Now Ye're Talking - to a recovered drug user

Boards.ie: Niamh

Our next AMA volunteer is a recovered intravenous drug user. He continued to work and maintain his job during a time when he was addicted to both heroin and cocaine.
With the announcement recently of a new intravenous room in Dublin city, drug use and addiction is currently a widely discussed topic in the media.

Our volunteer is clean for a number of years and would like to answer any questions you have about his experiences.

marienbad

I am an alcoholic myself and sober many years so I can kind of identify is a small way perhaps .

Congratulations on getting your life back on track.

Neon_Lights

It may sound obvious or a bit blunt, but I've always struggled to fathom why a person would start in the first place?

buck65

Can you describe the high from heroin, is it totally doped and makes you useless or can you function to some degree?

recyclops

Congratulations on getting clean and getting back on track

It seems whilst you were addicted to drugs you tried to maintain a regular enough life, what would your opinion be of users who seem to be a burden on society through either anti social behavior or theft, do you think these people are selfish or they can be helped and hopefully get over their own addiction?

tara83

Congratulations on your recovery, that can't have been easy.

The opening post mentions you continued to work throughout this time. Was it suspected at work, did you have performance issues etc?

Also in your experience are there a lot of similar functioning heroin addicts? In most people's mind including my own a heroin user is associated with what we see on the streets

Thanks for taking the time to do an AMA

Harambe

Was your work directly affected by your habit? And did your colleagues know about it?

Kimbot

What was your drug timeline? And what drugs were the worst for you and why?

i.e. you started smoking hash at 15, moved to x when you were 16 etc.

dar100

I look forward to hearing this persons opinions!!

Robxxx7

Do you think you have an addictive personality ? do you think you would have been addicted to something regardless of whether it was drugs etc ?
Well done on kicking the habit ...

denis160

Do you still maintain the same circle of friends that you did when you were using?
Did your family know about it?
Were you in a relationship, if so was your partner a user?
What age did you start using at?
Were they your first drug of choice?
Do you find it hard to stay sober when you get stressed or over whelmed?

dulpit

How did you manage to work while addicted? Did you use while working, or only afterwards?

Congrats on being clean by the way!

Samuel T. Cogley

Do you think blanket legalisation/decriminalisation would help or hinder? Do you think it would have been a factor in you getting involved in the first place and how about getting clean?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Neon_Lights wrote: »

It may sound obvious or a bit blunt, but I've always struggled to fathom why a person would start in the first place?

Hi, It just sort of happened over a number of years, some call it progression.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

buck65 wrote: »

Can you describe the high from heroin, is it totally doped and makes you useless or can you function to some degree?

Yea it is great, everything you hear about, doesn't last long though, it is very possible to function, I did for many years, after a while though for me the feeling of heaven left, and it turned very mundane.

P.S Thank you Niamh for organising this

wrote:

Do you think blanket legalisation/decriminalisation would help or hinder? Do you think it would have been a factor in you getting involved in the first place and how about getting clean? ?

I think a blanket legislation/ decriminalisation is the only answer to helping the situation. It is never going to go away, and all the punishments in the world will not stop someone using if they do not want to. I got clean because I was broken by it, I could of carried on...

miezekatze

What made you decide to stop taking drugs at the time?

Gardabot1

Did you have any sort of drugs education before you started using any drug?

What sort of timeframe did you shift from drug user to drug abuser?

Have you any body deformities from drug use?
Any regrets re your-drug addiction?

If you could go back in time would you change your path in life or has it made you who you are?

Thanks in advance.

KenjiOdo

Any hairy moments which you found yourself in?? Threatened for debts? Some **** hole area in dead of night needing a fix?

Did your family know of your addiction (after how long) / were they supportive? What was your family background like?

TIA

KenjiOdo

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA wrote: »

I got clean because I was broken by it, I could of carried on...

Care to delve a little deeper?

tayto lover

What drug did you start on and at what age?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

recyclops wrote: »

Congratulations on getting clean and getting back on track

It seems whilst you were addicted to drugs you tried to maintain a regular enough life, what would your opinion be of users who seem to be a burden on society through either anti social behavior or theft, do you think these people are selfish or they can be helped and hopefully get over their own addiction?

Thanks a million for your well wishes. Yes I did maintain a very regular life, mortgage, car, great job, etc. those people of which you talk about, yes they may be a burden on society, but so can anyone I guess, there is lots of theft in society not all are drug addicts. I know I was very selfish as an addict, and any addict can be helped in my opinion.

How did you manage to work while addicted? Did you use while working, or only afterwards?

Congrats on being clean by the way!?

Thank you, when in the height of it, yes I used in the car in the morning, I used in work, took spoons from the canteen. Went to the needle exchange on my lunch break in my shirt and tie. I kept it all under wraps. no pun intended. How I managed to work, was drive I suppose, carry on regardless and lots of manipulation.

Do you still maintain the same circle of friends that you did when you were using?
Did your family know about it?
Were you in a relationship, if so was your partner a user?
What age did you start using at?
Were they your first drug of choice?
Do you find it hard to stay sober when you get stressed or over whelmed? !?

Okay bare with me, I do not maintain the same circle of friends, I did not know anyone who took heroin really, only my dealers, my friends all drank and most took coke at the weekends, smoked weed etc, I needed to stay away, which was not easy but had to be done, if I wanted recovery.


My family did know about it, I came clean towards the end, when I needed to go to treatment etc, that did not fix me mind you.

I would rather not comment on relationships.

Started smoking hash at 12 that was my first drug of choice, towards the end I was not fussy I would stick anything in a needle, crack, tablets, whatever would stop the head.


Sometimes I find it hard like anyone, I now have young kids and all the trials and tribulations that go with life in general, do I think of smack ? Yes sometimes, do I act on it ? No. Can I go out for a drink ? NOOOOOO

Do you think you have an addictive personality ? do you think you would have been addicted to something regardless of whether it was drugs etc ?
Well done on kicking the habit ...

Yes I do have an addictive personality that needs daily vigilance. I haven't used drugs in years, but can get addicted to other things, chocolate, clothes, spending money, I don't gamble mind you, as that was something I did back in the day...

What was your drug timeline? And what drugs were the worst for you and why?

i.e. you started smoking hash at 15, moved to x when you were 16 etc.

I used all the drugs so I am not going to give you a time line out of respect for my loved ones, I am trying to stay anonymous. The worst was weed/hash it mentally scarred me, granted I started young. Yes, I contracted Hepatitis C from using needles but that is manageable, the mental not so....

Was your work directly affected by your habit? And did your colleagues know about it?

It had to have been towards the end, I was functioning for a long time, but got quite bad towards the end, I began to go missing for a few days. Colleagues did not know, I was pretty good at it...

Congratulations on your recovery, that can't have been easy.

The opening post mentions you continued to work throughout this time. Was it suspected at work, did you have performance issues etc?

Also in your experience are there a lot of similar functioning heroin addicts? In most people's mind including my own a heroin user is associated with what we see on the streets

Thanks for taking the time to do an AMA

Thanks, it wasn't easy at the start, I had lots of relapses, recovery is something you have to give your all, 100%, no shortcuts, but I finally got there. People look at you funny when you say you don't drink, ah go on have one. I can not drink without taking cocaine, that is the difference. I tried to fit in, like Joe Soap down the road who goes out to watch Liverpool play, I realised I am not like Joe Soap down the road.

Yes I had performance issues, it is hard to stay focused in a business meeting when you know your dealer is outside, or you know you cannot get to work until you take care of this withdrawal, that leads to lots of late mornings, and "auntie's dying"

Yes, there are lots of functioning heroin addicts, business men, doctors, granted I didn't know them when I was using, but rub shoulders with them now in recovery circles.


That's it for now folks, I have some dinner on and some guests coming, thank you so much for the questions, and of course all these replies are my opinion only, I am happy to answer more.

Fox Hound

How would someone help an addict, 

for example I have a friend who is an alcoholic, and takes a lot of drugs, he has been in rehab a lot, but still ends up back on the same path of addiction...I am not as close to this person anymore,  as my life has moved in a different direction,,, I never used drugs and don't like being around them, so I made a decision to distance myself from him as All my efforts of help have failed...Even tho We are not as close, I Know if I met this guy in the local pub we would chat away and still have a close connection from everything we had been through in the past...so in essence what I am saying is, when you where recovering is there anything a close friend could have said or done to help you get where you are now?...or does the addict have to find there own way out?

sweetie

Congrats on your recovery and thanks for your contribution here.
Are you completely anti drugs now or can some be used by some people in moderation in your opinion?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Fox Hound wrote: »

How would someone help an addict,

for example I have a friend who is an alcoholic, and takes a lot of drugs, he has been in rehab a lot, but still ends up back on the same path of addiction...I am not as close to this person anymore, as my life has moved in a different direction,,, I never used drugs and don't like being around them, so I made a decision to distance myself from him as All my efforts of help have failed...Even tho We are not as close, I Know if I met this guy in the local pub we would chat away and still have a close connection from everything we had been through in the past...so in essence what I am saying is, when you where recovering is there anything a close friend could have said or done to help you get where you are now?...or does the addict have to find there own way out?

In my experience, it fell on deaf ears. I tried everything to get clean, rehab, councillors, I got arrested outside my job, because someone saw me puncturing myself with a needle in my car. Did any of that make me get clean ? No. Yes it put the ****s up me, and I made lots of promises to the gardai , family etc.

But I only got clean, when I wanted to, not because of what the Guard said or the loved ones, in fact regardless of what anyone said to me, or what any outcome was to be. It only happened when I was ready. I know that sounds funny but that is my experience. I knew inside that my time was up.

dartboardio

Fair play to you for coming out of that vicious circle... I'm only eighteen and know the routine of starting smoking joints at the age of 12/13, smoking everyday, moving onto cocaine, pills, I have quite an addictive personality and used to be off taking the pills twice a week, robbing money from family members etc, so I had to put a stop to it and thank god I'm out of that now, aswell as going to work 'off my head' on prescription medicine that wasn't even prescribed for me - cause I felt like I needed it in order to be able to chat to people

I feel like the odd one out when I say I have a horrible opinion of cannabis, weed, hash, nowadays everyone is for it and shares all this 'legalise the weed' crap, thinking it's great for medicinal purposes, if I could have it banned I would, it's nothing but something that makes you stupid, and blurs your vision and mind.. If I never started smoking weed I wouldn't have tried other drugs, I wouldn't be paranoid, I wouldn't have anxiety about silly things like making friends or chatting to my boss.

It could of got alot worse for me but thankfully didn't I just have to keep the reigns on everything I do, I'd constantly go to
'parties' and owed money that wasn't even mine, failed my leaving cert, thank god I'm back on track now, went back to do my exams and getting on great in my first year of college, I feel like I appreciate it so much more and want to do my work cause I fought somewhat to be here.

I know this thread is for your story but I just got a little carried away.


Were your family supporting you while you were a heroin user? Were you on their side at the time or the opposite, like going missing at family occassions, generally acting odd..?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

KenjiOdo wrote: »

Any hairy moments which you found yourself in?? Threatened for debts? Some **** hole area in dead of night needing a fix?

Did your family know of your addiction (after how long) / were they supportive? What was your family background like?

TIA

Okay, I am from an affluent part of Dublin, well educated, no trouble, a loving family, never wanted for anything, I have never signed on the dole in my life. But did have low self esteem as a kid I guess.

Yes I found myself in lots of dodgy places. I suppose the most telling was outside Oliver bond flats at 4 in the morning, looking for a needle, again in my shirt and tie.

My dealer wouldn't give me his spare needle he kept saying the exchange opens at 8 am. I told him I was going to be clean by 8 am, usual story. Anyway he parted with his spare needle when I offered him money. It was used I didn't care at the time. I caught Hep C. I think that is why Injecting Rooms are so important. Am I guilty of disposing of needles whilst running back to work ? YES. Did I run into starbucks and order a cappuccino while I run into the jacks to cook up a fix ? YES,

Lots of stories like that, crack houses getting raided while I am on my lunch break.. Having to ring work to say I got "Caught Up"

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

sweetie wrote: »

Congrats on your recovery and thanks for your contribution here.
Are you completely anti drugs now or can some be used by some people in moderation in your opinion?

Thank you, I am not anti drugs by any stretch of the imagination. In fact I know lots of people who use drugs, and that is their business. I know I cannot, and I am perfectly happy with that now. It took a while to accept that. A long while in fact. I grew up with people who were able to knock it on the head.

What happens if someone dies, surely I can have a drink at the funeral ? No.

dartboardio

Was your self esteem quite low when you'd go to work and know your secret? Is your family now suspicious of you as a liar- drug user or are they delighted your back on track and fully trust in you to never go down that road again?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gardabot1 wrote: »

Did you have any sort of drugs education before you started using any drug?

What sort of timeframe did you shift from drug user to drug abuser?

Have you any body deformities from drug use?
Any regrets re your-drug addiction?

If you could go back in time would you change your path in life or has it made you who you are?

Thanks in advance.

I had loads of drug education. But I suppose owing to my upbringing I didn't actually think that I would end up the way I did.

Cocaine destroyed me, I could not stop snorting it, I needed something to keep me in, and I tried heroin. That kept me in. I have absolutely no regrets. I am so glad I am here to tell the tale, and help anyone I can.

I have no deformities, I am your average person, maybe a bit better looking.

No one in my life knows my old life, except close family and some friends, I train the kids GAA, I take part in life, always remaining vigilant..

Gardabot1

How was your relationship with Gardai at the height of your addictions?

Did you get treatment before, in or after prison?

What was the most you've spent on drugs in a day?

Did you inject in place unimaginable?

jimmycrackcorm

How much were you spending every week on your habit?

edanto

What do you make of the Rat Park theory?

http://www.brucekalexander.com/articles-speeches/rat-park/148-addiction-the-view-from-rat-park

To someone that has been through your experiences, is it a good plausible theory that could somehow influence the health system, and if so, how?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gardabot1 wrote: »

How was your relationship with Gardai at the height of your addictions?

Did you get treatment before, in or after prison?

What was the most you've spent on drugs in a day?

Did you inject in place unimaginable?

I have never been in prison. In fact I have no criminal record. Sometimes I would be arrested while buying drugs but was usually just to have words with me as they could see I did not fit in with my surroundings. So.my relationship was okay with Gardai I would say.

I spent a few weeks in a residential treatment cenntre and used the day I got out.

I finally got clean through a 12 step program.

Mainly injected arms , hands and feet. Cocaine destroyed my veins so towards the end it might take me half an hour to get a vein. It was all self taught so I was very lucky to not hit an artery or die.

The most I have spent on drugs in a day jesus, I dont know on average a few hundred a day... crack cocaine was very expensive when I was using it could spend a grand in an afternoon.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

edanto wrote: »

What do you make of the Rat Park theory?

http://www.brucekalexander.com/articles-speeches/rat-park/148-addiction-the-view-from-rat-park

To someone that has been through your experiences, is it a good plausible theory that could somehow influence the health system, and if so, how?

I saw a program on that before and could relate to it. If I had the ability to feel good in myself as a boy I would not have needed a substance to make myself feel better every day.

Everything was about winning and results no joy in taking part in activities, so if you were sluggish at sport or not picked and you are sensitive it fuelled the bad vibes inside me.

The health system is completely backward in my opinion, this guy is on drugs, give him more drugs.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

dartboardio wrote: »

Was your self esteem quite low when you'd go to work and know your secret? Is your family now suspicious of you as a liar- drug user or are they delighted your back on track and fully trust in you to never go down that road again?

I always had low self esteem drugs covered that. I always had a feeling I was going to get caught out, that the house of cards was going to fall. That this person might talk to that person etc. No Fun. But all necessary.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

KenjiOdo wrote: »

Care to delve a little deeper?

Let me think about it. :-)

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

How much were you spending every week on your habit?

Lots. But I had a never ending supply to ill gotten gains. So I never had to shop lift , or do burglaries.

Gardabot1

My god, I gasped at what you use to spend a day! Very insightful thanks again!

Have you ever had problems sourcing drugs because of how you looked?

Would dealers have left you run up a big "tick" bill or was it always cash?

Will you always consider yourself an addict?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

miezekatze wrote: »

What made you decide to stop taking drugs at the time?

I had tried everything to try and get clean as I knew I had a good life and the lies were growing bigger and bigger. I was broken inside, hard to explain, physically I needed the drugs to function but my whole being on the inside was broken.

I had tried for so long and read so many books on recovery that all the sayings began to make sense.

I used for the last time and did not have the where with all to get more, I could not physically arrange it or move , a very surreal experience. I did cold turkey in a bedroom.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gardabot1 wrote: »

My god, I gasped at what you use to spend a day! Very insightful thanks again!

Have you ever had problems sourcing drugs because of how you looked?

Would dealers have left you run up a big "tick" bill or was it always cash?

Will you always consider yourself an addict?

Often had problems on the streets of dublin , "you are a guard", or "show me your labour card"

But a quick glance as I lifted my shirt arm would quelle any doubts.

Some dealers I owed thousands to. In fact I went to treatment centre for a few weeks to abscond. I still owe money to some.

I will always be an addict, that will never change. I can never have that first drink or spliff , I need to be always honest with doctors. Always opt for local anaesthetic over general. My body does not care if the drug is prescribed or not..

Gardabot1

Are professionals taken aback by your honesty re your past?

Did any professionals treat you differently after you seeked help for you addictions?

Were most or all of your dealers addicts themselves or just money hungry. (in your opinion)

If I was to seek help tomorrow for any drug addictions how would you advise me to do it?

tayto lover

What drug did you start on and at what age?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gardabot1 wrote: »

Are professionals taken aback by your honesty re your past?

Did any professionals treat you differently after you seeked help for you addictions?

Were most or all of your dealers addicts themselves or just money hungry. (in your opinion)

If I was to seek help tomorrow for any drug addictions how would you advise me to do it?

I think recovery hinges on honesty. I have a wife and some kids now who have never seen me use. For their sake I need to be honest at least. Doctors always welcome the honesty, how they feel about it ? I genuinely do not care, they have a job to do.

It amazes me though even after long relationships with doctors they still try and give me tablets teling me "they are not addictive"

In my experience Doctors have very little experience on how to handle addiction. If I was not on my game numerous times they could easily convince me to take something.

Some dealers money hungry others just trying to raise kids with their backs to the wall, others addicits, some generations of addicts. It differs.

If I was to help someone get clean, I would say find someone right now and be 100% honest with them. Ring them every hour of the day, and do the opposite to what your head tells you. Worked for me :-)

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

tayto lover wrote: »

What drug did you start on and at what age?

Hash and and alcohol aged 12

tara83

Very interesting thread. Did you ever OD? And if so did it have any effect on you like slowing down?

helimachoptor

Fair play op, this is a great AMA, credit to you for getting clean.

You mentioned a gateway drug, assume this was hash, how did you progress from that to coke/heroin?

Also (appreciate if you dont want to answer this) how would you feel down the road if your kid(s) were smoking hash or you found a wrap?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

tara83 wrote: »

Very interesting thread. Did you ever OD? And if so did it have any effect on you like slowing down?

I never oversosed which still surprises me. Because I injected on my own 98 per cent of the time. So if I hit the deck so to speak, I would have died.

tayto lover

Why do you think hash is a very dangerous drug?
Many young people see it as pretty harmless especially as it has been legalized for medical purposes.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

helimachoptor wrote: »

Fair play op, this is a great AMA, credit to you for getting clean.

You mentioned a gateway drug, assume this was hash, how did you progress from that to coke/heroin?

Also (appreciate if you dont want to answer this) how would you feel down the road if your kid(s) were smoking hash or you found a wrap?

Thank you. I am not sure about gateway drugs for me. If it wasn't drugs it would be over eating or something else. I believe I have some sort of a dis ease inside myself.

I will be very honest with my kids when the time comes
, that it is in their genes and that if they drink chances are they will end up in a bad way. After that, they are on their own journey I guess.

I loved the nightlife clubs, ecstasy, coke, never wanted the party to end, never wanted to go home, early houses etc etc... Then I needed to stop that carry on, but could not sit with myself.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

tayto lover wrote: »

Why do you think hash is a very dangerous drug?
Many young people see it as pretty harmless especially as it has been legalized for medical purposes.

Just my opinion, hash caused more long term damage to me than any other drug. When I was a kid I thought it was harmless too.

I have seen miracles being worked in the medicinal field. Maybe if they take out all aldulterants and the crap they mix it with it then the pure stuff might be beneficial. In fact I know it is. But five spots in the 90's were different.

Gardabot1

Any visible health problems?

How long did "cold turkey" "cluckin" last for you?

How long after you became clean did your life get better?

What do you think of the medadone program?