Those 'Oh God, I'm an Idiot' moments.

Pompey Magnus

Got up one particular morning a couple of years ago and went into the kitchen to find an awful smell in there, after much sniffing I narrowed the smell to around the sink area. I decided there must be some rotten food stuck down the drain so I remove the U bend and take it out to have a look in, it was full of water of course so to get a better look I tip the water into the sink...which naturally went straight down the drain and onto my floor as I was holding the U bend. In my defence I was still sleepy at the time.

Kiith

Me and a friend once heard that if you run backwards around a Protestant church 3 times, it summons the devil. My friend asked, "Which way is backwards?".

In case your wondering, it didnt work.

NothingMan

jellybeans wrote: »

???? dont get that?

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

Got up one particular morning a couple of years ago and went into the kitchen to find an awful smell in there, after much sniffing I narrowed the smell to around the sink area. I decided there must be some rotten food stuck down the drain so I remove the U bend and take it out to have a look in, it was full of water of course so to get a better look I tip the water into the sink...which naturally went straight down the drain and onto my floor as I was holding the U bend. In my defence I was still sleepy at the time.

I've done that before. The stopper is on a plunger thingy that you press to open and pull up to close the stopper. It wouldn't open one day so I opened the U bend and pushed the stopper up. Que all the water in the sink pouring onto my arm and the press under the sink.

When I was 11 I was in London with a marching band, we went to a swimming pool one day and I found a jacuzzi, in my excitement to tell people there was a jacuzzi I told the first person I saw..... Me, in a mirror. Luckily noboody saw me.

sbsquarepants

yerayeah wrote: »

And probably the best one was one day back in first or second year of secondary school looking at the French word for news, which is nouvelles and thinking that it was a fantastically simple and beautiful way of describing news, literally, the "new" stories of the day. "New", plural, so simple yet so brilliant. For 4 years or so I always privately admired this, looking on it as a great example of the elan and the je-ne-sais-quoi that the French had that the English just couldn't match until one day coming up to the Leaving Cert, I somehow l looked at "news" in a different light, had an epiphany and felt like an absolute idiot.:o

I'm 35 years old and i have never once, before today, seen the connection between the words new and news!
So, eh...I know exactly how you felt:)

Misterpphead

Fago! wrote: »

I made a bowl of cheerios and when I sat down on the couch, realised I made them in a cup.

Couple of weeks ago I tried to thank a post but couldn't see the button. I was trying to figure out why I couldn't thank that post, then realised that I had posted it 5 minutes before.

I intended on walking to town (I live in Pearse Street) but for some reason in my daydreaming state, I walked the opposite way from town. An hour after walking, I kinda woke up from my daydream and ended up in Dun Laoghaire.

An hour into playing GTA 4 I realise I was originally meant to put in a Metallica DVD, not a game.

ah the joys of unemployment....[sigh]

kaiser31

I once rang a hair salon for an appointment for a wash and blowjob

I often bless myself when I'm meant to clap

At funerals, when shaking hands with bereaved relatives I alway say either thank you or how are you

Kimia

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I'm 35 years old and i have never once, before today, seen the connection between the words new and news!
So, eh...I know exactly how you felt:)

Originally Posted by yerayeah View Post
And probably the best one was one day back in first or second year of secondary school looking at the French word for news, which is nouvelles and thinking that it was a fantastically simple and beautiful way of describing news, literally, the "new" stories of the day. "New", plural, so simple yet so brilliant. For 4 years or so I always privately admired this, looking on it as a great example of the elan and the je-ne-sais-quoi that the French had that the English just couldn't match until one day coming up to the Leaving Cert, I somehow l looked at "news" in a different light, had an epiphany and felt like an absolute idiot.

Nouveau (M.) = New
Nouveaux (M. Pl) = News
Nouvelle (F.) = New
Nouvelles (F. Pl.) = News

Nouvelles is plural of nouvelle, news is plural of new.
Do you stand under it now?

What the hell are you all talking about?

Morlar

I have done a few of these like getting into a taxi that wasn't a taxi and getting into the front seat of a mini-van taxi that didnt have a front passenger seat - so drunk I sat down with a crash where the chair should have been in front of a whole taxi rank. Smooth.

One of the funnier ones was in a new job at a large company in england. They sent an email around about how diverse they were and PC and all that - employing transexuals, transgender and mentally and physically disabled people etc etc

So that day I was thinking where are all these disabled people they keep going on about ? This was playing on my mind as I walked down the 10 minute walk to get to the canteen and getting to the card machine (it's a machine for loading cash onto your ID Card so that you can pay for your lunch using your id card at the till).

There was this girl there at the machine who was a bit simple. Obviously one of the 'mentaly disabled' people this company had hired. She was wearing dungarees and bright red socks and hair all over the place. She had a long queue of english people behind her while she was trying to stick her ID card into the money slot - like a broken record she kept jabbing the ID card into the coin slot like as if it would fit.

So I got a bit pissed off with all these reserved english people not helping her out so I push my way to the top of the queue and say 'Sorry Love - it doesn't work that way - it goes in like this' take the card from her and show her how the card goes in the CARD slot not the MONEY slot.

She kind of had a mini apoplectic fit for half a second then said 'Yeah I know my money is stuck'

She realised that I innocently thought that she was completely mentally slow and I suddenly wished there was no floor. After that I used to pass her in that 10 min wlk to the canteen pretty much every day for about 5 years after that.

swe_fi

I got an e-mail late on Friday requesting my opinion / input on something from some corporate training dude which said "can you please respond today the latest"

I was completely bogged down & tired on Friday so just wanted to go home but i said "What the hell, i'll actually try and help this guy before i head off"...90% through the mail i got so bored i just started making stupid stupid suggestions like "6.Get a blindfold & play put the tail on the donkey to determine bla di bla bla"

I was just so fed up & wanted to go home so I sent the mail to a colleague to proofread for "correctness" I added the BOLD stuff to the mail title.

Mail subject: "Request for you input on XXX release 1.45"... Can you read and maybe rephrase what i'm trying to say? Gaaaahhh

Went home. Got mail returned on Monday from the original recipient, I had not sent it to my colleague. I had sent it to the guy who wanted my help...ooops .

MardiB

sierra117x wrote: »

was sending a bunch of papers by fax today . slapped myself in the head and thought "should have stapppled these so they'l all come out together and wont get lost" went to get a stapler before i realised my idiocy.......

You send things by fax! So you work in the 1990's then......

jellybeans

Kimia wrote: »

What the hell are you all talking about?

I have no idea either, Ive been trying to see it for ages!!! no clue


where Im confused is that there is no plural of new, like I bought some news shoes???

jellybeans

I was working as a designer a few years back and on my first week on the job a courier walked in and delivered a package and a little box with 2 chocolates in it, I quickly stuffed the chocolates into my mouth before anyone could see and scrunch up the box and through it away, thinking wow that courier company is so nice. A short while later my new colleague came along and asked me had a courier dropped off a 2 choc box from one of our clients? he said they've couriered it over so we could redesign the box and take it's measurements, I was so embarrassed I had to say I ate the chocs and destroyed the evidence

we'llallhavetea_old

jellybeans wrote: »

I have no idea either, Ive been trying to see it for ages!!! no clue


where Im confused is that there is no plural of new, like I bought some news shoes???

maybe if you look at it this way.

chatting to a freind you say "anything new?"

"new" being gossip, stories, events etc.

now you say "any news?"

you are treating "new" as if it were a thing.

Ann22

I'm more of an idiot than my oh but he has his moments...this is one of them-

I was shopping with my him a few years ago...A chap was packing the bags for us..an employee of the store I knew to see who was mentally disabled. My hapless husband who didn't recognise him leaned across to the till girl, nodded in this fella's direction and loudly asked her 'are they collecting?' The girl said 'um no....eh he works here'.:( I nearly died.

I did a wardrobe clear out today..was getting rid of some of my old jumpers. I was planning to leave them up to the hospice shop but the doorbell rang. I answered it...a pleasant faced plump woman was there wearing a skimpy top asking me if I'd like to buy a sofa. I presumed she was a traveller...so I said 'oh no thanks not at the moment...but I do have some jumpers you're welcome to'...Her face went all serious as she said 'no..i don't need clothes thank you very much'..turned on her heel and walked off back to her van. I was very embarrassed..think she was offended:(.

we'llallhavetea_old

ann, you are gas. you always have me in stitches!

Ann22

When I had my first child I was only 20...no blood left in my body and utterly traumatised. I was an emergency admission and was wheeled temporarily into the middle of a public ward- between the two rows of beds. I was weak as water barely able to move a finger. I was flat on my back in a daze.

As my surroundings became clearer I became aware that my eyes happened to be fixed on a man visiting a woman in the next bed. He smiled and held out a box of After Eights to offer me one. I don't know what possessed me but I took the box out of his hand and plonked it beside me.

The poor man looked confused but I didn't care..that's all I was capable of doing..taking his chocs. I lay there for a few minutes and a cold finger of fear touched the pit of my stomach as I dimly realised....I have that mans' sweets:(..wtf?! I hoarsely whispered 'hey....here's your sweets' and handed them back. He tentatively took them back and stood red faced and silent at his crowded wife's bedside looking at the ground. I think I was still staring at him drooling from the side of my mouth 'til he moved out of my line of vision:o. That's what childbirth does to you lads.:eek:

we'llallhavetea_old

LMFAO!!

Ann22

A few years ago it was my birthday..I was at work and a pal walked up and handed me a card which felt juicily plump..I assumed there was a few scratch cards in it..I was delighted 'cos I thought no one had remembered:). I said 'aw thanks Annie!!! There was no need for that..feck sake you've enough to be spending your money on and you getting married!!'....she flushed slightly and said 'eh...Ann um sorry it's your wedding invitation'. I was squirming with embarrassment!!!:o She called round to me that evening with a hastily bought present:(.

we'llallhavetea_old

we need a "badump tish" after all your posts!

Ann22

Maybe I shouldn't be revealing the true tit that is me....
One time I was making home made chips. I peeled and chopped the spuds, had them sitting in a pot of water..then when the oil was hot I absent mindedly tipped the whole lot in to the fryer, water and all. The oil exploded and went everywhere. My mother came into the room horrified to meet me standing rigid with terror in the kitchen which in its entirety was dripping with grease.

Years ago (I stress that it was a long time ago)My mam was doing home help for a neighbouring old lady. Mam had to go to hosp so I said I'd do it for her.
I slept in the first morning (nackered I was, the child was bawling half the night), the old lady got up to light her own fire and toppled headfirst into it:eek:. She was ok thank God...dunno how, maybe she wasn't flammable at all My mam was sacked though for being unreliable. I do stupid things a lot like making sponge cake without the flour...rock cakes without the sugar. I left my debs dress material in a bag in Clearys...got it back. I traipsed the streets of Dublin for a special xmas outfit and left it on the bus...I cried for hours:(...I could go on but I'd better not.

Scarinae

Ann22 wrote: »

I do stupid things a lot like making sponge cake without the flour...rock cakes without the sugar.

I've done absent-minded baking before... Like the time I decided to make my Dad a birthday cake, I looked at the ingredients and just put them all in a bowl and cooked it, I didn't even stir it like... I don't know what the hell I was thinking, believe it or not I'm usually quite good at baking, I was probably hungover or something. Anyway, the cake didn't turn out very well. I blamed my friend Clare for giving me a crap recipe

pirelli

ejmaztec wrote: »

I was driving down the Tralee road half-asleep one morning, and had to slow down after coming out of a bend. There was a car in front of me doing about 30mph, and it was completely engulfed in flames, the fire roaring out through the windows.

I followed it for a couple of minutes, as if giving the driver a chance to pull in, before coming to my senses. "How the fuck would there be a driver in that, you stupid twat?" I said to myself.:o

I decided to overtake it and give it a wide berth, then spotted an oil tanker delivering oil to a bungalow further along. I just hoofed it and kept looking in the rearview mirror to see where the burning car was heading to. It eventually rolled into a garden wall and stopped, thankfully on the opposite side to the tanker.

I later found out that it had gone up in flames when the driver was in it, and that she'd kicked it into gear when she made her escape. It was strange that it travelled in a straight line for such a long time with no-one steering it.:eek:

I guess your not a very heroic person !

johnny_knoxvile

pirelli wrote: »

I guess your not a very heroic person !

Heroes die younger...Marshmallows and a stick would have been handy by the sound of things!

jellybeans

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

maybe if you look at it this way.

chatting to a freind you say "anything new?"

"new" being gossip, stories, events etc.

now you say "any news?"

you are treating "new" as if it were a thing.

I still dont get it

we'llallhavetea_old

jellybeans wrote: »

I still dont get it

here, put this on and sit in the corner.

OutlawPete

On Monday two American women came up to me at the side of the Jervis St centre and asked me:

"Which side of the Liffey is the Ha'penny bridge on.."

For a moment I was stumped..

I just said:

"This side will do, just walk up the quays along the Liffey there and you'll see the Ha'penny bridge up on your right and if you want, you can cross that to get to the other side of the Liffey, that's where the Temple Bar area is.."

She then said:

"So, the Ha'penny bridge is on this side of the Liffey then?"

I so nearly starting laughing, thank God I didn't

davrho

I was an engineering tech in Intel a few years back living in Liexlip. My sky tv broke down and i tried to fix it myself. Checked the dish checked everything but could not find a fault. Phoned their engineers to find the problem. Guy came round the house had a chat and he looked.

The cable had fell out the connection. It was a case of just plugging it back in-Never felt such an idiot in my life.

Ban Ki Moon

So there is no such thing as a rocket pack then?

Whenever you make a mistake just say "Damm you hollywood"

Ann22

My friend bought a big chicken one time, to cook for a dinner her in-laws were joining them for. She took it out of the plastic and got a bit of a fright...the chicken was deformed:eek:. She called her husband who came in to find her pointing at the chicken in tears...'look at it...there's something wrong with it...I can't cook that!':(. Turns out, it was upside down:D.

Ann22

When I was in 1st class..one day we were quietly doing our work, when one of the girls who'd been over at the waste paper bin, passed and whispered to me that she'd seen my mother and brother approaching the school out the window. I went over to pair my pencil as an excuse hoping to see them as I hated school and missed my mam.

As I was standing looking out..For some reason I still can't fathom, I totally and utterly forgot where I was.. I started knocking the window to get my mam and brother's attention. The deaf b*stards couldn't hear me however so I started rapping louder and louder 'til I was slamming the glass with my fists and shouting 'MAM! MAM! MAAAAAMMMM!'....'MARTIN! MARTIN!(my bro) FOR FECK SAKE MAAAAARTIIIIN ARE YA DEAF!' MMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA!'...

I was on the verge of tears with frustration...when suddenly.. it dawned on me...I'm in freakin' school:eek:..I am going to be hammered:(! I slowly turned around to see 36 faces including the teacher's gawking at me in stunned amazement. I really expected to get the ruler across the hand for that..but the teacher couldn't even speak she was so shocked she just gasped and spluttered something about me getting back to my seat 'this minute'. Incredibly embarrassing:o!

My son p*ssed in the waste paper bin once in primary school. He went over to pair his pencil and got his willy out..He had a little p*ss done when he copped on:D...half wit:D:D. He doesn't think anyone noticed.