Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people *MOD NOTE POST #1*

To nobody in particular,

I had a scary thought today. It made me feel trapped. The thing is though that I'm not sure. I'm just not. There has never been anyone that I have been sure about and I don't believe I ever will be.

Someone said to me recently "he is the other half of me" and I thought what that must feel like. Does it mean that without him you aren't whole? Or maybe it means that he is the most similar person to you? Are you not scared that if the other half of you was no longer then you would be no longer? I wouldn't like that. I want to endure and go on regardless.

Let me see if I can think of what I am sure of. Some friends yes definitely. My dad and his old school comfort. The work I do. Who I am (mostly). My clumsy ways. All of the things that make me happy, they rarely change. That I can keep going even when I don't want to. My constant whirly coloured outside the lines mind that I love so very much.

ginandtonicsky

I heard something on a podcast today that really struck a chord. It was about breakups. The host said that she felt so much when she was with him, and it was like the only way to feel that strongly about something is to not let it go. So she couldn't let go.

And I can't let go. I can't let go of the pain and the heartache of missing you because it feels like letting go of love entirely. God I loved you so much. I love you so much. I don't know how to stop. Am I supposed to stop? Or just accept that I always will? It seems insane to expect love to just end, to disappear into the ether; but love will never be enough to make us work.

So I'm stuck. I'm stuck crying at random, just when I thought I had passed a milestone in heartbreak recovery. I'm stuck relating to old songs in new, painful ways. I'm stuck dealing with work for 20 hours a day just because it's easier than facing this new reality. I'm stuck texting you in moments of weakness. I'm stuck missing your arms around me in bed at night.

I'm stuck loving you and knowing that no good can come of it.

stop animal cruelty

Ginandtonicsky

Iv almost welled up reading your post. I hope you'll manage to let go and find contentment.

DunnoKidz

ginandtonicsky wrote:

...I'm stuck loving you and knowing that no good can come of it

It felt as if I was the only one who deals with this. Thank you g&t. Mind yourself.

Sunny Dayz

K, you know something - that joke really isn't funny anymore. Mildly amusing the first time, but since then no it's not funny and actually some people (not me though) could find it quite hurtful. Give it a rest.

Karmella

Do you actually give a **** about your children at all?
You have a health scare primarily caused by alcohol abuse and here you are barely 2 weeks later out drinking like nothing ever happened. Have you no shame?
I had to cut short my work trip and fly home early at great expense because of your selfishness. I had to get a colleague to travel out in my place for the second week, and our team is stretched enough as it is. So I look like a complete muppet at work. Thanks for that, as if I wasn’t stressed enough.
Meanwhile E is all up in a heap because there’s no sign of you, he went home from school crying 2 days in a row, he wasn’t eating. I had to bring C to the doctor when I got home because he had a fever and vomited everywhere the night before. D is amazing and I would have been lost without her but there is no way that she should have been put in that position.
You don’t give a f’ck about anyone but yourself. You send me bullsh1t texts all about your self induced ‘illness’ and don’t even ask one word about your children. You think I don’t know that you went on a bender for the whole weekend? You think I don’t know that you threw a hissy fit and ‘quit’ your job? How you still have that job is a miracle, they must feel sorry for you or something.
You are a f’cking disgrace. You don’t deserve the wonderful children that you have. I got E’s report card yesterday and they had nothing but lovely things to say about him, it breaks my heart to see him like this. He’s only 7 and he’s had to go through so much despite my best efforts to shield him from your bs and uselessness. I believe his eating issues are primarily psychological. So we have you to thank for that. Hope you’re happy and proud of your achievements. Happy f’cking Father’s Day a$shole.

secman

KARMELA you and your children deserve much much better than you have at the moment. Speak to someone in AA and get some advice, you sound like you are doing a great job with the children , but the current situation will take it's toll on you.
Take care

addicted to caffeine

Dear C, M, R, K and M,

I'm very sorry for shouting at ye, I hope you can accept my apology

with regards,

ATC

DunnoKidz

Dear Heart, It's time.

Cutie18Ireland

D,

What I wouldn't give for one last skype call.. missing you always, more so on the 18th of every month. I don't even need to look at the calendar, my body just knows its the day you were taken.

Forever wishing for a goodbye....

jellybear

This is really tough

jellybear

Dear woman stopped on the pedestrian crossing who was 2 inches away from my legs when you started rolling your car towards me...

You do realise it's not an offence to be on your phone as you're crossing the road? It is however wrong and dangerous to stop on a pedestrian crossing.
You're also incorrect on another point- I was paying attention. That's how I saw your car rolling towards me.
You were the one not paying attention.
A simple apology for being wrong on two accounts would have sufficed.
Being so defensive and trying to blame someone else for your wrongdoings is pathetic.

You have no idea what's going on in people's lives and there was no need for your horrible attitude when you were the one in the wrong.

*Ahhhhh. Rant over *

DunnoKidz

Ya know "pal", I've had about enough of this condescending, privileged, frienemy nonsense. If you can't be the least bit considerate, leave me in peace.

.

LegacyUser

You,

You are at loggerheads with everyone. We can't make you happy. We can't fix you. Only you can do that. They say the best revenge is living well. Can you not do this? How hard is it for you? Instead you have taken a path of pure revenge. How you sleep at night I will never know. You need a psychiatrist and you belong in a prison for all that you have done.

As for you,
Time and Time and Time again it happens. You're a bum. Sort yourself out.

LegacyUser

Here I am yet again, wide awake in the middle of the night, hurt, rejected and fed another flimsy excuse for the 100th time.

I lose a load of weight and you still look at me like I'm disgusting in a pair of shorts. . .

Nothing has changed, and I can't tell If you genuinely suck at relationships and haven't a clue or if you really are just an a$$hole.

I had a lot to write but stopped because I'm only going to upset myself further. . .we'll see what the morning brings. . .

JackTaylorFan

Dear K

All I did was set up some clear boundaries. It is unfortunate that you lack the emotional maturity to understand that women must do this with men in order to protect themselves at times.

It was nothing personal, but it was necessary. I do it with every man I befriend if they seem to be flooding my inbox all day long - which you were.

Anyways, it was clear from your rash reply, you were never interested in being friends, in fact, all you did is clearly prove any such thing would have been entirely an error of judgement on my part.

I wish you well. I wanted to say something nice about your music, but meh... too late...

Good luck.

erica74

A little less than 12 months ago, my sister disclosed to you that our brother, your husband, sexually abused us for years when we were young children.
I was 6. I was 6 when he started sexually abusing me. It went on for 2 - 3 years.
You have 2 teenage daughters. You're all still living together, happy family, going on a family holiday later this month.
I am so fucking confused. So confused. I mean, my brain feels like fucking mush. I don't understand it. I don't know what I thought you would do, I don't know what I wanted you to do, I didn't think it would be like this.
He is a compulsive liar and always has been. What story did he spin about it?

I feel sick.

Now I have a mother who seems to be pretending everything is grand but her 2 daughters are just awful bitches. She pretty much disowned us for telling her about our brother, her son, sexually abusing us, something he had ample opportunity to do because she neglected us and left us home alone all the time. She is letting on to everyone that we're just awful daughters who never visit and never get in touch.
Now, you're showing me that you either don't believe me or you believe me but just don't care.

I'm so fucking confused.

jellybear

Dear husband,

Happy 1 year Wedding Anniversary to us!!

Love,
Your wifey

erica74

I just don't know what to think. In my head I sometimes still feel like a child and all of this emotion and all of these thoughts are a lot for a child to process. My head is all over the place right now.m

My mother never wanted me and she still doesn't want me. She again missed her opportunity to be a mother when I told her what my brother did to me, she didn't care. She again missed her opportunity to be a mother when I confronted her about how she treated me as a child and as an adult, she didn't care. If she dies tomorrow, I don't think I'll care.

My brother took away my childhood, mocked me and ridiculed me as an adult, told the extended family that I never visited, never got in touch, because I'm selfish and don't care. Why does he continue to be able to paint himself as a good person. I want to go to family events but I don't want to see him, I don't want to speak about him, I don't want to think about him so the easiest thing to do is avoid everything.

My dad also took away my childhood. An alcoholic, an absent father. He never hit us, never verbally abused us but he wasn't there, that left a hole in my life. He was fun when he wasn't drinking, he knew how to make us laugh when he wasn't drinking, he knew how to make the most of time when he wasn't drinking. But he was very rarely not drinking.

My dad being absent physically and my mother being mentally absent created the perfect environment for abuse to take place. We were alone, neglected, already abused by our mother so we didn't really understand the dynamics of relationships, we didn't understand love or affection, and I think my brother is an opportunist and saw his opportunity. This went on for years, he had this opportunity for years.

I'm angry at all of the adults who missed all the signs, no family cared, no neighbours cared, no other parents cared, no teachers cared, nobody cared.

Salthillprom

You’re a lying, deceiving, conceited user of others who has no respect for yourself or anyone who has the misfortune to cross your path.

You’ve also unmasked yourself as a complete oddball and I think you must have some undiagnosed mental illness because normal people definitely don’t behave the way you do. I should have paid more attention when I began to realise that you don’t have many friends and don’t seem too popular with your peers. There’s a reason for everything...you’ve probably burned too many bridges with people...or others were able to see that you are a weirdo, when I was blind to that fact.

I’ve definitely never been treated so badly as I was by you. And yet you presently continue to deceive and blind those closest to you...leading a fake life and forcing others to do the same, unbeknownst to them. Now that’s evil.

Karma is a beaaaatch and some day it’s gona come right back to you and bite you squarely on the a$$...wait til you see..

(Feels good to get that off my chest!..even if it is to a bunch of randomers!)

jellybear

C & P,
Looking forward to seeing you two!!

LegacyUser

Someone else who's clearly not being worked hard enough. If you were it would remove all that aggro. So much of what I see in you today was what I saw in her a few years ago. Come down from that high horse of yours and look at yourself before you start flinging them stones. Where's the handbook with details of all our jobs, duties and responsibilities to the extended family? You might want to pick it up yourself and give it a read, if there is one. Where were you last year? Busy ignoring that childs birthday in favour of your friends and social life. Now, you are all mouth.

Graces7

Blessings and thanks to so many folk in my life past , present and whatever small future I now still have..

for all kindnesses, and all the love.. that make pain and frustration bearable....
For all the insults, neglect, hurts... For wise ones whose advice I did not assimilate for years...Learning the long way that if we get angry, bitter, then we hurt only ourselves, not the ones who hurt and damage us.
That dwelling on past hurts destroys present and future... and that we can choose to walk on by from past wounds.. They call it forgiveness

It does not make new hurts hurt less but enables tranquillity.."This too shall pass.."

I cannot say this to family long gone. I can say it here, and I can live it so that no hurt spills out on to others. Can look at beauty, at all the seemingly small things of life with real joy..

So yes, thank you for lessons that were utterly painful. I see too now that many were weakness and not spite, not aimed at ME... Just human weakness and probably your woundedness.. the war damaged father who passed his dire woundedness on. The weak despairing mother who became a smother....

So thank you for teaching me that we are all weak and hurt... for most of all giving me life.. and that i can choose now.. Follow the light in my heart and soul unhindered by the past.... be to others as I would have them be to me, yet standing up to evil.

LegacyUser

Dear X,

Yes, I did think about it when you said it to me but when I looked into this I decided it was a bad idea. You expected me to give up the only bit of security I have at the moment for no financial gain on my side. Along with this I was going to take a financial hit of at least €35 a week on my limited income. I had to consider my own long term future and I don't want to end up broke when I am older.

I know your not happy over this but at this stage I don't care. The truth is you should have helped me out more in the past but you did not. You saw how I have had to deal with certain things. If it was not for Y help things would be far worse for me know. Due to Y helping me out I got a certain allowance, a bit more money and a few perks that will save me money.

I mentioned to you a few time about z and the last time I mentioned it you said - you can pay monthly for that. Yes I can pay for this monthly and you have left me no choice in doing this. So what I got with one thing is now gone paying for Z.

Do you know what - I am sick of your lying to me. I am sick of your meaness and your total lack of ability of stepping up to help me out with anything. Meanwhile you just expect me to keep helping you out with any of the number of things you can think off. I know your planning that I will end up minding your in your old age also. I don't know why you think I should do this after the way I have been treated over the past few years.

Well at this stage I have had enough. Your going to step up and help me out now or so help me I am going to bring the biggest mess possible to your door. You may think I am stupid but I am not. You have been lying to me for a while and I found prof of this. So at this stage you have no choice to help me. I can't wait till the right moment come to give you the good news.

milli milli

To my brother

We used to be best friends, we were so close. We spent our time together laughing and joking and having the best time. My baby brother, I watched you grow up, you were the apple of my eye and I wanted you to have the world.

But your partner never liked that we were so close and slowly over the years, she pulled you away. We never hang out anymore, anytime you do visit you & your partner are joined at the hip. You are always picking fights with me even though we may only see each other every few months. Tonight I saw your partner exchange glances with you after I said something. The two of you talk about me like I am someone that you can’t stand. You have no interest in what’s going on in my life.
I can’t believe we were once so close. My heart is broken that our relationship is so bad. And nothing major ever happened. It was just a slow thing. You’ve changed so much since meeting your partner, all the family say so.
I just really miss how we used to be. I’ve talked to you about this before, but nothing changes.
I suppose I should just accept that we don’t have a relationship anymore but as an idealist who just wishes everyone would get along and who believes family is important, I find it so hard to accept.

Kitty6277

J,

I keep thinking about something you said over the weekend. That if you had the money you'd propose. Every time I think of it I smile. I know we're young, and it'll be a while before we get there for various reasons, but it makes me so happy to actually hear you say that you feel the same as I do.

flowerchild

Dear -

I am trying so hard to save our marriage, and I am watching it slip away. You don’t answer me when I talk, don’t look at me when I speak, just look at the screen or into space. My son told me you do the same with him and his brother.

It’s mid-afternoon and you have gone to bed.

I think you are depressed but you won’t go to the GP or a psychologist, you just say you don’t trust any of them. You stay downstairs at night and come up to bed, but don’t talk.

I love you but it’s unenjoyable. If you are unhappy with me I don’t want you to feel trapped. I’ve told you if you want to move out and find someone else I will support you and make it easy for you.

I’m no angel. I’ve been unhappy too, but at least I talk with you.

I don’t know what else to do. I just know that I don’t want to live like this. I know that I am beginning to emotionally seperate from you.

Sunny Dayz

C,
Do you realise what you are doing to me? I am really struggling to get my head around things at the minute and you are not helping things at all, you are making them worse. I don't understand what you are doing or why you want to do this, I really can't wrap my head around this at all. I feels like you have pulled the rug from underneath me and I don't know what to think or where to go from here. Please stop all this carry on, I don't know how much more of it I can cope with. I know you're not having an easy time of it either but this carry on is making matters worse. It's not like you at all and I thought I knew you inside out.
M

RhubarbCrumble

Oh fcuk off brother in law. Whinging and b***hing about how 'ridiculous and unfair' it is that you have to pay €10 for a blood test because your medical card won't cover it. According to you it 'should' and 'why should you have to pay for it?'
Do you know how much it cost me for a blood test recently? €80. €80 that I couldn't afford, but still had to pay due to the fact that I'm not entitled to a medical card because I 'stupidly' go out to work and have done all my life whereas you've sat on your fat backside expecting everyone else to finance you, from family to government and you have the bloody nerve to give out about having to pay a tenner!

Kinda lonely now. The kind that no person can cure. Deep down inside of me where you should be. I miss you mammy. What would you say to me if I told you how it is? What would you tell me to do? Probably "you know what's best for you love".Thing is though I don't. I really really don't. So I make bad decisions, and naval gaze, and sit with my memories and all the longed for times gone past. You were sick for ages weren't you?
I didn't see it. Just please please be in a wonderful amazing happy place right now. I want the inside of your head to be magical.
I'm so scared it isn't though. And I'm tormented by those times when I was difficult and snapped at you. I'm sorry.