Now Ye're Talking - to a recovered drug user

Sinister Kid

Another question... The first time you used heroin, did you make a decision & go looking for it? or were you offered it & just decided in the moment that you would try it?

Mellor

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA wrote: »

These days I wonder how people afford cigarettes never mind cocaine addictions. Life has changed.

Cocaine and by extension crack seems to be a very expensive habit.
How does, or did, heroin compare in terms of cost? Obviously, you can blow through and much as you think you can handle. But what's the base cost. Say the price of a single hit wrap?

KyussBeeshop

Something I've increasingly read over the years, is that drug addiction is often tied to the users difficulty in connecting with other people, or just in general a lack of feeling of social connection - and that drugs can become one of the last ways people can seek to connect, or to at least get away from the pain of this - with this perpetuating the addiction, rather than just the physical dependency caused by the drug perpetuating addiction.

I guess this is similar to the 'rat park' theory that edanto posted, though slightly more specific. Does any of that ring true with you?

What kind of white collar crime were you involved in? (if not comfortable being specific - can you give a vague idea? Industry worked in etc.?)

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Sinister Kid wrote: »

Did you start using intravenously straight away or did you start off by smoking?
How long were you using for?
You speak of recovery, I'm assuming these are meetings? How often do you go to them?
What was your friends & family's reaction when you came clean to them?


Well done on your recovery, I admire your strength.

Hi, No I smoked it for a few weeks, & being an all or nothing man, I went for the needle, the first time I shot up I asked (demanded) my comrade(dealer) to get me whilst I was on my lunch break. Underground car park in Dublin City. I then went back to work with some new knowledge.

I used for quite a few years.

Recovery yes I go to meetings quite a few, and practice meditation. You really need to mind the head, I think that goes with non addicts too. But I mean there are lots of ways of seeking recovery free of charge.

Family were devastated but I have fully made amends to them, took a while but it happened.




Thank You, I cannot take much credit for me getting clean lots of wonderful people helped me. :-)

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Sinister Kid wrote: »

Another question... The first time you used heroin, did you make a decision & go looking for it? or were you offered it & just decided in the moment that you would try it?

I am not going to answer that right now

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Mellor wrote: »

Cocaine and by extension crack seems to be a very expensive habit.
How does, or did, heroin compare in terms of cost? Obviously, you can blow through and much as you think you can handle. But what's the base cost. Say the price of a single hit wrap?

A bag of heroin is 15 euro but you could get 4 for €50 I am pretty sure that has not changed. That is Dublin, Bray is €30 a bag I believe, and I am sure it changes through out the country.

I believe the price of crack / coke is very cheap these days.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

KyussBeeshop wrote: »

Something I've increasingly read over the years, is that drug addiction is often tied to the users difficulty in connecting with other people, or just in general a lack of feeling of social connection - and that drugs can become one of the last ways people can seek to connect, or to at least get away from the pain of this - with this perpetuating the addiction, rather than just the physical dependency caused by the drug perpetuating addiction.

I guess this is similar to the 'rat park' theory that edanto posted, though slightly more specific. Does any of that ring true with you?

What kind of white collar crime were you involved in (if not comfortable being specific - can you give a vague idea? Industry worked in etc.?)

You summarised it perfectly in the first paragraph, it all boils down to fear, feeling fearful for no reason. For me anyway, worrying, ridiculous fears, not funny enough, not smart enough.. blah blah.

You find a substance which takes these insecurities away and there is no going back really.


I cannot comment on your last question, suffice to say amends have been made and it is in the past

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

FizzleSticks wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Ah I have to thread carefully here... but I managed it, Drug Addicts are incredibly creative people, and some of the smartest people I have ever met in my life are addicts. Some people just do their job, throw in a 24hr addiction on top of that then see how well you manage, some folk I have met cannot even work with a hangover. But everyone is different...

Some people, myself included can carry on, drive, enthusiasm (okay for drugs) & enthusiasm to not get caught, but it is still enthusiasm... I have seen people get clean and use only a small bit of that enthusiasm in a healthy manner and they have not only changed and saved lives in the process, but have become extremely successful people.

I am not saying any of that is a good idea but it is just my experience.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Sleeper12 wrote: »

My own opinion is that all the eduction on drugs makes the mistake of showing the misery & only the misery. When people then do try it they say, hey this is great, they think they've lied to me all these years. They then tend not to believe any of the anti drugs stuff.
Do you believe this to be true or did you experience it like that?


Oh & congratulations on staying clean

Ha I don't know what to say to that to be honest, very valid point. I don't know, I am not a teacher but something needs to be done to build kids up, so they don't feel the need to reach for drugs or things.

I do not have any answers but surely you can build kids up and give them enough self belief that they are not running to the nearest off licence. That what they have inside them is enough. From what I can see schools are changing, and bravo for them.

I was socially handicapped by the time I left primary, I pray my kids never feel that way.

Rekop dog

What do you miss most about your time on drugs?

Have you replaced the sheer thrill with any other obsession in your life?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

dartboardio wrote: »

Fair play to you for coming out of that vicious circle... I'm only eighteen and know the routine of starting smoking joints at the age of 12/13, smoking everyday, moving onto cocaine, pills, I have quite an addictive personality and used to be off taking the pills twice a week, robbing money from family members etc, so I had to put a stop to it and thank god I'm out of that now, aswell as going to work 'off my head' on prescription medicine that wasn't even prescribed for me - cause I felt like I needed it in order to be able to chat to people

I feel like the odd one out when I say I have a horrible opinion of cannabis, weed, hash, nowadays everyone is for it and shares all this 'legalise the weed' crap, thinking it's great for medicinal purposes, if I could have it banned I would, it's nothing but something that makes you stupid, and blurs your vision and mind.. If I never started smoking weed I wouldn't have tried other drugs, I wouldn't be paranoid, I wouldn't have anxiety about silly things like making friends or chatting to my boss.

It could of got alot worse for me but thankfully didn't I just have to keep the reigns on everything I do, I'd constantly go to
'parties' and owed money that wasn't even mine, failed my leaving cert, thank god I'm back on track now, went back to do my exams and getting on great in my first year of college, I feel like I appreciate it so much more and want to do my work cause I fought somewhat to be here.

I know this thread is for your story but I just got a little carried away.


Were your family supporting you while you were a heroin user? Were you on their side at the time or the opposite, like going missing at family occassions, generally acting odd..?

Well done my friend, sort of carbon copy of myself, weed / hash really messed with my head, in fact I have been in crack houses people smoking crack all day and refusing to go near a joint. Funny how I used to love it, but hated it at the same time.

And yes I was forever going missing in family occasions, but that is what had to be done at the time, and yes acting odd is one way of putting it. I am very glad it is not like that today, and I can be present for all activities. That doesn't mean they are all a walk in the park, but they are not chemically enhanced in any way. Which is a huge relief. Anyway best of luck to yourself,

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Rekop dog wrote: »

What do you miss most about your time on drugs?

Have you replaced the sheer thrill with any other obsession in your life?

I miss the taste of coke in the back of your mouth as soon as it hits your vein, it is very strange I can only really remember the good bits.

I find it hard to remember the sheer devastation I caused, the hurt and pain I caused people close to me and the complete mental mess I was in. I am glad I did lots of writing in the early days, so if ever I feel deluded or unsure I can pick up that notepad and remind myself exactly what it was like. All the gorey details.

It was hell on earth.

Have I replaced the sheer thrill ?

Hard to explain, but when I got clean, all my senses came alive, I could not believe you could feed ducks, it was amazing, there was joy in everything. I was like a kid.

I was thrilled by everything, thrilled to be clean, thrilled to not have to lie, thrilled to be able to sleep, thrilled to be able to eat, thrilled to become a father, it was non stop...

I remember going to Electric Picnic for a full weekend drinking water and dancing my fkn arse off with no tent. Clean and free ! :-)

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gardabot1 wrote: »

Would some or all of your dealers have been Irish?

Did you ever have to do anything for dealers, move products, attack people etc etc?

Have you ever been scammed buying drugs?
(Make up as heroin, teedax granulars as coke)

Sorry not sure if I answered this, so sorry for duplication I am on a night shift here.

I never had to do anything for dealers, that I didn't want to. But I did on occasion move products, because I had transport. I have never attacked anyone, only myself

I did bring drugs to prison once on a visit, to give to a prisoner, again my own choice. I was luckily never caught up in any of that drama of intimidation or threats, but I have witnessed it in others. Again I was very lucky.

Have I been scammed yes, a few times, it is rotten, when you open the bag and it is pepper :-)

I once paid fifty euro for a cigarette butt in a plastic bag, that is no fun when you are in full withdrawal. Anyway, I am surprised it didn't happen more often, most dealers I came across were someway decent in that regard.

Bulmers

Congrats on the recovery ,tks for the answers and honest insights here.

Interesting comments ref methadone,always touted as route for recovery.

Intrigued how you held down a high level job like that, I would be in similar level role but no way I could do it if was high. For instance you mention shooting up at lunch,how long need before you could go back and work? My image of heroin is someone shooting up and passing out.

How long approx were you using in that job,are you still in it and did people start suspecting?

What was the best high, from what I've read in media, seems to say first time shooting up heroin.

You mention crack cocaine,supposedly this is so addictive,you`re an addict from.first time? How does it compare to heroin or coke?

Was this a reason you moved from coke to heroin, or more financial reasons?

Again my society view is coke would be easier drug to manage and heroin is dirty and image is zombie type people.

Would you have drug of choice / situation, ie office party= coke night.

What was your realisation moment you needed to stop, was it coming down off one high and it just clicked? (Sorry you may have answered this)

A lot of q's but am intrigued, well done again and tks.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Bulmers wrote: »

Congrats on the recovery ,tks for the answers and honest insights here.

Interesting comments ref methadone,always touted as route for recovery.

Intrigued how you held down a high level job like that, I would be in similar level role but no way I could do it if was high. For instance you mention shooting up at lunch,how long need before you could go back and work? My image of heroin is someone shooting up and passing out.

How long approx were you using in that job,are you still in it and did people start suspecting?

What was the best high, from what I've read in media, seems to say first time shooting up heroin.

You mention crack cocaine,supposedly this is so addictive,you`re an addict from.first time? How does it compare to heroin or coke?

Was this a reason you moved from coke to heroin, or more financial reasons?

Again my society view is coke would be easier drug to manage and heroin is dirty and image is zombie type people.

Would you have drug of choice / situation, ie office party= coke night.

What was your realisation moment you needed to stop, was it coming down off one high and it just clicked? (Sorry you may have answered this)

A lot of q's but am intrigued, well done again and tks.

I mentioned lunch break for some clarity, I sometimes just used in the bathroom in work and went straight back to my desk. I built a tolerance so that made it possible to not be a gibbering mess.

I had no drug of choice, but any alcohol automatically brought cocaine into the mix.

I always wanted to get clean, always, just not right now, always tomorrow. So it wasn't any real moment, it was a constant, get clean, but not being able to. That went on for years. It is rather soul destroying, and you lose any trust in yourself, which is not nice. I suppose you might equate it to waking up on a Saturday morning with a hangover and saying "right I am never drinking again", yet doing it again next Friday. Except this was a daily thing, but you get the gist.


This caused many a headache as I would only get enough needles for one day, as I was getting clean after this lot. Or use all my drugs so tomorrow I could start fresh. Of course that did not happen, but I kept promising myself I would. It is a nasty, nasty, circle. Thanks for asking.

Sinister Kid

When you see an addict, be it high-functioning or zombie like, how does it make you feel? Do you feel pity, disgust, envy?
Do you think there could have been a point where you turned from high-functioning to non-functioning?


Also, What do you think needs to be done to tackle the problem?

I think decriminalization & injection centers are a good start, they have worked in other counties.

pxdf9i5cmoavkz

I'm a recovered drug user wrote:

The worst was weed/hash it mentally scarred me, granted I started young.

Can you perhaps elaborate on this please? In what way has weed/hash mentally scarred you?

Weed/hash should be harmless and have no long term effects if the subjects brain is fully developed (at least that's what the prevailing theory is).

Unless you're referring to the combination of crack and weed being used at the same time?

I found it interesting that hash left you more scarred than heroin. Could you elaborate on your difficulty with weed/hash? I personally can't touch the stuff any more. I think people massively understate its harm.

Gloomtastic!

Fascinating AMA, thanks for all your honest answers and well done for getting out the other end.

I have to meet addicts on a regular basis and the thought of them holding down any job, let alone a very good job, baffles me.

Do you have any contact with any of your former colleagues? How do they feel about you being able to do their job while totally out of it? :rolleyes:

I'm thinking banking or law btw, go on please give us a clue!

Sabre0001

Really interesting AMA. Don't have anything to ask at the moment, but wanted to say well done on kicking the habit and thanks for your openness and honesty.

Paudee

Sabre0001 wrote: »

Really interesting AMA. Don't have anything to ask at the moment, but wanted to say well done on kicking the habit and thanks for your openness and honesty.

+1

I feel like facinating is the wrong word but it's certainly eye opening. I don't think most people appreciate how close 'drug culture' is to their door irrespective of 'class'.

mahamageehad

Do you think that the portrayal of serious drug use in the media is too focused on stereotypes? I think that this thread has even had a few comments in that vein - expecting that you must have a criminal record etc. Heroin users must be poor, must do crime to fund their habits etc.

I can completely believe that you held down a high level job with your habit. Even at uni level the level of drug abuse (particularly cocaine) in the "good" professions such as doctors, lawyers, finance was staggeringly high. I know plenty of execs that take cocaine every other day, and function just fine. As you don't fit the heroin stereotype, did it make it harder for you to come out? Did it make it more difficult for people to take you seriously?

Galwayguy35

Don't have a question just wanted to thank the OP for taking the time to do this AMA, it's a very interesting thread.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Ana Hot Pajamas wrote: »

Can you perhaps elaborate on this please? In what way has weed/hash mentally scarred you?

Weed/hash should be harmless and have no long term effects if the subjects brain is fully developed (at least that's what the prevailing theory is).

Unless you're referring to the combination of crack and weed being used at the same time?

I cannot coment in any scientific studies as I have never read them. I guess I can only speak for myself, Cannabis I found to be very addictive, as a teenager the thoughts of going without was terrifying. So much so that I rarely went without.

I don't know how to describe it, but it caused lots of mental lethargy and that was before I ever touched a class A, and that is the only difficulty I took with me from active drug addiction. Again, just my experience.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Deleted User wrote: »

I found it interesting that hash left you more scarred than heroin. Could you elaborate on your difficulty with weed/hash? I personally can't touch the stuff any more. I think people massively understate its harm.

I am in no way anti drugs, I would change the whole laws around each and every drug. But I definitely do not think cannabis or weed is harmless again that is my opinion..

I think I may have answered your query in my last post. Weed causes some sort of brain fog, that can be hard to shake when used for so long. I have no proof of this just my experience. I don't work in addiction or have any qualifications in that field just my own experience.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

mahamageehad wrote: »

Do you think that the portrayal of serious drug use in the media is too focused on stereotypes? I think that this thread has even had a few comments in that vein - expecting that you must have a criminal record etc. Heroin users must be poor, must do crime to fund their habits etc.

I can completely believe that you held down a high level job with your habit. Even at uni level the level of drug abuse (particularly cocaine) in the "good" professions such as doctors, lawyers, finance was staggeringly high. I know plenty of execs that take cocaine every other day, and function just fine. As you don't fit the heroin stereotype, did it make it harder for you to come out? Did it make it more difficult for people to take you seriously?

Thank you, and yes I know lots of people who use or have used heroin who do not fit this stereotype which you put so well. I think Addiction is Addiction regardless of the drug. There is definitely an epidemic at the moment which is going to keep on getting worse.

On your last point I wasn't coming out so to speak, and I didn't really care if anyone believed me or not, that was not my priority or even on any agenda. I was trying to get clean, and stay alive, which I managed with the help of people in Dublin City who went before me.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

Fascinating AMA, thanks for all your honest answers and well done for getting out the other end.

I have to meet addicts on a regular basis and the thought of them holding down any job, let alone a very good job, baffles me.

Do you have any contact with any of your former colleagues? How do they feel about you being able to do their job while totally out of it? :rolleyes:

I'm thinking banking or law btw, go on please give us a clue!

Thanks for your kind words, part of the agreement on doing this AMA, I was asked not to comment on my employment so with all due respect to boards I will honour that.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Sinister Kid wrote: »

When you see an addict, be it high-functioning or zombie like, how does it make you feel? Do you feel pity, disgust, envy?
Do you think there could have been a point where you turned from high-functioning to non-functioning?


Also, What do you think needs to be done to tackle the problem?

I think decriminalization & injection centers are a good start, they have worked in other counties.

I was on the streets of Dublin alot in my addiction running from place to place. I knew alot of faces. I am shocked at what I see these days. I have never seen it so bad, it really saddens me. If I meet a drug user in my travels I will try and talk to people if possible because I totally understand what these people are facing, I would never feel digust at them or envy, more solidarity.

I would often visit prisons with others too if asked to talk to prisoners, again this is all voluntary and not professional in anyway and is something I need to do to stay clean, I cannot keep this gift, without passing it on, paradoxical I know but it has worked so far.

How the guys stay clean in there is beyond me but they do. Bravo to them.

How can it be fixed ? Well it needs to change, injecting rooms are a start, more talking, more action, . Phone is about to die, excuse me...


How can it be tackled ? With love, compassion, less of this aggression that goes on, addiction is a harrowing state of affairs for families & society. But for some it is all they know, very hard to turn it around. Injection centres will be hugely beneficial, needle exchanges were always great because you had keyworkers there, nurses, and people willing to help, begging you to call back to them. But the problem is, you just wanted to get your needles and run out the door and use, and because I was getting clean tomorrow "I won't be back"

So I think hanging onto someone even for five minutes longer, planting a seed, giving them some leaflets, or arranging to meet them same time tomorrow. It can be a huge opening for people. Here is your needles, now use, let me discard of them for you, and now that you are here.. etc etc..

The vast majority of people accessing these places want to get clean, they just do not know how to, and what is happening at the moment is an epidemic in Dublin. Again all my opinion.

The Princess Bride

Very interesting read.

Thinking back to your 12 year old self before you started, do you think you'd have listened had an adult with a similar history of drug abuse warned you against drug and alcohol abuse?
Could anything or anyone have stopped you starting?

Wishing you continued good luck and happiness.