reality you've had boyfriends, slept with men, go to gay bars, but that doesn't matter because you said it doesn't. You're straight and sleep with men and have boyfriends, you only watched gay porn because babestation was on the blink that night and it doesn't mean anything

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

Your opinion, I watched gay porn while married but it doesn't mean anything because i'm not gay While hiding in reality you've had boyfriends, slept with men, go to gay bars, but that doesn't matter because you said it doesn't. You're straight and sleep with men and have boyfriends, you only watched gay porn because babestation was on the blink that night and it doesn't mean anything

I'm not hiding anything at all. Never did. During my marriage i never cheated, I had a straight relationship and you seem to have a real hard time accepting the idea that I could be faithful. I watched gay porn from time to time does not mean I'm gay or as you have suggested a closeted gay man and does not mean i was going to cheat.

Looking at the babestation comment. - Really sad and I truly feel sorry for you.

EDIT:
As for the OP ill say it again he could be straight man who likes porn, watching gay porn does not mean he's gay or closeted gay as you seem to think he is. It in itself just means he watches a variety of porn.

baby and crumble

Ok, is this debate about porn watching, bisexuality or monogamy? Because everything is all over the place now!!!

Summertime8989

jimdublin15 wrote: »

I'm not hiding anything at all. Never did. During my marriage i never cheated, I had a straight relationship and you seem to have a real hard time accepting the idea that I could be faithful. I watched gay porn from time to time does not mean I'm gay or as you have suggested a closeted gay man and does not mean i was going to cheat.

Looking at the babestation comment. - Really sad and I truly feel sorry for you.

Save your pity for yourself. I do believe you were faithful through your marriage. You weren't qualified to answer this thread as an exclusively straight man watching gay porn as you've had boyfriends and slept with men in the past. For you to say watching gay porn means nothing and that youre not gay is mental when youve had boyfriends you're obviously in to men somewhat . Bewildering

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

Save your pity for yourself. I do believe you were faithful through your marriage. You weren't qualified to answer this thread as an exclusively straight man watching gay porn as you've had boyfriends and slept with men in the past. For you to say watching gay porn means nothing and youre not gay when youve had boyfriends is mental.

Throughout the thread you have been ongoing about closeted gay men, and watching porn means your gay. You seem stuck on this black and white idea that the Op fiance must be gay as he watches gay porn when we simple do not know all we do know is just watching porn in itself does not mean he is gay.
It seems you have based on your posts no or a very limited understanding of sexuality vs sexuality orientation and clearly no understanding of how sexual attraction, and or sexual identification can overlap and are not necessarily the same.

It seems you stuck on a tune in the past 4 pages that as I've slept with men and watched gay porn I must be gay when that's not the case. I watched gay porn during my marriage and that does not make me a closeted gay man as you have hinted.

I think you are somewhat tunneled visioned on gay men and the closest to comment on anyone's else s sexuality as far as I am concerned.

Summertime8989

jimdublin15 wrote: »

Throughout the tread you have been ongoing about closeted gay men, and watching porn means your gay. You seem stuck on this black and white idea that the Op fiance must be gay as he watches gay porn when we simple do not know all we do know is just watching porn does not mean he is gay.

It seems you have based on your posts no or a very limited understanding of sexuality vs sexuality orientation and clearly no understanding of how sexual attraction, and or sexual identification can overlap and are not necessarily the same.

It seems you stuck on a tune in the past 4 pages that as I've slept with men and watched gay porn I must be gay when that's not the case. I watched gay porn during my marriage and that does not make me a closeted gay man as you have hinted.

I think you are somewhat too tunneled visioned on gay men and the closest to comment on anyone's else s sexuality as far as I am concerned.

I said it was a possibility he's a closeted gay man. A possibility.

You said you had boyfriends and say orientation and sexuality are different well you can't have a emotional and physical relationship with someone ie a partner unless you're sexually and emotional attracted to them. You've had boyfriends so you're emotionally and physically attracted to men yet you're completely straight.

You have internalised homophobia I'm afraid. Seek help

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

I said it was a possibility he's a closeted gay man. A possibility.

Funny, you have been clearly hammering on that he's can't be straight and asking if it fair for a closets gay man to marry a women.

Summertime8989 wrote: »

You said you had boyfriends and say orientation and sexuality are different well you can't have a emotional and physical relationship with someone ie a partner unless you're sexually and emotional attracted to them. You've had boyfriends so you're emotionally and physically attracted to men yet you're completely straight.

You have internalised homophobia I'm afraid. Seek help

I have no homophobia and your post shows clearly you don't know or understand the subject.

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

You've had boyfriends so you're emotionally and physically attracted to men yet you're completely straight.

What's completely straight ? lol.

I only said I was not gay and that I was in a straight marriage BTW.
I also said most others would consider me gay but I don't care too much about what others think i am as I know what I am and I'm very happy with myself.

Summertime8989

jimdublin15 wrote: »

Funny, you have been clearly hammering on that he's can't be straight and asking if it fair for a closets gay man to marry a women.



I have no homophobia and your post shows clearly you don't know or understand the subject.

Imo he may well be bi or closeted. And funny you should bring up that again seeing as you wouldn't answer if it's ok for a closeted gay guy to marry a women.

Well you're emotionally and physically attracted to men have had boyfriends yet deny you are in anyway gay and completely straight. That's internalised homophobia

So as a straight man what was it that made you have multiple boyfriends? Did they drive a nice car?

alan partridge aha

Straight man watching gay porn ALARM BELLS

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

Imo he may well be bi or closeted. And funny you should bring up that again seeing as you wouldn't answer if it's ok for a closeted gay guy to marry a women.

Well you're emotionally and physically attracted to men have had boyfriends yet deny you are in anyway gay and completely straight. That's internalised homophobia

So as a straight man what was it that made you have multiple boyfriends? Did they drive a nice car?

I never said I was straight - your having problems understanding a subject and hence your hitting out instead of tying to open your mind and learn something.
The below comment from you, instead of trying to understand says it all.

Summertime8989 wrote: »

Did they drive a nice car?

Summertime8989

jimdublin15 wrote: »

I never said I was straight - your having problems understanding a subject and hence your hitting out instead of tying to open your mind and learn something.
The below comment from you, instead of trying to understand says it all.

You said multiple times you weren't gay. I said you're bi or somewhat bi if you've had bfs to which you continually replied I'm not gay. You never said once you weren't straight. Learn to express yourself a little bit better and we wouldn't be having this convo now x

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

You said multiple times you weren't gay. I said you're bi or somewhat bi if you've had bfs to which you continually replied I'm not gay. You never said once you weren't straight. Learn to express yourself a little bit better and we wouldn't be having this convo now x

I never said I was either, why does my Sexual identity matter so much to you ?
If I said as an example that: (It's not BTW)

My Sexual identity is straight as I have romantic and sexual attraction to women, however I also just sleep with men but are not romantic attracted to them.
Would that settle the topic for you ?

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

You said multiple times you weren't gay. I said you're bi or somewhat bi if you've had bfs to which you continually replied I'm not gay. You never said once you weren't straight. Learn to express yourself a little bit better and we wouldn't be having this convo now x

You keep digging but i'm not sure what your looking for.

Summertime8989

jimdublin15 wrote: »

You keep digging but i'm not sure what your looking for.

K

Summertime8989

jimdublin15 wrote: »

I never said I was either, why does my Sexual identity matter so much to you ?
If I said as an example that: (It's not BTW)

My Sexual identity is straight as I have romantic and sexual attraction to women, however I also just sleep with men but are not romantic attracted to them.
Would that settle the topic for you ?

So when you had boyfriends what was that about. Lol you're something else

jobbridge4life

jimdublin15 wrote: »

I never said I was straight - your having problems understanding a subject and hence your hitting out instead of tying to open your mind and learn something.
The below comment from you, instead of trying to understand says it all.

Understand what? Look its your right to call yourself a carrot or pisexual if you want but you have been engaged in obfuscation. At the end of the day for someone looking at you they have to use the language we have to describe you and from what I have read you could be accurately be said to be bi. Now you are free to disagree but to then refuse to say what you are like it was the third secret of fatima is just a bit much.

jimdublin15

jobbridge4life wrote: »

Understand what? Look its your right to call yourself a carrot or pisexual if you want but you have been engaged in obfuscation. At the end of the day for someone looking at you they have to use the language we have to describe you and from what I have read you could be accurately be said to be bi. Now you are free to disagree but to then refuse to say what you are like it was the third secret of fatima is just a bit much.

I never said I was straight read back my posts and the answer you quoted was to make it clear to summer that it was a presumption made that I was no confusion intended and my post was to clarify the matter. I only said I was not gay and summer presumed that i must be "completely straight" On the topic I explained that "gay/Straight" it's not so back and white and that it's his issue and not mine.

If you don't like that then sorry can't help you.

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

So when you had boyfriends what was that about. Lol you're something else

I'm BI so that's what that is about, you never asked and went from presuming I was straight in the early thread because I said I was not gay to probing for 2 pages on my sexual identity without actually just asking.

EDIT:
Most of your posts are just about "closest gays" and if that's okay and what I think about them, and if I am not gay and I'm not straight I am not completely straight.

Sure I could have mentioned it earlier but you seemed do head strong on the subject " Closest gay" or "completely straight "

Summertime8989

"I never said I was straight. My Sexual Identity is straight " "I've had boyfriends. Im not emotionally attracted to men" You're just one big giant contradiction

Edit Apparently he's bi now lol

Lostman1990

jimdublin15 wrote: »

I never said I was straight - your having problems understanding a subject and hence your hitting out instead of tying to open your mind and learn something.
The below comment from you, instead of trying to understand says it all.

With all due respect Jim, it is difficult to argue on a subject if someone is constantly arguing semantics like you are doing? You're not this, you're not that, your relationship is this, someone else might say it is this, I say it is not this, straight means this, gay means that, etc, etc, etc....
I completely understand the point that labels can pigeonhole...I also understand that representation using language, at its most extreme, can never give absolute truths in our world.
However, although our language is a mere social construction, we can still get meaning from it...I think you are playing semantics...
My view is that you are bi-sexual...you had a straight, married relationship where you did not cheat, however you are still sexually attracted to men...Big deal...
I await the nonsense about how rude I am to tell someone what their sexual identity is....

jimdublin15

Summertime8989 wrote: »

"I never said I was straight. My Sexual Identity is straight " "I've had boyfriends. Im not emotionally attracted to men" You're just one big giant contradiction

Edit Apparently he's bi now lol

If your going to quote please do it correctly see below I said as example and it's a good example of someone who may identify as straight but have sex with other men.

jimdublin15 wrote: »

I never said I was either, why does my Sexual identity matter so much to you ?
If I said as an example that: (It's not BTW)

My Sexual identity is straight as I have romantic and sexual attraction to women, however I also just sleep with men but are not romantic attracted to them.
Would that settle the topic for you ?

jimdublin15

Lostman1990 wrote: »

With all due respect Jim, it is difficult to argue on a subject if someone is constantly arguing semantics like you are doing? You're not this, you're not that, your relationship is this, someone else might say it is this, I say it is not this, straight means this, gay means that, etc, etc, etc....
I completely understand the point that labels can pigeonhole...I also understand that representation using language, at its most extreme, can never give absolute truths in our world.
However, although our language is a mere social construction, we can still get meaning from it...I think you are playing semantics...
My view is that you are bi-sexual...you had a straight, married relationship where you did not cheat, however you are still sexually attracted to men...Big deal...
I await the nonsense about how rude I am to tell someone what their sexual identity is....

Well it's not about that at all to be honest it's if you read back the thread "Summer" jumping onto the logic that Gay porn watching means gay and then "not completely straight" and linking the topic to "Closeted gay men getting married" and then making the presumption that I was or agreed with "Closeted gay men".

syklops

The OP asked a question. She talked to her fiance, she came back and reported it here. Time to close the thread.

Summertime8989

My Sexual identity is straight as I have romantic and sexual attraction to women, however I also just sleep with men but are not romantic attracted to them.
Would that settle the topic for you ?[/QUOTE]

jimdublin15 wrote: »

I'm BI so that's what that is about, you never asked and went from presuming I was straight in the early thread because I said I was not gay to probing for 2 pages on my sexual identity without actually just asking.

jimdublin15 wrote: »

I never said I was straight - your having problems understanding a subject and hence your hitting out instead of tying to open your mind and learn something.
The below comment from you, instead of trying to understand says it all.

jimdublin15 wrote: »

It true, i'm not in my 20's i'm older and before I got married yes I had boyfriends and Girlfriends. Than I met someone I wanted to settle down with, I met her in a gay bar . But what is you point ??


Why do you feel it should ?

jimdublin15 wrote: »

If your going to quote please do it correctly see below I said as example and it's a good example of someone who may identify as straight but have sex with other men.

There you go I quoted, lets recap "I never said I was straight. My sexual identity is straight. I've had boyfriends. I'm not emotionally attracted to men. I'm bi"

Lost count of the contradictions lol. As long as your happy Jimmy. There all quotes I messed up quoting top as I'm a technophobe

LorMal

syklops wrote: »

The OP asked a question. She talked to her fiance, she came back and reported it here. Time to close the thread.

She was told by her fiancee that he watches gay porn regularly but that he is straight. When she reported this back here, she was congratulated. One genius even said 'I told you so - you shouldn't have asked'.
And we got a lot of stuff about his right to 'identify' as straight and that this supercedes her right to know if her fiance is gay/bi-sexual or not.

So, I am really not sure it ended when she got the good news from her fiancee.