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Confused About my fiancé watching gay porn

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    #152
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    All you can ever do is trust what someone says. Do you trust your wife saying she's straight?

    On our deeds not our words.


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    #153
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    So you're quite happy to answer and dismiss other questions unrelated to op but not if it's ok for a gay closeted man to marry a women. Once again how juvenile. And yes you did answer you're silence on this issue is deafening

    My silence has been explained to you, and I am happy for you to ask if it's to the point and relevant. My own opinions about closeted men or women in relationships is not relevant. Neither is yours as far as I am concerned.


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    #154
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    On our deeds not our words.

    Like I said. What would you say I if your wife was watching lesbian porn?


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    #155
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    It might be more accurate to say you meant:

    Not to put words in your mouth. Would you agree that this may be more accurate?[/QUOTE]

    Please stop deleting and amending my posts. Yes, I do think it is fair to say that she wants to marry someone straight. Have a look at the thread title.


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    #156
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    As I said repeatedly, the dishonestly is the problem. He has denied being bi-sexual. She asked him and he denied it. Personally I don't believe him. Not a good way to start a marriage, is it?

    If you were to put more trust in the statements of a random person on the internet than your fiance, then no that wouldn't be a good way to start a marriage.
    Your argument has also been that he is straight and that it is common for straight people to enjoy gay porn. I don't agree.
    If he is bisexual or gay, don't you think he might want to act on it at some stage? And if not, how come we have always been told that a gay person cannot deny their sexuality - it is unnatural to do so? (Which I agree with)

    If he is straight, don't you think he might want to act on it at some stage? Cheating is cheating. I don't think it's much more likely on the basis of the type of porn he watches.


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    #157
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    If you have a direct question regarding myself or my life please ask it directly. Instead of making very childishness comments. You seem to think and be insinuating that I hid my sexuality from my wife and I can reassure you I never hid my feelings, she knows and knew my sexuality from the start.

    You want me to ask you a direct question. I have 8 times and refused to answer. You said make a thread and you will answer. So I will give you the same advice. Make a thread and I will answer


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    #158
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    Please stop deleting and amending my posts. Yes, I do think it is fair to say that she wants to marry someone straight. Have a look at the thread title.

    I haven't deleted or amended any posts of yours. AFAIK only mods and admins can do that. I have been quoting posts and highlighting problems I have with them however.


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    #159
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Like I said. What would you say I if your wife was watching lesbian porn?

    That's my point - she hasn't - not in the 30 years I have known her. Because she is straight.


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    #160
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    TheChizler wrote: »
    I haven't deleted or amended any posts of yours. AFAIK only mods and admins can do that. I have been quoting posts and highlighting problems I have with them however.

    So disingenuous.


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    #161
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    TheChizler wrote: »
    If you were to put more trust in the statements of a random person on the internet than your fiance, then no that wouldn't be a good way to start a marriage.



    If he is straight, don't you think he might want to act on it at some stage? Cheating is cheating. I don't think it's much more likely on the basis of the type of porn he watches.

    If he is straight then he will have sex with his wife ffs.


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    #162
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    That's my point - she hasn't - not in the 30 years I have known her. Because she is straight.

    Do you know that because she's told you that?


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    #163
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    That's my point - she hasn't - not in the 30 years I have known her. Because she is straight.
    Maybe she's lying?

    Edit: I'm not being serious when I say this, but we have as much insight into your relationship with your wife as you have with the OP's.


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    #164
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Do you know that because she's told you that?

    Lets not get personal and nasty. I have not referred to your personal life or relationships in any way.


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    #165
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    TheChizler wrote: »
    Maybe she's lying?

    Maybe you are stepping over the line now


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    #166
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    You want me to ask you a direct question. I have 8 times and refused to answer. You said make a thread and you will answer. So I will give you the same advice. Make a thread and I will answer

    You have asked about what I think of "closeted men entering marriage"
    I have told you what I think it's not relevant to this thread.
    You like to assume and have posted that I think it's okay and I have said I never said that it was okay. It's seems to me that this is a issue for you that your stuck on and hence a separate thread might give you and the question you have the attention you seem to want/need.

    This thread is about a "fella watching porn some of it gay" and the fiancee asking for advice. I've said it's just porn.


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    #167
    TheChizler
    Registered Users Posts: 9,439 ✭✭✭TheChizler


    LorMal wrote: »
    Maybe you are stepping over the line now
    I'm wondering what qualifies you to detect the lies of someone's fiance over the internet?


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    #168
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    So it's ok for you to accuse a man you don't know of lying about his sexuality, but I can't do the same for a woman I don't know?


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    #169
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,000 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    LorMal wrote: »
    So disingenuous.

    I don't see how it is disingenous. He is pointing out the problems with your arguments. That's all.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #170
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    So it's ok for you to accuse a man you don't know of lying about his sexuality, but I can't do the same for a woman I don't know?

    And never will thankfully. Goodbye.


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    #171
    LorMal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,372 ✭✭✭LorMal


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    I don't see how it is disingenous. He is pointing out the problems with your arguments. That's all.

    Some moderate moderator


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    #172
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    LorMal wrote: »
    And never will thankfully. Goodbye.

    I take that as a yes then?


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    #173
    Hunchback
    Registered Users Posts: 1,629 ✭✭✭Hunchback


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Yeah fair enough. He shouldn't marry someone unless he is romantically and sexually in love. I will grant you that. But watching porn does not equate to being gay. It just doesn't.

    It possibly doesn't, but it would appear to equate to being predominantly heterosexual and incidentally homosexual, whilst identifying as exclusively heterosexual.


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    #174
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    You have asked about what I think of "closeted men entering marriage"
    I have told you what I think it's not relevant to this thread.
    You like to assume and have posted that I think it's okay and I have said I never said that it was okay. It's seems to me that this is a issue for you that your stuck on and hence a separate thread might give you and the question you have the attention you seem to want/need.

    This thread is about a "fella watching porn some of it gay" and the fiancee asking for advice. I've said it's just porn.

    To quote you "I was married for over a decade to a woman, I never cheated and I watch gay porn from time to time. And No I am not gay. At least I don't see myself as a "Gay man" You tried to say that watching gay porn doesn't mean anything but for you it did if you were sleeping with men. You meet your wife in a gay bar and from a different thread "Scared I got HIV" "Had to comment ill be honest personally I've always had more luck with women then men, Ive slept with more that's for sure"

    You met your wife in a gay bar, you watch gay porn, you sleep with men and that is why you won't answer if its wrong for a closeted gay man to marry a women.


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    #175
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    CKonetheonlyone wrote: »
    It possibly doesn't, but it would appear to equate to being predominantly heterosexual and incidentally homosexual, whilst identifying as exclusively heterosexual.

    Still doesn't mean it will break the marriage though.


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    #176
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    To quote you "I was married for over a decade to a woman, I never cheated and I watch gay porn from time to time. And No I am not gay. At least I don't see myself as a "Gay man" You meet your wife in a gay bar and from a different thread "Scared I got HIV" "Had to comment ill be honest personally I've always had more luck with women then men, Ive slept with more that's for sure"

    It true, i'm not in my 20's i'm older and before I got married yes I had boyfriends and Girlfriends. Than I met someone I wanted to settle down with, I met her in a gay bar . But what is you point ??

    EDIT:
    Is it that i'm not as straight as you like me to be ? I've already told you my wife knew my sexuality before I got married it was no secret.
    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    You met your wife in a gay bar, you watch gay porn, you sleep with men and that is why you won't answer if its wrong for a closeted gay man to marry a women.

    Just because I have slept with more than 1 person in my lifetime does not have anything to do with my feelings about closeted gay man or women getting married.

    Why do you feel it should ?


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    #177
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    It true, i'm not in my 20's i'm older and before I got married yes I had boyfriends and Girlfriends. Than I met someone I wanted to settle down with, I met her in a gay bar . But what is you point ??

    EDIT:
    Is it that i'm not as straight as you like me to be ? I've already told you my wife knew my sexuality before I got married it was no secret.



    Just because I have slept with more than 1 person in my lifetime does not have anything to do with my feelings about closeted gay man or women getting married.

    Why do you feel it should ?

    You said you were married for ten years and watched gay porn but that you didn't see yourself as gay. Indicating you only watched gay porn that was it there was no sexual attraction for you, but you were sleeping with men so obviously you were watching gay porn as you're attracted to males


    Edit I don't care how straight you are but you implied you were straight and that watching gay porn means nothing when in fact you were sleeping with men and having relationships with them so obviously it did mean something you fancied men hence you watched gay porn


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    #178
    jimdublin15
    Registered Users Posts: 244 ✭✭jimdublin15


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    You said you were married for ten years and watched gay porn but that you didn't see yourself as gay. Indicating you only watched porn that was it, but you were sleeping with men so obviously you were watching gay porn as you're attracted to males

    I don't see myself as gay. However I know that most other people "straight people" would see me as gay. I slept with men and women before I met my wife, during my marriage I watched gay porn however I never cheated. It was a straight relationship. Does that answer it for you ?

    And I am not gay, if that is the rest of your question, however most do see me as gay as they see gay as this big label to dump anyone who is not "straight" . Sexuality is not just "Gay or Straight" it's just not that simple and for many self identification is different from what others might think at times.

    Hope that helps clarify about me for you.


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    #179
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    jimdublin15 wrote: »
    I don't see myself as gay. However I know that most other people "straight people" would see me as gay. I slept with men and women before I met my wife, during my marriage I watched gay porn however I never cheated. It was a straight relationship. Does that answer it for you ?

    And I am not gay, if that is the rest of your question, however most do see me as gay as they see gay as this big label to dump anyone who is not "straight" . Sexuality is not just "Gay or Straight" it's just not that simple and for many self identification is different from what others might think at times.

    Hope that helps clarify about me for you.

    I don't care how straight you are but you implied you were straight and that watching gay porn means nothing when in fact you were sleeping with men and having relationships with them so obviously it did mean something you fancied men hence you watched gay porn

    You keep saying you're not gay but you've had boyfriends and girlfriends that would make you bi or somewhat bi. You are not exclusively straight if you're romantically emotionally and sexually attracted to the same sex and you need to be if you enter in to a relationship with a person of the same sex and that's not labeling that's just fact. Show me where the label hurt you.


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    #180
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,000 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Summertime8989 wrote: »
    I don't care how straight you are but you implied you were straight and that watching gay porn means nothing when in fact you were sleeping with men and having relationships with them so obviously it did mean something you fancied men hence you watched gay porn

    You keep saying you're not gay but you've had boyfriends and girlfriends that would make you bi or somewhat bi. You are not exclusively straight if you're romantically emotionally and sexually attracted to the same sex and you need to be if you enter in to a relationship with a person of the same sex and that's not labeling that's just fact. Show me where the label hurt you.

    How rude to dictate to someone else how they must identify

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #181
    Summertime8989
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭Summertime8989


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    How rude to dictate to someone else how they must identify

    How incredibly slow to think someone who can fall in love and be sexually attracted to the same sex is exclusively straight? Are you ok Joey?

    How can you identify as straight if you have mulitple boyfriends. Explain that Joey please

    Dazzle me with your psychobabble


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