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how long did it take you to get over ex
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whatthe... wrote: »sorry for hijacking this thread - i know its the 'ladies lounge' and all but i noticed the topic of the thread on the home page so hope ye dont mind me posting.
well i was with my ex for 5 and a half years. cutting a long story short, all my long term friends supported her when we split and left me face down in the dust. no kids or married or anything like that. there was a misunderstanding that was blown waaay out of proportion and i was the worst bloke on this earth even though for months on end i tried everything to get her back and more. instead of just telling me to 'f' off, i got no reply at all.....
wonder if she feels the same. dunno why sometimes people cant say how they really feel and put their pride aside. if some of you still feel for your ex, why not do something about it. all i hear lately is people getting back with their ex's. wish i got that chance.
Sorry to hear this, but honestly things DO pick up! the reason you "hear" of people getting backs with their ex's I suspect is bacause you WANT to hear, because you WANT that to be you. Yet in my MANY where it all works out like the movies.
Though on a good note
you made agreat start by chatting to people on here,as the vast majority of people on this site seem great! especially their wimmin folk 
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I broke up with my bf of nearly 2 years only three months ago...and I already am over him. I fell like such a coldhearted bitch for feeling like this...but I can't help it. I never loved anyone like him, and I doubt I'll ever find someone so kind or lovely, but the relationship just ran its course from my point of view and I knew there was no future. I hate breaking up with people, I'd much rather be the dumpee. Of course I was very upset at the start, but I surrounded myself with friends, travelled to the other side of the world for 2 weeks
and just tried to distract myself. I have to say it really worked, I'm so happy at the moment. I still miss him as a person though, but I'm not heartbroken like I thought I would be. I know he's taking it really badly though so that makes me feel terrible 
In contrast, my boyfriend before that was an absolute asshole. We went out for about 18 months and he was an alcoholic, a bully and a cheat. We had a terrible relationship and I should have got out of it so many times before I did. I eventually dumped him when I caught him cheating on me and it took me absolutely AGES to get over him. Even a year later I was still missing him badly even though he would ring me giving me dog's abuse, calling me all sorts of names and saying horrible stuff about my family. I think the reason it took me so long to get over him was that he was my first proper boyfriend and he'd broken me down so much that I thought I'd never find anyone else.0 -
ibarelycare wrote: »I broke up with my bf of nearly 2 years only three months ago...and I already am over him. I fell like such a coldhearted bitch for feeling like this...but I can't help it. I never loved anyone like him, and I doubt I'll ever find someone so kind or lovely, but the relationship just ran its course from my point of view and I knew there was no future. I hate breaking up with people, I'd much rather be the dumpee. Of course I was very upset at the start, but I surrounded myself with friends, travelled to the other side of the world for 2 weeks and just tried to distract myself. I have to say it really worked, I'm so happy at the moment. I still miss him as a person though, but I'm not heartbroken like I thought I would be. I know he's taking it really badly though so that makes me feel terrible
Pretty much exactly like my break up, except I'm your boyfriend in it !0 -
Pretty much exactly like my break up, except I'm your boyfriend in it !
:eek:
*checks Pyr0's location*
Phew!
I can imagine it's sh*t though. I feel like a bitch for moving on so quickly. I ended up deleting him from my Facebook contacts because he was making comments on all the nights out I was having with my friends. I did want to do the whole "friends" thing, but he was texting me too much and we kinda had to put a stop to that I know I've been selfish about certain things but I think there are times when you have to put yourself first.
Hope you can get over your ex soon 0 -
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ibarelycare wrote: »:eek:
*checks Pyr0's location*
Phew!
I can imagine it's sh*t though. I feel like a bitch for moving on so quickly. I ended up deleting him from my Facebook contacts because he was making comments on all the nights out I was having with my friends. I did want to do the whole "friends" thing, but he was texting me too much and we kinda had to put a stop to that I know I've been selfish about certain things but I think there are times when you have to put yourself first.
Hope you can get over your ex soon
Maybe I'm lying with my location ! :pac:
Yeah it is sh*t alright but at the end of the day she did what she had to do, as did yourself. I try my best not to feel bitter, blame her, hold a grudge against her because I know she couldn't live a lie and I do repect her decision deep down, it can just be hard.
Thankfully I don't do the whole looking at facebook thing, hurts too much and it only causes problems. We still talk and are good friends but it still isn't as normal and trouble free as we'd want, getting there bit by bit though.
Awh, thanks 0 -
Maybe I'm lying with my location ! :pac:
Yeah it is sh*t alright but at the end of the day she did what she had to do, as did yourself. I try my best not to feel bitter, blame her, hold a grudge against her because I know she couldn't live a lie and I do repect her decision deep down, it can just be hard.
Thankfully I don't do the whole looking at facebook thing, hurts too much and it only causes problems. We still talk and are good friends but it still isn't as normal and trouble free as we'd want, getting there bit by bit though.
Awh, thanks
Getting worried...:pac:
I think the only thing you CAN do is try and respect the other person's decision. I've been in the your position before and I almost wished that the other person had cheated or done something really bad, just so I could hate him! It probably would have made things easier, but it's very hard to change your feelings for someone whose feelings for you have changed.
Are you happy to stay friends? I would like to remain friends with my ex in the longrun...but I don't know if it will happen. We'll see I guess I kinda worry what would happen if we stayed friends and either of us met someone else...would be pretty horrible! 0 -
ibarelycare wrote: »Getting worried...:pac:
I think the only thing you CAN do is try and respect the other person's decision. I've been in the your position before and I almost wished that the other person had cheated or done something really bad, just so I could hate him! It probably would have made things easier, but it's very hard to change your feelings for someone whose feelings for you have changed.
Are you happy to stay friends? I would like to remain friends with my ex in the longrun...but I don't know if it will happen. We'll see I guess I kinda worry what would happen if we stayed friends and either of us met someone else...would be pretty horrible!
Yeah I wish she did the same, hating someone is always easier !
I'm happy to stay friends, even though I still want her. The friendship we had was amazing, not something both of us want to give up.
Yeah that bit is lousy alright, heard about all the guys she's seen since. It's pretty tough ! I don't think it's a walk in the park for her either when it comes to girls I see which I always find strange.0 -
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Yeah I wish she did the same, hating someone is always easier !
I'm happy to stay friends, even though I still want her. The friendship we had was amazing, not something both of us want to give up.
Yeah that bit is lousy alright, heard about all the guys she's seen since. It's pretty tough ! I don't think it's a walk in the park for her either when it comes to girls I see which I always find strange.
Well that's good, if it works for both of you then lucky you! Hopefully I'll have that with my ex in the future.
It's not strange that she doesn't like hearing about you being with other girls. Even though she broke up with you, it will still hurt! As whatthe... said in the post above this, you have all these happy memories with your ex and it's not nice to think of them making new memories with someone else. Before I deleted my ex from FB I'd seen that someone had left him a comment saying "Any women lately"....he hadn't replied though and I was glad at that! I'm not saying that I don't want him to be with anyone...of course I want him to be happy...but I just don't want to know about it at this stage 0 -
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whatthe... wrote: »think that if two people had a great relationship it would be impossible to be friends. what if as you say, one day you get a call and your told they have a new partner?? sure all the memories would just come back to haunt you wouldnt they. in a LTR, this 'lets be friends' thing just wouldnt work IMO. How do you meet new friends after a break up? Considering what i mentioned in my last post. its bloody hard to get out there and talk to people. still havent done it yet as im not goin to go out on my own like some sad git.
Hey, I just read your last post and that actually brought tears to my eyes
You need to get out there and meet new people, no matter how hard it is. You say that your friends sided with her when you split, have you tried getting in touch with any of them recently? Maybe they'd be glad to hear from you after this long.
You should try and get out and do stuff as you're becoming very isolated from the world. Where do you live? If you live in Dublin there are some boards beers arranged this weekend that you could attend! Or are there any sports clubs or similar around where you live that you could join?
Hope it works out for you anyway. Try not to dwell on what could have been, you need to pick yourself up and get back out there 0 -
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Just out of a LTR of just under a year.
About 4 months and still counting. I'm in the same position I was 4 months ago. We broke up in october but dragged it out until christmas. She rightly decided we had to cut all contact. We haven't spoken since just before christmas. I know in the long run this is definitely the correct thing to do but to say I feel like sh*te in an understatment. I've been keeping busy which has been adviced by everyone but the thought of this girl is like my screen saver.
It is the first time I've expirienced heartbreak and I'm torn to shreads Tbh. Before I was with her and whilst I was with her I was always happy as Larry. Was never without a big sh*t eating smile. Had a heart full of gold which I always wore on my sleeve. I haven't been my normal self for ages now. Been meaning to write on this thread since it has began but haven't felt the need until today. As an above poster stated tis more welcome in PI but I guess TLL always has a nice posters to possibly pat me on the back and a give a reassuring hug.
My spirit is broken big style. I haven't an ounce of anything in my stomach heart to give anyone now. I realised this today when I was walking across UCD heading to the library. Now I don't want to sound shallow but every guy from UCD (every guy make that) would agree, when the weather is sunny, UCD is generally heaving with unbelieveablely beautiful girls. I can't noticed one of them? My old self would have had his jaw scraping the floor with that "mojo" I had inside me having me buzzing. Take it from me, 90% of the guys in UCD are in heat in the library when exam time comes with all the gorgeous stunning girls parading around. I haven't and won't be stunned for some time me thinks I'm just numb towards everything now.
I'm really embarrassed I'm so cut up about this. I so ashamed I let myself fall so hard for a girl I deep down know I shouldn't have. I'm dying for that day I wake up and that weight is off my chest. That realisation!! Ya know the one. My ex was probably over it before it finished.
I saw the sun today and I was like "Ah man I'd love to be heading off for a drive, an adventure say, with -"this girl". Then you get the whole "Sorry somebody else is having adventures now" I'm bitter, sad and glum. I want the sun to f*ck off away FFS. I'm still holding on to the what if. I'm still waiting for THAT call. I can't understand why I still feel every emotion I held/hold whereas my ex (after proclaiming her love only months ago) was probably forgetten my name at this stage and if she saw me in town she'd probably cross the street.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh *pulls out hair*
Sorry folks
Look I'm smiling 0 -
ShagNastii wrote: »Just out of a LTR of just under a year.
About 4 months and still counting. I'm in the same position I was 4 months ago. We broke up in october but dragged it out until christmas. She rightly decided we had to cut all contact. We haven't spoken since just before christmas. I know in the long run this is definitely the correct thing to do but to say I feel like sh*te in an understatment. I've been keeping busy which has been adviced by everyone but the thought of this girl is like my screen saver.
It is the first time I've expirienced heartbreak and I'm torn to shreads Tbh. Before I was with her and whilst I was with her I was always happy as Larry. Was never without a big sh*t eating smile. Had a heart full of gold which I always wore on my sleeve. I haven't been my normal self for ages now. Been meaning to write on this thread since it has began but haven't felt the need until today. As an above poster stated tis more welcome in PI but I guess TLL always has a nice posters to possibly pat me on the back and a give a reassuring hug.
My spirit is broken big style. I haven't an ounce of anything in my stomach heart to give anyone now. I realised this today when I was walking across UCD heading to the library. Now I don't want to sound shallow but every guy from UCD (every guy make that) would agree, when the weather is sunny, UCD is generally heaving with unbelieveablely beautiful girls. I can't noticed one of them? My old self would have had his jaw scraping the floor with that "mojo" I had inside me having me buzzing. Take it from me, 90% of the guys in UCD are in heat in the library when exam time comes with all the gorgeous stunning girls parading around. I haven't and won't be stunned for some time me thinks I'm just numb towards everything now.
I'm really embarrassed I'm so cut up about this. I so ashamed I let myself fall so hard for a girl I deep down know I shouldn't have. I'm dying for that day I wake up and that weight is off my chest. That realisation!! Ya know the one. My ex was probably over it before it finished.
I saw the sun today and I was like "Ah man I'd love to be heading off for a drive, an adventure say, with -"this girl". Then you get the whole "Sorry somebody else is having adventures now" I'm bitter, sad and glum. I want the sun to f*ck off away FFS. I'm still holding on to the what if. I'm still waiting for THAT call. I can't understand why I still feel every emotion I held/hold whereas my ex (after proclaiming her love only months ago) was probably forgetten my name at this stage and if she saw me in town she'd probably cross the street.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh *pulls out hair*
Sorry folks
Look I'm smiling
Big hug for you. I know what you mean about the weather, when its dark and gloomy it suits where we all are right now. You can get away with staying at home watching crap tv etc etc but now that its bright sunny and warm eveyone wants to know what you're at,what your plan are ......... Its weird but I really resented the clocks going forward as it meant it would be bright for ages and make the evenings alone stretch out forever.
The only good thing about the weather is that it shows time is passing and (I keep telling myself this) as it passes it means that the hurt will being to pass too and the wounds of the break up will heal.
One thing I've noticed and this may be odd, is that while, yes of course I miss the person that my ex was in ways (and not at all in others:rolleyes:) I miss the relationship a lot. There is a weird thing of having to reidentify yourself if you're newly single after being with someone for a long time. I never lost myself in my relationship or stopped being me but I was (to people looking in from the outside) part of a couple, X and Y were invited to parties, dinner, etc and now that I'm X without any significant Y all my other couple friends don't really seem to know what to do.
I've also found it very hard to accept the help and concern of my family and this is a new thing I've had to learn too. Before this I was the one who fixed things, who helped people, who supported them, that was my role in the family and while there were times it bugged me I was good at it and knew it was my thing. Now that I'm the oozing mess that needs help has been a hard pill to swallow for me. All a learning curve I suppose. 0 -
Penny Dreadful wrote: »Big hug for you. I know what you mean about the weather, when its dark and gloomy it suits where we all are right now. You can get away with staying at home watching crap tv etc etc but now that its bright sunny and warm eveyone wants to know what you're at,what your plan are ......... Its weird but I really resented the clocks going forward as it meant it would be bright for ages and make the evenings alone stretch out forever.
The only good thing about the weather is that it shows time is passing and (I keep telling myself this) as it passes it means that the hurt will being to pass too and the wounds of the break up will heal.
One thing I've noticed and this may be odd, is that while, yes of course I miss the person that my ex was in ways (and not at all in others:rolleyes:) I miss the relationship a lot. There is a weird thing of having to reidentify yourself if you're newly single after being with someone for a long time. I never lost myself in my relationship or stopped being me but I was (to people looking in from the outside) part of a couple, X and Y were invited to parties, dinner, etc and now that I'm X without any significant Y all my other couple friends don't really seem to know what to do.
I've also found it very hard to accept the help and concern of my family and this is a new thing I've had to learn too. Before this I was the one who fixed things, who helped people, who supported them, that was my role in the family and while there were times it bugged me I was good at it and knew it was my thing. Now that I'm the oozing mess that needs help has been a hard pill to swallow for me. All a learning curve I suppose.
Yeah. Like most of this thread, It really is helpful when someone says "I know how you feel" and its not just a throw away phrase they do actually know how you feel.0 -
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Aww I feel for you seriously getting over someone is one of the hardest things anyone can go through . I cant say i've been in a relationship for as long as you were , my longest one was 2 years. Although it was a mutual desicison to break up it was so hard. We stayed friends but im a strong beliver of the saying "if you can stay friends with you ex you either never loved them or else you still do" , In the end it was too much seeing and hearing about his new girlfriends and stuff. I thought being friends would make it easier but from my experience it defo wasn't. So i just kept myself busy with friends , tried not to sit and think about it too much. It took a few months , the smallest things like a song or even a word can make you think of them all over again. But i can happily say im over him now:) seeing a great guy and have never been happier. All i can say is hang in there and it will take time but trust me it has to go bad to get better 0
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I don't know if any of you girls have read the book "Backwards in High Heels" by Sarah Vine and Tania Kindersely - if you haven't, I would highly highly recommend it. It's a wonderfully witty, highly entertaining "advice" book about how to deal with life challenges for women of all ages. There's an excellent chapter that deals with love and heartbreak - as the authors so accurately point out, heartbreak does not get easier with age, but with age you have the wisdom to know that you'll get through it.
I've been through some absolutely shítty break-ups, some melancholic, gut-wrenchingly, depression-inducing heartachers of splits, but I'm still here, and I'm still functioning. The loneliness of a break-up is, for me, the hardest part, that horrible feeling that no-one else in the whole world could possibly know how awful you feel. And yes, when someone else who's going through, or has recently been through, similar says "I know how you feel" it really does make a huge difference.
I've made every mistake in the book where exes are concerned - the "accidental" texts, the drunken calls at 3 in the morning begging to be taken back, all of those things that invariably don't work but invariably do make you look like a plonk But they're things that we do by trial and error. We do crazy things when we're in love, and even crazier ones when that love is taken away from us. But as much of a cliche as it is, the old saying really does hold true: if it's for you, it won't pass by you. No amount of cajoling or convincing is going to get someone back if they don't want to come back. Oh Lordy how many times have I learnt that the hard way
It takes me no less time to get over an ex now than it used to ten years ago, but (a plentiful collection of extremely undignified :pac:) experiences have taught me that the one person, above everyone else, that you need to worry about is yourself. Do good things for you and only you - get a haircut (nothing too drastic though, the post-break-up colour change and extreme chop may seem like a fantastic idea in the spur of the moment, but it's better saved for a calmer mindset), get a facial, read books that make you smile, spend time with friends who make you laugh, allow yourself to be sad when needed, but don't wallow. Just keep breathing, and do not contact them. There's plenty of time 6 months down the line to rekindle a friendship if there's one worth salvaging. Staying friends with them now will only lead you on and hurt you. Get out in the fresh air - it might be the LAST thing you want to do but science and mothers alike will tell you that a little splash of sunshine and a soupcon of exercise will help heal even the most wounded heart.
I wouldn't wish a break-up on anyone, and I hope that anyone who's going through this at the moment feels better soon. It does pass, I promise 0 -
I don't know if any of you girls have read the book "Backwards in High Heels" by Sarah Vine and Tania Kindersely - if you haven't, I would highly highly recommend it.
I have. Also. Hugs for you. 
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I wouldn't wish a break-up on anyone, and I hope that anyone who's going through this at the moment feels better soon. It does pass, I promise
I know I felt that way too when I went through my break up. I used to wish I was in the soil, dead and buried for surely that was better then enduring a break up of such magnitude as mine.
To summarise: I was with my first boyfriend for over 5.5 years, the early defining years of your late teens and early twenties. I was 25 years old when he ended it and I felt like the bottom and dropped out of my world. We were so in love for most of our relationship, best friends and soul mates. There was no-one else in the world I ever wanted to be with and I felt lucky to have found someone who felt the same as me. We did all the things young couples do, go travelling with one another, discovering new places and things together, essentially growing up together..there's the rub! I grew up knowing that I still wanted to be with him, the opposite happened with him, he grew to be doubtful, procrastinating, and worst of all while still loving me, just not loving me enough to be with me any longer...
It hurt so badly that every now and again, if I think long enough about it, the dull ache of that loss can be faintly felt..
I remember being helpless, crying at the most inappropriate times after it all (in work, in a shop, in my car stopped in traffic), losing the sense of myself and who I was...he was a mess too, and while I know he didn't want to put me through what he did, there was no avoiding it..the worst thing was for the last year of our relationship, I knew deep down that things were slipping out of my hands, and I devoted all of my energies still to salvaging the essentially unsalvagable..I would drive three hours to see him in college at the drop of a hat (in his final year)..the night he finished college for good and was coming home, I stayed up waiting for him at his parents house (whom I was very close to) and he didn't arrive til 3 in the morning, I would tell him I loved him all the time..to a delayed response if any...all around me alarm bells were ringing and I was convinced I still save it all! I think it was because the preceding years had been so amazing that I couldn't understand what was unfolding before my eyes now.. I was utterly bewildered by his behaviour..As a result by the time he did eventually get around to breaking off, I was a shadow of myself and exhausted...
There is no getting away from the awfulness of a break up, it's impact on a young persons life and mind are so terribly underrated..You have to stay strong and stay active. You have to remember who you are and want you want to be and where you want to go...You have to stay strong. You do have an inner strength, everyone does, you just have to call upon it at this time.
My break up changed me forever and I carry the scars to this day. I still think about him and I still miss him. I don't think you will ever be truly 'over' someone as they will always be part of a particular episode of your life. It's ok to think about them now and again but having contact is a no no Im afraid. Don't berate yourself for nostalgic thoughts though, we are all only human.
I am lucky that I am with an amazing man now, who is patient and utterly kind for taking on such damaged goods. I met someone pretty soon after the break up (6 months) and even though I knew when we initially started going out I wasn't ready for it, you can't plan for what life throws at you and I wasn't intent on letting him go, when I knew that eventually that time would heal me, and that we could potentially be really good together also.. and now Im glad I did...you do get to that point where you start to enjoy life again..(I remembering wondering outloud one day admidst a crying session to a friend, would I be happy again)...it's like a rebirth in a way..
I think for many people who start to go out with their partners when they are very young, it's a case of survival of the fittest...if you have been with your gf/bf for nearly 6 years by the time you are 25, there are so many pressures on that relationship..not to mention, the pressure that changing personalities and developing self awareness puts on it. I know few couples that have survived from their early twenties, and those that do are usually either extremely strong or too scared to get out of it..In a way Im glad my ex did break it off with me when he did, as fast forward 4 years, we could have been married, he unhappy, kids, a house and all sorts of problems!
Sorry this is so rambling, I wish all the broken hearts out there the best. I am thinking of you in solidarity and with empathy..hope this rambling is of help and comfort to someone.0 -
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sinequanon wrote: »
I think for many people who start to go out with their partners when they are very young, it's a case of survival of the fittest...if you have been with your gf/bf for nearly 6 years by the time you are 25, there are so many pressures on that relationship..not to mention, the pressure that changing personalities and developing self awareness puts on it. I know few couples that have survived from their early twenties, and those that do are usually either extremely strong or too scared to get out of it
I can understand this. A cousin of mine is about twenty seven and has been with his girlfriend since they were in school. Every christmas/birthday/milestone met now he gets the "ohhh down on one knee Shane?" . I think I really pisses him and his girlfriend off big style. They always say at the age we are now if we had just met each other people wouldn't be saying the same.
Sorry an aside, this thread shows how epical and powerful the emotion of love is. It also show how it really brings out the poet in all of us. 0 -
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I dunno. I wish I had that capability. It seems I have it less than most.metrovelvet wrote: »But isnt it funny how you forget just enough, to fall in love, hit bottom, crawl back out, and do it all over again. In love just twice. 12 year + gap between them. 5 years since the last one. Can't see me going down that road again somehow. I compare it to religious faith. Its not intellectual as such. one either has it or doesnt. Or loses it and ends up outside of it in a way. So while I see and applaud others having faith in love and relationships I dont have the required faith, if you know what I mean? /end weird analogy Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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I dunno. I wish I had that capability. It seems I have it less than most. In love just twice. 12 year + gap between them. 5 years since the last one. Can't see me going down that road again somehow. I compare it to religious faith. Its not intellectual as such. one either has it or doesnt. Or loses it and ends up outside of it in a way. So while I see and applaud others having faith in love and relationships I dont have the required faith, if you know what I mean? /end weird analogy I need a hug.
There. That's better. 0
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