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how long did it take you to get over ex
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princess-lala wrote: »My ex did leave on purpose but after two years Im finally understanding why! Ill never fully get over him but I will learn to move on!
I went through his death on my own because my "friends" were to wrapped up in their own lives to help me! My family were great but didnt understand!
One of these days I will find someone who gets me like he did but it will be a totally different relationship! I will be able to let him go then
I hope 
That must have been so incredibly lonely.
Its much harder when no one understands, but at the same time how can they? So the kindness people show when they dont understand takes a kind of bravery, a lot of people feel so incompetent when they dont understand they run away for fear of making things worse.
You may never find someone who gets you, but that's ok.
I think in bereavement you can hold onto someone because you feel guiltiy letting them go... or at least I did...I felt for a long time to get over it completely [I lost family to death... never lost a boyfriend that way.. sometimes I wish I did:D] would be a betrayal...but not so.0 -
I think you have to go through a year at least. Because there are times of the year that suddenly hit you like bank holiday weekends/Christmas/ birthdays and you think you're doing fine and then suddenly some date approaches and you start thinking 'this time last year....'. Places will remind you of your ex as well and you might not be prepared for the depth of emotion that takes over just by visiting a pub or some town you might have done a weekend break with your ex.
Heartbreak is awful. I was heartbroken for about two years I'd say! If someone had told me that at the beginning I don't know how I would have coped. But I guess I had to be that way. I can't tell you when I stopped being heartbroken but one day I just realised 'hey, it doesn't matter anymore when people mention his name or when I see something that reminds me of him".
The saddest part of it all is that I lost trust in myself and my judgement like other posters on this thread. I got over the ex after two years but the distrust has lasted much longer. I've only started putting myself out there again in the last year or two (We broke up over five years ago). I was so scared of being hurt again. I really felt like i hadn't coped very well and I was afraid that if something similar happened again that my reaction would be even worse - that I would have serious health problems, depression etc Sometimes I think I must be the most sensitive soul in the world. I really don't know how people can jump from one relationship to another.
I started doing night classes and getting involved in new things. It built my confidence no-end. I've travelled the world on my own. Around this time all my friends were settling down and getting married and having children. It's very lonely. I've met a few men but nothing beyond two or three dates. When I look back on it now, I'm actually really proud of myself. I managed to keep getting up in the morning and face the world with a smile on my face through all of this.
I really wouldn't want to be one of those people who has to be in a relationship to feel socially capable. I'm in my mid 30s and I've seen a real desperation in some of the women around me (and men for that matter), who settle for their OHs. A lot of my friends have changed since settling down. They're very controlling and they're very scared of being on their own. I'd hate to have that fear more than what I've been through.
I've learned so much in the last five years. I've meet so many people and had so many positive experiences. I've travelled the world and made more new friends in my thirties than I did in my twenties. Everything I own and I've achieved, I've done it on my own, not just financially but mentally as well. I also believe I'm way more open-minded and empathetic, than I would have been, if life had gone like I had hoped it would.
I'd love to meet someone, but I'd be very cautious. I want to be with someone on equal terms for both of us. I haven't met that guy yet....but I'm in a really good place now so I'm ready, which, for me is a big step! I've even been rejected since and haven fallen to pieces over it!
Anyway OP...you'll get there. Its great that you can already communicate how you feel. It took me a long time to even understand what I was feeling.
Good luck and I hope all you heartbroken people have a speedy recovery!!
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I've been following this thread but haven't been posting much, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me before Christmas. I talked about it loads for months but I think I'm at the stage where I'm all talked out, doing any more would drag it all up again so I haven't been posting.
But when I'm having a bad day for no apparent reason (like today) and and the world seems to made up of happy couples enjoying the sunshine and all you can think of is all the good times you had, it's so nice to be able to come here and see that there are other people in the same boat and there is (eventually!) light at the end of the tunnel. Friends and family have been great but people expect you to get over it so quickly, it's so reassuring when people on here acknowlegde that it takes time and it's not strange that I still have bad days!
So thanks to all of you who make it a bit less lonely!
You poor thing Lady Lala. I'm sorry you're feeling that way. You do notice way more happy couples when you've just broken up and it can hurt.....but then they just become annoying
+1 to people around you expecting you to move on at their 'pace' as opposed to your 'pace'. You can imagine how freaked out my family and friends are five years later!!:D My advice would be you have to be true to yourself. If you're not up to it you'll know yourself, there's no shame. People will start telling you about friends of theirs who've met people speed dating or online dating. They'll tell you that there's loads of men at this club or that organisation. Sometimes you feel such a pressure to do these things just to keep other people happy!
Keep yourself healthy most of all, keep on top of stuff financially and maybe take on something new, (not to meet other men as people will suggest to you) but something for yourself. You need people to see you as you and not a part of the couple you were. By taking on something new - it will be your little achievement, your thing, something that you can look back on and see that you can do things on your own. You're not going to feel like this forever. At some point, you'll be ready and confident in yourself and you want to make sure that you're physically and financially ready to take on life by the bull horns and do everything that you've been dreaming of!0 -
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Exactly, in a way I know that some positives have come out of the break up cos I've tried new things and met new people. I've probably grown in confidence too as it's the first time I've really been single as an adult, I've always gone from one long term relationsip to another. But what's frustrating is people presuming that I'm doing new things just to meet men! I'm sick of being asked if I've "any news" after every night out - give me a chance and let me focus on myself for a while!!
Good for you!
Oh God that 'any news' crap is so annoying and really insensitive as well! It actually makes you feel fifty times worse cos you have to go 'no - (nobody wants me)':D I was sitting in a pub the other night and my friend told me there was a man sitting at another table who looked at me....I was like, what, should I go over to him and tell him I'm single and it makes you uncomfortable!!' 
In the earlier days I actually did a lot of the crap things that my friends suggested and they were awful, because I wasn't ready. I'd end up feeling doubly rejected because I didn't meet anyone I was interested in or who was interested in me. Talk about making matters 100 times worse! :eek:
But that doesn't last forever. One of my biggest milestones was doing online dating over a year ago, being rejected, and not giving a sh*t! Liberating!! 0 -
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I'm really getting sick of people expecting me to move on at their pace. I'm doing my best, and honestly I'm really proud of myself, but I'm so sick of people saying "I don't understand why you still talk about wanting him back", or "I can't believe you still haven't let go of him", or "Go out tonight and meet someone new". Em, it's been 3 weeks. I'll get there in my own damn time, and in the meantime, if I want to fantasise about being back with him, I fecking well will.
Am I reading this right.. ? you broke up with someone three weeks ago, and people are on your case about it? :eek:
If so I don't know how you have lost all reason with whoever said that, very insensitive tbh
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I'm really getting sick of people expecting me to move on at their pace. I'm doing my best, and honestly I'm really proud of myself, but I'm so sick of people saying "I don't understand why you still talk about wanting him back", or "I can't believe you still haven't let go of him", or "Go out tonight and meet someone new". Em, it's been 3 weeks. I'll get there in my own damn time, and in the meantime, if I want to fantasise about being back with him, I fecking well will.
I can't believe you're getting that after three weeks! At that stage it's hard enough to just try to function normally - eat, sleep, concentrate at work/college. You should be proud of yourself! Just don't feel pressured into rushing things because of what people say, you have to deal with all the crap feelings eventually so I think pretending you're over it now just delays having to deal with all the hard stuff.
Oh God that 'any news' crap is so annoying and really insensitive as well! It actually makes you feel fifty times worse cos you have to go 'no - (nobody wants me)':D
+ 1 million!0 -
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Faith wrote:I'm really getting sick of people expecting me to move on at their pace. I'm doing my best, and honestly I'm really proud of myself, but I'm so sick of people saying "I don't understand why you still talk about wanting him back", or "I can't believe you still haven't let go of him", or "Go out tonight and meet someone new". Em, it's been 3 weeks. I'll get there in my own damn time, and in the meantime, if I want to fantasise about being back with him, I fecking well will.
Exactly. When the people you expect to be on the level with you jump at you and push you it's very disheartening indeed. Sometimes you may even have to take a step back and ask why they're acting in such a way and re-evaluate the type of person they are.Am I reading this right.. ? you broke up with someone three weeks ago, and people are on your case about it? :eek:
If so I don't know how you have lost all reason with whoever said that, very insensitive tbh0 -
metrovelvet wrote: »That must have been so incredibly lonely.
What doesnt kill you makes you stronger 0 -
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I have a love / hate relationship with this saying. It seems to be a nice thing to say, and it seems like it makes perfect sense to say to someone, but its shit to hear back when you're in the hot seatprincess-lala wrote: »What doesnt kill you makes you stronger
I'd never use it.
At which point they should be warned off nicely to back off.Exactly. When the people you expect to be on the level with you jump at you and push you it's very disheartening indeed.Sometimes you may even have to take a step back and ask why they're acting in such a way and re-evaluate the type of person they are.
While I can understand your point, it can be quite tempting to give 'helpful' friends a right dressing down. I think a back-off warning is best, because at the end of the day when you break up with someone you do need to ensure you maintain a good social life and be near your friends, regardless of how unappealing getting back on the single scene is.
It could be that these 'unhelpful' friends care a lot, and hate to see their friend suffering. Saying the right thing doesn't come naturally to some, but it doesn't mean they don't care. That said it would be nice to not have to listen to some recylcled lines when you feel like shit.
If I was Faith I would have nipped that in the bud from the get go, and nicely told them that they weren't helping.0 -
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I know how you feel. If she's going to hang up on you then leave her to it. Be the better person about it. Don't make any sly digs at her to people you both know but at the same time don't wish her any sort of happiness or ask her friends how she's doing.
She'll soon get the message that what she's done was despicable and hurtful. You'd know her better than anyone to know what to say or do and what not to say or do so just have a think and I hope you get somewhere with it soon and can close it over. 0 -
I know how you feel. If she's going to hang up on you then leave her to it. Be the better person about it. Don't make any sly digs at her to people you both know but at the same time don't wish her any sort of happiness or ask her friends how she's doing.
Well it's not too bad there, we live nearly 2 hours away from each other now (we met in college in london in 2005, and we both moved back to Ireland in 2008, i'm from Laois and she's from Drogheda)She'll soon get the message that what she's done was despicable and hurtful. You'd know her better than anyone to know what to say or do and what not to say or do so just have a think and I hope you get somewhere with it soon and can close it over.
Thats actually the exact line her mum used when refering to what she did,
thanks Bonito some good advice there cheers0 -
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Am I reading this right.. ? you broke up with someone three weeks ago, and people are on your case about it? :eek:
If so I don't know how you have lost all reason with whoever said that, very insensitive tbh
It was my mum. Lovely and all as she is, she just doesn't get it. She can give some great advice, but she's been married for 36 years, so any experience she may have had (nothing similar to mine) is negated by time. I told her firmly that it was only three weeks, and to back off, and she just replied with "By my age, you've seen it all and you know the best way to go about these things. You just need to meet someone else".
To whoever else mentioned it, I also get the "Any news? / Meet anyone interesting last night?" from her. It's her thinly veiled attempt at asking did I met a man. I honestly want to throttle her when she does it, but any attempt at giving out to her results in a very hostile reaction, so it's just not worth it! I wish it was a friend doing it; it would be much easier to tell them to fúck off!
I also had a moment earlier where I thought with perfect clarity "I'll just ring him and tell him enough is enough, we're getting back together and sorting out our problems together". In the time it took to have the thought, it seemed like such a perfect idea. I hit the earth hard in the 5 seconds after that, when I realised I can't just do that
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i was doing alright the past few days, woke up last night at 5am nearly hunched over with a pain in my heart (emotions id imagine, not heartburn!) and spent about 20mins thinking of her. then went back to sleep.
didnt really think of her until i just logged into facebook, posted a joke on a really good mate of mines page..and she clicked on the FUPPIN "LIKE" BUTTON!
(oh trivial in the grand scheme of things i know, there should be an unwritten rule that you cant be doing that!) i know what the general response will be.."delete her as a friend you tool"..and you would be right, however i just cant bring myself to doing such a menial little thing!
where are my man balls, i dunno!:D
I change my status regularly to things I know will make my ex laugh, or make him miss me. Break ups were surely easier before social networking! 0 -
I change my status regularly to things I know will make my ex laugh, or make him miss me. Break ups were surely easier before social networking!
i have been reconnecting and writing on the walls of a lot of single wimmins she never met..no intention of trying anything whatsoever with any of them...but SHE doesnt need to know that!
sad times..0 -
It was my mum. Lovely and all as she is, she just doesn't get it. She can give some great advice, but she's been married for 36 years, so any experience she may have had (nothing similar to mine) is negated by time. I told her firmly that it was only three weeks, and to back off, and she just replied with "By my age, you've seen it all and you know the best way to go about these things. You just need to meet someone else".
To whoever else mentioned it, I also get the "Any news? / Meet anyone interesting last night?" from her. It's her thinly veiled attempt at asking did I met a man. I honestly want to throttle her when she does it, but any attempt at giving out to her results in a very hostile reaction, so it's just not worth it! I wish it was a friend doing it; it would be much easier to tell them to fúck off!
I also had a moment earlier where I thought with perfect clarity "I'll just ring him and tell him enough is enough, we're getting back together and sorting out our problems together". In the time it took to have the thought, it seemed like such a perfect idea. I hit the earth hard in the 5 seconds after that, when I realised I can't just do that.
It can be really hard to deal with that kind of stuff. Maybe next time you should say "yes Mum I did. He was super hot but kind of boring so I just went back to his house, rodgered him sensless over and over again, slept for an hour or so and then left". See how she likes that, after all you will have met someone else!;)0 -
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