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first date - go dutch?

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    #92
    Ginny
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 13,425 ✭✭✭✭Ginny


    Dave147 wrote: »
    Jesus there's so many women here trying too hard to be "Independent Women". Give it a rest.
    Whats so wrong with being independent? I've been an independant PERSON for years, gender has nothing to do with it.


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    #93
    Dave147
    Registered Users Posts: 3,235 ✭✭✭Dave147


    Hrududu wrote: »
    This is what jars for me. Why are you the centre of attention? Is it because you are the important one and he should be selling himself to you? You do realise that this man on the date with you is a person too. He's not some robot programmed to do all the right things just so you can feel like the centre of attention. To me a first date is about 2 people getting to know each other, having a good time and deciding if this person is someone they would like to know better. You make it sound like an audition for prince charming.

    You're dead right but I think you've taken her up wrong. Every girl wants to be the centre of attention during a date, and not in the "look at me, look at me!" type of way, they want to be their dates centre of attention, which they should be. I'm sure the woman would return the favour.


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    #94
    BKtje
    Registered Users Posts: 8,035 ✭✭✭BKtje


    I would offer to pay for dinner or cinema or whatever on a first date but wouldn't argue the point if she said she wanted to pay.

    However if i pay for dinner or the cinema tickets or something, i really appreciate it if they at least offer to pay for somethign later (first beer in pub or whatever, even if i get the next one) . Not a deal breaker by any stretch but it shows they have respect for me and realise i'm not made of money.


    Where do all these "dutch" sayings come from? Having been born there it tends to confuse me :p How many more are there? Dutch courage, Dutch uncle etc


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    #95
    Dave147
    Registered Users Posts: 3,235 ✭✭✭Dave147


    GinnyJo wrote: »
    Whats so wrong with being independent? I've been an independant PERSON for years, gender has nothing to do with it.

    That's just more of it, you're a woman, I hate all this PC crap.. Yeah, be independent, good for you. Buy your own house, your own car, your own clothes etc. I don't care, but for God's sake if you're going out on a date with a guy and he offers to pay, don't straight away start going on about being independent and you can pay your own way, it's bloody ridiculous, we know you can, it's a gentlemanly gesture that's all.

    I just don't get why women need to shout about being independent, it's pathetic.


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    #96
    Gary ITR
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,805 ✭✭✭✭Gary ITR


    I like paying for dates, I feel very uncomfortable letting the woman pay. Best time to pay is when she's in the toilet so there is minimum fuss


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    #97
    Nursy
    Registered Users Posts: 118 ✭✭Nursy


    Yep, sorry I am old fashioned too...and a man should always pay on the first date...You can indeed get him the first pint after diner etc... or at least offer to pay.
    If he's a student thats a bit different but sure he can pay for the cinema or something...

    It doesn't mean you're a gold digger or not independent!! It doesn't make you a slave or less of a woman because a man paid for you!!!

    It's nice to let a man take care of you now and again.... :)


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    #98
    Ginny
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 13,425 ✭✭✭✭Ginny


    Dave147 wrote: »
    That's just more of it, you're a woman, I hate all this PC crap..

    Bless.
    it's not "PC crap" its called manners and equality.
    Dave147 wrote: »
    ]I don't care, but for God's sake if you're going out on a date with a guy and he offers to pay, don't straight away start going on about being independent

    So you've been on a date with me? Yeah at the end of every date I do my destinys child routine, with the moves and all :rolleyes:
    Dave147 wrote: »
    I just don't get why women need to shout about being independent, it's pathetic
    .
    Who's shouting? as for it being pathetic? Seriously, or are you just threatened by independant women?
    Seriously we can't do right, if women want to be spoiled they're called gold diggers, and if they promote equality they're pathetic?
    I'd rather be with someone who admired my independence and Vice versa rather then someone resorting to calling it pathetic.


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    #99
    pinkmonkey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 122 ✭✭pinkmonkey


    .


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    #100
    Gary ITR
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,805 ✭✭✭✭Gary ITR


    Nursy wrote: »
    Yep, sorry I am old fashioned too...

    It's not about being 'old fashioned' for me. I just try and be as nice as possible, sometimes I'm too nice for my own good though :(


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    #101
    engrish?
    Registered Users Posts: 911 ✭✭✭engrish?


    My god, people are being a bit hard on the OP.


    I think if you ask the girl out, you pay. If she asks you out you still offer but expect her to offer also.


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    #102
    Curlypinkie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 375 ✭✭Curlypinkie


    Hrududu wrote: »
    This is what jars for me. Why are you the centre of attention? Is it because you are the important one and he should be selling himself to you? You do realise that this man on the date with you is a person too. He's not some robot programmed to do all the right things just so you can feel like the centre of attention. To me a first date is about 2 people getting to know each other, having a good time and deciding if this person is someone they would like to know better. You make it sound like an audition for prince charming.

    It is in a way an audition. Don't want to sound crass. The first impression would be the opportunity when he actually asks me out on this date. I can then either accept or reject. Even before this guy is asking me for a date he is on audition. And so am I. If he doesn't like the way I am or the way I look he wouldn't ask me.
    I'm a very girlie girl. Certain types of men don't like my type and certain do. Even there it is a sort of natural selection.
    Men who would be into my type more often than not are the type of guys that would open the door if I get into a taxi (they would do this to their sisters, mother as well as a date/gf).
    I am not helpless nor am I a raging feminist. I see myself somewhere in the middle. Guys, not everything is black and white and there are no rules. Not for me anyway.
    I do however, strongly defend my opinion and my right to the same.


    @Pink Fluffy Bunny- I'm a troll because I think differently than you and am not totally PC? You can have a look at my former posts.


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    #103
    kingtut
    Registered Users Posts: 6,487 ✭✭✭kingtut


    I normally pay on the first date but I would at least expect the girl to offer to pay some of it...I would decline of course but she should at least offer.

    I would not like to be with a girl who didn't offer to pay for at least half. I went on a first date with a girl where I paid the full amount, second date she paid the full amount.

    It does not matter whether the guy has got really dressed up or the girl has got dressed up or who has more money. At the end of the day noone should be in a situation where one person never puts their hand in their pocket.

    At the end of the day, as far as a first date is concerned the girl should at least offer to pay for half or go through the motions of reaching for her purse just so I can see the thought was in her head.


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    #104
    Nursy
    Registered Users Posts: 118 ✭✭Nursy


    Onkle wrote: »
    It's not about being 'old fashioned' for me. I just try and be as nice as possible, sometimes I'm too nice for my own good though :(

    I didn't mean it in a bad way. It wasn't a derogatory comment.:)
    There's nothing wrong with being nice with the wimmins! Good for you!
    I don't even know why we're discussing this matter...


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    #105
    Curlypinkie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 375 ✭✭Curlypinkie


    So you've been on a date with me? Yeah at the end of every date I do my destinys child routine, with the moves and all :rolleyes:

    [/quote]

    Lol'ed at that ^
    Look Ginny Jo, I do think you have the right opinion. For you!
    Everyone should do what feels comfortable for them. This is the way of maybe finding that someone that you will get along with in the end.
    The men you would be dating would probably not impress you with the same things as the ones I'd be dating.
    It's all down to the matching thing.

    It seems there definitely seems to be two very clear opinions:
    1. Guys who like paying for the first date (would match the girls who like to be treated to the first date)
    2. Guys who like when the girl pays for half the date (would match the girls who like to pay their way)

    So in fairness everybody is happy and there's no need to get personal.
    Friends, K?;)


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    #106
    kingtut
    Registered Users Posts: 6,487 ✭✭✭kingtut


    Curlypinkie wrote: »

    It seems there definitely seems to be two very clear opinions:
    1. Guys who like paying for the first date (would match the girls who like to be treated to the first date)
    2. Guys who like when the girl pays for half the date (would match the girls who like to pay their way)

    So in fairness everybody is happy and there's no need to get personal.
    Friends, K?;)

    Let me edit that:

    It seems there definitely seems to be three very clear opinions:
    1. Guys who like paying for the first date (would match the girls who like to be treated to the first date)
    2. Guys who like when the girl pays for half the date (would match the girls who like to pay their way)
    3. Guys who like paying for the first date (would match the girls who like to be treated to the first date) but who like to see that the girl at least offers to pay for some of it, that way he can kindly refuse.


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    #107
    Curlypinkie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 375 ✭✭Curlypinkie


    Thanks KingTut, you're perfectly right, altho I think a lot of us girls would be in that third category anyway, so I sort of skipped that one!


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    #108
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    elexes wrote: »

    why is it girls never bring home flowers to the guy....

    Men don't like flowers. Now a rubber dinosaur and my heart would melt. :o
    elexes wrote: »
    whats wrong with that shes looking for a second opinion on a choise of wine that will go with the meal. its not a life or death decision but if i ordered somthing off the top of my head that turns out to be nothing better then water from the liffy then the other person may also not enjoy it and could of had a better suggestion becuase the actually took a wine course or something simular

    If a girl needed me to pick the wine for her and chose a dish for her I'd probably just slap a bib on her and be done with it.


    Personally if I asked a girl out on a first date I'd have no problem paying for it (it was my idea after all). If she doesn't offer to go halfs fair enough, but I certainly wouldn't like that trend to continue indefinitely.
    I'm not saying we get the calculator out and round out exactly half the bill, but compromises are cool. Nothing better than say bringing a girl to the cinema, i get the tickets, she buys popcorn or something. Then if we go for a drink later i'll get them. Niceness ensues.


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    #109
    Ginny
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 13,425 ✭✭✭✭Ginny


    Curlypinkie wrote: »
    Lol'ed at that ^
    Look Ginny Jo, I do think you have the right opinion. For you!
    Everyone should do what feels comfortable for them. This is the way of maybe finding that someone that you will get along with in the end.
    The men you would be dating would probably not impress you with the same things as the ones I'd be dating.
    It's all down to the matching thing.

    It seems there definitely seems to be two very clear opinions:
    1. Guys who like paying for the first date (would match the girls who like to be treated to the first date)
    2. Guys who like when the girl pays for half the date (would match the girls who like to pay their way)

    So in fairness everybody is happy and there's no need to get personal.
    Friends, K?;)

    And your way works for you, just not myself personally, and i have absolutely no problem with that.
    My post was directed at Dave, who seemed to think my way of dating (with his assumptions) was pathetic.
    :D
    4455normal_Internet-SeriousBusiness.jpg


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    #110
    kingtut
    Registered Users Posts: 6,487 ✭✭✭kingtut


    Curlypinkie wrote: »
    Thanks KingTut, you're perfectly right, altho I think a lot of us girls would be in that third category anyway, so I sort of skipped that one!

    You're welcome :) I thought I should add it in anyway just in case :) I like girls in the 3rd category


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    #111
    SpiderPiglet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17 ✭SpiderPiglet


    I havent read all the replys so just gonna reply to OP.

    I always offered to go dutch, and most of the lads I went out on dates with were happy enough with this.
    Some would be cute and say ' you can get us a drink after cinema' but would always get to the bar before me.

    My OH always insisted in paying for everything, at first I was a bit embarrassed by this cause I like to pay my own way and we were both making the same amount of money, but there was no arguing with him.
    He kept saying he was trying to Whooo me, bless....

    I suppose it is more romantic for the fella to pay, this is an old fashioned atitdue though and not practial when the poor fella is paying for 2-3 meals a week and a shed loada booze.


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    #112
    kingtut
    Registered Users Posts: 6,487 ✭✭✭kingtut


    Galvasean wrote: »
    Men don't like flowers. Now a rubber dinosaur and my heart would melt. :o

    lol :D


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    #113
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    What exactly are your reasons for expecting him to pay?
    This is 2008, women are as capable of having their own money as men.
    I could turn that around and say that you are cheap for not coughing up your half no?
    IMO it's essential to always pay your own way in order to keep your pride and self respect intact.

    Only ladies of the night expect payment for their services...

    Who said she was going to provide any "services." ?


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    #114
    Zirconia
    Registered Users Posts: 385 ✭✭Zirconia
    Boycott Israeli Goods & Services


    I would personally expect whoever asked for the for date to offer to pay for the whole thing. If it was me I would offer, and would be willing to pay, of if a woman asked me out, I would expect her to do the same.

    If I had asked her out, and she offered to pay for her half, I would either accept, or suggest she pays for the next one as an alternative. If she didn't offer to pay, well I would see it as a major mark against her character, and wouldn't see things between us progressing beyond that date to be honest.

    I do make romantic gestures to women I go out with, but they're spontaneous, not ritualised as I feel some of the men and women posting here seem to expect. I've sent flowers, but I've also been sent flowers myself by women on three occasions, which I thought was wonderful.

    I also hold the door open for others, but irregardless of their gender, I don't like leaving a door to swing into someones face. Usually the onter person, male or female thanks me, and takes the door from my hand, but quite often some walk through, without thanks leaving me standing holding it open - no man has ever done this to me, and won't express how low my opinion of these women is.

    I expect an equal partnership with no sexual stereotyping, whether you consider these to be good or bad traits, in a relationship. If I find on the first few dates that they expect to be "swept off their feet" and treated like a princess, then it's a big warning sign for me. It's a date for both of you, your both supposed to get equal enjoyment out of it, rather that the woman being treated like an angel, and a guy just expected to be happy to be bathed in her radiance and beauty.

    I guess, from some of the (minority, I think) opinions here, there are old fashioned guys for these old fashioned women. I hope they're all happy together, but they don't do anything for me at all.


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    #115
    MIN2511
    Registered Users Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    At least he didn't bring you to Mc Donalds and then order the euro saver menu!!!!

    Happened to me this yr!!!

    Lets just say i deleted him!!!


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    #116
    Noland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 50 ✭✭Noland


    If i take a girl / lady out i would get the tab, if we knew each other well then if she offered to split it then no problems.


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    #117
    Curlypinkie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 375 ✭✭Curlypinkie


    Zirconia wrote: »
    I guess, from some of the (minority, I think) opinions here, there are old fashioned guys for these old fashioned women. I hope they're all happy together, but they don't do anything for me at all.

    They might be a minority on boards, but irl I haven't gone on first dates with many guys who wouldn't meet my old-fashioned expectations:)


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    #118
    kingtut
    Registered Users Posts: 6,487 ✭✭✭kingtut


    I'm prob not the best guy to be giving my opinion about dates seeing as I have not been on many of them and I'm not the best looking guy in the world hence the reason I'm still single....sure I suppose the more dates people go on the better they get at them and so on... Oh no I'm starting to rant and go off topic a bit :( sorry


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    #119
    Zirconia
    Registered Users Posts: 385 ✭✭Zirconia
    Boycott Israeli Goods & Services


    Curlypinkie wrote: »
    They might be a minority on boards, but irl I haven't gone on first dates with many guys who wouldn't meet my old-fashioned expectations:)

    Well, that's good Curlypinkie, I'm glad it's worked out for you. But from the majority of the other women posting here, they don't seem to share your expectations at all, and seem to think it's better to start out without gender based expectations, which I'm really glad to see (sound bunch of women, I must say).

    I don't agree with you views but I respect your opinion.


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    #120
    kingtut
    Registered Users Posts: 6,487 ✭✭✭kingtut


    Zirconia wrote: »

    I don't agree with you views but I respect your opinion.

    Mutual respect is what it is all about :)


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    #121
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    It a personal choice and I would like to be treated on a first date and always have been. If a guy asks me for a drink I would pay for every second one but if he asked me to go to dinner then I would assume he is asking with the view to paying... I would offer but would in this case expect to be treated. Its basic manners. You cant ask someone to dinner and expect them to pay...

    I do also think it sets the bar for the future of the relationship.. Mean of wallet, mean of heart :rolleyes:


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