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how long did it take you to get over ex

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    #32
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Depends on how you define on getting over them IMO.

    For some people getting over an ex could merely be not having to have contact with them anymore whereas for others, it could be when you stop thinking about them/getting that lump in your throat/reminiscing about "the good times" and even thinking about the "What could have been."

    I don't think you can ever really have a mutual "I think we should break up." What about people who cheat and then either get dumped or dump their partner? Have they detached any amount of feelings for their partner while they're even still in a relationship? In essence have they gotten over them within the walls of their relationship?


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    #33
    pinkpigs
    Registered Users Posts: 56 ✭✭pinkpigs


    Hey Penny Dreadful.

    I can identify with you. I'm the same coming out of a 12 year realationship. Every day is hard. I'm going through so many emotions. Sometime I still love him to bits and other days I almost hate him as I'm not really sure that I'll get another shot at finding someone who ticks all my boxes and wants the same things that I want. (i'm almost 35 and kinda feel like all the goods guys are taken) I expect I'll be like this for a few months. I'm giving myself a year before I venture down the road of realationships again, I don't think it's fair starting something with someone until you head and your hear is in the right place.

    PP


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    #34
    Shivers26
    Closed Accounts Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Shivers26


    I would imagine the longer the relationship the harder its going to be. Its only been a couple of months OP so give yourself time.

    My OH broke up with me last December and at the time I thought I would never get over it. I had a moment of acceptance after a couple of weeks and even though I was devastated I knew I would be able to move on. We have since got back together and things are going great (I think the break was actually a good thing in hindsight). I did find the book 'Its Called a Breakup because its Broken' by Greg Behrendt a huge help though when I was going through the hard times.


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    #35
    pow wow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,288 ✭✭✭pow wow


    About a year. A year of thinking of him every single day. Ugh, still shudder when I think about it. After that I just woke up one day and it was okay, almost like the flick of a switch. Nothing strange happened, I just felt I'd done enough 'missing' him - he was gone and he wasn't coming back, and forever is a long time to be sad.

    A the time I thought it would never get better and everything was kinda under the shadow of it so to speak. Glad to say it's over now and we're sortof distant friends. And no, no missing him anymore.

    Chin up :)


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    #36
    Pembily
    Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    Was with him 4 years, broke up 3 weeks ago, the love was gone but I really miss parts of the relationship. I can get so lonely but I keep telling myself not to settle and ye are right to say that - thanks!!!!

    I hope it gets easier...


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    #37
    Snoopy1
    Registered Users Posts: 4,185 ✭✭✭Snoopy1


    I think im getting worse. Ive rang my ex every day in the last two weeks!!!!


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    #38
    Pembily
    Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    Snoopy1 wrote: »
    I think im getting worse. Ive rang my ex every day in the last two weeks!!!!

    I find it easier when I don't talk to him but he wants to talk and I feel I should as I was the dumpee...

    But I defo feel betterish when I don't talk or meet up!


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    #39
    rainbow kirby
    Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 26,928 Mod ✭✭✭✭rainbow kirby


    Not that long, but then again my last relationship was relatively short.


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    #40
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    Never. We're together now though, after 11 years:p


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    #41
    punkindrublic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 431 ✭✭punkindrublic


    I ended things with all of my exes so I was kind of over them when it ended. One guy I had a "thing" with (not a proper relationship though apparently he was in love with me) I ended it
    but only because he treated me like sh*t, it took me 2months to start getting over him but I have a thing for bad boys lately it seems so I think that's why it was a lil harder!


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    #42
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Depends how things ended...if it was a case of me falling out of love/lust and ending things then pretty quickly. When he ended things out of the blue it took much longer - it also depends on the length and depth of the relationship...a short but intense relationship left a bigger impression on me than a long and not particularly interesting one...

    The good news is you do get over them all, or at least, you learn to live without them. :)


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    #43
    hyperbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 511 ✭✭✭hyperbaby


    my 6 year and a quarter relationship, it took me probably a year to get over it. i can't look or talk to him to this day.

    and my almost 2 year and a half relationship, well i'm getting over that, but i am extremely bitter and angry about that so i am working on it.

    don't be too hard on yourself, sometimes it takes ages to get over a past love. everyone takes a long time to heal


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    #44
    sleepyescapade
    Registered Users Posts: 788 ✭✭✭sleepyescapade


    My longterm one took me only a few months really of acting like a complete idiot but at the time it feels like an age. The Christmas holidays from college at the time helped signficantly, just got completely over it then.

    The thought of my now oh becoming an ex makes me feel sick :( That would take so so long to get over.


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    #45
    shoes34
    Registered Users Posts: 620 ✭✭✭shoes34


    I feel I'll never get over him - he told me just an hour ago that even thought we get on great and have an amazing physical relationship he doesn't think we are compatible - what is compatability - he liked the fact that I wasn't a nag and let him do his thing and vice versa - my heart is in bits and he was the love of my life.


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    #46
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    pinkpigs wrote: »
    Hey Penny Dreadful.

    I can identify with you. I'm the same coming out of a 12 year realationship. Every day is hard. I'm going through so many emotions. Sometime I still love him to bits and other days I almost hate him as I'm not really sure that I'll get another shot at finding someone who ticks all my boxes and wants the same things that I want. (i'm almost 35 and kinda feel like all the goods guys are taken) I expect I'll be like this for a few months. I'm giving myself a year before I venture down the road of realationships again, I don't think it's fair starting something with someone until you head and your hear is in the right place.

    PP

    You're right about not getting involved with someone too soon. I had a brief fling with this other guy immediately after I broke up with my boyfriend and it was a bad bad idea on so many levels. Great sex but that was the only great thing really now that I look back on it. :(:o I met another guy at a table quiz a while ago and he got my number and we had organised to go on a date but in the end I cancelled it as I just realised that I was in no way ready to go there again and it would have been such a bad idea. Was nice that I pulled though all the same, a little reassurance that a girl still has it is never a bad thing. :)
    Snoopy1 wrote: »
    I think im getting worse. Ive rang my ex every day in the last two weeks!!!!

    I go through phases of this too Snoopy. When something in particular is troubling me I really feel a strong need to call him and too often end up either doing that or texing him. It never really makes things better though as now that we're apart a) he can't give me the reassurance and comfort that he could before and b) some of the stuff that is upsetting me and causing hassle is down to the fact that we are apart in the first place and although I was the one who ended it ulitmately I was messed around by him a lot and...........well on and on it goes.


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    #47
    gagiteebo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 524 ✭✭✭gagiteebo


    shoes34 wrote: »
    I feel I'll never get over him - he told me just an hour ago that even thought we get on great and have an amazing physical relationship he doesn't think we are compatible - what is compatability - he liked the fact that I wasn't a nag and let him do his thing and vice versa - my heart is in bits and he was the love of my life.

    Oh honey my heart went out to you when I read this, I've been there, felt like you do now but it will get easier I promise, it won't be easy but it will happen! It doesn't last forever :)


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    #48
    Panthro
    Registered Users Posts: 14,723 ✭✭✭✭Panthro


    really wish i didnt chat to the ex via facebook chat thing,
    went and set myself back nearly 5 months
    jaysus, it hurts


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    #49
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    papagormo wrote: »
    really wish i didnt chat to the ex via facebook chat thing,
    went and set myself back nearly 5 months
    jaysus, it hurts

    When I broke up with my ex I deleted him as a Friend from Facebook. It would have been too weird for him to be able to read stuff on my wall and check up on me (if he had been so inclined). Also it removed one way of chatting to him too easily.
    It really is odd how something that can't be seen can hurt so much all right. :(


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    #50
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Penny Dreadful wrote: »
    When I broke up with my ex I deleted him as a Friend from Facebook. It would have been too weird for him to be able to read stuff on my wall and check up on me (if he had been so inclined). Also it removed one way of chatting to him too easily.
    It really is odd how something that can't be seen can hurt so much all right. :(
    My ex of 2 and a half years added me 3 months after we broke up. Just letting me know she was engaged. ;)


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    #51
    princess-lala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30,731 ✭✭✭✭princess-lala


    Bonito wrote: »
    My ex of 2 and a half years added me 3 months after we broke up. Just letting me know she was engaged. ;)

    Well shes just a cnut then to do that to you! And so soon after ye broke up!


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    #52
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    I don't mind. I had no hesitation clicking ignore and then sending a pm telling her I hope she wasn't seriously thinking I'd accept. I got no word back. :)


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    #53
    princess-lala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30,731 ✭✭✭✭princess-lala


    Bonito wrote: »
    I don't mind. I had no hesitation clicking ignore and then sending a pm telling her I hope she wasn't seriously thinking I'd accept. I got no word back. :)

    Was she inviting you to the wedding?? :eek:


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    #54
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    Bonito wrote: »
    My ex of 2 and a half years added me 3 months after we broke up. Just letting me know she was engaged. ;)

    Arrgh what a fcuking wagon. Know its poor and scant comfort to say it but could you imagine a lifetime legally tied to someone as bitchy as that???
    am now thinking of all the equally wagonish wedding gifts you could send her, hee hee.


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    #55
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    princess-lala wrote: »
    Was she inviting you to the wedding?? :eek:


    Ohh if she does, you should find the hottest, most amazing girl to take as your plus 1.


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    #56
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    princess-lala wrote: »
    Was she inviting you to the wedding?? :eek:
    I don't know TBH. It'd just prove how hung up she is trying to get one over on me though, wouldn't it? :confused:
    Penny Dreadful wrote: »
    Arrgh what a fcuking wagon. Know its poor and scant comfort to say it but could you imagine a lifetime legally tied to someone as bitchy as that???
    am now thinking of all the equally wagonish wedding gifts you could send her, hee hee.
    Bah. :) I have heard rumors they're just rebounds for each other. He'd finished with his GF of 3 years only 2 weeks prior to them getting together.


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    #57
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    Penny Dreadful wrote: »
    Ohh if she does, you should find the hottest, most amazing girl to take as your plus 1.
    As much as I loath admitting this. She's probably one of, if not, the most gorgeous girls I was ever with.


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    #58
    princess-lala
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30,731 ✭✭✭✭princess-lala


    Bonito wrote: »
    I don't know TBH. It'd just prove how hung up she is trying to get one over on me though, wouldn't it? :confused:


    Bah. :) I have heard rumors they're just rebounds for each other. He'd finished with his GF of 3 years only 2 weeks prior to them getting together.
    Haha rebound wedding - shes a silly billy :D
    Bonito wrote: »
    As much as I loath admitting this. She's probably one of, if not, the most gorgeous girls I was ever with.

    Ah therell be more :D


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    #59
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    Bonito wrote: »
    As much as I loath admitting this. She's probably one of, if not, the most gorgeous girls I was ever with.

    and now there are more gorgeous girls for you to discover;) Maybe we should all post pictures of each other too. You'd have you pick for the wedding then:D
    princess-lala wrote: »
    Haha rebound wedding - shes a silly billy :D

    Ah therell be more :D

    You can just see the horrible horrible ending can't you:)


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    #60
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    princess-lala wrote: »
    Haha rebound wedding - shes a silly billy :D
    Madness. :)
    Ah therell be more :D
    Not too many I hope. I kinda like being in the one spot. :)


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    #61
    tink2
    Registered Users Posts: 218 ✭✭tink2


    OP I am so sorry to hear you're going through the mill. I broke up with my long term boyf of 8 years last summer. The best advice I can give you is give yourself plenty of time, I couldn't eat or sleep for about 3 months and slowly started getting back to normal. My life has defo changed but I think for the better! You need to be really good to yourself, whether its buying clothes, taking spa days with your mates, whatever just indulge yourself and take care of yourself and you will soon get back on your feet. I don't know if Im ready to be back in a relationship right now as Im enjoying not having to be responsible for someone elses happiness but I am dating and enjoying it ! I was a cougar on Friday night and met a 25 year old guy lol! Just take your time there are no rules and your friends will be thing that helps you the most !! I didnt realise how amazing my group of friends were til I really needed them! Oh, and no contact is VITAL! At least for a few months til you are both on the same page! Hope you feel better soon


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