Viral Facebook video speaking out about domestic violence (Read mod note in the OP)

Electric Sheep

frostyjacks wrote: »

He could have grown up in a culture that doesn't have as much respect for women as our own. There's lots of horror stories out there about women falling in love with a fantasy, but the reality turns out to be something totally different.

That has nothing to do with a different culture, men and women do that all the time, across all cultures. Maybe we need to teach our kids to love with their heads as well as their hearts.

P. Breathnach

Dogowner55 wrote: »

The video doesn't stop her going back to the man anymore then a court case would, people will do stupid things no matter what.

Nothing is certain, but I'd say the video means that it is less likely that they will reconcile than they might if there were a Garda investigation with the possibility of a prosecution at some distant date.

[It's a regular phenomenon that an abusive partner makes strenuous efforts to bring about a reconciliation when there is a prospect of prosecution - a reconciliation frustrates the prosecution.]

jimdublin15

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Nothing is certain, but I'd say the video means that it is less likely that they will reconcile than they might if there were a Garda investigation with the possibility of a prosecution at some distant date.

[It's a regular phenomenon that an abusive partner makes strenuous efforts to bring about a reconciliation when there is a prospect of prosecution - a reconciliation frustrates the prosecution.]

That last part marked in bold by me rings so true in my own experience, once in the process of investigation & prosecution the abuser is the sweetest / kindest person ever.

NachoBusiness

P. Breathnach wrote: »

The video was primarily about herself. The raising awareness component was her trying to give it some context - partly for others, but also for herself.

Primarily about her self my foot. She kept saying over and over again a man should never hit a woman. She slathered the video from start to finish with an awareness subtext. The truth is she needed to though, as how else could she get away with doing what she did. If it had been a: 'Look what the bastard did to me this time. Your son, your friend, your trainer, your media personality in the making, well he's not the man you all think he is, cause he's been shagging around and has got another women pregnant!" video, without all the rest of the filler... then she would just be seen as the nut who most likely asked for it. This way people see her as being selfless and thinking about other abused women even when her own life was so drastically effected.

In general, people hope that victims of domestic abuse get out their situations fast. The sad reality is that many don't; they remain in bad situations for a worryingly-long time.

Eh,yeah, I don't think anyone has an issue with how difficult life can be for those that suffer domestic abuse and if you think this woman is getting critiqued the way she is because people trivialize that difficultly, when then you just haven't been listening.

P. Breathnach

NachoBusiness wrote: »

...
Eh,yeah, I don't think anyone has an issue with how difficult life can be for those that suffer domestic abuse and if you think this woman is getting critiqued the way she is because people trivialize that difficultly, when then you just haven't been listening.

Like you chose not to listen to my point that you seem to think that her action seemed too precipitate.

PopePalpatine

Beta Canis Majoris wrote: »

I'll tell ya one thing, #aviciigirl is probably sleeping soundly tonight. Talk about a complete shift of social media attention, in the space of a few days.

Wow, so edgy. :rolleyes:

zeffabelli

PucaMama wrote: »

Why is him being black so important?

It's important because it may be what's feeding the public response.

The stereotypes are at play, even at a subliminal level where people are not consciously aware of how they are making judgements.

In these cases "character" becomes as important as the deed itself, maybe more so.

strelok

zeffabelli wrote: »

It's important because it may be what's feeding the public response.

The stereotypes are at play, even at a subliminal level where people are not consciously aware of how they are making judgements.

In these cases "character" becomes as important as the deed itself, maybe more so.

there has been a lot of 'thug' thrown around about the man alright, a word you rarely see describing white people

Means Of Escape

strelok wrote: »

there has been a lot of 'thug' thrown around about the man alright, a word you rarely see describing white people

Cruel ruffian may be more palatable.

Boom_Bap

MOD NOTE
There is no issue of race to be discussed in this case.
Any more discussion or baiting on this will lead to a ban.

And none of this "But Boom_Bap, the culture he grew up in blah blah blah".
He grew up in Dublin.

Dogowner55

Boom_Bap wrote: »

MOD NOTE
There is no issue of race to be discussed in this case.
Any more discussion or baiting on this will lead to a ban.

And none of this "But Boom_Bap, the culture he grew up in blah blah blah".
He grew up in Dublin.

Can we also get the issue of gender not be discussed also, the gender of who made the video to incite the Internet mod is not important just that the act was wrong.

I am disappointed that some posters are trying to make this a your a MRA when it has nothing to do with why the video is wrong thing to do.

MrWalsh

Trudiha wrote: »

It takes quite a degree of cognitive dissonance to disbelieve someone who claims to be a victim of assault while suggesting, someone who has made no such claim, has been assaulted.

She made both claims and I am taking both claims at face value.

She said he gave her a black eye and she said that when they fought she hit him too.

Im not suggesting anything, Im simply musing on what the woman herself said.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

NachoBusiness wrote: »

Primarily about her self my foot. She kept saying over and over again a man should never hit a woman. She slathered the video from start to finish with an awareness subtext. The truth is she needed to though, as how else could she get away with doing what she did. If it had been a: 'Look what the bastard did to me this time. Your son, your friend, your trainer, your media personality in the making, well he's not the man you all think he is, cause he's been shagging around and has got another women pregnant!" video, without all the rest of the filler... then she would just be seen as the nut who most likely asked for it. This way people see her as being selfless and thinking about other abused women even when her own life was so drastically effected.



Eh,yeah, I don't think anyone has an issue with how difficult life can be for those that suffer domestic abuse and if you think this woman is getting critiqued the way she is because people trivialize that difficultly, when then you just haven't been listening.

I don't think anyone "deserves" to be physically assaulted, regardless of gender. If he didn't want his good name and reputation ruined, he should have kept his temper under control. All actions have consequences, and his seems to be having what he's done plastered all over social media.

Riskymove

TBH I find it very hard to understand the emotions and views expressed by people sometimes

There seems to be more sympathy on a separate thread for a guy who set another human being on fire and has been found guilty and sentenced than for the people in this story

CaoimheSquee

NachoBusiness wrote: »

then she would just be seen as the nut who most likely asked for it.

WOAH.

As much as I don't really agree with the publicising of the situation - especially her kids, saying she was asking for it is seriously low. No point in reading any of your posts further on the subject.

Also she didn't spend all weekend posting the video, it was done on Monday so she probably did think long and hard about it.

I can kind of understand why she did it; mentally trying to draw a line, proving a point to herself and that if she did an announcement so publicly then all her friends and family would see and that way she could really never go back.

I genuinely think from watching it she was trying to be brave and do this to help her gain strength to get through all of this, maybe I am naive.

For me however, I think it is a little selfish as it brings all her family and the kids into the whole thing too, many of whom may not have had a choice. She also probably didn't realise how many legs it would gather though.

But, it appears to have really helped hundreds and hundreds of people who have suffered and are suffering the same, and that to me is a good thing.

I wish them all the best.

Riskymove

CaoimheSquee wrote: »

I genuinely think from watching it she was trying to be brave and do this to help her gain strength to get through all of this, maybe I am naive.

I think most people hope this is the case

It still remains a concern that people will seek justice or make allegations in this way. It is very hard to defend yourself.

QuinDixie

B0jangles wrote: »

And that exactly how domestic violence goes on unchecked for year after year after year.

judging these 2 people online is not the best way to deal with DV.
I know some people live their lives online through social media, but using facebook and boards to judge these people is not helping the ex couple or anyone who suffers from DV.
The simple fact is family and friends are the most important weapon against DV, not some keyboard warrior.
Lets call this thread what it is, nosy people mad for gossip.

DavidRamsay99

As I see it this story is nobody elses business except the man and woman and the law.
I never heard of this girl before and when the news cycle moves on I probably never will again.
I don't know what happened between this couple and I am not going to take one side or the other.
The social media sh*t storm involving people who don't know these people and never will and people sending death threats has to stop.
For all we know the two of them could be bashing each other.
Who knows?
That's their business and the law's business and none of yours and mine.

Thus endeth my opinion.

Now to the people screaming and ranting about complete strangers they never knew about a week ago lay off and get a life!

Generic Dreadhead

Dogowner55 wrote: »

Can we also get the issue of gender not be discussed also, the gender of who made the video to incite the Internet mod is not important just that the act was wrong.

Join Date: Jul 2015

And you're hear to dictate how AH discusses stuff like this..... right.... :rolleyes:

Like the mods don't have a hard enough job without trying to make all bad things that happen genderless

Mightydrumming

NachoBusiness wrote: »

then she would just be seen as the nut who most likely asked for it.

You are simply disgusting. It's becoming even more evident that you have never been involved in a domestic situation yourself.

Mightydrumming

Cormac... wrote: »

Join Date: Jul 2015

And you're hear to dictate how AH discusses stuff like this..... right.... :rolleyes:

Like the mods don't have a hard enough job without trying to make all bad things that happen genderless

I think he gets off on it to be honest :rolleyes:

Pumpkinseeds

B0jangles wrote: »

No, she's just really really unsympathetic to female victims of domestic violence. Check the post history, it is peculiarly informative.

Wow, just wow. I don't accept at face value the accusations of a woman I've never met about a man I've never met and so far on this thread I've been accused of being the guys friend, his mistress and now a woman hater. Jesus H, people, get yourselves a life. The level of crazy amongst you is scary.

PucaMama

strelok wrote: »

there has been a lot of 'thug' thrown around about the man alright, a word you rarely see describing white people

Are you serious???

brooke 2

P. Breathnach wrote: »

I watched the video. I don't think it is about vengeance, or about advancing a legal action: it's about emancipation.

The hardest thing about domestic abuse is that the victim is disempowered, and it is extremely difficult to say "Enough! I'm out of here, and not coming back". Those who work with victims of domestic abuse are familiar with the phenomenon of victims forgiving their abusers and going back into bad situations. It is, in part, due to the loss of self-esteem that has resulted from the abuse.

This woman has taken her life back in a very public way, and created for herself a set of circumstances where she pretty well cannot go back into a relationship that is bad.

This superb post deserves a bump!!

Mightydrumming

PucaMama wrote: »

Are you serious???

There always has to be a minority that bring irrelevant sh!te into the equation.

I certainly have never and would never judge a person by their colour.

Dogowner55

P. Breathnach wrote: »

I watched the video. I don't think it is about vengeance, or about advancing a legal action: it's about emancipation.

The hardest thing about domestic abuse is that the victim is disempowered, and it is extremely difficult to say "Enough! I'm out of here, and not coming back". Those who work with victims of domestic abuse are familiar with the phenomenon of victims forgiving their abusers and going back into bad situations. It is, in part, due to the loss of self-esteem that has resulted from the abuse.

This woman has taken her life back in a very public way, and created for herself a set of circumstances where she pretty well cannot go back into a relationship that is bad.

Here is another "emancipation" I condemned

thezoepost.wordpress.com

It was a huge huge deal in the gaming community, but unlike this current one the MSM rightly called it out as as wrong and condemned inciting a hate mob.

Are people bringing sterotypes in to the equation, ie her gender and his that we cannot talk about, to make justifed in not condemning what she did as wrong?

Trudiha

MrWalsh wrote: »

She made both claims and I am taking both claims at face value.

She said he gave her a black eye and she said that when they fought she hit him too.

Im not suggesting anything, Im simply musing on what the woman herself said.

There are dysfunctional relationships, where both partners act like loons, checking each other's phones and Facebook messages, arguing and being generally jealous. These people often have what I would regard as a lack of regard for each other's physical autonomy; pushing out of the way, mutual slapping, unwanted touching. It’s sort of a grim everyday reality but there is no abuse involved as the behaviour is ‘like for like’.

These relationships can slip over into abuse and having previously had a dysfunctional relationship doesn’t preclude it from becoming an abusing one, in fact it’s almost a prerequisite.

I saw it in a bar once, two fellows horsing around when one suddenly landed a sucker punch on the other. There wasn’t a single person present who wouldn’t have instinctively understood when the pushing, shoving and messing about turned into criminal assault.

MrWalsh

Trudiha wrote: »

There are dysfunctional relationships, where both partners act like loons, checking each other's phones and Facebook messages, arguing and being generally jealous. These people often have what I would regard as a lack of regard for each other's physical autonomy; pushing out of the way, mutual slapping, unwanted touching. It’s sort of a grim everyday reality but there is no abuse involved as the behaviour is ‘like for like’.

These relationships can slip over into abuse and having previously had a dysfunctional relationship doesn’t preclude it from becoming an abusing one, in fact it’s almost a prerequisite.

I saw it in a bar once, two fellows horsing around when one suddenly landed a sucker punch on the other. There wasn’t a single person present who wouldn’t have instinctively understood when the pushing, shoving and messing about turned into criminal assault.

So then I will ask you to retract your cognitive dissonance comment as I made no suggestion that I did not believe the victim, nor did I suggest myself that someone who was not assaulted was.

brooke 2

P. Breathnach wrote: »

The video was primarily about herself. The raising awareness component was her trying to give it some context - partly for others, but also for herself.

In general, people hope that victims of domestic abuse get out their situations fast. The sad reality is that many don't; they remain in bad situations for a worryingly-long timer. Yet you seem to think that her action seemed too precipitate.

This was not the first time he hit her.
She previously forgave him because
she loved him. She says she still loves him, does not know whether making the video was the right thing or not, but felt
it was something she had to do. Her
sense of betrayal was obviously profound. Imagine having another woman present herself to you as
pregnant with your partner's child when
you yourself are heavily pregnant with a child of his! This meeting, she alleges,
brought on early labour, her daughter having been born a few days afterwards.
According to reports, the other woman's baby is due one of these days. Leaving aside the physical pain of the assault, the psychological trauma she must be enduring at the moment must be tremendous.

PopePalpatine

Mightydrumming wrote: »

I think he gets off on it to be honest :rolleyes:

Maybe there's some sort of loyalty points system, if you attack 20 women for speaking out about domestic violence you get a free trilby.