Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

Penn

kunst nugget wrote: »

But it's like someone surviving a near fatal car crash, suffering a ruptured spleen and several broken bones, and saying 'Well, I could have died. God was really looking out for me!' Well if he was really, really looking for you, he probably wouldn't have let you crash in the first place otherwise what you have is an interventionist God who only steps in after having a good skit at you fooking yourself up.

Agreed. Crashed my car a few weeks ago. People were saying I was lucky I wasn't injured.

No, if I was lucky, I wouldn't have crashed.

Drakares

http://i.imgur.com/abDGTf1.jpg

Jesus wept

coolhull

Drakares wrote: »

http://i.imgur.com/abDGTf1.jpg

Jesus wept

Wouldn't you wonder how these math geniuses find time to go on FB?

iDave

Here is a textbook FB attention seeking post that is the basis for this thread and the 'u ok hun xxx' page. Complete with the 'hugs' responses and appalling spelling.

RoboRat

Worst ones are

OMG, you wont believe what happened next, click on the the picture and type (insert whatever here).

Low and behold 100,000's of dunces will do exactly that and then realise that NOTHING HAPPENS.

Duh.

Custardpi

RoboRat wrote: »

Worst ones are

OMG, you wont believe what happened next, click on the the picture and type (insert whatever here).

Low and behold 100,000's of dunces will do exactly that and then realise that NOTHING HAPPENS.

Duh.

I've heard those are actually ways to get some of your personal information. Not quite sure how it works though. I'm always amazed when I see people on my wall, (many of whom are very well educated) have clicked on one of these.

RoboRat

I've heard those are actually ways to get some of your personal information. Not quite sure how it works though. I'm always amazed when I see people on my wall, (many of whom are very well educated) have clicked on one of these.

I think they are also used by companies who 'sell likes' so a company can get a load of likes and fans without having to put in the effort. Same as those posts where a company has 1,000 iPads to give away.

Brian_Zeluz

krudler wrote: »

It's really not, its the abusive relationship of christianity summed up, I hurt you because I love you, now love me unconditionally.

Sounds more like Chris Brown than Christianity.

Custardpi

Brian_Zeluz wrote: »

Sounds more like Chris Brown than Christianity.

Actually, given the weird, cult-like following around that particular piece of sh1t there's often not a huge amount of difference.

krudler

Brian_Zeluz wrote: »

Sounds more like Chris Brown than Christianity.

Now you're getting it

skeleton_boy

"I wish they made condoms for women to wear on their heads. Men sure do like to **** with our minds"

Go on try it, with any luck you'll sufficate and die.

coolhull

skeleton_boy wrote: »

"I wish they made condoms for women to wear on their heads. Men sure do like to **** with our minds"

Wouldn't a wooly cap do just as well?

Thwip!

Brian_Zeluz wrote: »

Sounds more like Chris Brown than Christianity.

Chrisbrownity

Brian_Zeluz

Thwip! wrote: »

Chrisbrownity

Haha well played

Grayson

pragmatic1 wrote: »

People who change their facebook profile pic every five seconds in the hopes of getting comments like, "looking great hun".

You insecure mother****ers.

Someone I know posted a pic today. It's two photo's side by side in one image. One is a before, the other is an after one. The girl is large in the first one and slimmer in the second one. The problem is that the photo's are bad. They're grainy, bad lighting, bad poses & bad expressions. Whereas I'm sure the girl probably looks ok in RL, in these photo's she's terrifying. The comment was "looking great girl". This is obviously someone who hates their friend.

ElvisChrist6

"So we're all sitting together having something to eat in the sitting room and out of absolute silence, **** lifts up his plate and goes, "here ma, what's the story with this, there's sauce all over the kipp". I don't know what was worse, the look on my ma's face or trying not to laugh. Haha, my family are off their trollies. (it was a joke btw for all you buzz kills out there :-P my mam laughed to........afterwards :-P)"

And how they laughed! I really don't know what I'm missing, or what exactly the "buzz kills" would say...

Custardpi

I have no idea what a "kipp" is but that's a remarkably well spelled & punctuated post for Facebook (assuming you haven't corrected it yourself). That said, I'm still not sure what he's on about, which I guess demonstrates that orthographical precision isn't everything.

Czarcasm

ElvisChrist6 wrote: »

"So we're all sitting together having something to eat in the sitting room and out of absolute silence, **** lifts up his plate and goes, "here ma, what's the story with this, there's sauce all over the kipp". I don't know what was worse, the look on my ma's face or trying not to laugh. Haha, my family are off their trollies. (it was a joke btw for all you buzz kills out there :-P my mam laughed to........afterwards :-P)"

And how they laughed! I really don't know what I'm missing, or what exactly the "buzz kills" would say...

Sounds like the ending of an episode of The Waltons.

ElvisChrist6

Czarcasm wrote: »

Sounds like the ending of an episode of The Waltons.

That's pretty much what I thought when I first saw it!

Paddy Cow

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

You have two choices... smile and close this page,
or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson .

Czarcasm

Paddy Cow wrote: »

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

You have two choices... smile and close this page,
or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson .

That's actually not that bad in fairness, except for the "sharing is caring" bit at the end. Advice being an insult unless asked for and all that.

RoboRat

Would have been a better story if the Donkey got out of the well, steadied itself, and aimed a well shot kick to the farmers pus....

or ran off and got a soldier to pop a cap in the farmers ass...

irishgeo

Mr. Wong wrote: »

Just saw this doing the rounds. God have mercy on us all..
https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/555597_4918897095647_1162129593_n.jpg

Ahh yes once he gets out of jail the council will have given her a house.

wnolan1992

ElvisChrist6 wrote: »

"So we're all sitting together having something to eat in the sitting room and out of absolute silence, **** lifts up his plate and goes, "here ma, what's the story with this, there's sauce all over the kipp". I don't know what was worse, the look on my ma's face or trying not to laugh. Haha, my family are off their trollies. (it was a joke btw for all you buzz kills out there :-P my mam laughed to........afterwards :-P)"

And how they laughed! I really don't know what I'm missing, or what exactly the "buzz kills" would say...

Oh-ho-ho-ho! What a great wheeze that was. He poured sauce... hahahaha... all over the kipp (kippers? Or kip? Or maybe KP?) ..... hahahaha!

yerwanthere123

"Lifes sh*t at times bt u gt ta keep u head up no matter wa d sun will always cum ou"

Inspiring :')

kunst nugget

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

"Lifes sh*t at times bt u gt ta keep u head up no matter wa d sun will always cum ou"

Inspiring :')

That is the first time I've seen Dublinese txtspk. It's amazingly phonetic.

Custardpi

kunst nugget wrote: »

That is the first time I've seen Dublinese txtspk. It's amazingly phonetic.

You could actually imagine that fitting reasonably well into Finnegan's Wake.

unknowngirl!!

Seeing a lot of this lately!

FB.gif

SusieBlue

The amount of people that think the "hope ur okay hun xxx" page is real never fails to amuse me, there's always at least 2-3 people commenting on every status telling her to learn to spell and get a job. Some people don't get the humour of it at all!

yerwanthere123

kunst nugget wrote: »

That is the first time I've seen Dublinese txtspk. It's amazingly phonetic.

But.. the person isn't from Dublin :eek: