Now Ye're Talking - to a recovered drug user

buck65 wrote: »

Can you describe the high from heroin, is it totally doped and makes you useless or can you function to some degree?

Yea it is great, everything you hear about, doesn't last long though, it is very possible to function, I did for many years, after a while though for me the feeling of heaven left, and it turned very mundane.

P.S Thank you Niamh for organising this

wrote:

Do you think blanket legalisation/decriminalisation would help or hinder? Do you think it would have been a factor in you getting involved in the first place and how about getting clean? ?

I think a blanket legislation/ decriminalisation is the only answer to helping the situation. It is never going to go away, and all the punishments in the world will not stop someone using if they do not want to. I got clean because I was broken by it, I could of carried on...

recyclops wrote: »

Congratulations on getting clean and getting back on track

It seems whilst you were addicted to drugs you tried to maintain a regular enough life, what would your opinion be of users who seem to be a burden on society through either anti social behavior or theft, do you think these people are selfish or they can be helped and hopefully get over their own addiction?

Thanks a million for your well wishes. Yes I did maintain a very regular life, mortgage, car, great job, etc. those people of which you talk about, yes they may be a burden on society, but so can anyone I guess, there is lots of theft in society not all are drug addicts. I know I was very selfish as an addict, and any addict can be helped in my opinion.

How did you manage to work while addicted? Did you use while working, or only afterwards?

Congrats on being clean by the way!?

Thank you, when in the height of it, yes I used in the car in the morning, I used in work, took spoons from the canteen. Went to the needle exchange on my lunch break in my shirt and tie. I kept it all under wraps. no pun intended. How I managed to work, was drive I suppose, carry on regardless and lots of manipulation.

Do you still maintain the same circle of friends that you did when you were using?
Did your family know about it?
Were you in a relationship, if so was your partner a user?
What age did you start using at?
Were they your first drug of choice?
Do you find it hard to stay sober when you get stressed or over whelmed? !?

Okay bare with me, I do not maintain the same circle of friends, I did not know anyone who took heroin really, only my dealers, my friends all drank and most took coke at the weekends, smoked weed etc, I needed to stay away, which was not easy but had to be done, if I wanted recovery.


My family did know about it, I came clean towards the end, when I needed to go to treatment etc, that did not fix me mind you.

I would rather not comment on relationships.

Started smoking hash at 12 that was my first drug of choice, towards the end I was not fussy I would stick anything in a needle, crack, tablets, whatever would stop the head.


Sometimes I find it hard like anyone, I now have young kids and all the trials and tribulations that go with life in general, do I think of smack ? Yes sometimes, do I act on it ? No. Can I go out for a drink ? NOOOOOO

Do you think you have an addictive personality ? do you think you would have been addicted to something regardless of whether it was drugs etc ?
Well done on kicking the habit ...

Yes I do have an addictive personality that needs daily vigilance. I haven't used drugs in years, but can get addicted to other things, chocolate, clothes, spending money, I don't gamble mind you, as that was something I did back in the day...

What was your drug timeline? And what drugs were the worst for you and why?

i.e. you started smoking hash at 15, moved to x when you were 16 etc.

I used all the drugs so I am not going to give you a time line out of respect for my loved ones, I am trying to stay anonymous. The worst was weed/hash it mentally scarred me, granted I started young. Yes, I contracted Hepatitis C from using needles but that is manageable, the mental not so....

Was your work directly affected by your habit? And did your colleagues know about it?

It had to have been towards the end, I was functioning for a long time, but got quite bad towards the end, I began to go missing for a few days. Colleagues did not know, I was pretty good at it...

Congratulations on your recovery, that can't have been easy.

The opening post mentions you continued to work throughout this time. Was it suspected at work, did you have performance issues etc?

Also in your experience are there a lot of similar functioning heroin addicts? In most people's mind including my own a heroin user is associated with what we see on the streets

Thanks for taking the time to do an AMA

Thanks, it wasn't easy at the start, I had lots of relapses, recovery is something you have to give your all, 100%, no shortcuts, but I finally got there. People look at you funny when you say you don't drink, ah go on have one. I can not drink without taking cocaine, that is the difference. I tried to fit in, like Joe Soap down the road who goes out to watch Liverpool play, I realised I am not like Joe Soap down the road.

Yes I had performance issues, it is hard to stay focused in a business meeting when you know your dealer is outside, or you know you cannot get to work until you take care of this withdrawal, that leads to lots of late mornings, and "auntie's dying"

Yes, there are lots of functioning heroin addicts, business men, doctors, granted I didn't know them when I was using, but rub shoulders with them now in recovery circles.


That's it for now folks, I have some dinner on and some guests coming, thank you so much for the questions, and of course all these replies are my opinion only, I am happy to answer more.

sweetie wrote: »

Congrats on your recovery and thanks for your contribution here.
Are you completely anti drugs now or can some be used by some people in moderation in your opinion?

Thank you, I am not anti drugs by any stretch of the imagination. In fact I know lots of people who use drugs, and that is their business. I know I cannot, and I am perfectly happy with that now. It took a while to accept that. A long while in fact. I grew up with people who were able to knock it on the head.

What happens if someone dies, surely I can have a drink at the funeral ? No.

Gardabot1 wrote: »

Did you have any sort of drugs education before you started using any drug?

What sort of timeframe did you shift from drug user to drug abuser?

Have you any body deformities from drug use?
Any regrets re your-drug addiction?

If you could go back in time would you change your path in life or has it made you who you are?

Thanks in advance.

I had loads of drug education. But I suppose owing to my upbringing I didn't actually think that I would end up the way I did.

Cocaine destroyed me, I could not stop snorting it, I needed something to keep me in, and I tried heroin. That kept me in. I have absolutely no regrets. I am so glad I am here to tell the tale, and help anyone I can.

I have no deformities, I am your average person, maybe a bit better looking.

No one in my life knows my old life, except close family and some friends, I train the kids GAA, I take part in life, always remaining vigilant..

Gardabot1 wrote: »

How was your relationship with Gardai at the height of your addictions?

Did you get treatment before, in or after prison?

What was the most you've spent on drugs in a day?

Did you inject in place unimaginable?

I have never been in prison. In fact I have no criminal record. Sometimes I would be arrested while buying drugs but was usually just to have words with me as they could see I did not fit in with my surroundings. So.my relationship was okay with Gardai I would say.

I spent a few weeks in a residential treatment cenntre and used the day I got out.

I finally got clean through a 12 step program.

Mainly injected arms , hands and feet. Cocaine destroyed my veins so towards the end it might take me half an hour to get a vein. It was all self taught so I was very lucky to not hit an artery or die.

The most I have spent on drugs in a day jesus, I dont know on average a few hundred a day... crack cocaine was very expensive when I was using it could spend a grand in an afternoon.

dartboardio wrote: »

Was your self esteem quite low when you'd go to work and know your secret? Is your family now suspicious of you as a liar- drug user or are they delighted your back on track and fully trust in you to never go down that road again?

I always had low self esteem drugs covered that. I always had a feeling I was going to get caught out, that the house of cards was going to fall. That this person might talk to that person etc. No Fun. But all necessary.

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

How much were you spending every week on your habit?

Lots. But I had a never ending supply to ill gotten gains. So I never had to shop lift , or do burglaries.

miezekatze wrote: »

What made you decide to stop taking drugs at the time?

I had tried everything to try and get clean as I knew I had a good life and the lies were growing bigger and bigger. I was broken inside, hard to explain, physically I needed the drugs to function but my whole being on the inside was broken.

I had tried for so long and read so many books on recovery that all the sayings began to make sense.

I used for the last time and did not have the where with all to get more, I could not physically arrange it or move , a very surreal experience. I did cold turkey in a bedroom.

Gardabot1 wrote: »

Are professionals taken aback by your honesty re your past?

Did any professionals treat you differently after you seeked help for you addictions?

Were most or all of your dealers addicts themselves or just money hungry. (in your opinion)

If I was to seek help tomorrow for any drug addictions how would you advise me to do it?

I think recovery hinges on honesty. I have a wife and some kids now who have never seen me use. For their sake I need to be honest at least. Doctors always welcome the honesty, how they feel about it ? I genuinely do not care, they have a job to do.

It amazes me though even after long relationships with doctors they still try and give me tablets teling me "they are not addictive"

In my experience Doctors have very little experience on how to handle addiction. If I was not on my game numerous times they could easily convince me to take something.

Some dealers money hungry others just trying to raise kids with their backs to the wall, others addicits, some generations of addicts. It differs.

If I was to help someone get clean, I would say find someone right now and be 100% honest with them. Ring them every hour of the day, and do the opposite to what your head tells you. Worked for me :-)

tara83 wrote: »

Very interesting thread. Did you ever OD? And if so did it have any effect on you like slowing down?

I never oversosed which still surprises me. Because I injected on my own 98 per cent of the time. So if I hit the deck so to speak, I would have died.

helimachoptor wrote: »

Fair play op, this is a great AMA, credit to you for getting clean.

You mentioned a gateway drug, assume this was hash, how did you progress from that to coke/heroin?

Also (appreciate if you dont want to answer this) how would you feel down the road if your kid(s) were smoking hash or you found a wrap?

Thank you. I am not sure about gateway drugs for me. If it wasn't drugs it would be over eating or something else. I believe I have some sort of a dis ease inside myself.

I will be very honest with my kids when the time comes
, that it is in their genes and that if they drink chances are they will end up in a bad way. After that, they are on their own journey I guess.

I loved the nightlife clubs, ecstasy, coke, never wanted the party to end, never wanted to go home, early houses etc etc... Then I needed to stop that carry on, but could not sit with myself.