Those 'Oh God, I'm an Idiot' moments.

Deus Ex Machina

brummytom wrote: »

You know the ones I mean, where you end up thinking "I can't believe I've just done that".

What ones of your own can you remember?


Obviously I have to add my own:

Yesterday, I was dragged down to Bristol by my mate to audition for an E4 show, 'Skins'. After a few hours travelling (with an annoying delay); we got down to Bristol station.

Now we knew what bus to get, we just didn't know where to get it from. We walked left out of the station towards the main road and looked at a few of the bus stops. None of them, however, had the number bus that we needed.

So we cross the road to the other side to see if it's there. Nope. Not there. But there was a board with a map of all the bus stops in the area and what buses stopped there. Finally, we found the one we needed. We were on Temple Gate Road, Near Clarence Rd and needed to get to Approach Rd.

We looked everywhere for this road, but just couldn't find it. Eventually, we ended up about a mile away at a petrol station. "Ask in here where it is, he'll know". Going up to the counter, we asked the man behind where this road was. "Approach Rd? I'll have a look" he said, in a thick farmer accent.

He spent 10 minutes scouring the A-Z, but alas, had no look. It wasn't there.
"Where do you need to get to?" he asked.

"Bristol Grammar School, I think it's a fair way from here" my mate replied.
He told us that further down the road, opposite the train station was a row of bus stops that would have our bus on. We knew there wasn't, because we'd already been there, but we said thank you and left.

We got back to where we started at the map. "I don't get where this Approach Road is" I said. I think at that point, both my mate and I realised we'd been completely stupid. "It's not a road name, it's an instruction isn't it?" We eventually found the bus stop - it was within yards of the train station, and we'd completely walked past it.


Anyway, that was a long story for nothing. I'm sure you can do better

Instantaneously stopped reading at first mention of skins.

Vinta81

Novella wrote: »

Me four haha. I was so disappointed when I saw what it really was!

I thought it was too I don't want to live with the disappointment with what it will be, so I shall sit and delve deep into my imagination

Scarinae

I was in the Haagen Dazs cafe a few years ago with one of my friends. At the time they had these square menus, on the front it was divided into four squares and each had a letter in it. I looked at this in confusion and said "What the hell is a ME-NU?"


My mum has told me before about the time I was invited to a birthday party when I was 2 or 3, all the kids were so young that our parents came along too. My mother was chatting to one of the other mums, and this woman kept getting distracted by her toddler and was calling after him: "Mungo, don't do that" or "Mungo, come back here"
Mum said to her "You should really stop calling him that, the name might stick" The other woman gave her absolute daggers and said "That is his name!" D'oh...

Hank Scorpio

Years ago a few of us were down a river bank and one of the lads was rolling a joint. None of us had a lighter so we came up with a brilliant idea of picking bits off the hash with our fingernails and putting them into the joint.

All was grand until we went to the light it! The thought never crossed our minds when we were building it I suppose they dont call it dope for nothing We were miles from the closest shop

elvis99

Yesterday on facebook a lady friend of mine put up a status describing how the years fly by, i commented this saying how im nearly 20, and im getting old while using smiley faces and the occasional lol.

Later that day I heard how a meomorial had been erected for a family member of hers, the most embarrasing moment of my life

Fago!

MrStuffins wrote: »

Without trying to sound hostile, and making an exception for the GTA 4 one...........

... each of these stories is ballocks!

NothingMan wrote: »

Sorry, but I have to call bollocks on this Fago!, Unless you were day dreaming on a 10KM/H run but that would just be dangerous. :P

Honest to god those stories are true!

Shivers26

Rozabeez wrote: »

This is a brilliant thread.. I had my tonsils out on Friday and when I came round from the anasthetic I grabbed at the mask thing on my mouth, whipped it off and started asking what time the christening was at.. >.< Seriously embarrassing since the last thing I remember before going under was saying, "I like pints".

I have a lot of those "idiot" moments though, I think it's because I don't pay enough attention

I think the auld anaesthetic make you go a bit odd. I had a tiny little sinus operation a few years back and when I woke up I kept asking the nurse to hold my hand. Not sure what that was about.

Just today, I realised I took my boyfriends phone in to work with me. It was still in my handbag where he chucked it when we were out yesterday. I immediately thought 'oh I better text him to tell him I have his phone'......yep, genuis here.

xxlily87xx

ah these are class great thread, i was actually nearly cryin laughin at some of these. After readin 8 pages i got a bit peckish so got up to make a sandwich and put the bread into the fridge instead of takin the butter out, i blame the thread ha

--LOS--

uncleoswald wrote: »

I was about to give a presentation in college when I looked down at my feet and noticed I was wearing odd shoes. Not even similar, one was red and one was blue. I told the lecturer I hadn't finished my report and took the fail..... I have since done the same thing twice in work.

Ok I know I'm dragging this up but wtf?? You took the fail? seriously?


Ye I've done a lot of the stuff on this thread, been mad late for an exam, sorta zoned out on the bus in the confusion, bus pulls up outside college, I look across and see everyone heading in, nothing clicks, minute down the road scream at the driver to stop, even later for exam.

Sometimes I just cannot for the life of me remember what year it is nevermind what month or what day, someone asks me a question, I have to go through the motions of...it is 2010, it is May, today is Monday....yes/no.
(checking calender just in case )

mixed up two guys before, must have seemed really friendly to the second one.

If it has been my birthday recently, someone asks how old I am, I don't know.

biscuits in fridge, milk in press yadda yadda, dropping whole cups of tea on the imaginary table mid air.

I'm grand really.

swe_fi

This thread is amusing

Made me remember another little not so clever episode

Was visiting a mate up in Byron Bay (from Sydney) got on the bus to go back (takes like 12h or more, can't remember) and went to the back of the bus so i could lie down to sleep on the seats furthest back.

In the seat pocket there was an empty large vodka bottle that someone had left behind and it just barely fit in to the pocket so I had to keep putting it back in there, as the bus was shaking, really annoying...anyway

As we rode into the night pretty much the whole bus went to sleep as it's a night bus, so did I, and I drifted off into this MENTAL dream about a huge ugly crying baby (think garbage pail kids) crawling around my dads house, it was crawling really slowly and I was watching it do so. Then all of a sudden this baby got up on its feet and glancing back at me ran towards a really busy road as if it wanted to run out in to traffic, i panicked and.....woke up standing screaming at the top of my lungs "STOP THE F****N BABYYYYYY!!!" in the bus corridor (On top of that I was screaming in my native scando tongue). I was barely awake but then i realised what was going on and clutched some seats, the bus driver started to brake and, yes, the bloody empty vodka bottle rolled past me down the corridor *clink, clonk*. People were seriously looking at me like i had killed someone, its quite obvious what they were thinking. I have never been so mortified in my life.

Closed ac

Last friday, I cycled home and it was dark. I went around the back & the padlock was open but on the gate with the keys inside and I locked it without thinking. After putting my bike in the shed, I realised I was trapped in my own backgarden. I didn't have a key for the backdoor and just my luck, the phone was out of battery. So, I just banged on my patio door for 15 minutes until they finally heard the noise inside and let me in.. :pac:

Topper Harley

gerrycollins wrote: »

Had a mad dash to the bank last week before they closed to get in a payment. Drove like the clappers and parked across the road from the bank thankfully had at least 3 spaces so no messy parrallel parking.

ran into bank did the business(not that one) finished up and ran out the door checked the road all clear ran across to car,clicked the central locking as I went and the car didnt unlock. "feck I left it open"

got to the drivers door something felt wrong and sure enough the childs car seat was missing, paniking I opened the door one foot in realised it wasnt my car. mine was 3 spaces away major cringe hopefully nobody saw me......

Vinta81 wrote: »

With all the car stories just remembered this one; I took up Biology as an extra subject for the LC a few years ago and had the class once a week in another school in the evenings. Well there was this utterly fit guy in the class as well, bloody distraction So one night was strolling out the door, very dark evening and I crossed the road to see my Dad was actually on time for once, ran up, opened the back door threw my bag in, jumped into the front seat, seat belt on, shoes off (they were new and they hurt) and said "buggar, I need a cup of tea"...cue silence...so only then I turned to my right and it wasn't my dad :eek: This guys face was literally a mix of :eek::pac: it of course had to end up being the fit guys dad This guy was just standing on the path like "..."...so i had to scramble out mumbling something about wearing no contacts and trying to get my shoes and door and i ended up smacking my hand in the door and i RAN...to make it worse i RAN away to my actual Dad laughing his arse off

For about 3 weeks, every time I got dropped off for the grind I ended up walking down the hill into town and aimlessly walking around the shops and eating mcdonalds :pac:

Similar(ish) thing happened to me. I was sitting in my car parked outside a shop while my mother went in to get something. She comes back out and gets into the car. We're sitting there for about 20-30 seconds (I'm quizzing her about what she got) and next thing the back door opens and a guy starts climbing in. Initially I though, some fcukers trying to rob us, then I see a similar car to my right with two people in the front seats laughing their asses off. Me and my mother start laughing and your man starts clambering to get out of the car muttering apologies almost incoherently.

CrazyRabbit

Nulty wrote: »

I was just cleaning up for the last hour, tidying the computer room and hoovering the house. Went to use the computer and couldn't find the (wireless) mouse.

I've just spent the last 10 minutes going around the house trying to find the mouse. I eventually dug out an old one and plugged it in to the computer, sat down and looked straight down in front of me on the table what do you think was there?

Some cookies? A hamster?

Come on...don't leave us in suspense!

msg11

Corruptedmorals wrote: »

The most recent one would have to be while on the tills in work, shouting at the queue 'do you have a clubcard?' instead of 'next please'. Oh god the embarrassment, the queue was really long and there was loads of people and managers on tills ughh..

Same type of story, was on the tills there Friday. Now it came to the money part I was handed 50€ . I though it said €50.20, so I pressed the 50€ button on the screen, and the cash drawer was stuck down but opened. I stood there for about 3 mins convinced the women was looking for change and started starring at a product on a shelf.

Only to look at the till screen, and down the bottom, 'change due €0.20'. I said to myself, bollox. Started making it out to be the checkouts fault pressing random buttons and saying to the women it's been acting up all day.

Pissed myself laughing when she left, and said to myself 'I am an gob****e'.

mariaalice

This is due to politeness being rammed in to me as child!

I have on occasion said thank you to a ticked machine in that has issued me with a ticket in a car park...if my daughter is beside me when things like this happen she give me this look that says how could i possible be related to this person!!:p

damienmcd

I was informed of this one by my parents today. When I was about 3 I lived across the road from my friend's house. When I would want to go over to my friend's my Mam would always say "look up and down before crossing the road".

So one day I asked could I go across to my mate's and as usual she said to look up and down before crossing. She was looking out the front window to make sure I was safe crossing when she was horrified at what she saw. I was standing on the kerb looking up at the sky, followed by looking down at my feet and repeating the process a few times.

It took her a few seconds to cop on to what I was doing but then realised that I was just "looking up and down" as instructed.

Surprising how I turned out to be slightly intelligent!

msg11

mariaalice wrote: »

This is due to politeness being rammed in to me as child!

I have on occasion said thank you to a ticked machine in that has issued me with a ticket in a car park...if my daughter is beside me when things like this happen she give me this look that says how could i possible be related to this person!!:p

I actually do that myself, I usually shout 'Thank you, Rip off parking around here'.

SarahMs

first communion........ priest comes in and explains everything and he says 'what you think the priest says before he gives you the holy bread?' (we had been told 2 mins before)

age 7 Sarah: 'Hand or mouth?' everyone laughed. I cried and my mam cried with laughter when the teacher told her at the parent teacher meetings. The priest even made a joke about it at the ceremony.

scarred!

MitchKoobski

It was SHAG(Sexual Health And Guidance) week in WIT and I was in the campus Spar getting the paper. They were promoting condoms all over the campus and doing special offers.Shop was quite packed, so I get to the front of the queue the gentleman behind the counter asks me
"Would you like anything else?"
"Ah no thanks" I reply.
"No durex or anything?"
"Nah sure I wouldn't need them."
*Awkward silence*
".......okay then."
I then realised how I phrased it and tried to cover my tracks.
"Uh no I didnt mean, well you know what I -"
"Next there please."

I left the shop as quickly as possible, with the entire queue knowing I wasn't getting any.

StormWarrior

When I was a teenager, if ever I was bored with nothing to do, I would kill time by drawing extremely graphic bondage porn pictures. One time, I must have left a page somewhere because my mum found it, and asked me whether me or my younger sister had drawn them. I said it must have been her as it wasn't me, but she didn't believe me and said she knew it was me because my sister was too young to draw such detailed pictures. I have never been so embarrassed.

Another time, a kid in my class at school and I were daring each other to do things. She cut the top off her drink carton and gave it to me, daring me to wee in it and bring it out and give it to her. Stupidly I did, and then she took it to the teacher and told on me, who called my mum to discuss whether my peeing in the carton might be a sign of psychological problems! My mum was furious.

MitchKoobski

StormWarrior wrote: »

When I was a teenager, if ever I was bored with nothing to do, I would kill time by drawing extremely graphic bondage porn pictures. One time, I must have left a page somewhere because my mum found it, and asked me whether me or my younger sister had drawn them. I said it must have been her as it wasn't me, but she didn't believe me and said she knew it was me because my sister was too young to draw such detailed pictures. I have never been so embarrassed.

Another time, a kid in my class at school and I were daring each other to do things. She cut the top off her drink carton and gave it to me, daring me to wee in it and bring it out and give it to her. Stupidly I did, and then she took it to the teacher and told on me, who called my mum to discuss whether my peeing in the carton might be a sign of psychological problems! My mum was furious.

I would have thought drawing graphic bondage porn would be a dead giveaway to psychological problems.

--LOS--

He was a teenager, s'ok

I wanna see the pics

Daemos

My mother comes up with some great lines. Just last week I was telling her that in Dr Who there's going to be a massive explosion on June 26th that's going to crack every moment in history. I was doing such a good job describing it that she asked me if it was in a TV show or if it was really going to happen :rolleyes:

StormWarrior

MitchKoobski wrote: »

I would have thought drawing graphic bondage porn would be a dead giveaway to psychological problems.

Alot of anime artists/readers must have psychological probs then.

Smeggy

Only last week I hung out a basket of dirty clothes on the line, I didnt even twig they werent damp until I went back in and my mother said why did you just hang out those dirty clothes?!

Back in my Junior Cert year I had to write an Irish essay for one of those Gaeltacht scholarship thingys, anyway the title of the essay was "Ag Caiteamh Toitini" (which means smoking cigarettes) but I somehow thought it meant getting first Communion, so I launched into a big story about how I was 7 years old and I wore a dress and my parents were very happy and my teacher and the priest were there to help.....
It was hilarious when I went outside and my friends told me what it really meant. Needless to say I didnt win the scholarship!!

Teferi

see here.

pearliefan

Few years ago I went skiing and after a day of skiing I went down to the pool for a sauna and swim. Decided to go outside while in my swimsuit just to get really cold for a minute. Our apartment was on the bottom floor so I was chatting away to my mam, decided to back to the pool only to find I had locked myself out!!! So I had to walk back through the reception to my room cold, wet and with only a towel :pac: Got some whistles though!

merengueca

Turned up at work one morning, logged on, got a cuppa and generally got stuck in to the days events... only at 2pm did I look up and realise I hadn't seen or heard from anyone all day - 6 hours after I'd started. It was a Sunday!!!

Also, we have to wear hi visibilty orange trousers when ever we go out on site, so just finished a site visit, stood by my vehicle chatting away to the lads about the job and proceeded to take my safety boots, hard hat, hi vis jacket and trousers off, unfortunately I kept chatting - and undressing.. I had my jeans unbuttoned and ready to drop before the deafening silence in the group alerted me. (I'm a female engineer in charge of a large 100% male workforce, this was my first month in the job!)

gino85

when i was a kitchen porter, one night i droped a tea towel and went to grab it as it was falling, caught the towel and ended up cracking myself in the nuts

mail4liam

Fago! wrote: »

I made a bowl of cheerios and when I sat down on the couch, realised I made them in a cup.

Couple of weeks ago I tried to thank a post but couldn't see the button. I was trying to figure out why I couldn't thank that post, then realised that I had posted it 5 minutes before.

I intended on walking to town (I live in Pearse Street) but for some reason in my daydreaming state, I walked the opposite way from town. An hour after walking, I kinda woke up from my daydream and ended up in Dun Laoghaire.

An hour into playing GTA 4 I realise I was originally meant to put in a Metallica DVD, not a game.

I mean, how could you walk the opposite way along Pearse Street and realise an hour later you were going the wrong way ? Pearse Street is only a 15 minute walk to the center of Dublin City... you must be off the wall?