Those 'Oh God, I'm an Idiot' moments.

Canard

For my science mock there was a diagram of a kidney. I labelled the part that leads out of it (urethra?) as uterus.

..I got marks, which made it a thousand times more hilarious.

Dublinstiofán

Mine was last night, was brilliantly funny.

My brother set up this new youth group in the parish and was at a meeting last night.
He came home at around 10 and i was outside playing ball with the dogs.
He came out to me and asked me could he take them in that he wanted to show them to a member of the group as they were thinking about a dog themselves.
I said fine take them in. As we were walking back inside he said make sure you come in and say hello to Alice when your finished.
To which i replied Alice, Alice Who the **** is Alice.
I didn't realize i was so loud to be honest. Anyway i walked into the room to meet Alice who i was expecting to be about 12-15 years of age and i found a middle aged woman who didn't look best pleased. If she heard me she decided to ignore it.

Bob Z

Afriend asked me one day what day the Sunday world came out on

Saft Hans

A few years ago when I got pocket money of €10 from my mam, I decided to celebrate by having a mars bar. So I took off the wrapper, put the tenner on the table, threw the mars bar paper in the fire. As I was eating the aforementioned mars bar I noticed that the wrapper was taking a very long time to burn and was creating an unusual flame. That's when I glanced at the table and saw, to my horror.....a mars bar wrapper. Cut to me screaming to my sisters that my tenner was now in the fire.:(

Still haven't lived that one down.:(

DeVore

When I was a student many years ago my automatic umberella wouldnt open so like an idiot I looked down at the top of it and shook it vigourously.

I still have a scar just above my eyelid where I had to get stitches (yes, stitches in your eye lid. ow.). worst thing was I was with a bunch of very good friends at the time who fell about laughing while I alternated between keening in pain and laughing at myself.


I can think of another dozen times more too

DeV.

Fago!

DeVore wrote: »

When I was a student many years ago my automatic umberella wouldnt open so like an idiot I looked down at the top of it and shook it vigourously.

I still have a scar just above my eyelid where I had to get stitches (yes, stitches in your eye lid. ow.). worst thing was I was with a bunch of very good friends at the time who fell about laughing while I alternated between keening in pain and laughing at myself.


I can think of another dozen times more too

DeV.

Just be glad it wasn't a bunch of beautiful women!

I always seem to slip on the street or fart in public when there's a group of hot girls there to laugh at me!

del88

Last week i went to open the front door with my car fob...

Ann22

I too was dense child...I once paired my finger in a pencil pairer to see what would happen.:o..the nail folded right over like a duvet when you fling it off in the morning..got quite a fright. I thought it was going to go all pointy and I could pretend it was magic:).

I couldn't find the scissors this other time when I was about 14 so I tried to cut my toenails with a razor blade...cue lots of blood and attempts to hide it from my mother..had to go to mass 5 minutes later with my foot sloshing about in blood inside my new shoes:o.

I do countless stupid things due to an inability to keep my mind on one thing at a time. I'm always putting my foot in it too. This is really bad one though. I apologise if I offend anyone by my words....
I worked in an american company a few years ago. Two important visitors were over here to open a new dept. They were really nice and we got on great with them.We were all standing around having a craic a few days before they left.....

The two guys (one of whom was black) were saying they couldn't get over how foul mouthed us Irish are...and that you could barely tell a dirty joke in the company of a woman over there or you could be taken up for sexual harrassment. I still can't believe this happened but I gormlessly said 'yeah! Imagine the terrible stuff we be saying here...god!' I turned to a workmate and continued 'Remember Joe you only said to me this morning you shagged a black woman and it was great!'...

There was a silence for a minute and a few people tittered. Poor Joe nearly feckin' died (he did say that btw, poor man died since that:(). What an idiot I am!! I couldn't sleep that night I felt so bad. However the next day they were taking our dept out for lunch..The black chap told me that he hadn't been able to understand a single word I said in the whole time they were working with us...the relief!! The other fella however looked at me meaningfully and said he'd understood every single word.

BrokenArrows

every morning i get out of bed after pressing snooze 10 times and end up late for work

Ann22

I washed a slice of bread once 'cos I'd dropped it...I was quite young at the time.

My son had a good stupid moment last week. He was drawing around his hand for an art project.. He moved his arm for a moment and for a second he thought he lost his hand:D....he's 20 btw.

Saft Hans

Just saw my own reflection in the window and said "Who the f.uck is that?!!!!!!:eek:"

Dublinstiofán

I got another one:

When i was about seven or eight i used to love these sweets called Jolly Ranchers.
They were always in the top press and i couldn't reach them. So one day i asked my dad to get them for me.

I said "Please please dad, give me the rubber johnies out of the press, I want them"

thetonynator

Patchy~ wrote: »

For my science mock there was a diagram of a kidney. I labelled the part that leads out of it (urethra?) as uterus.

..I got marks, which made it a thousand times more hilarious.

I labelled a kidney as a testicle in my junior cert . . . .:eek::D

Dublinstiofán

thetonynator wrote: »

I labelled a kidney as a testicle in my junior cert . . . .:eek::D

Probably got extra marks for brightening up the examiners day!

Junco Partner

my mam comes out with some great ones
down in tralee a friend of ours asked her to get some republican souvenires from the stall that does them in the market. she went over and asked the man in the stall "how much for the chuck and larry mugs" after many puzzeled looks we finally realised she was on about the cups with tiochfaidh ar la on them. gob****e.

Another time on holiday in clare she kept asking people directions to estemon she was quite embarressed when we told her it was actually ennistymon

jellybeans

yerayeah wrote: »

And probably the best one was one day back in first or second year of secondary school looking at the French word for news, which is nouvelles and thinking that it was a fantastically simple and beautiful way of describing news, literally, the "new" stories of the day. "New", plural, so simple yet so brilliant. For 4 years or so I always privately admired this, looking on it as a great example of the elan and the je-ne-sais-quoi that the French had that the English just couldn't match until one day coming up to the Leaving Cert, I somehow l looked at "news" in a different light, had an epiphany and felt like an absolute idiot.:o

???? dont get that?

Stench Blossoms

I fell asleep today at work. My manager was sitting beside me, using my computer, showing me something, yapping away and I just dozed right off. He then woke me up. Mortified.

Krusader

NothingMan wrote: »

:eek: That's got to be dangerous! What if something falls and he can't hear a warning shout.

We do wear helmets
Anyway the Crane drivers and Banksmen use to drop a load of steel right down behind him and the vibrations would always make him jump. Good craic

jellybeans

Fishie wrote: »

I was in the Haagen Dazs cafe a few years ago with one of my friends. At the time they had these square menus, on the front it was divided into four squares and each had a letter in it. I looked at this in confusion and said "What the hell is a ME-NU?"


My mum has told me before about the time I was invited to a birthday party when I was 2 or 3, all the kids were so young that our parents came along too. My mother was chatting to one of the other mums, and this woman kept getting distracted by her toddler and was calling after him: "Mungo, don't do that" or "Mungo, come back here"
Mum said to her "You should really stop calling him that, the name might stick" The other woman gave her absolute daggers and said "That is his name!" D'oh...

oh god scalrla

we'llallhavetea_old

jellybeans wrote: »

???? dont get that?

he thought the french word for news was superior, until he realised its the same in english.

news is the plural of new.

elchupanebrey

Not quite about me.

I was working with this buck a year or two back, and to say he was braindead would be a compliment to the lad. One day I sent him to get me some lengths of copper pipe.

"Get me three lengths of half inch copper" I said

"Half inch, is that the three quarter" came his puzzled reply, after three years doing the same job.

jellybeans

elchupanebrey wrote: »

Not quite about me.

I was working with this buck a year or two back, and to say he was braindead would be a compliment to the lad. One day I sent him to get me some lengths of copper pipe.

"Get me three lengths of half inch copper" I said

"Half inch, is that the three quarter" came his puzzled reply, after three years doing the same job.

eh I was sent to ask for right angles nails once in a hardware's, so emabarrassed

jellybeans

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

he thought the french word for news was superior, until he realised its the same in english.

news is the plural of new.

huh??? but it's nouvelles, im so confused

--LOS--

Saft Hans wrote: »

Just saw my own reflection in the window and said "Who the f.uck is that?!!!!!!:eek:"

That reminds of something I've done more than once when in a shop with a wall of mirrors, walked into the mirror and apologised to myself.

Tail Wagger

karlm37 wrote: »

Don't know how many times I've been having a smoke, my phone rings, I take the phone outta my pocket, put the smoke in my ear and say 'Hello'!!:o

wouldn't it be simpler to wear ear phones and say," Hi there, you thought you coughed me out that time"

heavyballs

just a few quick ones
said thanks to pass machine
put hand out for Dart
drove into next door's driveway
got into wrong car outside shop
dropped my son off at school,got out of car,helped son get his bag,hurley,helmet out of car,waved him off only to get into the back seat instead of drivers seat,needless to say i waited a min before getting out

we'llallhavetea_old

jellybeans wrote: »

huh??? but it's nouvelles, im so confused

i'm afraid i cannot help you anymore

*washes hands*

:cool:

--LOS--

heavyballs wrote: »

just a few quick ones
said thanks to pass machine
put hand out for Dart
drove into next door's driveway
got into wrong car outside shop
dropped my son off at school,got out of car,helped son get his bag,hurley,helmet out of car,waved him off only to get into the back seat instead of drivers seat,needless to say i waited a min before getting out

hand out for dart LOL!
You would have to start pretending to wave to someone or something :pac:

hairyleprechaun

jellybeans wrote: »

huh??? but it's nouvelles, im so confused

Nouveau (M.) = New
Nouveaux (M. Pl) = News
Nouvelle (F.) = New
Nouvelles (F. Pl.) = News

Nouvelles is plural of nouvelle, news is plural of new.
Do you stand under it now?

Blitzkrieger

In my defence I was a bit sleep deprived at the time :

Was looking out the window at a car parked accross the road. I could ony see the rear 3/4 because of cars in the way, but I was thinking : "Jebus, that's a nice looking car. Nice alloys, looks well in bl..." At that point I realised - that was my car....