first date - go dutch?

Macha

idunnoyoutellme, I think you should cut him a little slack.

Putting aside the fact that my opinion on the matter is the polar opposite of yours, I think this thread has shown that many guys & girls want different things. How is your date supposed to know which type of girl he's going on the date with??

It may well be the case that he went on a first date before, insisted on paying for everything and then found out that the girl in question didn't like that. So, I think it can be a tough on guys to know how exactly they should act without stepping on anyone's toes these days. The rule book has gone out the window, so to speak and it definitely was not better back then, but at least both genders knew where they stood.

JackieO

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Hm, a few valid posts. I don't want to agree or disagree with any, it is a very personal opinion.
However, if I got asked out on a first date by a fella, I would expect him to pay. Yes, expect. Even if he's in a worse paid job (shock horror).
It's just that I would not be impressed if I was expected to half everything. I would offer, obviously, but if that offer wasn't turned down, there wouldn't be a date after that.
I am not a gold digger, I earn good money and I can afford to go out on my own. And if I ask the guy out in question I would offer to pay the lot.
For some reason I agree with the OP. I turn up, look great for the date, he should take my jacket off, help me order wine off the menu, recommend a dish...
I think I'm just really, really old fashioned that way. If a guy is not chevalier (spelling?) on the first date, chances are very slim he will buy me flowers, give me little pressies, shower me with attention etc. And trust me I LOVE to do those things to a fella as well, it's just something that can't be taught that late in life...
Just from my experience ladies and gents!

Totally agree with you. The person who instigated the date should pay in my mind - particularly on a first date. Thats just good manners regardless of gender.

SarahJ

I think I would always pay half. I'm with my bf for nearly 4 years now and we still pay halves!

shelly999

i think its only fair that the bill is split. in fact i know some women that wouldnt go on a second date with a guy if he didnt pay for the first, to me, i think thats a bit much. i would prefer to go dutch but everyone to their own.;)

kingtut

Thinking about money in a relationship from the very beginning aka the first date is the sign of a relationship that isn't going to go far imo.

kingtut

shelly999 wrote: »

i think its only fair that the bill is split. in fact i know some women that wouldnt go on a second date with a guy if he didnt pay for the first, to me, i think thats a bit much. i would prefer to go dutch but everyone to their own.;)

100% agree.

idunnoutellme

kingtut wrote: »

Thinking about money in a relationship from the very beginning aka the first date is the sign of a relationship that isn't going to go far imo.

i'm no golddigger but i dont want no bum either. so how generous the guy is something i look out for on the first date....just MY personal opinion tho.

Bruce11

Well idunnoutellme, 159 posts in a little over 24 hours, good subject for debate. I believe that it shall continue and the divide will not be bridged, everyone is entitled to their opinion on the issue but the main issue stems from old style manners and chivalry.

With the advent of PC and feminism this was thrown off slightly by some and not by others, and for what it is worth I say stick by your own opinion as that is what you want to see.

idunnoutellme

ye it is amazing how many posts it got

and thanks everyone for your opinions

it is an eye opener

Faddymackshyte

It's all about give and take with me personally.
Then again, I've never actually been on a date, which is a little sad!
But in relation to paying for things:

In my last relationship, I paid for pretty much EVERYTHING (honestly this is not an exaggeration). Regardless of what it was; dinner in mine, dinner in his, going to the cinema, going to the shops, going out, I paid for it all, pretty much. We were both students, but I had a part-time job to keep me going, he didn't.

But I think it all depends on the person and their expectations. I'd prefer to pay my way.

Webmonkey

Curlypinkie wrote:

If a guy is not chevalier (spelling?) on the first date, chances are very slim he will buy me flowers, give me little pressies, shower me with attention etc.

Are you for real? - I wouldn't want anything to do with you tbh and I don't think many other fellows would either if all that is on your mind is whether he will buy you flowers, pressies in the future etc.

Iago

I have always paid in full when I asked a girl out on a date.

I always get the door for them, and help them into their coat as we leave a restaurant.

I would always ask if they had a particular preference for wine, and make a suggestion if they didn't.

I would always offer my coat if the weather turned and was bad.


I find it hard to believe I'm in the minority even in this day and age where manners and decorum seem to have gone right out the window.

Whispered

Iago wrote: »

I have always paid in full when I asked a girl out on a date.

I always get the door for them, and help them into their coat as we leave a restaurant.

I would always ask if they had a particular preference for wine, and make a suggestion if they didn't.

I would always offer my coat if the weather turned and was bad.


I find it hard to believe I'm in the minority even in this day and age where manners and decorum seem to have gone right out the window.

so um.... are you seeing anybody at the moment??

Iago

helena.ryan wrote: »

so um.... are you seeing anybody at the moment??

yeah, there's a guy sitting right in front of me in an open plan office

kingtut

Iago wrote: »

I have always paid in full when I asked a girl out on a date.

I always get the door for them, and help them into their coat as we leave a restaurant.

I would always ask if they had a particular preference for wine, and make a suggestion if they didn't.

I would always offer my coat if the weather turned and was bad.


I find it hard to believe I'm in the minority even in this day and age where manners and decorum seem to have gone right out the window.

I do the exact same except that when it comes to paying I enjoy declining the girl's offer of paying half. Sure if I ask a girl out I want to treat her and make her feel special

Dave147

GinnyJo wrote: »

:rolleyes:

Girl Power!

Dun laoire

He's mean but i'm looking at it from my point of view of course. Look ladies it's one of those unwritten rules, the lad should look after a first date, especially if the lad is the one that suggested a date in the first place. If she insists on paying fair enough.

CASE CLOSED!!

Haven't read all replies (11 pages!!) but my mum gave me good advice that stood to me over the dating years.

If he offers to pay, say you'd like to split the bill.
If he insists, LET HIM.

Arguing over it and getting into a strop because he doesn't want you to pay is not attractive.

The last 'first date' I had, he offered, I offered, he insisted, I let him.
That was five years ago and he's on my sofa right now.

Curlypinkie

Webmonkey wrote: »

Are you for real? - I wouldn't want anything to do with you tbh and I don't think many other fellows would either if all that is on your mind is whether he will buy you flowers, pressies in the future etc.

Of course that's the only thing I want. Duh!:rolleyes:

If you read the rest of that post it would have explained exactly why I would like that sort of a man.
(For clarification: so far I've always given my interests stuff. And no, not teddybears and shyte like that. Cool things. So this next time around maybe I'd like to find a man that reciprocates that?)

4zn76tysfajdxp

Look, the man's only function in society is to buy girls fluffy objects, flatter her endlessly and essentially feed her. We only think with our cocks anyway so our urges can be easily satisfied, unlike some girls who ponder endlessly about complex issues like what celebrities are doing, who celebrities are dating and what celebreties are wearing.

For the dullards in the audience, that was sarcasm. This isn't, however:
Op, you and your ilk make me mad as heck. You want to be "treated?" Treat yourselves. You want rapt attention and entertainment? Hire a minstrel. There's no such thing as a free lunch, you pay for your own shít just like everyone else Princess.

St Bill

Right on! Humans evolved to what we are today by looking out for ourselves. Why look out for anyone else when you can help yourself?*



* yeah and I'm the Queen of Sheeba**

**I wish I was the Queen of Sheeba : (

ixoy

This thread highlights some of the positives of being gay

sunnyside

6th wrote: »

You expected him to pay and he probably expected you to put out ..... neither of you got what you wanted.

idunnoutellme wrote: »

there is no second date and they will then feel like they've just wasted their money for nothing.

Dun laoire wrote: »

it's one of those unwritten rules, the lad should look after a first date,!

I'd be inclined to think that in relationships where the man always pays there is an unwritten rule that sex is expected in return. Maybe not on the first date but pretty soon after that.

The OP wrote in her very first post that she got her hair done for the date. That's not a reason for the man to pay. Most women would be getting the hair done regularly anyway for general grooming/maintenance so just time the appointments around the dates.

Sterling Disgusting Theme wrote: »

You want to be "treated?" Treat yourselves. You want rapt attention and entertainment? Hire a minstrel. There's no such thing as a free lunch, you pay for your own shít just like everyone else Princess.

The girls who are being treated like princesses are very often providing sex in return.

Those girls are paying (for Brazilian bikiki waxes and new dresses every week) but not for dinner or drinks. It's just a different dynamic to how relationships work and obviously it wouldn't work for everyone.

shellyboo

Oh the drama! Some very strong opinions on this.

My two cents: if I can't afford to pay for whatever it is I'm doing (dinner, cinema, drinks, taxi home) I don't go. End of story. I'd never expect someone to pay my way.

However, if a guy asked me out to dinner as a first date, I would anticipate (but not expect) that he would pay. I'd offer to go dutch and happily do that if it was accepted. Otherwise if he paid for dinner, I'd insist on leaving the tip and buying him at least one drink afterwards, if not a few rounds. I'm easy, I go with the flow. I don't expect other people to match my expectations on every occasion - I am capable of compromise.

That said, my preference is to be treated, obviously. Who doesn't like to be treated?! I was in a long-term relationship where everything was equal, everything was dutch - and I was completely fine with that - but now, when a guy offers to pay, holds a door open, helps me into my coat... I find that absolutely thrilling. It gives me stupid girly butterflies in my tummy. And on a first date, that's what matters to me - the chemistry, the feeling I get from a guy.

And if that makes me anti-feminist or old-fashioned then knock me up and chain me to the sink.

kingtut

shellyboo wrote: »

Oh the drama! Some very strong opinions on this.

My two cents: if I can't afford to pay for whatever it is I'm doing (dinner, cinema, drinks, taxi home) I don't go. End of story. I'd never expect someone to pay my way.

However, if a guy asked me out to dinner as a first date, I would anticipate (but not expect) that he would pay. I'd offer to go dutch and happily do that if it was accepted. Otherwise if he paid for dinner, I'd insist on leaving the tip and buying him at least one drink afterwards, if not a few rounds. I'm easy, I go with the flow. I don't expect other people to match my expectations on every occasion - I am capable of compromise.

That said, my preference is to be treated, obviously. Who doesn't like to be treated?! I was in a long-term relationship where everything was equal, everything was dutch - and I was completely fine with that - but now, when a guy offers to pay, holds a door open, helps me into my coat... I find that absolutely thrilling. It gives me stupid girly butterflies in my tummy. And on a first date, that's what matters to me - the chemistry, the feeling I get from a guy.

Why can't I find any girls like you

FruitLover

Curlypinkie wrote: »

But I'm still single (Maybe that's why? lol)
...
I am expecting a certain treatment from men I wouldn't accept less, in fairness if I'm not treated that way I'd rather go on a date with myself

Well, at least when you're a 50-year-old spinster, you can tell all your cats that you stood up for your opinion.

G86

I wouldn't be comfortable letting the guy pay for everything to be honest. I always go halfways, or say if he pays for the cinema tickets then I'll get the food or I'll pay next time.

Same as if we go for a few drinks, we'd work it in rounds, I don't see why anyone should expect the other person to cover things. Yes when they do then its a nice gesture and I'd accept it - but I'd make sure I was the one paying next time, its only fair.

pseudonym1

He asks you out - he pays - you turn up look pretty be charming.
Buy him a drink or a few afterwards and if ye end up going out again you pay. Guys should also hold doors open and get jackets. IMHO

Doodee

Iago wrote: »

I have always paid in full when I asked a girl out on a date.

I always get the door for them, and help them into their coat as we leave a restaurant.

I would always ask if they had a particular preference for wine, and make a suggestion if they didn't.

I would always offer my coat if the weather turned and was bad.


I find it hard to believe I'm in the minority even in this day and age where manners and decorum seem to have gone right out the window.

I was brought up with the same teachings and try to follow the same standards. How times are changing..

kingtut

Iago wrote: »

I have always paid in full when I asked a girl out on a date.

I always get the door for them, and help them into their coat as we leave a restaurant.

I would always ask if they had a particular preference for wine, and make a suggestion if they didn't.

I would always offer my coat if the weather turned and was bad.

I do these things for all women. Regardless of whether it is a date or not...Friends, partner (when I have one), family etc..