first date - go dutch?

Curlypinkie

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

:eek: OMG are you for real?

Do you not bring your brain out when you go on dates?:eek:

How long have you been single?

Lol, I have a brain. Sorry for the wording there, what I actually meant was: "recommend". I'm also rubbish with wines. I think they all taste the same. Does that make me less equal as well?

I can change my own tyre tho??? Anyone?

Jaysus, people get awfully upset over strange things sometimes.

tatt chic

I was brought up with "the fella always pays", this coming from my mam who didn't work since she got married and my dad pays for everything!
Nothing wrong with that, its how times were back then.

I'd be uncomfortable if he paid all the time, nothing wrong with going halves on meals, cinema.
times have changed people!

IzzyWizzy

Haven't read the whole thread but I thought it was the 'done thing' for the person who asked the other out to pay for the first date - so usually the guy. I've lived in several countries and it's always been the norm. I find it really irritating when people start screeching about feminism and it being 2008 - so what? Should I be offended when guys hold open a door for me? That;s just ridiculous. Of course you should offer to pay and maybe offer to get a drink afterwards, and if you end up going out with the person, split the bill after that, but for a first date, I think it's fairly normal to expect the guy to pay if he invited you out.

I have ALWAYS been the one giving fellas little gifts, flowers, pressies, stuff like that. Almost all my female friends do it? AND they're Irish and foreign. I don't understand girls who would just expect to be given stuff and never give anything back. (bj's spring to mind, lol, don't know why..)

My BF wouldn't want flowers or a little teddy bear. He's much happier with a lovely homecooked meal or whatever. This 'we have to be equal' stuff is really annoying to me (and my BF - he stopped dating Irish girls years ago). Men and women are not the same. His idiot of a sister is always giving out because I'm the one who usually cooks and she thinks it's 'sexist' - how on earth is it sexist if I love cooking and he can't stand it? He does things for me - it evens out in the end, neither of us is taking the other for a ride (no pun intended).

idunnoutellme

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Holy cow, I've really opened pandoras box with my "ideal first date" opinions.
So it's all or nothing for you guys? Romanticism is dead, long live equality?
No make up for any girls and skirts for all boys?
Come on, it's selective anyway. We pick and choose, wether you like it or not. Just because I don't wear a corset doesn't mean I don't want to be treated and swept off my feet on my first date.
Just because I like to do the dishes doesn't mean I would pop out sprogs and stay at home once I'm married.
Just because I don't believe in marriage doesn't make me less of an old-fashined romantic. These are my picks of equality and I can very well use them in what way I like.

(ps. Some women wearing skirts can be real hot, same with men wearing no make up)

Thanks curly, i'm with you on that.
I suppose I got my answer anyway : the general consensus is that most guys do not expect to pay for the girl on the first date, and find it hot if you pay your way. (of course they would - being cheap)
I also think they dont like to pay in case there is no second date and they will then feel like they've just wasted their money for nothing.
chivalry is not completely dead - and i dont think its a good excuse for guys to use that it is 2008 and things have changed. All girls I know will prefer guys who treat them nice - once in a while and seeing him treat you nice on a first date is a good indication that he will be nice to you if this goes further, at which point the girls dont mind paying for themselves.
I would prefer the guy to say that he'll get the bill last nite...but I dont know him well enough to judge him on that and call him cheap - tho that was the first thing that automatically sprung to mind..sorry thats just me

Curlypinkie

Also, to get things completely straigth:

My point of view is:

Him paying all only applies to the first date.
After that first date: I'm in posession of great knowledge of bars, resto's, films, museums and theatres as well as funds. Where I would recommend to go and where I would pay half or treat my date/OH/BF to.

stovelid

Curlypinkie wrote: »

I turn up, look great for the date, he should take my jacket off, help me order wine off the menu, recommend a dish...

You don't need a boyfriend. You need a home-help.

idunnoutellme

stovelid wrote: »

You don't need a boyfriend. You need a home-help.

thats mean

Bruce11

idunnoutellme; From a male perspective I would not like to be lumped in with the opinion that we men will not pay for the first date.

My father would have given me the insight that the man pays for the first date and after that halves or if the lady so insists let her pay. It would not be my intention to insult the lady if she wanted the pay on second and subsequent dates.

idunnoutellme and Curlypink are quite right to expect what they do from a man, if they get otherwise then they should know the man is not for them.

Curlypinkie

Bruce11 wrote: »

idunnoutellme; From a male perspective I would not like to be lumped in with the opinion that we men will not pay for the first date.

My father would have given me the insight that the man pays for the first date and after that halves or if the lady so insists let her pay. It would not be my intention to insult the lady if she wanted the pay on second and subsequent dates.

idunnoutellme and Curlypink are quite right to expect what they do from a man, if they get otherwise then they should know the man is not for them.

Exactly, Bruce, it's one way of seeing we wouldn't be compatible! Same if a guy would get upset over me not offering to pay half on the first date. I would not be the woman for him.

Curlypinkie

stovelid wrote: »

You don't need a boyfriend. You need a home-help.

A male one? That's very 2008

Hold on, who said I NEED a boyfriend? I certainly didn't?

Malari

Bruce11 wrote: »

idunnoutellme and Curlypink are quite right to expect what they do from a man, if they get otherwise then they should know the man is not for them.

Exactly, not for them, but perfectly acceptable for most of the females posting on this thread. I guess there are guys out there too, who feel emasculated by a female paying.

It's uncommon, as far as I know, to expect a guy to pay for everything. I believe on our first "date" my boyfriend paid. We ended up going for coffee somewhere else (he also paid, despite protestations) and then the cinema (I paid) from then on everything was equal. I would definitely feel uncomfortable if he had insisted on paying for everything.

stovelid

It doesn't always have to be a rigid 50/50 dutch situation. It's nice to treat your partner too. Or to be treated. It's just the expectation (along gender roles) that somebody should pay that sticks in the craw.

Hrududu

I suppose I got my answer anyway : the general consensus is that most guys do not expect to pay for the girl on the first date, and find it hot if you pay your way. (of course they would - being cheap)
I also think they dont like to pay in case there is no second date and they will then feel like they've just wasted their money for nothing.

I'm sorry but this post makes you sound like a complete gold digger. I would always offer to pay half, why should the man always be expected to pick up the tab? And as for the one that wants the guy to recommend wine, tell her what to eat, offer her his coat, make all the decisions, how could you be happy in a relationship like that? Do you have no opinions of your own? What if on the first date you went to a place you knew, would you recommend the wine to him? Or is that a mans job?

christy c

stovelid wrote: »

You don't need a boyfriend. You need a home-help.

+1

Bruce11

Well Curlypink, I am somewhat surprised that "idunnoutellme" is going to have a second date with him as she is not too engraciated by him from his performance on the first date.

A Swedish lady, well welcome and not all Irish men are the same as some of the views being projected here.

idunnoutellme

Bruce11 wrote: »

Well Curlypink, I am somewhat surprised that "idunnoutellme" is going to have a second date with him as she is not too engraciated by him from his performance on the first date.

A Swedish lady, well welcome and not all Irish men are the same as some of the views being projected here.

you think? ha ha ye maybe i could be makin a mistake....he's just so damn good lookin but if i'm still not impressed that'll be the end of that bruce trust me

Curlypinkie

Bruce11 wrote: »

Well Curlypink, I am somewhat surprised that "idunnoutellme" is going to have a second date with him as she is not too engraciated by him from his performance on the first date.

A Swedish lady, well welcome and not all Irish men are the same as some of the views being projected here.

I'm not sure I agree with the first paragraph there....

What really upsets me for the last few posts is that people here that advocate being equal, want the girl to pay her way, not hold the door for her not doing anything in fact think that a girl NEEDS a boyfriend and ask me for how long I've been single????

Is a woman not valid without a man even in this day and age???
If I choose only to go on dates, and only have 1 night stands for the rest of my life, does that make me equal/unequal?
I really don't NEED a man. It would be nice to have one but I'm perfectly happy without one as well.
And if someone comes along and wants to "conquer my heart" sorry for the old-fashioned Jane Austen phrase and does not meat my standards, thank you but no thank you. I'm grand on my own.

Ginny

All this guys pay for the first date just does not sit well with me at all, everyone (mostly) works hard for their money and equality is equality, I'd always assume we'd go dutch, why should someone pay for my night out? Especially if it's the first time you're going out together, obviously a lot of couples take turns etc. but on a first date? Dutch all the way

Teferi

Curlypinkie wrote: »

And total brownie points are if he stands up when I stand up, if he helps me put on my coat,

May I direct you towards books published by Penguin? They usually have some good Cinderella and Snow White books. They might have the men you are looking for :rolleyes:

That kind of stuff is ridiculously outdated. If you are not able to put on your coat without help then you should you really be wearing a coat? Or anything other than a onesie?

OT: I don't mind paying for a girl on the first date or so but after that she can go dutch or go home.

Curlypinkie

Teferi wrote: »

May I direct you towards books published by Penguin? They usually have some good Cinderella and Snow White books. They might have the men you are looking for :rolleyes:

That kind of stuff is ridiculously outdated. If you are not able to put on your coat without help then you should you really be wearing a coat? Or anything other than a onesie?

OT: I don't mind paying for a girl on the first date or so but after that she can go dutch or go home.

Look, I have been writing with tongue in cheek in posts so far and taken a bit of a p*ss out of my opinions, which I'm well and truly aware being somewhat romantic and outdated. But this just takes the biscuit.

I can well do EVERYTHING without a man.
I can earn my own way
I can go everywhere I want on my own
I can go for dinner, cinema, art gallery whatever on my own
Hell, I can have a **** on my own

But we're talking first date here!

On my first date I want to be impressed. And the things I mentioned earlier are things that would impress me and make me feel centre of attention.

If a guy is not trying to impress me on our first date - and I would try to impress him as well of course! - then I'm not interested in that guy!

Yeah cool for student bumpkins to pay half/half on that muffin and coffee you can barely afford, sure that's romantic as well, but me, I've been living life a bit longer and I expect a bit more from men, myself and life in general.

Teferi

Curlypinkie wrote: »

Look, I have been writing with tongue in cheek in posts so far and taken a bit of a p*ss out of my opinions, which I'm well and truly aware being somewhat romantic and outdated. But this just takes the biscuit.

Teferi wrote: »

That kind of stuff is ridiculously outdated. If you are not able to put on your coat without help then you should you really be wearing a coat? Or anything other than a onesie?

Incase you didn't realise - I was taking the p*ss too.

Curlypinkie wrote: »

I can well do EVERYTHING without a man.

Except on a first date?

the_syco

I just read the 1st page, so apologies if she later apologized...

idunnoutellme wrote: »

and well the guy didnt offer to pay - considering he's in a well paid job like and i always offer to go dutch anyway but kinda expect the guy to say 'no here i'll get this' you know, and when he didnt it kinda made me think he's cheap....

So because you expected him to pay for everything, he's the cheap one?

=-=

Sure, I see nothing wrong with paying for the 1st date, but expecting me to pay makes you sound like a gold digger.

JP Liz

I'd prefer the guy to pay

Defenestrate

As a man, I always pay for the meal on first dates and would feel emasculated if I wasn't allowed to!

I also offer to carry any bags or give them my coat out of courtesy, but the idea of standing when they stand or running round to their side of the table to offer them their own coat makes me cringe.

Also, I know bugger all about wine, real men drink beer! :cool:

Iago

speedboatchase wrote: »

I'd offer to pay to appear a "gentleman" and its a first date but if she said ok and I did actually end up having to pay full whack then I'd wonder about going on that second date :cool:

I just don't get this mentality at all.

If you ask someone out on a date then you should absolutely pay for the night. If they offer to pay their half, then that's a big tick in the positives box for them, but you should pay anyway.

Think of it as investing in your future, a small cost now for shared benefits over a long period.

Ginny

Curlypinkie wrote: »

But we're talking first date here!

On my first date I want to be impressed. And the things I mentioned earlier are things that would impress me and make me feel centre of attention.

If a guy is not trying to impress me on our first date - and I would try to impress him as well of course! - then I'm not interested in that guy!

Yeah cool for student bumpkins to pay half/half on that muffin and coffee you can barely afford, sure that's romantic as well, but me, I've been living life a bit longer and I expect a bit more from men, myself and life in general.

I'm sorry, I'm really hoping your point just isn't coming across well, but on a first date a bloke would impress me by being a nice guy, being interested in me and vice versa.
As for the student comment, tbh if a guy lets me pay half I would feel like he respects my independence, I haven't needed a guy to pay my way up till now so why start?
Two people go on dates, as for he asked he pays rubbish? Well the girl agreed to go on a date too, two people enjoying each others company, not one trying to outdo the other.

Dave147

Jesus there's so many women here trying too hard to be "Independent Women". Give it a rest.

So I ask out a girl, I take her for dinner and a drink, I pay for the meal and I buy a round of drinks, does this mean I'm taking away her independence because she can AFFORD to pay her own way. That's not what it's about, if I ask a girl out I WANT to pay, I will also be a nice guy and a gentleman etc but I am more than happy to pay for the first date, completely.

For future dates it's nice when the girl offers to pay, offers to go halves or buy every second drink. But I take a girl out for her company and because I like her, I really could care less about paying.

@Curlypinkie - I agree with you.

John Mason

Curlypinkie wrote: »

On my first date I want to be impressed. And the things I mentioned earlier are things that would impress me and make me feel centre of attention.

and what will you be doing to impress him? Not paying for the meal anyway.

and if you are cold bring your own coat, expecting him to hand over his is riddicules.

I am not a feminist by a long shot, i am an equalist. i am equal to everyone else, no one is best or worse then me. I would never expect anyone to pay for anything for me, yes, it is nice when it happens but me and my OH pay for everything together.

Okay on our first date he did pay for everything but i am sure that one orange jucie i had wouldnt have left me broke for the week and i was doing the driving, so it was a trade of



actually, i have decided you are a troll

Hrududu

On my first date I want to be impressed. And the things I mentioned earlier are things that would impress me and make me feel centre of attention.

This is what jars for me. Why are you the centre of attention? Is it because you are the important one and he should be selling himself to you? You do realise that this man on the date with you is a person too. He's not some robot programmed to do all the right things just so you can feel like the centre of attention. To me a first date is about 2 people getting to know each other, having a good time and deciding if this person is someone they would like to know better. You make it sound like an audition for prince charming.

tipp86

Id allways pay would feel bad if i didnt!!

Then again most of the girls would be broke anyway cause there in college etc...

Like the last few times the girls i went with would take there purse out when wed be approaching the counter, but ya kinda know they expect ya to pay!

Id feel weird if the girl payed for the first few times anyway