The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

MonkieSocks · 08-09-2015 07:30PM

Bloke in a Pub necking Whisky like it’s going out of fashion

"You Ok, mate"- Barman

"I'm fine, just got a bit of a shock when I came home early from work"

"Oh really, what happened “asks the very curious barman.

"I caught my wife getting shagged of my best friend"

"So what happens next?"- Barman

"I told her to pack her bags and fook off"

"What about your best friend?"- Barman

"I looked him straight in the eye and said....

BAD DOG, NO BISCUITS

RayCon · 08-09-2015 07:31PM

Deleted User wrote: »

JUST FOR A LAUGH

Su Wong marries Lee Wong

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
The Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
But definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
So I think we will name him...

Are you ready for this?

Sum Ting Wong

I laughed

RayCon · 08-09-2015 07:32PM

Deleted User wrote: »

JUST FOR A LAUGH

Su Wong marries Lee Wong

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
The Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
But definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
So I think we will name him...

Are you ready for this?

Sum Ting Wong

I laughed

rolliepoley · 08-09-2015 09:12PM

"Hello, You have reached the Men's Help Line, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem."
"I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep."

"Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not at home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone’s car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her knickers out of her handbag and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"

efb · 08-09-2015 09:22PM

What do we want? CLICKBAIT

When do we want it? The answer will shock you.

X6.430macman · 08-09-2015 09:28PM

rolliepoley wrote: »

"Hello, You have reached the Men's Help Line, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem."
"I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep."

"Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not at home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone’s car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her knickers out of her handbag and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"

LOL. ask your trustfull wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kingchess · 08-09-2015 10:21PM

An old man wearing a hospital gown goes into the pub across the road from the hospital, and with tears in his eyes orders a double whiskey,drank it and ordered another,drank that as well and with a trembling hand pointed to the whiskey again,and as the bar man handed him his third double whiskey in as many minutes,the old man said "with what I have,I should not be drinking," The Bar man, intrigued, leaned in and asked in a sympathetic voice ,"what have you ?. " The old man put his head down and whispered " I have only 25 cent".

09-09-2015 09:51AM

Whats worse than finding a hole in your condom?
finding a condom in your hole!

Hagar7 · 09-09-2015 11:18AM

Deleted User wrote: »

JUST FOR A LAUGH

Su Wong marries Lee Wong

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
The Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
But definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
So I think we will name him...

Are you ready for this?

Sum Ting Wong

Congrats to both couples and twins.👍👍👍

Hagar7 · 09-09-2015 11:18AM

RayCon wrote: »

I laughed

Twice.:)

rizzodun · 09-09-2015 11:34AM

dudeeile · 09-09-2015 11:48AM

BrownFinger wrote: »

Whats worse than finding a hole in your condom?
finding a condom in your hole!

Relevant username.

09-09-2015 06:06PM

Hagar7 wrote: »

Congrats to both couples and twins.&#55357;&#56397;&#55357;&#56397;&#55357;&#56397;

Little miss twins must have written the php code for quick posting on boards.
I only posted it once!

09-09-2015 06:07PM

Hagar7 wrote: »

Congrats to both couples and twins.&#55357;&#56397;&#55357;&#56397;&#55357;&#56397;

Little miss twins must have written the php code for quick posting on boards.
I only posted it once!

rolliepoley · 09-09-2015 07:40PM

Fred walks into the pub and orders a pint.
"Hi Fred." says the barman "By yourself tonight? Where's the wife?"
"Oh, she's gone into hospital for a procedure," replied Fred.
"What kind of procedure?" asks the barman.
"Post-mortem." said Fred.

Hagar7 · 09-09-2015 11:21PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Little miss twins must have written the php code for quick posting on boards.
I only posted it once!

It's all double Dutch tae me.:)
It's all double Dutch tae me.:)

jimmy180sx · 09-09-2015 11:25PM

How do you make an octopus laugh...you give him ten tickles.

Hagar7 · 09-09-2015 11:39PM

A history professor and a psychology professor are sitting outside at a nudist colony
History professor: Have you read Marx?
Psychology professor: Yes. I think it's from the wicker chairs.

osarusan · 09-09-2015 11:41PM

A history professor and a psychology professor are sitting outside at a nudist colony
History professor: Have you read Marx?
Psychology professor: Yes. I think it's from the wicker chairs.

Lon.C · 09-09-2015 11:41PM

A man is rescued from a terrible house fire and rushed to hospital. He is taken immediately to the burns ward for treatment.
As he wakes the doctor is by his bedside. "I'm sorry to tell you, you have 90% burns to your body." With this news the man groans in agony. The doctor then produces a pill and tells the man it will help with the pain. The man examines the diamond shaped pill with viagra down the middle.
"Hang on a minute, what the f*ck is this gonna do for me?"
.
.

.
"It'll keep the sheets off."

Ken. · 10-09-2015 02:24AM

A "heads up" for you all who may be regular Home Depot
customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam
while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned
out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't
happen to you.
Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old girls
come over to your car
as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They
both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their
breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible
not to
look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say
"No" and instead ask
you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and
they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each
other.
Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and
performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice
on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 28th, three times just yesterday, and very
likely again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy some more
wallets.

Mr. CooL ICE · 10-09-2015 02:40PM

After an Arab emirate discovered reserves of oil, they needed an influx of workers to cope with the construction demands to take advantage of their new find. Fleeing the depression, a large influx of migrant workers from Cork arrived to help with construction.

Within a few years, the infrastructure was built with such quality that the emirate's GDP quadrupled. The Sheikh, being absolutely thrilled with the performance of the workers, approached the large group of Cork migrants to show his appreciation.

Sheikh: "Please do me the honour of allowing me to name our new state after your homeland"

One migrant replied: "Do, booyy!"

invicta · 10-09-2015 03:18PM

A Traveller came back to the caravan after school.
Momma,momma, he cried,"I've the biggest Mickey in third class!
Is dat cos I'm a traveller,Momma?
Mother looks at him and says....

No,Johnny, dats cos your 18!!

Mr Tibbs · 10-09-2015 09:16PM

An old dog teaching mathematics to a young dog
Son there's eight bones on the plate
If our owner takes away three
How many fingers will he have left

luketitz · 10-09-2015 09:28PM

Why didn't Rover bark?

...

....

.....

......

'cause he's a goldfish!

MonkieSocks · 11-09-2015 04:15PM

A squirrel is chillin' in a tree when a cow climbs up and sits next to him.

"Whatcha doin' here?" asks the squirrel.

"I'm here to eat some apples." says the cow.

"But this is a pine tree!"

"I know, I brought my own apples."

Witchie · 12-09-2015 12:59AM

MonkieSocks wrote: »

A squirrel is chillin' in a tree when a cow climbs up and sits next to him.

"Whatcha doin' here?" asks the squirrel.

"I'm here to eat some apples." says the cow.

"But this is a pine tree!"

"I know, I brought my own apples."

This made me laugh harder than it should have! Love it!

:D:D

coolhull · 12-09-2015 01:12AM

So the wife suugested that we play a harmless bedroom game. She went off and got dressed up as a nurse.
But I think she took things a bit too far.

Right now, I'm out in the hall, lying on a trolley, and I've been since 11 am

MonkieSocks · 13-09-2015 09:58AM

Paddy's wife comes home from work to find all her sex toys nailed to the wall

"You stupid fookin man, I asked for a Dado Rail"

13-09-2015 11:23AM

My uncle was in the old IRA, went in the run, hid in a house in an alcove covered with wallpaper.

He was never caught but he was decorated twice.

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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