Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

Paddy Cow

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I think this is about one of those Geordie Shore/Tallaghfornia programmes

"GAZ cnt pull birds cuz.charlotte not der get a fukn grip he so rathr do it wile she der.... Actualy cnt stand dat prick.ne more"

Everything that is wrong with society

I'm normally able to decipher txt spk (and I feel like a spy when decoding it :pac:) but this has me stumped

Richard Hillman

Paddy Cow wrote: »

I'm normally able to decipher txt spk (and I feel like a spy when decoding it :pac:) but this has me stumped

"GAZ cnt pull birds cuz.charlotte not der get a fukn grip he so rathr do it wile she der.... Actualy cnt stand dat prick.ne more"

Gary is not able to court females because Charlotte is not present. He really needs to evaluate himself, rather than court females whilst Charlotte is there. I have great disdain for Gary now.

I think Even that hardly makes sense.

Custardpi

Paddy Cow wrote: »

I'm normally able to decipher txt spk (and I feel like a spy when decoding it :pac:) but this has me stumped

Allow me good Sir. I speak fluent Moron. "Gaz can't pull girls when Charlotte's not there? Get a f***ing grip. He would so rather do it while she was there. Actually can't stand that prick any more".

Even translated into proper (ish) English it doesn't read particularly well...

EuskalHerria

Paddy Cow wrote: »

I'm normally able to decipher txt spk (and I feel like a spy when decoding it :pac:) but this has me stumped

If I may:

"Gaz (a character in a fictitious show) cannot pull birds (attractive females) because Charlotte is not there (Charlotte is a prostitute who forgets to charge and usually sleeps with Gaz).
He would prefer to put in more effort while she is there (To cause jealousy and perhaps to suggest some sort of storyline).
Cannot stand him (Gaz) anymore".

coolhull

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I think this is about one of those Geordie Shore/Tallaghfornia programmes

"GAZ cnt pull birds cuz.charlotte not der get a fukn grip he so rathr do it wile she der.... Actualy cnt stand dat prick.ne more"

Everything that is wrong with society

''Gaz cannot get woo a person of the opposite sex because Charlotte is not there. Pull yourself together. He would much prefer to do it when she is present..... Actually I do not care for that fellow any more.''

See, it all makes perfect sense when translated into English.

So sorry I missed that episode'

*Rolls eyes*

Paddy Cow

Thanks guys. I think I have the gist of it now "Gary can't pull girls unless Charlotte is there for him to wind up. I have lost respect for him".

Pushtrak

Someone on my friends list liked this:

Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
God: Huummm
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm Sorry God

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

REPOST if you Believe in HIM ♥
Worth posting.

krudler

ME: But god, why did you give AIDs to that child in Africa?

God: Ummm...

Pushtrak

Pushtrak wrote: »

Someone on my friends list liked this:

Got a link to where I can like that? Don't want to copy and paste the whole wall.

Pushtrak

Deleted User wrote: »

Got a link to where I can like that? Don't want to copy and paste the whole wall.

I'm only willing to propogate such nonsense here where people can laugh at it. If you wish to spread this nonsense on facebook, that is on you. I'll not be catering to it more than by posting here.

mackeire

so is your man (me) crazy or dead? talking to god is one thing but god answering you means you are either dead or cookoo..

Thwip!

krudler wrote: »

ME: But god, why did you give AIDs to that child in Africa?

God: Ummm...

God: To stop them from dying from Super Aids...duh

coolhull

mackeire wrote: »

alking to god is one thing but god answering you means you are either dead or cookoo..

Or it might mean that he's very special.... But if he's special, why would he have to massage his own feet? Couldn't God send an angel (or at least a geisha girl) to do that.
I mean, He seems to control every other part of this fellah's life, even monitoring his phone calls and alarm clock settings

EuskalHerria

coolhull wrote: »

Even monitoring his phone calls and alarm clock settings

I wonder was god caught up in that phone hacking scandal?

Custardpi

Is it just me or does this interventionist God sound like a bit of a stalker to anyone? If anyone mortal monitored my everyday life to the extent depicted in that FB post I'd be freaked out.

EuskalHerria

On the subject of Facebook and illogical nonsense. Has anyone else got friend/s who are liking and sharing some 'faerie (how she spelt it) reading'?
She is constantly giving away 3 mini readings with a price list for full readings going up to over €100. All done online with payments through paypal.

I have two thoughts about it. What idiots are falling for this complete fantasy. Second thought is with enough idiots falling for this and it all being done online why not start up my own business. A fool and his money are easily parted.

mackeire

Before u go to bed tonite or when u get into bed, whatever kind of a day you have had, list three things u are gratuful for in your life today, replace all the negatives with the plosives that come out of them! Nite x

LizT

"Every1 seems 2 b looking 4 the perfect relationship, I'm just looking 4 the burger that looks as perfect as the poster "

Can't tell if piss-take....

coolhull

mackeire wrote: »

Before u go to bed tonite or when u get into bed, whatever kind of a day you have had, list three things u are gratuful for in your life today, replace all the negatives with the plosives that come out of them! Nite x

3 things to be grateful for:

1/ I can delete ''friends'' from FB

2/ I can ignore ignore ''friend'' requests

3/ I can use Google to find out WTF 'replace negatives with plosives' means

Ihatecuddles-old

coolhull wrote: »

3 things to be grateful for:

1/ I can delete ''friends'' from FB

2/ I can ignore ignore ''friend'' requests

3/ I can use Google to find out WTF 'replace negatives with plosives' means

I think its meant to say positives...Im not sure though!

Custardpi

coolhull wrote: »

3 things to be grateful for:

1/ I can delete ''friends'' from FB

2/ I can ignore ignore ''friend'' requests

3/ I can use Google to find out WTF 'replace negatives with plosives' means

Possibly they left out the "ex" at the start. I generally find that a very effective way to deal with any problems.:D

Paddy Cow

Pushtrak wrote: »

Someone on my friends list liked this:

:eek:
/l\

wnolan1992

LizT wrote: »

"Every1 seems 2 b looking 4 the perfect relationship, I'm just looking 4 the burger that looks as perfect as the poster "

Can't tell if piss-take....

Both of those searches have yielded little success for me.



:P

leggo

Richard Hillman wrote: »

"GAZ cnt pull birds cuz.charlotte not der get a fukn grip he so rathr do it wile she der.... Actualy cnt stand dat prick.ne more"

Gary is not able to court females because Charlotte is not present. He really needs to evaluate himself, rather than court females whilst Charlotte is there. I have great disdain for Gary now.

I think Even that hardly makes sense.

D'you know what? I actually saw that episode (the girls we know force us to watch it every week) and it actually makes sense in context.

But then again, it completely doesn't to any rational person.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you...Geordie Shore. And the ****ing idiots who comment about it.

pragmatic1

People who change their facebook profile pic every five seconds in the hopes of getting comments like, "looking great hun".

You insecure mother****ers.

Kotek Besar

Pushtrak wrote: »

Someone on my friends list liked this:

Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
God: Huummm
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm Sorry God

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

REPOST if you Believe in HIM ♥
Worth posting.

I actually think that's rather nice! Perhaps it's just me..

Apanachi

Kotek Besar wrote: »

I actually think that's rather nice! Perhaps it's just me..

Yeah, it's just you

Quazzie

Pushtrak wrote: »

Someone on my friends list liked this:

Me: (ashamed)

The basis of Catholicism summed up in two words.

krudler

Kotek Besar wrote: »

I actually think that's rather nice! Perhaps it's just me..

It's really not, its the abusive relationship of christianity summed up, I hurt you because I love you, now love me unconditionally.

anyone who loves stupid statuses look up Hope Ur Ok Hun XXX's page, its full of hilarious made up statuses that are spot on when it comes to attention seekers, this gem from from today:

de fukin klingfilm didnt wurk n me lil princess rihanna has dem nits. she wuz ballin her eyez out 2day in skool. sum lil fuk wuz callin her creepy crawley hed. me poor lil angle is so upset. n i had 2 get a numbur 1 all over on tyrones hed n sum lil ****hed wuz callin him baldy conshuns. cuddles n curdys 4 me brave lil souljurs 2nite

kunst nugget

Kotek Besar wrote: »

I actually think that's rather nice! Perhaps it's just me..

But it's like someone surviving a near fatal car crash, suffering a ruptured spleen and several broken bones, and saying 'Well, I could have died. God was really looking out for me!' Well if he was really, really looking for you, he probably wouldn't have let you crash in the first place otherwise what you have is an interventionist God who only steps in after having a good skit at you fooking yourself up.